I was hosting a lecture for young medical students when one asked me the question of the biggest struggle I had in school. Truth be told, my entire first year as a pre-med student was a huge struggle for me because I was without the people who had given me the most inspiration in life. My sister Natalie and my parents were back home in Ohio while I was studying at Johns Hopkins in Maryland.

I think the hardest separation for me though would have to be from Jeff. Jeff meant the entire world to me, and he had for two years up until that point. Being apart from him for four years was something that almost ripped my insides apart, because I knew I wouldn't be able to see him, to touch him, to whisper in his ear about how much I loved him. But I knew it was going to be worth it, after all. He was pursuing his dreams of bringing music to the world by studying music education at New York University. We had our entire lives planned out, because after two years loving him, I could not imagine a single soul that I would rather be with, besides maybe Joe Jonas, but we knew that would never happen. He would do his four year program in New York and I would do mine in Baltimore. After that, he would join me for my final years in medical school, and then together we would choose where we were going to spend our lives together. But really, long distance relationships are harder than any two people could imagine, no matter how much you love the other person.

These days we're still together, and when I got home from my lecture our youngest daughter Aly asked about the biggest struggle, so I decided to sit down and write about it. Now, as you'll soon find out writing is not something I excel at, I'm a doctor and I have sloppy handwriting and the amount of times I miss a comma or forget to capitalize my letters is probably more than the amount of money I make per year. But, if you're still here after this and you stick with my 18 year old self; props to you, dear friend.

I'm Nick Duval, and this is the story of my biggest struggle as I began the journey of becoming a doctor.

Nick,

I know we said our goodbyes a few hours ago, you're leaving at 6 in the morning and I just thirty minutes after that, but honestly, I already miss you like crazy. The thought of you being away from me, instead of just blocks its hundreds of miles, is almost unbearable. But I'm going to have to bear through it for five months until we're going to see each other for our Thanksgiving weekend. I can't wait to see your beautiful eyes in person again instead of facetime or even skype. I"ll call you every day because I can't stand to not hear your lovely voice every day. Wow, that was so sappy and cheesy, but whatever. I've talked to you every day for two years, and even longer because we were best friends long before that. Just know, my handsome doctor, that in the end this will all be worth it. No matter how far apart we are, that we'll find our way home to each other and we can have the life that we always dreamed of. I love you.

I hold the half-sheet of paper in my hand, running my fingers over the letters that were looped so beautifully over the faint blue lines. Licking my bottom lip, I look out the window after reading the words for probably the hundredth time since I boarded my train. The sights are rushing by me so quickly that I couldn't possibly make out where I was. It feels like I've been sitting here for ages, so we've got to be close. But, my hopes are crushed as I look at the time on my phone. It's only been an hour. A sigh escapes my lips and I rest my head against the head rest, my thoughts drifting to the Day of Depression, which I had named it only hours ago, that occurred yesterday. The goodbyes I gave my sister, parents, and boyfriend was much harder than I thought that it would be. Although, I knew it would be hard, I expected to shed a few tears but I actually balled like a baby (don't tell any of the Warblers, I'm not a person who cries and I would never live that one down).

I fold the note Jeff left me and put it on the inside pocket of the coat that I was wearing. A habit that I picked up during my early days at Dalton was that of people watching. So, pulling out the bag of Swedish Fish that I had packed in my backpack, my eyes drift to watch the people who are on the train with me. I find that about 80% of them are sleeping, since it's like seven in the morning, some of them are listening to music, and the rest look just as bored as I do.

It's another few hours and probably a decent nap later, when I find myself standing up and exiting into the beautiful state of Maryland. The first thing I do, despite the cliche of it all, is inhale the air and look around, a warm smile on my face. Thinking to myself, "I'm finally here", I walk down the street, probably about a mile or so, to the apartments that my parents and I had picked out and moved my things into about a month ago.

Stepping over the threshold of my apartment for the first time, by myself, is an adventure in and of itself. I never thought that I'd ever have the responsibility of unpacking an entire house by myself. Checking the time on the oven as I manage to find a spot on the counter between the piles of dishes that was so wonderfully bought by my grandmother, I decide that there would be no better time to start making this place home then now.

Before I know it, an entire day has gone by. My couch is no longer covered in books, as they have finally found a place on the shelf under my DVDs and Video games. My plates and other dishes are in their cupboards, and my clothes are messily put in their respective drawers. I had always heard stories of people who had taken days to put things away, but maybe they had kids and more stuff than I did. And I have really nothing for much of an apartment, I'm sure, however, that that will soon change.

I grab my coat off the corner of my bedroom door, because it was really bugging me there, and I find myself grabbing Jeff's note, again. I realize at that moment that I hadn't really thought about him at all that day. Maybe, just maybe, this whole long distance relationship thing won't be so hard. I grab one of the thumb tacks off my bulletin board from Nat, and pin the note on it.

Pulling my black phone out of my pocket, I open my camera and take a picture of my bedside table. It consists of a picture of me, Natalie, and my parents on my graduation day. In front of Dalton and everything. Next to that one, is a duo-picture frame containing a picture of me and the Warblers and next to it is my favorite picture. It's of me and Jeff during the summer of our Junior year, just before senior year. We were hanging out with his cousin, Jackson, and his girlfriend that day at the lake. It's sunset, we're standing side by side, his head resting next to mine as we watch the yellow sun dip into the mountains. I suspect that Lyssa was the one who took the picture, but really, it doesn't mean much. I attach the photo that I took on my phone and sent it to Jeff and my parents with the caption of "This spot makes me feel at home." I feel like a teenage girl, but I honestly don't care.

Jeff replies first.

"I love those pictures. Seb's face is worth ten gold stars."
"Totally is. Would it be bad if I said that that was why I picked the one of us performing instead of the posed one from after the show?"
"It could be, if it was anyone but you."
"Should I be offended, Jeffery?"
"Of course. I always live to insult you."
"Well then, I believe a break up is in order."
"But sweetheart… :/"
"Maybe not, but just because you said sweetheart. Haha."
"How's New York?"
"You had me worried for a second! I was like; one day and one joke and I'm already without my Nick?! This is not acceptable. I would have been on the next flight out!"
"It's so pretty here. My roommate is weird, he's been watching some movie for the past hour and hasn't moved. Like i think he might be stuck in that position."
"Well, at least he isn't going on and on about how wonderful the school year is going to be. Main reason why I chose apartments instead of the dorms. No weird roomates. I get to pick who I live with!"
"Just jump in front of the TV and see what he does."

"I might have to do that if he doesn't move soon. I'm starting to get creeped out."
"I'm doing it."
"Oh my god. He's like 'oh yeah, someone else lives here.'"
"Now we're facing a strange silence as I sit next to him."
"He just asked if I was texting my girlfriend."
"What do I say."
"Tell him the truth?"
"He thinks I'm joking. Seriously. He was like "Very funny. What's her name?"
"Once again. The truth xD"
"His face was epic."
"And you didn't take a picture?!"
"Noooo. his words were better than my Dad's though"
"What did he say?"
"Okaay. So, do you like listen to show tunes all day or something like that?"
"Oh my God. We aren't all Kurt."
"I'm telling Kurt you said that, dude."
"Psh."
"I have orientation tomorrow. Should I sleep now?"
"Yes, you should sleep. Call me when you're at lunch?"
"Count on it!"

Orientation seemed to drag on for hours. Maybe it's because I just wanted to hear Jeff's voice, but it was rather boring. I went for lunch with this other incoming freshman, Joshua, who was sitting next to me at the beginning of the day.

We went to McDonalds, since it's quick and easy. I ordered my classic cheeseburger with fries and a coke, while he shakes it up a bit and gets one of those chicken crisp things that I shall never try. We get our food and sit next to the door, since there are screaming kids literally everywhere.

I pull my phone out after asking him if he doesn't mind that I make a call. Of course, he didn't, since he's making one to his parents, too.

"Hey, you." Jeff's voice answers after two rings, and a smile comes across my face almost immediately.
"You sound like Blaine." I find myself replying which earns a chuckle.
"I got an interview for a job. You know the one that I applied for before we left?"
"They gave you an interview, that's great! You're perfect for that job." I say, taking a sip of my coke.
"Yeah, here's the problem, it's in like.. five minutes." His tone has clear evidence of sadness, and I nod, chewing on a piece of the burger even though he can't see me.
I swallow and tell him "Go kill it." with clear happiness.
"I'll call you tonight okay?"
"Okay, sounds perfect."
"Awesome. Love you, Nicky."
"Love you too, babe." I say before I hear a click and the line goes dead.

A moment of silence passes before I hear Joshua speak. "Your girlfriend?" I chuckle at that question, shaking my head.

"No, not my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend." I tell him, not really thinking much of the statement because it was the truth.

"I just thought because you said babe at the end. At first maybe it could have been your parents or sister or something, but then you said babe and. Hey, if that's what you call your friends or family then that's wonderful." He takes a bite of his food, probably because he realizes he's rambling. At least that's what I do.

"It was Jeff." I say, picking up a few fries and shoving them into my mouth without much thought about it.

"And Jeff is…." He questions, trailing off for me to finish the sentence.

"My boyfriend." I say, nonchalantly before taking a bite of my cheeseburger, which I am glad that I did because if I had left it sitting on the wrapper it would have Joshua's spit take of a Dr. Pepper on it.

"Woah. I should have seen that one coming. I have awesome gaydar. I knew my brother was into dudes before even he did. I am disappointed in myself."

I chuckle at that, shaking my head before grabbing some napkins to place my burger on. Strangely, both the people Jeff and I had told at that point were perfectly okay with it. Perhaps it wouldn't be as hard if we didn't have people nagging at us that we were an abomination to mankind, telling us that we needed to go to some special school where they teach us to love women.

As soon as we finished eating, we made our way back to campus to buy the books we needed for classes. We had the same classes, and Joshua had already determined that we would be friends. We both missed our families and trying the long distance thing with the person who we loved more than anything in the world.

His girlfriend was named Faye. According to Joshua, she had the most gorgeous set of brown eyes and this really soft brown hair, which is good because if he had said that her hair was blonde we may have had to get into an argument about who had the better blonde hair, Jeff or Faye. And Jeff would have won, no questions asked.

My total comes to a whooping $245 for books and supplies, which seems outrageous because I've already heard all about how we don't really use text books, but I'm a pre-med student so I'll probably read these things even if it isn't required in class because if I'm going to be a doctor I don't want to accidentally kill someone because I didn't know everything I needed to know.

As I'm walking back to my apartment building, Joshua was in the dorms so he was already home, that lucky dude, I check my phone. There's a message from Mom.

"Aw! It looks like you're settling in just fine. If you ever need anything call me, remember my highschool friends are close by, so you can ask them for anything. You met them when you were like four and loved them!"

I manage a chuckle, typical mother, always being so concerned about me. I find myself typing in a quick reply, a simple "thanks, love you.", and continue my walk to my apartment.

It's not a long walk, but it's long enough that I don't think I'd be able to do it every day with this mound of books, because my back is killing me already, and I've still got maybe twenty minutes ahead of me. I put the thought of buying a car after I get a job in the back of my head, knowing full well that I won't be able to make any sort of payment until I have a steady income. Man, being an adult has already stressed me out and it's only the second day of being on my own. Can I please go back to high school?

As I unlock the door to my apartment 22 minutes later, I find myself checking my phone again. Jeff should be done with his interview by that time, it had been almost two hours, and usually they're only like ten minutes, so I send him a text message telling him to call me when he can.

I toss my books on the couch, sitting on the floor and pulling up a google search for pizza places that deliver in the area. Since I still had yet to go to the store to stalk up on food, it looked like I would be ordering in a large pizza to save in the fridge, it should feed me for like four days if I eat two pieces a day.. Wow, I'm even budgeting on my food. And people were afraid that I'd die in two days being on my own. Psh. Proving my little sister wrong one day at a time.

After I order the pizza, I find myself unsure what to do. I don't have cable or internet yet, I have to be able to get a job first. I contemplate on applying for jobs on my phone, but since I've already applied for like seven before I got here, and I'm actually kind of tired, I ruled that option out after the thought popped into my head.

Luckily, as soon as I moved from my spot on the floor to a more comfortable spot on the couch, the song "I Just Called To Say I Loved You" plays from my phone, and a grin immediately finds its way across my face. That was the special ringtone that Jeff and I had for each other. We each recorded ourselves singing a few bars of it, and it's the others ringtone. Being able to hear his killer vocals is cause enough for a smile to break out on my face.

"Hey, Jeffrey." I say, laying back on the couch, my phone pressed to my ear. I hear his irritated groan and find myself chuckling once more, because I know how much he despises being called Jeffery. "How was your day?" I ask before he can comment on the name that I called him. Hey, I get to call him whatever want. I love him, so that's all the reason necessary.

We find ourselves talking for hours, only stopping for me to answer to door and pay for my large pepperoni pizza. I'm not even sure how it happened, but as I hung up the phone with a simple "I Love you, we'll skype in the morning as I miss seeing your face already", I was laying on my bed, half asleep, and feeling miserable knowing that when I woke up in the morning that I wouldn't be able to throw on a pair of running shoes and run to Jeff. Well, I could have, but it probably would have taken me a week or two. With stops for water, of course.

The next morning seems to be the hardest for me. I wake up knowing that I have class, that it's my first day of college and that I should be excited. Actually, I really was excited. I found myself singing in the shower and dancing around my apartment and I pack my backpack and head out for the forty five minute walk to campus I have ahead of me. But in the back of my heart, it's the first first day of school that I didn't have my parents with me, and the first time I'm going to school without Jeff.

I managed to push myself through the day, a smile on my face that was actually genuine, and the thoughts of not having the people who meant most to me with me didn't come up until the times when I was alone working on highlighting something in my text books, or walking from class to class. Joshua and I spent lunch together again, debating about who had the better significant other. I still think I will, but for some reason he doesn't agree. I mean, what's not to love about Jeffrey Anthony Sterling?

I share texts with my sister throughout the day, since she's having a hard time at school. People are giving her crap because she tried out for cheerleading, and is still somewhat nice to people. They're saying that she doesn't care about her position as a cheerleader enough and doesn't appreciate the spot she's been handed in the high school hierarchy. Boy, I sure miss those days of high school. (Please note the sarcasm).

I stop by the administration building after my last class and look into the option for an ED bus pass to limit the amount of time I'm hauling around my heavy bag, and I actually do sign up for it. Hey, it's like a bus pass that goes into my tuition, and I'd totally pay my parents for it since they're paying my tuition and stuff, and if they don't like the idea then well, they're idiots.

I also got a call about a job during the day, and I interview for it the next day. It's the perfect job for me, I would be a pizza parlor employee, both cooking, serving, and cashiering since they all did the whole "we're a team, we all work as a team." thing. Which I totally admired, I love working as a team. So, here's hoping that I can get this job.

My internet was set up while I was gone, so that was a plus for an awesome day. I sign into my computer and the first thing that I do once it's open is make sure I'm signed in to my skype account, so that when Jeff is online he can just hit his handy little video call button and we'll be ready to see each other.

The anticipation was killing me. It had been roughly four days since I'd seen him, and while I had gone longer with vacations and things, I always knew that in a week I would be able to see him again. This time, I don't know how long it will be before I get to see him in person. It might be Thanksgiving, maybe Christmas, or perhaps even longer depending on when we're going to be home at the same time. Is he going to want to leave New York for a short of holiday that Thanksgiving is? I know he's got friends up there, like Kurt and Blaine, so maybe they'll just do their own thing. The thoughts of not being able to see him until December is a horrible one, and I try my best to push it aside, deciding to look at random things on the internet.

I check my facebook page first, reading all about what everyone is doing and I even post about my first day of classes. No one from highschool is anywhere close to me, the closest person was Wes who was studying at Yale in New Haven, and even then that's pretty far away. They've all got one or two people within a short drive, and I'm stranded here alone.

I'm making friends, though. Overall, I'm really happy with my choice to come here. It's a wonderful school and I'm feeling really confident about my classes and doing good in them. I've got more notebooks and highlighters then is probably humanly healthy and everything in that area, so studying wont' be a problem until it comes to those late nights where I have to memorize every bone in the body.

I purse my lips together, pushing my thoughts about being here in the back of my mind and forcing a smile on my face as the annoying ringing of skype comes to my ears. I know it's Jeff before I even hover over the screen, but actually seeing his name on the screen brings the smile to grow and reach not just my face but my entire being. Finally, I think to myself.

For a moment, we just sit in silence. I think he's at Kurt's because I see Kurt's roommate, Rachel, walk up to the computer and speak before Jeff even got the chance.

"Hi Nick! How's Baltimore? I've always wanted to go there!"

"It's all it's cracked up to be and more, Rachel. How's Broadway?" I ask in reference to her newly budding career as Fanny Brice in the revival of Funny Girl on Broadway. Man, that girl has it lucky. How many people can get on Broadway their first try? At only 19 and a freshman at NYADA?

"Oh it's everything that I had ever dreamed of, speaking of which, I must be on my way. I've got to be at the stage in less than an hour! It was nice seeing you, Nick!" She speaks her words as she runs off in another direction, the last I see of her being her oversized blue sweater.

I chuckle, shaking my head.

"You're in Bushwick?" The words are spoken in a questioning tone, but I can already tell the answer.
"Hey, I thought the internet connection would be better." He says with a joking shrug of his shoulders. "And really my roommate was still being weird. He was very horribly serenading his girlfriend over the phone and my ears are burning to this moment."
I chuckle at his words, shaking my head slightly. "How were your classes today? Any interesting things happen?" I ask after a moment of silence.

"They're awesome classes. I get to sit everyday and listen to people teach me about the things I love, as well as how to teach them. It's literally the greatest thing ever." The smile that forms across his face at that statement warms my heart. He's genuinely happy, and I couldn't be happier with that fact. Because he's happy, I know that this separation isn't going to be as hard as I thought it would be. We're going to be able to get through it because we're doing the things that we love most in the world (besides each other, of course).

We talk about school for a while. Our classes and the crazy people we saw that day. I told him about the people who sat behind me. They had bright pink shirts that clashed with the blue that they had put in their hair. I think they were friends, but I wasn't sure because apparently bright hair is a trend now. I must have missed the memo, because I still had my plain brown.

The way he laughed at the story of Joshua and the spit take that I forgot to tell him yesterday was pure gold. It was like, ten minutes of Jeff laughing, because I told him to look Joshua up on facebook and I guess he couldn't see a guy like that doing a legit spit take all over my food wrappings. Jeff's a character, but I do love him. Maybe because I have to but nonetheless, I love him.

We only talked for a half hour, he had to drive back to the city because he forgot his key and he wanted to get back to his dorm before his roommate either left or fell asleep, which both were still possibly happening at that moment. But still, a half hour was good enough for me. I got to see a half hour of my precious boyfriend, I got to see his face and watch his reactions to the things that I said, which was better than just talking to him on the phone, texting him, or anything like that.

I close my computer, and I look over at my bedside table, the letter that Jeff wrote me still sitting next to the pictures. Before I can change my mind, I take out a notebook and ball point and set down writing a letter in return, while I should be studying.

Dear Jeff,

Hi. So, your letter was awesome. Like legitly awesome it made me smile and has now found a home next to the picture Lys took of us by the lake. Man, that seems like so long ago. We weren't even high school seniors yet. There was absolutely no worry about us growing up and being apart. There was just me and you and us. I remember those days, and people might say someting like "it's been four days, of course you remember them." But not those days, like the us the last few weeks of school and summer. The good days when all we cared about was each other and music. We didn't even stress about classes because high school was so easy for us. I mean, it wasn't as easy as public school, we did have hard classes but it was still pretty easy. Dude, can you imagine what our lives would have been like if we were in public school? We'd be so bored. And without the Warblers, man, I don't know what I would do.

The Warblers brought us together. At least I like to think they did. We were always friends, you have been my best friend since fourth grade, but when we got to Dalton and started singing and dancing together I knew that there was something better for us. Especially during your audition, because I auditioned and got in first. When you sang that song you and your brother wrote, Forget About You, I think that was it. That was when I knew that I was going to love you eternally. You looked so comfortable and so happy and just perfect. You're perfect, you always have been.

I miss those days that we didn't care. I miss them so much. I miss holding your hand as we walked through the halls and no one could do anything about it. Now we're going to have to face the world as soon as we're done with school, and no matter how many people approve there are always going to be the people who give us those dirty looks and throw rocks (maybe not literally, maybe feathers or ketchup packets, but you get the idea) at us. But you know that Taylor Swift song? That one line, "people throw rocks at things that shine", that's going to be our philosophy for the rest of our lives once we're back with each other and starting our lives together, because it's true. And we shine, you shine. You shine like the light from the sun.

These four years are going to be hard, they are probably going to be the hardest times of our lives, and there is nothing that we can do about it other than know that this is setting our perfect future up for us. We're chasing our dreams, and those dreams are going to lead us right back to each other.

I love you, Jeffrey Anthony Sterling, I love you more than words can say.

Nick.

Hi. Kota here, your author. This story was written for NaNoWriMo '13. Right now it rests at 50,005 words pre-editing. As I edit the chapters I've written I'll post them. Some of them will be as long as this one, some shorter (I think chapter two is about 3k words). Anyway, my main projects right now are my two Hunger Games Stories, and editing this is a side project since it's already written. But yes, here we are. Enjoy. Many thanks for blurredrealities, my wonderful friend who has been my rock through NaNoWriMo and an amazing editing buddy/beta.