Act I, Scene I
Story So Far... Princess peach wants to invite Mario to the mushroom palace.
(toad gets sent to invite Mario. Toad approaches Mario▓s house)
toad knocks on door
Toad:(calls out) Helloooo?
notices door is unlocked and walks in
Toad:(still calling out) Mario? Are you home?
Toad hears humming coming from bathroom and walks in, Screams, then runs out of room
Mario leaves bathroom, after getting dressed, and sees Toad curled up in a ball
Mario: Knock please! I prefer to take my shower by myself!
Toad: I▓LL NEVER TAKE ACID AGAIN! I▓LL NEVER TAKE ACID AGAIN! I▓LL NEVER TAKE ACID AGAIN!
Mario: why are you here?! Did something happen to Peach?!
Toad:(Still Traumatized) So Hairy! Scarred For Life!
Mario:slaps toad Get Yourself Together!! What Happened?!
Toad: It▓s the Princess! She sent me to invite you to the palace!
Mario leaves and toad follows
End Scene I
Act I, Scene II
(Mario and Toad arrive at the mushroom palace, he▓s in for a... ⌠surprise■)
(Daisy is in the throne room of Peach▓s palace)
Mario:(to Daisy) Daisy, where▓s Peach?
Daisy: Cha, you know what? Unh-uh. You just missed her, Bowser just cam and kidnapped her about 15 Minutes ago. Actually, she seemed happy to go. I mean, she already had her bags packed and ready to go... ...nothing suspicious there...
Mario: Again?! God! That▓s like the third time this week! Hmmmm... Am I Going to save her?... flips coin CRAP! I HAVE TO SAVE HER! AGAIN! That makes me sick! Absolutely Sick!
Daisy: If you▓re leaving, take that annoying Thing with you! It▓s not even potty trained! points at yoshi
Yoshi:wahwah-wahwahwahwah?
Mario Begins to leave
Daisy: Wait! There▓s something you must remember! It▓s life threateningly important!
Mario: What is it?
Daisy: I need you...
Mario: Yes?
Daisy: ...to get me...
Mario: shakes daisy OUT WITH IT WOMAN! IF IT▓S SO LIFE THREATENINGLY IMPORTANT, THEN WHY ARE YOU STALLING!
Daisy:(continues sentence in same tone) ...a carton of cigarettes.
Mario: THAT▓S YOUR LIFE THREATENING THING?! NO! YOU GET OFF OF YOUR LAZY ASS AND BUY YOUR OWN!
Mario Leaves
(end Scene II)
Act I, Scene III
(this scene takes place in the throne room of Bowser▓s castle.)
Bowser:(to himself) maniacally laughs this plan is working out Perfectly! I kidnap Peach, Mario comes to rescue Peach, I win Mario's heart with my devilishly good looks, I dispose of Peach, and we all live happily ever after.
This plan is all thanks to my accomplice D... (gets cut off by Peach)
Peach: Bowser! I▓m soooo happy to be here again!
Bowser: Oh God... It Starts!
Peach: How have you been baby? You haven▓t kidnapped me since... Well... Thursday! I was beginning to worry! So... Did you buy me something nice?
Bowser: sure... Ummm... Well... It▓s a surprise! Yeah, a surprise...
Peach: (eyes wide as possible) A suprise?! oh! oh! lemme guess! is it a puppy? or a cookie? or a baby? or a cookie! oooohhhh i know! it's a wedding?... or a cookie...
Bowser: ... sure... as long as is gets you to shut u...(gets cut off)
Peach: YAY! i'm gnna start on the plans right away!
(peach leaves room and kammy enters)
Kammy: you called for me, master?
Bowser: yes, i'm sure you're aware or our plan...
Kammy: What?! who the hell are you?! who told you of me and bowser's plan?! oh, hi bowser!
Bowser: (aloud to himself) this old hag is more useless than i thought.
Kammy: What was that? what did you say?!
Bowser: nothing mom...
(end scene III)
Act I Scene IV
(mario is walking through the woods on the way to bowser's castle)
Mario:(aloud to himself) ican't believe i gotta rescue her again! that makes me sick! absoultely sick!
(stops ranting because he hears twigs breaking behind him)
Mario:(calls out) WHO'S THERE??
(notices a ball on the ground and picks it up)
Mario: what's this?... oh! i know what this is! GO PIKACHU!
(throws ball and luigi jumps out from behind mario)
Luigi: BOO!
Mario: LUIGI! YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME! YOU DON'T DO THAT!
Luigi: god! i was just kidding! no need to go all pms on me!
Mario: what are you doing here, anyways?!
luigi: well... i... ummm... wanted to help you rescue the princess! yeah... let's go with that!
Mario: You just wanted a night with kammy, didn't you?
Luigi: yup!
Mario: so you're saying that you want to sleep with an old lady who can barely remember her own name on account of her Alzheimers?! she won't even remember your name in the morning?! that's sick! absolutely sick! but let me tell you, she'll give you the night of your life! not that i would know... i've never done anything to her... while i was sober...
luigi: soo... can i come?
(mario nods)
Luigi: YAY! you're te best brother ever!
(end scene IV)
Act I Scene V
(phone rings)
(flurrie answers)
Flurrie: hello darling! you've reached the palace of daisy, how may i help you?
what? this is bowser? you want to talk to daisy?... Hold please.
Flurrie:(yelling to daisy) Daisy! telephone!
Daisy: just take a message!
Flurrie: daisy! come get the phone! it's bowser!
Daisy: i said to take a message!
Flurrie:daisy! i brought you into this world, and i can take you out just as easily!
Daisy: No Momma! don't put me back in there! IT'S DARK, SCARY, AND FULL OF SPIDERS NAMED TIMOTHY!
(daisy takes phone from flurrie)
Daisy: Hello? hey bowser! what? you need me to get rid of peach? ... okay i'll be there soon
(picks up baseball bat and walks away)
(end scene V)
Act I scene VI
(mario arrives at bowser's castle)
(mario and luigi walk in)
Bowser: gah! how did you get in here!
Mario: i just walked into the front door. it was wde open!
Bowser: well ... you're too late! the wedding is about to begin!
(Bowser runs into the other room and mario follows)
Luigi:(to kammy) wanna play a game?
Kammy: What game?
Luigi:... you'll see...
(end scene VI)
Act I Scene VII (it's okay, this is the final scene)
(a wedding scene is set up and bowser is standing at the altar wiating for mario)
(mario walks up to him)
Mario: wait a second! you kidnapped peach and now you're gonna force her to marry you? that's sick! absolutely sick!
Bowser: no, i'm not gonna marry that wretched wench, i want to marry you!(Dramatic Music plays) After this wedding she will be properly disposed of!(Dramatic mucic Plays again) Okay! stop with the dramatic music! This isn't a soap opera! so, what do you say, mario?
Mario: you want to marry me? why go through all the trouble of kidnapping peach? all you had to do was ask! (grins at bowser)
Bowser: yay! LET THE WEDDING BEGIN!
Merlon: bowser, do you take mario to be your lawfully wedded wife until you get rutally murdered in new york city?
Bowser: i do!
Merlon: and mario, do you take bowser to be your lawfully wedded husband, until you find out something terribly disturbing about him and divorce him for half of his money?
Mario: eh... i'll give it a shot.
Peach:(to bowser) WAIT! YOU CAN'T MARY HIM!
Bowser: why not?
Peach: BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I ALWAYS HAVE!
(breaks into song)
ALL i want is a koopa, someone to call my own,
someone to play dollies and barbies with,
and polly pocket when i'm not home.
all i want is a koopa,
someonewho treats me well,
because if he abuses me, i'll make his life a personal hell.
all i want is a koopa,
someone who's really nice,
someone who will do that thing i like, and maybe for only half price.
(tune changes to "memories" By Barbara streisand)
someone,
just the one that i need, to get down on my knees,
and make me feel -oh- good!
(song ends because daisy walks in and knocks peach out with aseball bat)
Bowser: (crying) that wa beautiful! (regains straight face) this wedding is off!
Mario: NOOOOOOO!!
Merlon: wait a minute! i was paid to marry two people together, so by god, i will Marry two people together!
Luigi:(walks in holding hands with kammy) then marry us together!
kammy: who the hell are you?!
luigi: it doesn't matter baby, just say "i do"
Merlon: (to luigi) do you?
luigi: i do merlon:(to kammy) Do you?
Kammy: ummm... i do!
Merlon: i now pronounce you man and wife, you may now kiss the bride!
(they kiss)
(end scene VII)
(end act I)