I sat, my back to the rising sun. I pulled my red jacket over my bare arms. The black and gray "Rebel Revolution" shirt I had thrown on didn't cover my arms very well. The jean boy-shorts weren't helping the freezing factor. My black and red converse weren't exactly keeping my piggies warm, either. At least I had had the sense to slip on my knee high "Gir" socks. I called them my Gir socks because they were lime green with black dots.
How long had it been? Two hours, maybe three, more? Oh I didn't know! I had been perched on the gray boulder since before sunrise, not thinking, daydreaming, or anything. I didn't know what I wanted. I had been telling myself this lie for so long, I almost believed it. But I knew exactly what I wanted; it was just too painful to confront it.
I wanted a little baby; I wanted to be a mother. Sure, I was only fourteen, but I had always thought I would have all my twenties and early thirties to have a child. But then that thing happened.
One day, when I was thirteen, I was wrestling with my two brothers (Ashton, then 15 and Eden, then 10) when Ash picked me up and threw me off the couch. I landed on my lower tummy and a horrible, indescribable pain racked my body, and suddenly, it was as if I had gotten my period, because I was bleeding. I screamed and my parents rushed me to the hospital. By the time we got there, the bleeding had stopped. I went into the E.R. and got multiple ex-rays. Then they gave me some medication for some reason or another by IV.
When the Asian doctor came back in an hour later, he told me he needed to talk to me and my mom privately. We went into an empty waiting room and he told me that when I had landed, I had twisted one of my ovaries and ruptured the other. He told me I would still have my period, but I would never be able to have children. I had cried so hard that I passed out. Having kids didn't mean much to me when I was so young, but hearing I could never have kids ripped me up.
Ever since then I had frequent dreams about having kids. I had several names picked out. I wanted three girls and three boys
My Boys- Jack, Sebastian, and Nikko
My Girls- Tallulah, Magdelana, and Alec (I didn't like for boy, but I loved it for a girl.)
When ever I had those weird dreams, I never had girls, only boys, and I had named all of them Jack. They all looked the same. They all looked exactly like me, in facial features, but with bright, icy blue eyes, and blonde hair. My eyes were gray and my hair was thick, wavy, and reddish-orange. I almost always woke up crying.
Don't worry, I never went crazy or got depressed, and I'm still a virgin. But, God, did I want a little baby. And knowing I could never have one gnawed at me. Sure, there was surrogate, or adoption, but… I didn't want to do either of those. But if I had to chose, I would've gone with adoption. I had big moral issues with surrogates. I could never ask a woman to carry a child for me and then give the baby up to me, even if she would have.
I sighed heavily, and wondered why I had come out in the first place. Probably just to be alone. I liked my solitude and really didn't mind being by myself.
"I know what you want," said an eerie, low voice. It scared me and I leapt off the rock, landing on my back. A pain racked my body and it hurt so bad it brought tears to my eyes. I looked up and saw a stunning boy with shaggy dirty-blonde hair. He smiled at me. I stood up and studied him. I noticed he was sticking to staying in the shade.
"What do you want?" I asked him wearily. "Who are you?"
"That isn't important," the boy said. I shook my head, pretty sure it was important. He took a step to his side, which made me take a step back. He grinned and I smiled nervously at him. I flipped my red waves back, and adjusted my headband.
"Your name is Alice," he said, his smile slipping a tiny bit nicer and warmer. "And you're hurt. You can't have kids when you get older, and I'm here to help." I took another step back, farther into the sun.
"How?"
"I can ease the pain."
"I don't need my pain eased!" I was surprised at how mad his secretive offer made me. I mean, I didn't have a temper, but this was a touchy subject for me. "I can do it alone! Step off!"
"Alice, calm down." He put his hands up defensively. "It'll be alright. I want you to be happy."
"Step off!" I repeated. "I don't someone else to make me happy."
The blonde boy just gave me a small smile.
"I don't believe that."
"Then you need to go see a counselor or something, because I'm just fine."
Oh, I was getting fed up with this kid. How many times did I have to tell him to scoodle his boodle off my property? And I don't care how red-neck I just sounded there. I wanted him gone.
"Listen, who are you, man?" I asked, losing all my patience. He grinned.
"If I tell you my name, will you let me help you?"
Okay. I shook my head slightly and just turned around, heading back to my house.
Then I was knocked to the ground by something going extremely fast, like a train. I howled with pain and clutched at my lower back, the center of my pain. Then the blonde boy was holding me down and made me furious. I bit at him, spit, and shouted. He leaned his head down close and whispered," Skander."
Then something sliced the soft flesh on my throat. At first it just stung. But then it started to rage, trailing down my arms, my legs, my whole body. Fire slipped and rolled within my body, and I started screaming into the sweet, calm dawn.