It was the middle of summer. The sun was beating down incessantly from a cloudless sky. The air was thick and humid, leaving Jeremy's skin feeling sticky and heavy. He was sweating more than usual, notably more, and he could already feel his cheeks faintly burning as he walked down the sidewalk. But none of this alarmed Jeremy. What alarmed Jeremy was the fact that Rich hadn't taken off his sweatshirt.
The sweatshirt was one of Rich's favorites - dark grey with white comic sans letters that proclaimed "I'm bisexual! You're confused!" The sweatshirt was too big for Rich. It completely swallowed his tiny torso, and the sleeves were long enough for him to grab and clench in his fists when he needed something to occupy himself with. Jeremy had a matching one, but he didn't even consider wearing it on their date considering it was, well, the middle of the fucking summer. His was similarly large, and admittedly, quite comfortable in the cooler weather. Rich had stated many times that everyone should buy sweatshirts 2 sizes too big because it was like wearing a hug.
Hugs were Jeremy's job. That was it. This was about job security.
...That wasn't it. Something was off, besides that fact that Rich was inexplicably dressed inappropriately for the weather. Rich looked faint and hobbled a bit as he walked closely at Jeremy's side. He had drunk his entire water bottle within the first twenty minutes of their date. Jeremy knew he should just ask Rich what was up. Communication was especially important to both of them. But something kept stopping him.
"...So Madeline's knocked out in the back seat, and I'm still wearing the fluffy sex handcuffs. And then Dustin, the fucking lord of the idiots, says that we had to make a detour to go talk to his supplier because he made the appointment previously and couldn't reschedule. So he turns the car around and he goes to meet his guy behind the Taco Bell, leaving me in the driver's seat, in the car with Madeline. Shit gets real though when she finally comes to and starts making out with me, and my SQUIP won't let me stop, and being a bit overwhelmed, I actually ended up leaning back on the horn. Then the Taco Bell manager came out to complain about the noise and found us like that. So that's why I can't show my face at that Taco Bell, so we should just get Chick-fil-A instead."
Jeremy really wished he hadn't been spaced out for the first half of that story. Rich seemed to be putting in extra effort to act chipper, but he seemed happy enough, purposely bumping against Jeremy ever so often to cherish their closeness and swinging their linked hands. Giving a hum of acknowledgment to Rich's food choices, Jeremy sighed and looked around at the bright scenery of the park. A bead of sweat trickled down from his mop of brown curls. He knew he'd have to say something to Rich.
"Hey, uh… " Jeremy started, intelligently. "Um...uh... " Rich raised his eyebrows suggestively and leaned in closer to Jeremy as they continued walking.
"You like that story?" he teased. "You want to put me in bondage in the Chick-fil-A parking lot, don't you?"
"No!" he answered, too quickly. Jeremy tried hard not to imagine Rich pinning him down with his toned arms and kissing him senseless, trailing hickies all the way down to his-
"Do you have any more water?" Rich asked. Jeremy nodded and tossed his boyfriend his water bottle, which Rich gratefully caught. He knew he should just say something.
"Are you hot?" Jeremy finally asked. Rich snorted.
"You're dating me. I think you know the answer to that already. I'm hella fine."
"Not what I meant," Jeremy said rolling his eyes. "It's like… a billion degrees out."
"Guess I'm just too tough to get hot," Rich said dismissively. "Besides, this is Jersey. It's never a billion degrees here." They kept walking, and Jeremy kept worrying.
"What happened to all your bro tanks? That used to be like 90% of your wardrobe, and yet, on a day that would call for such attire, you're not wearing one?" Rich's face noticeably darkened for a second.
"I… didn't really want to keep the SQUIP's clothing, you know? Bad memories. And I'm serious, I'm fine. It's not even that hot out." Jeremy grimaced. Rich was lying, and they both knew it. He just couldn't understand why Rich felt like he had to impress him when Jeremy was just amazed that he was even lucky enough to date someone like Rich. Was that why he was torturing himself with long sleeves in the heat? Did he think he had something to prove?
"Babe. You look like you're going to pass out," Jeremy finally said. "And if you do, I'll have to carry you home bridal style, and although that seems easy because you're… uh… fun-sized… you have a lot of muscle mass and I am not strong." Rich rolled his eyes but didn't comment or stop walking. "Can we at least sit down in the shade for a bit?" Jeremy pleaded.
"What, you worried about me?" Rich asked.
"Always." Jeremy flashed Rich a sweet smile as they strayed from the path and found a shady tree in a patch of grass. They settled down next to each other, Jeremy resting his head on Rich's, running his thumb up and down their intertwined hands in his lap. Together they stared at the busy passersby, relishing each other's quiet company. They both had grown to appreciate the quiet times they had together when the voices in their heads weren't quite so deafening.
"Can we go to your car?" Rich eventually asked, strangely soft. Jeremy nodded. The car was good. Cars had air conditioning. They also were private. A nice quiet, private place to kiss Rich until he couldn't think and slowly-Mind out of the gutter, Jeremy, this is serious.
When they arrived at the beaten up Honda CRV he drove, he opened the driver door, started the car, and turned the air conditioning up all the way. They both got in and sat in silence. Jeremy, who was in a tank, knew he was likely to start shivering soon, but if Rich was going to be stubborn, he'd just have to live with being cold.
"We gonna grab some Chick-fil-A or what?" Rich said, trying to lighten the mood. "You teased me earlier, and you've just gotta make my dreams a reality," Jeremy smirked slightly. That did sound appealing.
"I don't think I can wait that long, babe." Rich grabbed Jeremy's face and kissed him fervently. Jeremy moaned a bit into Rich's mouth and followed Rich's lead, kissing him back deeply. Jeremy broke away briefly to glance around the parking lot, but he couldn't see anyone else around. Only a few abandoned cars.
"No one's watching," Rich said. He gently turned Jeremy's head back to face him. "Just you and me." Jeremy's head buzzed with warmth as he let himself be pulled yet again to meet Rich's soft lips. Before Jeremy could think to take further action, Rich had already moved down to Jeremy's neck. He had never been one to take these things slowly, and it gave Jeremy a sort of adrenaline rush every time they touched, thinking of how quickly Rich could escalate it, like a match starting a bonfire. Ok, bad analogy.
Rich tugged roughly and impatiently at Jeremy's shirt, a barrier between Rich's mouth and Jeremy's pale, freckled chest. Jeremy happily obliged, pulling his shirt over his head and running his hands through Rich's short, fluffy hair as Rich trailed quick kisses all over Jeremy's chest and licked at his nipples.
It was a bit unsatisfying, Jeremy decided, letting Rich do all the work. Thinking quickly, Jeremy took advantage of one of Rich's breaks for air by bringing Rich in closer, closer, and sucking a hickey on his neck. Rich let out an embarrassing squeak of surprise, clearing not expecting Jeremy to reciprocate so boldly, but clearly not minding either.
Following Rich's lead, Jeremy smoothly snaked an arm around Rich's small figure and kissed him deeper, dirtier, thrusting his tongue into Rich's mouth and smacking it around obscenely. In a fluid motion, Jeremy used his free hand to pull at Rich's sweatshirt. He was starting to lift it up, up, up… a little further and-
Suddenly, Rich pushed him away, fear written on his face. With the mood shattered, Jeremy suddenly felt very cold, half-naked in the crappy car with his boyfriend.
"I'm sorry!" Jeremy said automatically. Wait, what am I sorry for? he thought. I don't even know what I did wrong.
"No, no… don't be. I just… " Rich looked down, out the window and away from Jeremy. "I just wanted to look nice for you, you know? I didn't want to have to look at them." Jeremy felt more than a little stupid.
"What do you mean?" he asked, voice quivering. Rich didn't respond, but instead grabbed the bottom of his sweatshirt and raised his arms over his head. He was wearing a tank top underneath that said: "I flexed and the sleeves fell off". He gently ran his hands up and down his arms, where there was obvious, red, scarred tissue. Burns from Halloween. Rich let out a choked sob. Not knowing what to say, Jeremy waited for Rich.
"I was gonna just wear the tank but… " he paused to wipe his eyes. "I kept looking at myself in the mirror and… shit, Jer. I'm ugly, okay? They're ugly, and I hate them! I hate them so much! And I know they're my own fucking fault and I should be happy to be alive but…" Rich heaved deep breaths, searching for words. "I'm never going to be able to forget now. It's like I'm marked forever or some shit. I'm… I'm hideous with them. That's why I don't wear tank tops, ok? And I know you've seen them before but things have been going really well and my… SQUIP… I keep hearing it in whispers. It's telling me that… you'll leave me for someone better looking. Like Christine… or Michael… that I won't ever be good enough looking like this."
Jeremy gently rubbed circles onto Rich's back to calm him down, sliding off the driver's seat and into the awkward gap in the middle of the seats.
"You're gorgeous," Jeremy whispered, leaning in closer and carefully grabbing Rich's hand. "All of you. I wouldn't change a thing." Rich closed his eyes and took deep breaths, ruminating on Jeremy's praise. Jeremy took Rich's left arm and began to pepper it with tiny kisses. Rich's eyes snapped open and he looked over at Jeremy.
Surprise melted into fondness. It was kind of weird to kiss an arm, but Rich's small tears of joy encouraged Jeremy to keep going. He lightly pressed his lips to the damaged, sensitive skin. He loved every inch of that boy.
"Say it again," Rich said. "Please."
"You're gorgeous," Jeremy said again. "You're so hot, you're like a dream, Rich."
"A wet one, I hope," was Rich's quick reply, which caused Jeremy to pull away from him and give him the finger. He put the car in reverse.
"I swear, I can't take you anywhere," Jeremy sighed jokingly.
"You're the one who's not wearing a shirt," Rich said. Jeremy rolled his eyes and picked up Rich's sweatshirt, pulling it over his head, foot never leaving the brake.
"Rude," Rich said. "What if I wanted to put that back on?"
"Not allowed," Jeremy asserted. "Then I wouldn't be able to look at you." Jeremy started backing out of the parking lot and towards the nearest Chick-fil-A. "Besides," he said. "It looks better on me anyway."