AN: This is for The Golden Snitch, Face Your Fears Challenge! The prompt is- Arachnophobia: Write about Ronald Weasley. Bonus Prompts are: 2. (color) Turquoise, 3. (creature) Flobberworm, 13. (word) patience. My house and school are, Hogwarts, Slytherin. This IS canon compliant, other than Lavender is still alive. I AM IGNORING CURSED CHILD COMPLETELY!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!

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Ronald Weasley had an easy life, he woke up, went to work, came home, ate dinner, got smashed from drinking, then went to bed. The only difficult part of his life so far was his wife, Hermione Granger. Oh, and keeping his affair with Lavender Brown, a secret.

It wasn't that he didn't love his wife of 21 years, and best friend of 31, it's just they didn't work. He was an easy-going guy, easily sated with sex and food, while she wanted more. All she did was nag lately; clean this, talk to me, pick up that, or her personal favorite, laundry goes here, not right beside it!

He knew they didn't work, she knew it would never work. They just didn't have the balls to call it quits. That and for the sake of their kids, Rose and Hugo. He knew she stopped loving him intimately when she just laid like a flobberworm* during their love-making. That part hurt the worst, he'd rather be denied then to be simply 'put up' with.

It was that that finally put him back in the arms of Lavender. Those were the days he enjoyed. The day's when she wore that barely there turquoise* negligee being the best. If he was ever asked how well he thought him and Lavender were, he would say that it was like fitting that last piece of the puzzle onto the board. With Hermione? He would say that is was like trying to make a ceramic pot out of concrete, impossible. Ron wanted to be with Lavender openly, but he couldn't stand the thought of hurting Hermione like that. He also didn't want to ruin the tenuous relationship they still had. He would never want to part from her again without being on the best of terms, but he didn't have the patience* to ensure it happened like that.

That was how his life went until Hermione walked in on Ron with Lavender one fateful night. Apparently, she broke through the curse that her job sent her on a few days ahead of schedule and decided to come home early. In the end, it looked like Ron got the surprise of his life, when Hermione just stood there and laughed. It wasn't the insane laugh that people got when they were mad, but one of something she found absolutely hilarious in her brilliant mind of hers.

If Hermione was asked what she was thinking when she found her Husband and his side piece in their marriage bed, she would simply state: "Honestly? I figured I would catch them sooner than that, it's not like I didn't know. His job didn't require travel like he told me previously, and the sudden fact that it did once I stopped responding in bed? It doesn't take someone that long to piece two and two together."

In the end, Ron and Hermione had an easy divorce, one of shared custody and lunch dates with the kids on their school breaks. Hermione soon revealed to Ron that she was actually seeing Draco, not even two months after his divorce from Astoria. The fact that Ron was shocked speechless was an understatement. In his silence, she informed Ron that Draco would be her date to his wedding that following summer. That was when he fainted.