Disclaimer: I own nothing
this is from Mimi's POV... its kind of bad... hahaha
COMMEEENNNTT AND REVIIIEW
I knew that it was no good. I was never going to see Roger again. His stupid jealousy and withdrawal-induced paranoia caused him to think that I was cheating on him, with Benny. BENNY. The thought that I would even get back with that yuppie scum was not only ridiculous, it was insulting. I would never date a back stabbing, stuck up, spoiled asshole like Benny ever again. When he refused to believe me, it almost threw me over the edge. If I didn't love Roger, would I be in withdrawal right now? If I didn't love Roger, would I have started going to night school? If I didn't love Roger, would I be curled in a ball, hugging my knees, sobbing, unable to watch him leave?
The fact that he didn't believe me was more than I could handle. And when he didn't want to be with me anymore, I went to the one person that would make Roger go through the same hell I had when we broke up, Benny. Even though I hated the Jackass, I needed to make Roger see that I had never shared that connection with anyone else. Unfortunately, this seemed to affirm his fears. And at Angel's funeral, when he had asked me, "it's true you're with this yuppie scum?" I wanted to scream "no! I want to be with you roger. I love you." But unfortunately, Benny had to interject making everything worse. "you said you'd never speak to him again." Yes, I had said that, but I was totally wasted, and heartbroken, I didn't mean a word of it. The look of shock and pain that caressed Roger's face fleetingly was heart wrenching, but when he saw me looking, he turned away, stone cold.
Then Maureen and Joanne started fighting, and I lost it. "I'd be happy to die for a taste of what Angel had, someone to live for unafraid to say I love you." I meant every word of that. I would die for Roger; I would die for just a bit of his love. But then my heart was shattered into a million pieces when he spat, "all your words are nice Mimi, but loves not a three way street, you'll never share real love until you love yourself, I should know." I couldn't figure out what he meant but that.
While remembering this in perfect clarity, I started to hyper ventilate. I ran out to the fire escape and sat down. Below me was an empty parking space, which had preious been roger's parked car. He was an idiot. What made him think that Santa Fe would be any better than New York? Santa Fe was such a random ass town anyway. I guess he only wanted to go there because of Collins and Angel... Angel. If he were here he would tell me that what I was doing was stupid. That I shouldn't worry about it, Roger'll be back.
But I knew he wouldn't be. I walked back into my crappy little apartment. I hated it so much. Roger and I had done so much here... Roger... I grabbed the blood spattered needle and the bag of crystallized powder and flicked it. It was pure. And I was illin'. I was illin' and I no longer had a will to live. It gave me great satisfaction to be doing something that completely tore Roger apart when I did it. The cool needle slid up my HIV infected veins, and I felt blissfully uneasy.