Dear Mr. Beilschmidt
I am contacting you on behalf of Ludwig in concern for your lack of enthusiasm in meetings up till this point in time. Your presence is welcome, however it is required that you at least pretend to pay attention to ensure that others are not distracted. I have also been notified by your brother that a small bird is often let loose in meetings should you show up to a meeting. If this animal is yours, it is asked that you keep it to yourself.
Your brother Ludwig, and acquaintance Mr. Lovino Vargas, have also asked me to inform you that cooing over and poking the youngest of the Axis is strictly prohibited and said person does not wish to drink your beer. Should issues like this continue to occur with your unwelcome treatment towards Feliciano, Ludwig will come to speak with you personally in the chance Lovino doesn't find you first. I quite personally would recommend praying that it is only your brother who will talk to you in concern for your safety should Lovino catch you doing such things to his younger brother again. On a side note, please refrain from calling Mr. Vargas by the nickname "Lovi". Nor does he appreciate "Lov", "Lovli", "Tomato Boy", "Lovina", "Romana", or things associated along the lines of "Mini Spain".
It has also risen to the attention of Mr. Braginski that the vodka has often been found to be mysteriously missing from the lounge during meetings and has come to me in suspicion. If you find the culprit, please let Ivan or I know in a timely manor that you should find acceptable. If this issue is not resolved within the next week, you, along with Mr. Kirkland, Mr. Carriedo, Mr. Bonnefoy and Ludwig will be handed over to him for a trial which we have no control of being that each of you are being suspected as possible culprits, whether you drank it or simply took it. Each of them have beseeched you to help in the search of the true culprit and apprehend him to Mr. Braginski as soon as possible, yet again with safety concerns.
Should you come to America again, please refrain from intruding on Mr. Jones' property without permission and continue to proceed in terrifying him with the sound effects application on your phone. As of now, it is presumed that Ludwig is apologizing on your behalf with Mr. Kirkland whom is attempting to coax Alfred out of his closet in which he is fully armed. It would indeed be appreciated to limit actions that cause this form of reaction, as this will have been the second time in the course of a week this has occurred. Mr. Kirkland was not pleased with this and sent Matthew to receive a formal apology, this however appears not to have worked on Mr. Kirkland's own fault. Since it seems to be that Mr. Williams is much too quiet and you did not do so much as to open the door. If you could find the courtesy to do so, Arthur has requested that you apologize to him in person on your own time for taking up his.
If perhaps you see any individual sleeping, it is best not to wake them. Especially when they're in their own home. A complaint from Mr. Ludwig himself. As long as you should remain in his house, it is asked that you remain quiet till at least 6:30 am so that he may receive the healthy and normal amount of sleep of eight to twelve hours rather then six and under. Just because the Play Station, XBox, NES and other gaming consoles exist in the house does not mean you are to play them insistently at full volume every hour of your waking life that you are not attending meetings. Ludwig requests that you might also stop "singing" in the shower. Though he lives with you, he's requested that I write you a letter so he will not be interrupted in speech.
If these tasks could possibly be corrected and carried out in a timely manor that would be greatly appreciated by your brother, as this is a compiled list of complaints he has received in the past day or so. He thoroughly suggests that you take the vodka seriously as he and the multitude of suspects fear for their safety concerning Mr. Braginski's history. Please act or return a letter to the secretary's office along with the several other letters we have forwarded you in the past week.
Sincerely,
Hilde Schauffner
Ludwig Beilschmidt's secretary