I sighed deeply as I stepped, for the last time, into the flat that I had shared with my late brother and his pregnant girlfriend. I softly closed the door behind me not wishing to hear the empty echo that would roll around the desolate, but once happy, home I knelt down to take off my shoes choking back my tears, remembering how much I'd scolded my brother for leaving his shoes on in the house. I gave up in the end and curled up on the floor, my back to the wall so that I'd feel safe.
I stayed in that position for 10 minutes crying bitterly, hating the world for taking Shazuo away from me. I didn't hear the key turning in the lock and flinched violently when a shadow glided silently over me.
"Oh Larka, we should never of left you alone." Arisa came over to me and knelt beside me embracing me into a comforting, but suffocating, hug. "It's okay, we're here now, we'll look after you."
I looked up and watched my other friend, Selena, as she walked slowly to the living room-cum-kitchen. She peered into the room and studied it looking at the table. She looked back at me.
"It's like they'll come back isn't it. They've left the kitchen in a mess with their clothes everywhere. There's even some sushi dipped in chocolate that Kagura left on the table. She always did have disgusting cravings." Selena's expression changed to one of sorrow. I then regretted what I'd said and hid my own face in Arisa's sleeve, disgusted at myself for being so insensitive.
"I'm so sorry Larka." Selena came over to us and sat on my other side. They both put their arms around me as I cried out with pain and loss, for my brother's death but also with happiness for the loyalty, and comforting presence, of my friends.
After some time, I became worn out and just sat in the hall with Selena and Arisa, wondering what to do next.
"I think I'll wash up and then start packing up mine and my brother's things." I said, as I started to get up. "It needs to be sorted out for the landlord. I don't want to burden him with our things."
"Oh no you don't, you're going to bed. We're not gonna let you do so much work so soon after Shazuo's death. It wouldn't be fair."
"I'll take you to bed and stay with you until you fall asleep." Selena got up and put her arm around my shoulder. "Come on now, Larka." She softly pushed me into my room, staying close to my side. I heard Arisa behind us going towards the living room.
"Don't worry about us Larka; we know where all the cleaning stuff is, just get some rest, okay." I nodded feebly turning round briefly to see Arisa's blue streaked blonde hair disappearing round the door.
I entered my bedroom and walked over to my bed. Selena followed me, dragging a chair behind her. As I sat on my bed, I took off my socks, revealing my black-painted toenails.
"I just can't believe they're gone. I keep thinking that if I go to sleep and wake up, they'll come through the door laughing and joking as if nothing ever happened." I pulled the covers over me and lay down. Selena put the chair by the bed and sat looking at me, pity showing through clearly in her violet eyes. She leaned over and pushed my hair out of my eyes.
"Don't worry, everything will be alright."
I turned over and stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars and planets on the ceiling and soon fell into an exhausted, fitful sleep.
I woke slowly, totally unaware of my surroundings. My eyelids were stiff, mucus making them heavy. As I opened my eyelids, darkness enveloped me, suffocating me, making me panic. I thrashed around on the bed trying, desperately, to get myself free of the covers, when I saw the shaft of moonlight shining through the window.
The full moon was beautiful, illuminating the room with it's pure light. I ceased struggling, hypnotized by it's glow. I sat up adjusting the pillows behind me, and looked at the clock. It was 10:21; I'd been asleep for over 5 hours.
The bedroom door opened and light from the hall poured in, temporarily blinding me. When my eyes refocused slightly, I saw the figure in the doorway.
"Hey, fledgling." The figure just stood there, allowing me some time for my eyes to refocus. I stared in disbelief at my friend Tay. He was here at my house! I wondered for a time, trying to think of a reason why he'd come here… Then it hit me. I wanted to cry out loud as the feelings of despair rushed over me again, doubled in ferocity. Seeing my pain, Tay shut the door and came over to the bed. He sat down beside me, holding me close. I could feel the steady beat of his heart against my ear. It comforted me, reminding me that no matter what happened now, I'd always have someone to look after me.
I felt calm again and looked up at Tay's face. He was looking at the moonlight that was pouring in through the open window, a look of longing etched across his features.
"It's beautiful isn't it?" he shook his head slightly, throwing away his distant thoughts and looked down into my eyes. I looked away not wanting to hold his gaze. Tay has walleyes; this means that his eyes are different colours. His right eye is a bright green, while his left eye is a greyish-blue. I've always been fascinated by his eyes but could never quite grasp the reality of them. There's always this feeling within them of a wild, animal-like force deep within. I always feel like he would spring upon me if I held his gaze for too long, I feared the unknown within them.
"It is isn't it? What are you going to do now? Arisa and Selena have done a great job on the house." I looked up at him. Now it was his turn to look away. "I didn't mean it in a bad way but everything's packed. We've been thinking, and you need some place to stay. You can't stay with your family 'cause we all know what they'll do to you. You can't stay with your mum's parents because they live in a Retirement Home and you're parents are…" I knew he didn't want to say it, so I took over.
"I know... they're dead. I know I can't stay in a cemetery either. Where am I supposed to stay!? On the streets!? Living like a stray animal, waiting for my turn to die just so I can be with my family!" I was so angry and pissed off, tears of fury were pouring down my face. I backed away from Tay, pushing him away from me. He put his hands on either side of my face and forced me to look into his eyes.
"Larka," I tried to look away. "Larka, look at me. I know your upset but that's no reason to take it out on me. We've sorted it all out while you slept. You're going to be staying with me." My mouth fell open. "Hey, don't look so shocked. It's not like I'm gonna kill you in your sleep. Plus, you've stayed at mine before, so it's not going to be too bad."
I hugged him then, holding him just as tightly as before, he hugged me back and I felt, that deep down, he didn't want to let go.
We got up off the bed and started to look for my bags so I could pack up my stuff. We only found two so we went to the living room to ask Arisa and Selena if they could help find some.
As we got to the door we could see the light from the TV reflecting off of the walls. We opened the door wider around it to see Arisa and Selena cuddled up beside each other on the floor, their backs against the sofa. As we crept deeper into the living room we could see they had their arms wrapped around each other, soundly asleep. I smiled faintly at my two friends glad to see they were still here even if they were asleep. It was nice to see two people deeply in love with each other, together in my time of sadness; it showed me that life still goes on for the people that are still alive.
"Look at that! Sleeping on the job, how unprofessional. I think we should wake them up." He nudged me in the ribs. I gave him a warning look, daring him to even try and disturb them. I grabbed his wrist and dragged him to the kitchen. I rummaged through the cupboards and finally, after like 10 minutes, I found some black bin liners at the back of a dusty cupboard.
I made my way back to my room and started to put my things into them. I asked Tay if I should leave my old converse at the house. He didn't answer, so I turned around to find I'd been talking to thin air the whole time.
"No wonder he was so quiet," I muttered. "He isn't even here."
I got up and retraced my steps to the living room. "Fuck you Tay! Where the hell are you!?"
I looked around the living room door. He wasn't there but Arisa and Selena were still asleep on the floor. I backed out of the room and made my back down the hall. I stopped at the bathroom, but the door was open. I wondered where he could be, when I remembered my brother's room. I cursed under my breath and walked over to Shazuo's bedroom door.
The door was closed, unlike the bathroom, so I pressed my ear against it listening for any sounds. Just as I was about to move away, I heard something quietly moving around. I held my breath. How could he go into my brother's room so soon after he'd died, he wasn't even a relative. I thought about confronting him but decided against it, I'd rather try and scare him anyway. I braced myself and charged into the room
I felt something collide into my stomach and I gasped as the air inside my body raced up my throat, escaping through my clenched teeth.