Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. Sorry to all blondes, girlie-girls, curly haired people, nail polish lovers, Greek Mythology, and Aphrodite fans.!! Your brain may never recover from this. Whoop's! Simply a skit comedy... You don't like it? Tough luck. Just don't read it if you're gonna be that way!
Rated: PG-15 for 'sexual innuendo's' and 'potty mouths' and hints of incest (Hey it's not my fault, blame ancient greek mythology!)
Skit #uh, wha?: Ditzy Dite
By ~Delenn~
Dite sat in a frilly - see-through - pink concoction that had the nerve to call itself an outfit: Oop's I did it again... (giggle) It's just a crush.... (giggle)I'm not that innocent!
Ares, appearing: That's for sure, sis. (eyeing the pink curlers taking over her head) What's with the curlers?
Dite, looking up from painting her toenails neon green: Oh, fuck off, bro.
Ares, defensively: What!? I just came to say hi. Oh, gods, sis, NEON green? That does NOT go with pink!
Dite, shifting her feet out of his stare: And what would you know about fashion? You haven't changed your outfit in 6 millennium!
Ares, snapping his fingers to change: I taught you everything you know little sister! (noticing that the outfit is matching pink silk and letting out a very girlie scream) Dite! Get it off, get it off!
Dite, watching her brother frantically hopping around the room and wringing his hands: That's what you get for talking while you zap. (giggles as she zaps him back into his normal leather) It's true, you're like the gay brother I never had. 'Sides, green is all the rage this year!
Ares, sitting down beside his sister on her frilly pink couch, making a bowl of milk appear, and masculinely soaking his hands: Hermes is gay; remember? Hey, when you're done with the buffer, can I borrow it? My nails are a wreck!
Dite, zapping the pink décor of her temple to neon green with line green tints: Actually Hermes is Bi. It's not the same thing! (peering into Ares' eyes) Bro! You have CIRCLES!! (gasps in shock)
Ares, making a mirror appear and jerking his hands out of their milk soak to frantically search his face: OMIGOD! Seriously! No!
Dite, sighing sympathetically: Don't worry bro, it happens. Stress, ya know!? (Hands him some eye cream) Here, they'll be gone in no time.
Ares, gently dabbing on eye cream: What's in this stuff? You know how sensitive my skin is. If I get a rash, I am so blaming you! (eyeing his sister warily) Now that your décor is green and your nails... what about the outfit?
Dite, zapping her outfit to neon green, and screaming: UCKY! I look, all yellow tinted and, BRO!!
Ares, sighing and changing Dite into a solid lime green bikini with a short, see-through neon green sarong: Better? You can't wear so much see-through stuff with that color, you should have known that, Dite.
Dite, looking over her newest outfit and smiling: Ok, wicked, bro! Now, what should I do with my hair? I mean, high up curls just won't go with this, ya know? And I'm so at a loss!
Ares, calmly setting his hands back in their milk soak, and looking at Dite's hair ominously: Well... I suppose you could straighten it, ya know, with that product Cupid's using. But how about just letting it back to strawberry blonde-
Dite, excitedly cutting him off: Ooh! And letting it just hang down natural?! I could grow it out to my waist, I think! (snapping her perfectly manicured fingers, her hair is changed, and a mirror appears) No offence, bro, but I better get Cupie's opinion on makeup.
Ares, rolling his eyes: Makeup is for women and drag queens, sis.
Cupid, appearing: Did I hear something about drag queens?
Dite: BABY! Omigods, I'm so glad you came! I just have no clue about what to do with my makeup!
Cupid: Whoa, momma, isn't this color a little radical?
Dite, defensively: Not everyone can be as feminine as you all the time, Cupie!
Cupid, thoughtfully: Well, I'd say match it, but I don't think I could handle you in lime green and neon green makeup. (sitting down on the other side of Dite on the couch) So here's what I'm gonna say. Use a LIGHT green eye shadow, a natural blush, and a LIGHT pink lipstick. No more bright colors, k mom? Go natural.
Ares: Hmmph. I'll let you know when I see it.
Cupid, zapping Dite's makeup on: There, beautiful! Can I barrow the nail polish when you're done?
Dite, irritably: Get your own, Cupie! Last time you polished your wings, you finished off all my favorite colors!
Cupid, rounding on Ares: So, pop, did I mention lately how great you look with our hair like that!? The long curls soften your face so nicely!
Ares, looking up to Dite pleadingly: Cut it as short as you can, sis!
Dite, sighing and wacking Cupid on the wing: See what you did, he looked so adorable with his hair like that! Fine, bro, I'll give you the best cut. (As she talks she zaps the new hair cut) Well, whaddya think?
Ares, making a mirror appear and finally finished with his milk soak, running his hand through his new, shorter, hair: I like it, tougher is good, I have a reputation to keep up.
Cupid: Ooh, that reminds me, dad, mom, are you coming to my show tonight? Jace is getting his brothers and mom to show, and so is everybody else!
Dite, making a little day planner appear: I don't know, baby, I have a lot of stuff going on tonight. Hephie was even gonna surprise me with dinner! Couldn't you have given a little more notice?
Ares, making his own day planner appear and sighing: I'm busy too. You know that, Cupid. Advance warning would be nice.
Cupid, breaking down in tears: BUT EVERYBODY ELSE'S PARENTS ARE COMING!! It's NOT FAIR!! You two never come to ANY of my shows! And this one's IMPORTANT! I have the cutest outfit I wanted to show you and everything.
Ares, crossing out a few things on his planner, and replacing them with 'CUPID'S SHOW' and grumbling something about parenting: Well, I suppose I can miss a few wars.
Dite, also crossing stuff out: Yeah, and Hephie will just have to deal, he should know better then to try to surprise me anyway. (patting Cupid's wing) Alright, Cupie, mommy'll come. So will Ar. See, it'll be fine!
That Evening
Joxer, scrambling forward and hugging Jett: It hasn't started yet, has it?
Jett, for once not the tough assin he is: Shh, it's just about to!
Gabrielle, pointing to a woman with long, strawberry blonde, hair: Xeeeeeeena! Look, I want my hair that color again!
Xena, looking in the right direction and stopping dead in her tracks: DITE?!
Dite, jumping up from playing with her bro's short hair and harassing him about it: OMIGODS! Warrior babe! And Bardie!!
Ares, turning around quickly: Ok, Xena, this is NOT what it looks like!
Xena, shocked and running over to Ares: WHAT did you do to your hair!? It's so short!
Gabrielle, still standing in the middle of the aisle, dumbstruck at Dite's appearance: Wow, you look so-different! I've never seen you in green before!
Ares, tentatively: Do you like the cut, Xena?
Xena, sitting down next to him: Well, yeah... but what are you and Dite doing in a gay bar!?
Dite, irritably: It's not a gay bar, warrior babe; it's a gay, bi and transsexual bar. That's open to family for the day!
Xena, calmly: And why are you two here?
Ares, annoyed: Cupid's having a big show. He's one of the dancers. Made me take off a war for this! Being a parent sucks.
Xena, scooting closer to Ares and playing with his hair: Oh, that explains it.
Ares, suddenly suspicious: Wait a minute, what are you doing here?
Xena: Joxer's here to see Jace, he's a dancer too. And Gabrielle, for some reason, insisted we come. I think she wants to check out the chicks.
Ares, not even mildly surprised: Oh.
Xena, darting a quick look around the room: Hey, Ares, would you do me a favor?
Ares, sparing a glance to make sure that the show hasn't started yet: What?
Xena, kissing him passionately, then pausing for a deep breath: That. I want everyone to know I'm taken.
Dite, wacking Ares upside the head: Oh would you two stop it? The show's about to start (unrolling a 'My baby's one of the lead dancer's at a totally rockin' bar' banner, she starts to wave it about) Think he'll see us?
Xena, raising a questioning eyebrow: Explain to me, please, Dite, why you're in lime green?
Ares and Dite together: It's in style, duhh!
The End
Rated: PG-15 for 'sexual innuendo's' and 'potty mouths' and hints of incest (Hey it's not my fault, blame ancient greek mythology!)
By ~Delenn~
Dite sat in a frilly - see-through - pink concoction that had the nerve to call itself an outfit: Oop's I did it again... (giggle) It's just a crush.... (giggle)I'm not that innocent!
Ares, appearing: That's for sure, sis. (eyeing the pink curlers taking over her head) What's with the curlers?
Dite, looking up from painting her toenails neon green: Oh, fuck off, bro.
Ares, defensively: What!? I just came to say hi. Oh, gods, sis, NEON green? That does NOT go with pink!
Dite, shifting her feet out of his stare: And what would you know about fashion? You haven't changed your outfit in 6 millennium!
Ares, snapping his fingers to change: I taught you everything you know little sister! (noticing that the outfit is matching pink silk and letting out a very girlie scream) Dite! Get it off, get it off!
Dite, watching her brother frantically hopping around the room and wringing his hands: That's what you get for talking while you zap. (giggles as she zaps him back into his normal leather) It's true, you're like the gay brother I never had. 'Sides, green is all the rage this year!
Ares, sitting down beside his sister on her frilly pink couch, making a bowl of milk appear, and masculinely soaking his hands: Hermes is gay; remember? Hey, when you're done with the buffer, can I borrow it? My nails are a wreck!
Dite, zapping the pink décor of her temple to neon green with line green tints: Actually Hermes is Bi. It's not the same thing! (peering into Ares' eyes) Bro! You have CIRCLES!! (gasps in shock)
Ares, making a mirror appear and jerking his hands out of their milk soak to frantically search his face: OMIGOD! Seriously! No!
Dite, sighing sympathetically: Don't worry bro, it happens. Stress, ya know!? (Hands him some eye cream) Here, they'll be gone in no time.
Ares, gently dabbing on eye cream: What's in this stuff? You know how sensitive my skin is. If I get a rash, I am so blaming you! (eyeing his sister warily) Now that your décor is green and your nails... what about the outfit?
Dite, zapping her outfit to neon green, and screaming: UCKY! I look, all yellow tinted and, BRO!!
Ares, sighing and changing Dite into a solid lime green bikini with a short, see-through neon green sarong: Better? You can't wear so much see-through stuff with that color, you should have known that, Dite.
Dite, looking over her newest outfit and smiling: Ok, wicked, bro! Now, what should I do with my hair? I mean, high up curls just won't go with this, ya know? And I'm so at a loss!
Ares, calmly setting his hands back in their milk soak, and looking at Dite's hair ominously: Well... I suppose you could straighten it, ya know, with that product Cupid's using. But how about just letting it back to strawberry blonde-
Dite, excitedly cutting him off: Ooh! And letting it just hang down natural?! I could grow it out to my waist, I think! (snapping her perfectly manicured fingers, her hair is changed, and a mirror appears) No offence, bro, but I better get Cupie's opinion on makeup.
Ares, rolling his eyes: Makeup is for women and drag queens, sis.
Cupid, appearing: Did I hear something about drag queens?
Dite: BABY! Omigods, I'm so glad you came! I just have no clue about what to do with my makeup!
Cupid: Whoa, momma, isn't this color a little radical?
Dite, defensively: Not everyone can be as feminine as you all the time, Cupie!
Cupid, thoughtfully: Well, I'd say match it, but I don't think I could handle you in lime green and neon green makeup. (sitting down on the other side of Dite on the couch) So here's what I'm gonna say. Use a LIGHT green eye shadow, a natural blush, and a LIGHT pink lipstick. No more bright colors, k mom? Go natural.
Ares: Hmmph. I'll let you know when I see it.
Cupid, zapping Dite's makeup on: There, beautiful! Can I barrow the nail polish when you're done?
Dite, irritably: Get your own, Cupie! Last time you polished your wings, you finished off all my favorite colors!
Cupid, rounding on Ares: So, pop, did I mention lately how great you look with our hair like that!? The long curls soften your face so nicely!
Ares, looking up to Dite pleadingly: Cut it as short as you can, sis!
Dite, sighing and wacking Cupid on the wing: See what you did, he looked so adorable with his hair like that! Fine, bro, I'll give you the best cut. (As she talks she zaps the new hair cut) Well, whaddya think?
Ares, making a mirror appear and finally finished with his milk soak, running his hand through his new, shorter, hair: I like it, tougher is good, I have a reputation to keep up.
Cupid: Ooh, that reminds me, dad, mom, are you coming to my show tonight? Jace is getting his brothers and mom to show, and so is everybody else!
Dite, making a little day planner appear: I don't know, baby, I have a lot of stuff going on tonight. Hephie was even gonna surprise me with dinner! Couldn't you have given a little more notice?
Ares, making his own day planner appear and sighing: I'm busy too. You know that, Cupid. Advance warning would be nice.
Cupid, breaking down in tears: BUT EVERYBODY ELSE'S PARENTS ARE COMING!! It's NOT FAIR!! You two never come to ANY of my shows! And this one's IMPORTANT! I have the cutest outfit I wanted to show you and everything.
Ares, crossing out a few things on his planner, and replacing them with 'CUPID'S SHOW' and grumbling something about parenting: Well, I suppose I can miss a few wars.
Dite, also crossing stuff out: Yeah, and Hephie will just have to deal, he should know better then to try to surprise me anyway. (patting Cupid's wing) Alright, Cupie, mommy'll come. So will Ar. See, it'll be fine!
That Evening
Joxer, scrambling forward and hugging Jett: It hasn't started yet, has it?
Jett, for once not the tough assin he is: Shh, it's just about to!
Gabrielle, pointing to a woman with long, strawberry blonde, hair: Xeeeeeeena! Look, I want my hair that color again!
Xena, looking in the right direction and stopping dead in her tracks: DITE?!
Dite, jumping up from playing with her bro's short hair and harassing him about it: OMIGODS! Warrior babe! And Bardie!!
Ares, turning around quickly: Ok, Xena, this is NOT what it looks like!
Xena, shocked and running over to Ares: WHAT did you do to your hair!? It's so short!
Gabrielle, still standing in the middle of the aisle, dumbstruck at Dite's appearance: Wow, you look so-different! I've never seen you in green before!
Ares, tentatively: Do you like the cut, Xena?
Xena, sitting down next to him: Well, yeah... but what are you and Dite doing in a gay bar!?
Dite, irritably: It's not a gay bar, warrior babe; it's a gay, bi and transsexual bar. That's open to family for the day!
Xena, calmly: And why are you two here?
Ares, annoyed: Cupid's having a big show. He's one of the dancers. Made me take off a war for this! Being a parent sucks.
Xena, scooting closer to Ares and playing with his hair: Oh, that explains it.
Ares, suddenly suspicious: Wait a minute, what are you doing here?
Xena: Joxer's here to see Jace, he's a dancer too. And Gabrielle, for some reason, insisted we come. I think she wants to check out the chicks.
Ares, not even mildly surprised: Oh.
Xena, darting a quick look around the room: Hey, Ares, would you do me a favor?
Ares, sparing a glance to make sure that the show hasn't started yet: What?
Xena, kissing him passionately, then pausing for a deep breath: That. I want everyone to know I'm taken.
Dite, wacking Ares upside the head: Oh would you two stop it? The show's about to start (unrolling a 'My baby's one of the lead dancer's at a totally rockin' bar' banner, she starts to wave it about) Think he'll see us?
Xena, raising a questioning eyebrow: Explain to me, please, Dite, why you're in lime green?
Ares and Dite together: It's in style, duhh!