A little one-shot for these two. :) So basically, she finds out that Paolo died and Cesare isn't as helpful as he feels that he should be.
Bonum noctem dilectione mea (Good night, my love)
~.~
Sometimes, it was difficult to remember that Lucrezia had changed.
Cesare watched Lucrezia and clenched his jaw tightly. She was sitting with her back turned to him. Although, it wasn't hard to tell she was crying. Cesare could easily recognize the signs after all these years, the way she had rounded her shoulders inward, the odd tilt to her head.
"We cannot save everyone, sis." Pretty much as soon as the words had left his lips, Cesare knew it was the wrong thing to say. This was his sister's one bit of solace in Pesaro he was speaking of, her Paolo, shouldn't his words dive from his tongue with condolences and gentle murmurs of 'it's alright'? But he couldn't take them back, however much he wanted to.
Lucrezia didn't reply.
The two weren't even that far away, but she acted as if she didn't hear him. She dipped her head lower as she awkwardly looked away, anywhere but him.
The lump in his throat was difficult to swallow, and a broken sigh a of defeat tumbling from his mouth as he watched her. If only she would look at him, he would pull her into an embrace and whisper promises into her ears like he always had before.
It hurt. The fact he couldn't just reach out and touch his dear sister. Because he didn't know how Lucrezia would react anymore.
When Lucrezia left to go to Pesaro, it was safe to say that Cesare's world had changed. Without Lucrezia, there was no one for him to protect; no one for him to soothe back to sleep or watch over or cling onto. He tried to protect Ursula; he freed her from her awful husband. But there was no purpose; she just got angry with him. And then there was just his father, Rodrigo, and his orders.
Or perhaps it was jealousy, the pain he was feeling. She had coped on her own, found serenity in another. With Paolo, she didn't need him anymore. And Cesare would always need Lucrezia, more than anything else in his world because to Cesare she was more than a sister. Lucrezia was a friend and a caretaker and his love. Lucrezia was his everything.
And now they sat beside each other in their mother's household, a place that held so many memories of their past but this time was different. He had no idea how to help, how to make it better; take away the pain.
Every ounce of tension that hangs in the air was palpable, a bitter taste on the end of his tongue. Slowly, her head lifted.
"Cesare?"
Was this voice in his head? But he concluded otherwise as the sound of it coaxed him from his reverie.
With a breath of air that quivered as he drew into his mouth, relief flooding his icy veins, he replied, "Yes?"
She lowered her gaze to the floor in what had become a force of habit. "Will you stay here tonight? In the house?" she asked the floor, chin trembling at the realization that Cesare was always her lifeline. She turned around and faced him now, and the relief that bared down on him felt ethereal.
"Of course."
"Thank you, Cesare."
He took a steadying breath, facing the floor so she didn't have to see whatever worries were still etched into his face, but they remained when he lifted his chin. "I shall always," he began quietly, taking pauses as he spoke. "invest so much of my time and my love in you, dear sis."
"Chez?"
Upon hearing her call him by that endearing name, his doubts faded. "Yes?"
"Do you think father will make me marry again?"
"Father will not barter you off again, I swear it," He said, but the words were meaningless droplets of rain amidst a hurricane. The weight of desperation for his words to be true clawed at his mind, dragging him further into despair. He knew perfectly well that he father was going to do whatever he wanted to. And yes, his father would gladly send her off into another marriage.
Tears brewed within her eyes as she looked to him. "You promised me," she said, looking him in the eye. "You promised me that should my husband prove ungallant, you would seek vengeance. Will you hold true to that if I marry again?" Her breath hitched in her throat.
His brows knit in frustration, incapable of sweeping up the mess that her previous husband had created. This wasn't his fault, but he was the nearest scapegoat. He would willingly blame himself and allow her to blame him for everything. "I shall," he said.
She reached her hands out to him and he clasped them tightly, and she smiled, a watery smile but he was grateful for it.
"If anything were to happen to you…I wouldn't know what to do. I'd die."
"I should take the cloth to avoid such tedious situations."
The curve of a smile found it's way to his lips. Lucrezia curled her fingers into his and drew him closer to her.
"You could be my Heloise," He said.
It was almost as if they were children again, sharing secrets in the dark, whispering insiders that only they knew of, and Cesare was grateful for this.
"Only if you are my Abelard," She smiled wider then.
He nodded, a hardly noticeable dip of the head. A moment or two of silence passed, and Lucrezia was idly fiddling with his fingers.
"I think it's time for sleep, don't you, 'Crezia?" He asked and she nodded softly, withdrawing one of her hands from his to wipe underneath her eyes, skimming the crest of her cheeks to wipe away any lingering wetness from the tears.
Fingers brush his palm, softly across his hand, tracing the patterns of lines there.
"Lucrezia?"
She didn't answer him. And for a fleeting moment, he was scared he'd lost her again. But the way she held his hands told him otherwise.
And he could tell by her blissful expression that her mind was unfettered by the sadness that had been riddling her before. And even his thoughts had gone from an agitated static to calming white noise so that he might have this peaceful moment with his sister.
Then, she did something that surprised him. She leaned in close, and pressed her lips to his. His muscles tensed but he kissed her back, her fingers brushed his neck as she reached up to hold him more closely and Cesare felt his skin shiver beneath her touch. It was a long, heavy, kiss sealed by their breathless lungs and audible heart pulses.
A surge of confidence sings through Cesare's veins and he pressed more intensely, his lips molding with hers like two pieces of a perfect whole. He rejoiced when could feel her skin to tighten and dug her fingertips into Cesare, right at its junction with his neck.
A sharp sound of delight muffled by his lips against hers exited her mouth, and she furled her hand into his fabric of his uniform. Trust infused the melding of their lips and he drew her in closer before reluctantly pulling out of the kiss. Lucrezia flushed, her cheeks red and burning. He observed her chest rise and fall as she regained her breath.
He stood up from the bed, pressing a warm kiss to her forehead as he went. Cesare moved to the doorway and then stopped and looked at her.
"Lucrezia?" The name came out of his lips in the form of a blessing, like a prayer whispered over and over in the dark.
"Yes?"
"Goodnight, my love."