This is inspired by and dedicated to fernazab. In a review of my story Rules and Regulations, when I complained that Arthur was too gullible for words, they reviewed and commented that they couldn't believe Arthur actually "swallowed that anvil". Months later I re-read it and thought of this. Not my best, but I do enjoy it. Some of these are from the episodes, others aren't.

Also, I think that the last one might be very similar to another fanfiction once, and I know this style is anything but original. If I copied anyone, it was unintentional; please tell me so and I'll try to fix it!

I also want to say to anyone who read "Same Old Story": Thank you! I really didn't think it was at all funny when I posted it and would have been grateful for 5 or six reviews—and it became my most popular oneshot ever! Amazing!

EDIT. Heavens. I didn't mean the last line literally, but everyone seemed to think I did. I was very surprised that everyone began to comment about Merlin's crybaby-ness, so I went and changed the last line. Now it can be taken literally.

Anvil-Swallowing

By Kitty O

"Merlin," drawled the prince, staring at the limping servant. "How did you get injured?"

Merlin pondered this.

"I fell down the stairs."

"Where?"

"In the east hallway."

Arthur's brow creased, but he nodded. "Don't be so clumsy from now on, Merlin."

"Yes, Sire."

Merlin shrugged and went away to inform Gaius that he'd destroyed the creature plaguing the kingdom. However, it had taken a chunk of his leg, thus the huge bloodstain down his front and dripping onto the floor, as well as the huge rip in his pants.

"Gwen, I can't believe him! He spent all day in the tavern? When you were going to… to be…" Arthur trailed off, shaking his head and trying furiously to wipe away the horrid thought.

Gwen placed a comforting hand on his muscular arm. "He was probably upset, Arthur. It's okay. Everyone's safe, right? No harm done."

"If he was so upset," Arthur spat, "he could've been doing something constructive!"

She shrugged, but in truth she was a little concerned about that herself. Giving up and getting drunk was just so unlike Merlin… She would've thought that he would have come up with some plan and run off half-cocked, actually…

Arthur watched Merlin scurry from the room with disbelieving eyes. The manservant was still muttering something about spring cleaning.

Spring cleaning?

Really. If he was cleaning, he shouldn't have thrown things about and then left… He should've cleaned.

Merlin was so useless sometimes!

"Merlin?" questioned the bewildered and exhausted prince. "Did your eyes just…"

Merlin turned a shade paler and tried to disguise his nervousness. "Did my eyes what?"

"I thought, in the last second, they turned… gold. And shiny."

"Gold?"

"And shiny."

"Arthur, my eyes are blue."

"I know that, you idiot! That's why I'm asking about them turning gold!"

"You aren't making any sense," Merlin started, but Arthur cut him off furiously.

"Merlin. Why. Were. Your. Eyes. Gold?" he growled through his teeth.

"They weren't. It must have been the… tears. Making them shiny."

"You were crying?" Arthur's signature incredulous look took over his face.

"No, no… It's an… eye infection! Yeah, yeah." The manservant immediately began to babble. "I have this eye infection, makes my eyes water, but Gaius said that since we caught it so soon it should pass, and probably won't make me blind. Probably. He doesn't think I'll lose my eyesight, you know, but we have to watch it and be careful…" He trailed off.

Arthur blinked at him blankly.

"Merlin!" snapped Arthur. "What was that?"

Merlin glared at him balefully through droopy eyelids as he wiped his dirty hair from his pale face. "What was what?"

"That!"

Sighing, Merlin considered making up an excuse… but no. He was sick of the lies. He was sick of it. To heck with it all.

"It was magic, Arthur. I'm a warlock and I just used magic to save your worthless life."

Arthur's eyes narrowed, giving him a dangerous look. "Don't be stupid, Merlin. That's not funny; you could get arrested for making jokes like that. Besides, my life isn't worthless."

Merlin fought back an angry sigh of frustration.

Please review? It makes me happy.