The Twilight Years of Love
"EDWAAAAAAAAARD!! EDWARD!!" Bella's cigarette hung limply from the corner of her mouth. Her protruding belly hung over her faded sweatpants. "EDWARD WHERE IS THE REMOTE?!"
"Dammit, woman," Edward hollered. "Find it yourself, you had it last!"
It had been 15 years since Edward and Bella became one and had their child. The child had grown, decided living with the Cullens was "the pits" and hopped in a minivan to become a groupie for a small band. Bella gave birth to a daughter later, Mary-Sue, who had succumbed to German measles at a young age.
Edward and Bella had since moved into a small trailer on the northern outskirts of Reno. Bella was employed at a local Kentucky Fried Chicken, serving greasy buckets through a drive-thru window, while Edward had lost his vampire powers in a bet over a Knicks game. Domestic bliss was not quite what the two of them had expected.
Bella began to sparkle as beams of light shone through the blinds, warm from the afternoon sun.
"Turn that off!" Edward barked. "I have a headache!"
"You made me this way!" Bella screamed.
"I HAVE A HEADACHE!" Edward screamed back.
Bella often pondered what life would have been like if she had married a werewolf or a cecaelia. She wondered what it would have been like to live in an underwater castle instead of a dumpy trailer in a desolate town.
"Fat bitch," Edward muttered under his breath.
Super-sensitive hearing was a mixed blessing for unhappily married vampires. "Fuck you," Bella replied.
Were they happy once? Yes, they were. But happiness is shortlived - unlike vampires - and soon they found themselves miserable and jaded, enjoying time together only as mute golems watching the television.
Bella wished she knew what would become of them - alas, vampires can only read the minds of mortals, and not of the immortal Father Time. Sighing sadly, she flopped onto the broken couch, stuffing pouring out of the cushion. Edward sat on the other side, glaring at a Sudoku.
"You should get a job," she told Edward.
"You sould lose weight," he replied.
She turned on the tv.