Only Choice
"Dammit Johnny!" I slammed the walls with my fists. "Oh, dammit, Johnny, don't die, please don't die…" I bolted from the room, because I couldn't take it. Why did he have die? Anyone but him… I could feel suppressed tears building in my eyes. I couldn't save him now. He was gone, forever. I jumped into Buck's car and drove like a mad man. I had to get away from that hospital. I prayed for the first time, hoping that there wouldn't be any fuzz around. I sped down a couple of streets before I skidded to the side of the road because I couldn't see anymore. I put my head down on the steering wheel and sobbed.
I hadn't cried in years. But Johnny was worth tears. My breath was coming out in sharp gasps, and the hot tears ran down my cheeks and fell in my lap. I didn't care who saw me. I would never see him again. And it was my entire fault. If I had stopped him from running into that church, he would be okay. If I hadn't sent him to the damned church in the first place…
Now there was no way to ever see him again. He was gone. And I needed him more then he would ever know. I didn't even get to tell him how much he meant to me. Picturing his big black, scared eyes broke my heart. He was never like the others. He was an outsider, just like me. But there was something special about him. The way he admired me, even though I'm an idiot. The way he saw the good in life when I couldn't. Johnny Cade was definitely something special.
Just then the flow of tears stopped. I had an idea. It was crazy and it might not work. It was my only choice, the only way to get to him. I lifted my head, slowly and smiled. It was my only choice. I had to do it.
I started the car again and sped down the highway to the nearest convince store. The sun was setting. I sat in the car for a moment in a parked space, thinking over my plan. I stared at the sunset, and Pony was right. It was beautiful, and something about it gave me hope. For Johnny. I thought. I wiped the away the last of my tears, and walked into the store.
The man behind the counter was eyeing me the second I stepped into the small store. I tried to look casual. I walked around, picking up random items and pretending to read their labels. Not like I gave a shit. I grabbed a few things and started walking toward the door.
"You have to pay for that!" He yelled urgently. I stopped, smirking to myself. I slowly turned around, showing him my smile. I pulled the gun out of my pocket. He would never know it was a bluff. No one would, except for Pony. I pointed it at his freckly face. He turned pale.
"No one tells me what to do." My voice sounded strange, hoarse from crying and high with some crazy hope that was building inside of me. This was going to work. It had to. I lowered the gun and we stared at each other for a minute. And then I sprinted out of the store.
I left Buck's car, and just ran. I ran to no particular place. Suddenly I felt scared. It was a strange feeling; I had never felt it before. Would it hurt? My throat felt dry as fear filled through me. I saw a phone booth, and pulled a quarter out of my pocket. I dialed the Curtis's number. Darry picked up. I quickly explained, then hung up before he could reply. I didn't want him to try to talk me out of it.
Just then I heard sirens. Wailing, piercing sirens of police cars, the sound cut through the still night air. I bolted away from the booth, running as fast as my legs would carry me. The fear disappeared. I imagined seeing Johnny again, being with him forever. This was worth it.
I skidded to a stop under a streetlight. I could see the gang running toward me. They were screaming my name, and I stared at them for a moment, memorizing their faces. Ponyboy, Sodapop, Darry, Two-Bit, and Steve, them and Johnny had been my family for so long. They could make it without me. I knew they could. The police surrounded me, and I took a deep breath.
I pulled the gun out of my pocket. I could hear firing of guns, and sharp pains all over. I knew it wouldn't last long. I smiled to myself, imagining seeing Johnny again. I fell to the ground, the pain was already fading. I took my last look at the dark sky, took my last breath. I closed my eyes, falling into darkness. Here I come Johnny, was my last thought before everything went black.