Disclaimer - I don't own Harry Potter or any of JK Rowling's creations.
Author's Note
This is an odd one shot. It's not canonically compliant in many portions and the story is slightly odd. It's basically a story about Lily and about the tragedy and doom of her life and I wanted to present her point of view as a mature, compassionate woman. The story's plot is basically that the Potters spend a weekend away from Godric's Hollow while the place is charmed and magicked and then Remus comes to take them back. In the meanwhile, the Order is being attacked and their numbers are reducing adding to the tension of their life. It's very bleak and sad but I hope I put some humour in it.
THE PATIENCE OF MRS. PRONGS
Maggie Prentice stared intently across the reception desk. She was reading her morning newspaper only a few minutes ago, when a young woman called her name. She had known the woman for less than a month. She and her husband(who she hadn't seen since they had checked in) and her infant child had taken a cosy room on the second landing. The woman had spent much of her time in her room with her little boy and Maggie was one of the few woman she interacted with in that hotel.
"He loves bathtime! Loves splashing the water all over me and J-Larry!" She looked intently at her baby boy, "Can you say one, Harry! One! That's how old you'll be." The little baby responded by babbling intently and shaking it's tiny fists around his mother's neck. The woman's eyes shifted away from Harry. A glassy look appeared on her face as she intoned, "One year's old! I can't believe I've only known Harry nearly a year!"
"My sister felt the same way when she had Johnny," cracked Maggie wheezily. "They carry kids for nearly a year and then out it comes and they spend every hour of every day with them. And then they see numbers in squares on a calendar and find out that it's nearly a year."
Maggie's gray eyes gazed at Jane and Harry softly. She couldn't help liking the girl as mysterious as she was. It was extremely unusual for a young couple to be as quiet and silent as Mr. and Mrs. Prongs. They interacted little with people in the Inn, even though the staff recalled meeting them and enjoyed Mr. Prongs' generous tips. They seemed too quiet for an attractive pair like them. She pondered the youth of the girl, barely into adulthood herself and she was already nursing a baby. At times the distant look in the girl's eyes gave her the impression that she was hiding something or was hiding from someone. Did her husband leave her? No Jack the gatekeeper remembered seeing Mr. Prongs walking by the driveway carrying a silver cloak on his back just yesterday. Her husband had seemed kind enough...if he was her husband. Jenny, her sister, always interested in gossip and romance, put forth the theory that Jane and Larry were lovers who fled the wrath of Jane's husband, hence the unusual assumed name of Prongs. For the sake of argument, a bewildered Maggie asked whether Harry was their child. Jenny replied, "Of course it's their baby! It's got his hair and her eyers, where else would a kid get a pair of green eyes like that or messy hair like his. She countered that if it was their child then they might well be an actual couple instead of posing as one. Jenny then launched into a series of stories of Mr. and Mrs. Prongs - The Prongses as thieves, newly eloped couples (which was among the sanest), political conspirators or spies.
"Jenny is so worried about him!" continued Maggie. "Last week she got a letter from him saying that he's bringing over his girlfriend! She didn't like her at all!"
Jane laughed and Maggie joined in. Buoyed by his mother's laughter, Harry babbled against his mother's shoulder's in happiness.
"Jenny tells me that Johnny's a nice quiet boy from a village while 'she' is a girl from London. She sent Johnny to study there, you know. She thinks that they have nothing in common. But I'll tell you the truth." Maggie grinned, her eyes glinting conspiratorily, "You see Jenny has been eyeing Marty Carson who lives across the street."
"So?" asked Jane puzzled.
"So!? My you are young. Don't you know a woman can have all her gray hairs neatly lined and proudly beared as long as she thinks she's not old in her heart." She paused. "Even if they are parents or grandparents. But any age you have your baby, when they're old enough to fall in love for the first time....Anyone can be young all their life until they find out that their little boy is old enough to be in love. Especially since they're searching for love at the same time."
Jane's eyes stared at Maggie blankly as she replied seriously. ""I remember when I told my father that I had fallen in love. He laughed. He thought it was a joke. Thought his little girl had done something wrong. Well seeing as who my husband is, I suppose I did!" She grinned with not a little sadness. "He died a few months back. Mother went away when I was 16. But at least Dad got to see Harry, he died knowing that he was a grandfather." She smiled. "He was a grandfather and he was only 50."
"A grandfather at 50! My Jenny's 44. If she finds out about this then she'll urge the two lovebirds to sprog up at once!" Jane laughed. Maggie continued wisely, "Different rules apply for grandfathers. When you are really really old. Then you want to see the branches come from your roots. Make you feel all patriarchal and the younger you are, the greater the pride."
"Maybe that made it easier then," said Jane.
"Make what easy,"
"Dying," she stated baldly. "Dad never complained. He'd not been doing well after Mum passed away. He got laid off at his job. He wasn't old enough for retirement, for pension. And he liked smoking more than anything. He taught my husband to light a cigarette." She laughed again. "But God he loved us. He did everything for me. Larry's been good to me, we're really close but he's my age, a few months younger than I am in fact. I miss talking to Dad and sharing stuff with him. Even if I'm not like he is." She paused as if she had bitten her lip at the instant it was about to divulge a secret. She continued, unblemished, "Larry doesn't have his parents with him anymore. They passed three years back of drag...er...the pox, pox!" Jane blushed as Maggie's brow furrowed. "We're both very young and we only had each other and now we have to be old for Harry." She smiled softly as she kissed Harry softly on his head, "And we'll be even older when he falls in love and we'll only be in our mid-thirties. You look like you're Mum and Dad's age. Thank you very much for your hospitality"
Maggie waved away her old fingers in humility. She frowned slightly, "You say hospitality as if you are leaving here soon."
"Who knows!" shrugged Jane carrying Harry in her arms up the stairs. Maggie Prentice's gaze continued to follow her after she'd scaled the landing above the small lobby of Wilberforce Inn and left her sight. She seems so nice and her little boy is so sweet. But she's much too serious for a girl of her age. She doesn't look poor or strapped for work and cash like most single mothers at Upper Flagley, she misses her Mum and Dad and probably shouldn't be alone. Hope her husband's smart enough to know that.
She turned her head back towards the front desk and was startled by the man who had appeared seemingly out of nowhere. He was a tall man with a head of tangled, messy black hair. He peered over her shoulder to the landing where his wife had just traversed. His face was heavy and he seemed far older than his young demeanour would otherwise suggest. Larry Prongs gazed at the woman seriously.
"Has there been any messages for us?"
Maggie looked at him blankly. She recovered after a few moments, "No. Mr. Prongs. However you got a phone call this morning from a Remus Lupin. He wanted to know about you. I told him you weren't here but said Jane was. And he asked to speak to her and they spoke at length at the old booth over there." She pointed at the corner where a rusted and serrated phone booth stood shut. Larry looked at the booth intently, nodded and went upstairs.
Maggie stared at the young man as he mirrored his wife's steps up the stairs. He could be a secret agent, she noted, remembering the novel of the same name which centered around a doomed married couple. Or a gangster hiding from the law, but no the police come here often and they'd recognize both of them at once. Or maybe a pair of shrivelled travelers living lonely lives. Ah well, if it's one thing us folks here at Upper Flagley know, it's misery loves company.
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He knocked on the door soundly, tapping it seven times, each pause timed carefully between each tap. He entered in and stared into the woman's green eyes as her shoulder pointed her wand towards him.
"What's your name?" she asked coolly.
"Larry. Larry Prongs." He said mechanically.
"No middle-name?" she clucked haughtily.
Larry cracked a smile, "No. But I have several aliases. Reginald Prongsmith, James Potter, Ferdinand Prongsworth," he smiled again. "On our vacation in Ireland, we were Berty and Betty Booth, you gave birth to Berty Jr. a few months later as I recall." Jane blushed and smiled for an instant before returning to her earlier serious mask. "And on our honeymoon we were Mr. and Mrs. Roger O. Thornhill, after that Cary Grant movie you dragged me to see!"
"And what does the O. stand for?" she asked in the same cool tone.
"Nothing." There was a small pause. The woman's shoulder lowered and she put her wand back inside her coat. She looked at the man and walked towards him slowly, without taking his eyes from him. As soon as they were close enough, she embraced him. Larry barely had time to return the embrace when her lips clamped on his. They stood there awkwardly as they silently exchanged kisses, as if they hadn't known each other for days, weeks or years.
"I told you, Lily...er...Jane that it was a small thing. I just had to see if we weren't being watched and made sure all the charms we put in place were there." Larry breathed out through their kissing. "I was under the cloak the entire time. And no one's spotted me once in all the years I've worn it." His wife smiled weakly at hearing this. "Besides I've done this for the whole of the two weeks we've been here."
"I know," she cried helplessly. "I just felt this dread. We're only supposedly to stay here for two weeks and we've not known anything to happen the whole time and this is the last chance for whatever bad that can happen to happen." They remained in each other's arms, as James dragged her to the couch in the centre of the room.
It was a small room with a bedroom at the far end and a bathroom next to it, the small living room had a couch, two armchairs and a TV set. In the middle of the room was a small cot where a little baby was sitting and playing with a small stuffed unicorn.
As he seated Jane on the couch, Larry said heavily, "If something comes our way we face it, that's what we always do. In any case, I talked to Sirius and he told me everything's ready at the Godric. We'll be there tomorrow as planned. It's as safe as it can be. At least before Dumbledore and Flitwick work out the details of the Fidelius Charm."
He ran a hand through her hair as she gazed at him softly. ""I heard you and Maggie talking," he said finally. "I miss Eddie a lot too. I was his favourite son-in-law after all."
"You were competing with that slug Tuney's fallen for," she replied drily.
He shrugged, "It's always a pleasure to know that you are preferable to slugs. It wasn't too long ago that you thought I fared badly against the Squid in the Lake."
"You still don't, James," she said drily. "But he has high standards and he turned me down." She shook her head playfully at his dazed features, "He has very-'high'-standards and while he thought I was ta'lent'ed," her lips twitched upwards, "He told me I wasn't ready yet. That I should get experience first with some dumb but willing sod."
"Poor baby," James muttered sardonically. "Did Harry give you any trouble today?"
"No," a worried look came over her. "He's been very quiet ever since we moved to Upper Flagley." She looked over the small cot, towards the tiny child who seemed to be sitting on the stuffed unicorn trying to make it ride.
"It must be because he doesn't have other kids to play with. Remember when we took him to see Edgar Bones' little niece!"
"Oh yes," she nodded and smiled, "they got along so well. Harry was so happy and so cute with Susan. Still at least we have Sirius and Harry seems to think he's a big baby." Her lips twitched and she added, "And let's face it, it's not exactly wrong is it." James laughed softly.
"Wonder when he'll get to have of being with other kids and playing together and making friends" mused out James seriously. "I didn't have anyone my age around me growing up. Sure I met blokes like Gid and Fab Prewett once or twice but they were older than me, Benjy Fenwick and I were neighbours but me, Mum and Dad travelled a lot so he looked a little different every time I met him and he got to be at Hogwarts a year before me. Mostly it was me and Mum and Dad. Didn't find anyone my age until I met Sirius. I don't want Harry to wait till he's eleven until he's with his own crowd."
Lily's eyes glazed softly as she looked at her husband. The feeling of entrapment, of confinement which she had carried within her this morning once again came forth.
"Godric's Hollow has lot of magical families and Harry would make friends there when he was older."
Lily stared at her husband, "Yes, that'd be nice, only we'd follow Harry secretly whenever he goes to visit any of his friend's home and ask him not to accept any food not served in this house and anytime he wants to invite his friends over, we have to do background checks on him." She laughed harshly, "He'll be drinking out of his hip flask when he gets to Hogwarts."
"No, he won't" replied James carefully. "His godfather is Sirius Black and not Alastor Moody. And we'll only keep him reasonably paranoid." He paused. "And once he gets to Hogwarts, we'll get him his own invisibility cloak and teach him how to use it. First we'll have him fish out our old map and bring it home, that way we...which is to say...you will always know where he is and who he is with and who else is in the area around him
Lily gave him a sarcastic smile, "I am paranoid but I'm not obsessive. I do want my son to have a normal life with reasonable freedom from us." She paused and then submitted, "Any chance we can sneak out this map before he gets to Hogwarts. That way he won't have to do it and get expelled."
James furrowed his brow, "Depends on when we go there next. We'll need the cloak to break into Filch's office. You do it, I'm a dead giveaway but you're supposed to be keeping me honest and sober."
"When you've been corrupting me all this time," she bantered swiftly.
"Willingly corrupted," corrected James. He raised an eyebrow slyly, "Besides you were fairly corrupt on your own. All those letters from the Improper Use of Magic Office telling you that enchanting leaves to twirl around bushes is breaking the law no matter how well you can pass it off as windy updrafts."
"Yes dear," she muttered softly. "Maybe I'll ask the same office if they recieved any animagi registration requests recently from Messrs Moony Wormtail Padfoot and Prongs."
"That's different," replied James arrogantly. "We didn't get caught. If you had used the wand of a witch who was of-age you could have covered your tracks well. Sirius and I practised magic all summer because we borrowed Mum or Dad's wand." Lily frowned in disapproval. James gazed at her and returned her frown, "That's not really illegal. It's okay if a child uses the wand of his parent or guardian if said authority will monitor how he or she uses it or takes responsibility for the actions. And Mum and Dad were okay with that."
"They were okay with you running around with a werewolf once a month?" asked Lily, the sarcasm thinly restrained.
"Well there's no getting around that I did break laws there," admitted James. "But since we didn't use it for stealing or spying the way illegal animagi generally use their disguises and we used it to non-violently restrain a werewolf, we'll just get to pay a fine and then present a paper on our experiences and then get a book deal with Flourish and Blotts...something like 'The Lucky Full Moon of the Four Marauders'. Our world is lenient on rule breakers provided they display creativity, ingenuity and talent." said James in a gaudy theatrical voice. "That and we were underage when we did it. If we make our case right. We'll come of as precocious kids who worked on dangerous magic but who succeeded through...sheer dumb luck."
Lily laughed and James pleased that he'd gotten on a good sight took a deep breath, secretly satisfied at how he had won the argument. Lily didn't miss that expression on his face but she decided to allow him his dream. Ever since she entered James' world she had learnt to lose all earlier vestiges of conventional morality, although she occassionally had to temper and restrain James and Sirius' more outrageous plans(She failed spectacularly when her husband and his best friend pooled their resources and purchased the biggest and ugliest motorcycle they had seen and then enchanted it to fly). She was captivated on one hand by their ingenuity, their daring and their creativity and frightened on the other hand by the sheer recklessness with which they approached everything and the scariest part for Lily was that their mastery of disguise, of subterfuge, of improvisation had saved their lives many times.
She remembered how in their many fights against the Death Eaters they were often outnumbered until some stroke of inspiration from James and Sirius changed the playing field. Their skill for secrecy also helped many people targeted by Voldemort and his Death Eaters in hiding. They seemed incapable of doing anything wrong. She sighed. The last few years were the most intense that she would ever know in her existence. She had come near death many times. She had fought for her life against the most vicious and ruthless kind of people that people would pass. People who hated her for her very existence, for her parentage, who would slaughter her husband and his friends for having her as a part of her life and for whom her child was beneath human, tainted for his bearing. And of course there had been the deaths and disappearances and the threats on the mortality of her husband and her and finally Voldemort's own personal undivided attention towards James, Lily and Harry Potter. A young family who were popular and who would be brutally hunted down.
Her thoughts strayed away from Voldemort to her little baby in the cot in front of them. She wondered when it was that she first thought of having a baby. She had wondered about children at the age when girls became aware of their body. That one day she could choose the person she spent the rest of her life with and then they could give birth and create life anew. Of course she was older now. She knew women who never had children and who were content, her old teacher Minerva McGonagall was in that mould. And of course women who had children with men they cared not a little for or men who cared nothing for them in turn, who raised them as best as they could with the help on hand. But she who always wished true her fantasies got what she wanted. She had a child with the man she loved and wanted more than anyone else she knew and who had felt the same way about her. 'But we are in hiding. We change our names and our identities. It was fun and games when it was the two of us, and Sirius and sometimes Remus. Now you're with us.'
She stared at him seriously, 'Could we live our way when you are a little boy. Having to be worried about who we meet and who we can see and talk to. Keeping you to see only a few kids your age. You'd be a lonely little boy. With only James and me and Sirius for company. Maybe if you had brothers or sisters...No you are too much of a handful for me to start thinking about your brothers or sisters' She grinned as her baby smiled at her.
"You're like your Dad, you know you are cute and you like that, don't you."
"Who doesn't like pretty women telling them they are cute?"
"Are you eavesdropping."
"Not really. We are in the same room, you speak out aloud but unfortunately, I still have ears in perfect condition."
"Oh shut up!"
'Wonder what we'd call the next one. James wanted one baby named after him. He wanted to present someone as James II,' she shivered slightly. 'He has a good sense of humour and a great sense of style, your Dad. But he can be a pretentious tosser.' She went towards the cot and knelt and stared at her son, face to face. Their green eyes hungrily in contact with each other. 'My Dad never cared for long names. He said if you were only going to be using the shorter easier ones, no need to keep seperate names for official places. Let everyone call you the same, friends and foes. That's why he was always Eddie Evans and not Edward Evans, I'm Lily and not something fancy as Lillian and you're Harry and not Harold. Just Harry...Most people want pretentious names that sound impressive. If it's a girl, I'd call one Judy after Judy Holliday' she sighed. 'I liked her so much especially in ;Bells Are Ringing; That was one of my favourite films.'
Lily began to sing softly, "The Party's Over...it's time to call it a day...they've burst your pretty balloon...and taken the moon away.'' Her hands reached Harry who clutched at her index finger and stood still facing his mother, sensing somehow her fear and the dread that no amount of witty jokes could drive away.
"The receptionist lady, Maggie said that Remus called," said James from behind. The tone in his voice was full of seriousness and concern. As if he was putting off bringing it up until he found the right time.
Lily looked at him over her shoulders and stared at him heavily. "He did." She remembered the details of the conversation clearly but it was too awful to go over.
"He told you about Edgar Bones and his family."
"And about Benjy..." choked Lily.
"Fenwick?" said James shortly. "What happened to him?" His face was blank with shock. Sirius had told him that the Bones were slaughtered but he didn't mention anything about Benjy Fenwick.
"He chased after the Death Eaters after the attack. He was dating Victoria, Edgar and Emilia's daughter," the words came out of Lily. Almost verbatim from Remus' conversation with her. "He was beside himself and he rushed after them. They knew he was after them and they staged an ambush." Her eyes were blank as she looked up, empty of anything except panic and dread. "The rest came in time or they wouldn't have been any pieces left to gather."
James looked at Lily as if she were another person from another He blurted out after a minute or so, "Pieces?"
"What do you want me to do? Draw you a picture and show you how a body looks like when it's been blown up and blasted and scorched and left to rot?" shrieked Lily in rage. "Bet you wanted to be there, didn't you? See it for your own eyes what would happen to someone if they get blown up. Then you can have new daydreams." Her eyes flushed with icy anguish, Lily walked over to the window. "You can fill your head with all sorts of designs about how you'd look if you were ripped to shreds. Or Sirius." She felt pleasure watching James flinch away from her, like a wounded animal. "Or Remus. Or Peter." She paused for a tiny second, "Or me."
James had started striding towards her even before the words had left her mouth, his eyes lit with fury. Lily expected a slap across her face for her cruelty but it didn't come. James was inches away from her face when he turned away awkwardly, as if running at a dead end upto the final second. He shook and twitched and slumped to the floor, his head in his hands.
Lily gazed at him for some time, as if he was some fascinating glass figurine, or an interesting figure in a painting. "Remember when we joined the Order," she said softly, "We were gathered at the Bones House. We were going to be married in two weeks." James stared towards her, his eyes looking distraught. "We were talking about the speech Dumbledore made during dinner. Remember what Edgar told us afterwards. About Dumbledore always sugarcoating our committment for a lost cause."
"It's not a lost cause," said James furiously
"I'm only saying what Edgar said," her voice remained even. "He said that we were part of a group marked for death, who'd be giving up our entire futures for a cause that might not even be fulfilled in our lifetime. The defeat of the most powerful dark wizard in centuries. We were so naive. Thinking that we'd eventually find his weakness and break him. All we ever found out so far was how incredibly strong and devious he really was. All his slaves he's kept in his command against his will, turning them against their families and children, those Giants who slaughter for sport. He said that we were signing up to die just so that someone else could live for a few seconds or minutes at the most."
James removed his glasses and wiped it with a tiny cloth in his pocket. His eyesight was very weak, had been since his childhood. He could only make out a cluster of red shortly away from him that he identified as his wife. "Edgar told us later that he was trying to scare us. Didn't want us joining under false pretenses. Thinking there wouldn't be risks involved. He said that Voldemort targetting us, hunting us down meant that he was afraid of us. Anything that needed his personal undivided attention and which required the personal involvement of his most loyal death eaters meant that he wanted us out of the way before he did anything else." James paused as he looked at Lily. She accepted his words calmly and nodded to him. Her eyes were still pale and haunted after her outburst but he knew that she got some strength from his assertion. It was true after all. Voldemort regarded the Order of the Phoenix as a severe threat and diverted the Death Eaters away from sabotage of Ministry institutions or St. Mungo's hospital towards what was essentially a gang war between the Death Eaters and the Order. The Death Eaters outnumbered them vastly. They were prepared to use the Imperius Curse to enslave new recruits or Inferi - corpses grotestequely ensorcelled to feeble physical attacks. The Order refused to play by these twisted rules and it paid it's price but at the same time the level of violence was drawing the Death Eaters into the lives of the Wizarding World and making their presence less and less of an accepted repressed secret and more of a serious active threat. That had been one of the Order's key functions. The Bones were among the most respected and admired wizards of the land and they were also purebloods, previously thought exempt. Sirius had told him of the great level of outrage stirred by those murders.
James continued, "Besides that we've caught more Death Eaters and more of his supporters the last few years than at any other time since he started here." There was a pause between them. Awkward and tense.
"Voldemort afraid?" intoned Lily after a while. "He doesn't have any sleepless nights over any of the people he has killed. What can a man like that be afraid of? What nightmares would he have?"
"If he sleeps that is," mumbled James.
"You mean like Dracula."
"I suppose so," frowned James. "Most of the ones we captured mentioned that he refused to let people see him doing anything remotely banal. No eating food with them, not even sharing a room. And definitely no watching Quidditch with his gang. Usually it was always twirling his wand and giving long speeches and plans or displaying some fantastic object that he came across in the old days."
"How do you know about all this?" asked Lily, sounding impressed.
"Sirius and I talk about it all the time," replied James. "Considering he's related to people who are passively or secretly supporting Voldemort, it's no surprise. I talked to him this morning when he told me about the Bones and he mentioned the Order had caught two of Edgar's killers and that one of them was under the Imperius curse."
"How did they find out?"
James replied, "Because the other one caught was the one who placed the curse on him. Jacob Wilkes."
"Wilkes, he was that huge thug from Slytherin, wasn't he?" Lily began pacing. Jacob Wilkes was not one of her favourite students in school. In fact she thoroughly detested him and his friends - Mulciber, Avery, Evan Rosier.
"The same," growled James. "They managed to break the curse once they got his wand away from him. Wilkes is refusing to say anything so far."
"If he won't speak to us," said Lily pensively, "He'll have to deal with Crouch's lot. With Dementors surrounding his room and Crouch's Aurors cruciating him routinely. If he talked to us, we could at least let him have a trial and leave it to them. 'Course it'll still be Azkaban and the Dementors either way."
"Yeah," said James grimly. "He's our age. We took classes with him in school and now he's planning to kill us and our friends. He apparently got married recently and he's been asking to send a message to his wife. Moody's with him and he was brutal showing him pictures of Edgar and Emilia, about how he couldn't care about other people's wives and children."
"Oh, they are all good family men," laughed Lily bitterly. "That's what they all want. A world for their children where they don't have to bother teaching them to respect human life and our neighbours and their children."
James flinched, "A part of me felt bad for him. Or at least for his wife. She'd be worried."
Lily paused. She would insist firmly on James always being with her or within her sight so that she would never have to lose her mind in fear of what might happen to him. At the same time, she knew enough of her life to know that women who accepted such men would have to face reality in the long run and take their own stand. She decided to change the subject.
"You and Sirius talked with the Mirror, right?" said Lily.
"How else would we talk," said James irritably. "No owls, no Floo here anyway. He looks terrible. Says he's been seeing Death Eaters more often than normal people. I think he'd prefer it if I was there with him."
Lily stared at him sharply. James noticed her gaze and shifted slightly but defiantly returned it. Lily said at last, "You gave me your word when Dumbledore sent us in hiding that you would never leave me and Harry behind just because you wanted to be with the others." James sighed and nodded. Lily's features softened, "I wish I could come with you. I want to kick those bastards in the faces too." Noticing his surprised reaction, "What, you think this filthy little Mudblood doesn't feel any righteous anger or indignation towards those murderers. I'd want to finish them and I want it to be me that does it and I want to go back to a normal life and get a real job and more importantly one that pays instead of what we do now. But we have Harry and until he's old enough to go to school..."
James nodded. He looked at her with pride, his eyes filled with the courage she had inspired in him. "You are special you know." Changing the subject to the more banal realm, he added, "We can spunge off the inheritance for a good 15 more years you know. But yeah we'll have to work one day. Just like everybody else."
"Like everybody else," lilted Lily. "I wonder if I can work at The Practical Potioneer like Professor Slughorn suggested."
"Of course you would, you're absurdly overqualified," said James. "They'd be bending over backwards for the finest Potioneer in Hogwarts."
"You're not so bad yourself," said Lily haughtily.
"Sirius and I were good enough to make potions when we needed to, but that's as far as we'd go," clarified James. "Even if you don't get in, you can start your own apothecary out of your house and send in papers by freelance. That's how Dumbledore worked before he taught at Hogwarts."
"Really," her face brightened at this fact.
"Yeah. It'll be great. Harry will have both his parents at home. His Mummy working in her room on various experimental ingredients while Daddy's busy working on his book - The Manual for Magical Mischief-Makers - A Guide to Sorcery for the Surreptitious, all the while secretly experimenting with snitches and broomsticks in the backyard...and other stuff of course."
Lily and James stared at each other for several moments. "We won't always be home will we?" she asked softly
"'Course not, three months of the year is set aside for travel," declared James imperiously. "First we go to Mexico, Cuernava. Around the time of the Day-of-the-Dead festival. We'll feed each other sugar skulls in the moonlight," he intoned softly. "Harry'll be with Sirius at home and we'll get daily updates on our mirror." He placed his hands on her shoulder as she placed hers around his waist. "When Harry's older, we'll take him to Greece or France." They kissed each other quickly. Their faces hinged sideways. Their eyes open staring at which ever bits of face that was visible to them. And then they closed it as one.
-----------------------------------------
"So you're going back home?" asked Maggie furrowing her brow.
"Yes" said Lily quietly. "Larry has surveyed the village thoroughly and thinks it's alright if we stop and go back."
"Oh okay," said Maggie suspiciously. Lily gazed at the woman compassionately. Maggie pulled up her courage and asked the question that had been nagging her since their arrival. "What do the two of you do for work?"
Lily smiled, "We work for an old man called Albus Dumbledore. He's one of those rich eccentric artistic types."
"What do you do for him?" asked Maggie suspiciously.
"A little of this and a little of that," she replied airily. "Mostly it's looking out for rare antiques, obscure houses, odd trees and other stuff, scouting out mysterious obscure parts of the countryside and taking pictures. Apparently he's a naturalist of some kind and he thinks it's our duty to protect the natural and cultural landscape in the wake of a radically altered Post-Modern environment." Lily smiled crookedly, hoping that Maggie Prentice knew as little as she did about a "Post-Modern environment".
"Ah, okay!" said Maggie satisfied.
"We're still students you see," continued Lily("well that's true enough") "but both of us are bored with the usual academic stuff people want you to do after your A-Levels."
"Oh I see," nodded Maggie. "But don't tell that to Jenny, she's insisting that her Johnny finish all the education he has to."
"Best of luck to her then," added Lily. She walked towards James who was holding Harry. As they walked out of the lobby with their suitcases, James and Lily whispered rapidly to each other.
"You overdid it."
"I had to, she's so sweet and kind"
"Hence all the tips to her staff."
"People think it's rude if you pay them off that way."
"We have more on hand than a few people's feelings, Lily."
"I don't see anything more important, James. She didn't know who we are, we've been vague and mysterious, we have a baby and we're all alone in a room. She could think we're thieves or gamblers or spies."
"Well we are spies," smirked James.
"Yes and posing as creative artistic-types is a good cover," said Lily sharply. "Besides she's the same age my mother would have been if she hadn't..."
James squeezed her wrist softly. Lily continued, "I know we can't ever be completely honest with folks like them. But they are kind and decent and they at least should get some form of closure about who we are. So that they don't get worried."
"You could send her a Christmas card, this year," supplied James.
"Christmas card, that's a great idea!" smiled Lily.
"Er...yes," said James in a tone that suggested that his prior suggestion had only been a half-hearted one.
They walked out of the driveway to the main gate to the taxi that had been waiting for them. They put their suitcases in the boot and whatever that didn't fit in accompanied the available space inside. The car left the driveaway and headed for the main road.
"So Remus, was it hard to get this car?" asked James casually, looking at the driver.
The driver's eyes reflected from the rear-view mirror stared towards James' direction. They hadn't even looked at each other until they entered the car. Giving the impression that he was just another Muggle cabbie picking up his fare, so that anybody watching would be none the wiser. Nonetheless Remus John Lupin, close friend of James and Lily Potter had taken it upon himself to go undercover as the same cab driver that would accompany them to the nearest position from which they could portkey to their home.
"No," replied Remus seriously. "It was routine. The driver of this car is a fellow called Freddie Thorpe. I told him that I was a mysterious secret twin of his who wanted to do a single random favour before disappearing forever from his life. So thorough would be my disappearance that he would never mention me to another soul again. I gave him tickets to the races and told him to bet well and he would be in for a surprise and that I'd just need to borrow his taxi."
"Not really my favourite use of the Confundus Charm but pretty neat, " replied Lily in a steely tone.
"Come on, Lily," laughed Remus. "I had to borrow this taxi and Freddie seemed the best bet on hand."
"I was talking about the races," said Lily. "It's bad to encourage gambling."
"Ah but I didn't," said Remus, peering back with a satisfied smile. "All I told him to is was to bet well."
"You didn't," said James grinning wickedly.
"Yes I did." said Remus as he and James joined in peals of laughter.
"I'll regret this but what exactly do you two mean," groaned Lily. Ever since she had started dating James, not a week had gone by that she hadn't been regaled with tales of James and his friends transgressing some boundary or the other. As a fellow Gryffindor she had of course heard rumours and half- truths which had gathered around James and Sirius, the group that secretly dubbed itself the Marauders('...but never in the open otherwise we won't be able to copyright it" as Sirius had boasted to her). She had thought them fanciful tall tales from excitable macho teenagers. But she was shocked to find out that the real life adventures had made even the rumours seem pale by comparison. Tales of sneaking into Hogsmeade and travelling to Knocturn Alley at night, visits to Quidditch League games under Polyjuice Potion disguises.
"Well, what Remus means by 'betting well' is simply not betting at all."
"How?" asked Lily amazed.
"Well I got the idea from Dad who used a portion of the family savings to get a vial of Felix Felicis," explained Remus. "Liquid Luck. He went to the horse races to get some money. When he went there he went to the betting office and instead met this girl." He smiled. "The woman who became my mother. And Dad decided not to spend the money on the games and take her out to dinner instead. He called that betting well. Any time you feel like betting on the horses take your wife out to dinner."
"That is so sweet!" said Lily sighing. "So Freddie Thorpe is taking his wife out to dinner."
"Not exactly," said Remus with a smile. "You see Freddie isn't exactly interested in women. I met him when he followed me around the block. I was suspicious at first seeing I wanted a taxi driver and one just happened to find me. Magic doesn't solve even that. But he just wanted to talk and see if I was busy."
"He was cruising, was he?" asked James.
"Yes he did," admitted Remus. "Flattered though I was, I was assuredly not his type so I hope that if he bets well today, he'll be able to admit his feelings to a rugged security guard at the races."
"Good for him," said James earnestly. "What?"
"Nothing," said Lily shortly. "It's just that you two are so full of stories and surprises that I feel like the only one who's normal and different."
"Life experiences, Lily dearest, " replied James haughtily, putting his arm across her back and holding her. "More precious than anything in this world."
"Yes," nodded Lily sadly. "I just wonder if Freddie would have the courage to say what he wanted if Remus here didn't help him out."
"That's Phoenix and the Flame all over again!" replied Remus waving his hand. "One thing is for sure is that I didn't make him feel that way about the security guard and I can't guarantee if he'll return his feelings but whether he'd say it eventually or not, that I can't know. Many people pass their lives without telling people what they really feel and then there's the agony after the chance has passed. Not knowing it would have lasted if you had told, not knowing if it's too late and eventually you're feeling regret for something that you realize you denied yourself. That's the worst thing."
Lily paused and reflected on this. One can always count on Remus Lupin to philosophize on love and loss. He could write a book on it especially the part of "something you deny yourself". She remembered him at Hogwarts as the most mysterious of James' friends even when she and James were 'enemies'(she scoffed lightly). He was bright and hard working and diligent but also very visibly impoverished and thin. Yet he was friends with the two most boisterous and popular boys at school, frequently seen in their company, in fact seen by and large solely in their company. Severus Snape of course found out the secret that held them together but was made to keep it to himself by Dumbledore. 'Poor Severus' she sighed, 'He had more in common with Remus than any other person at school. But no he had to pester, abuse and insult him just because he was friends with James and of course because he was a werewolf.' She shuddered. 'Wasted all his time looking up poisons for use against werewolves.'
One aspect that she could never reconcile with James and his friends was their enmity with her former friend. James accepted this and never mentioned Snape in front of her and she suspected that Sirius and Remus decided likewise, but she felt that the rivalry between them was the most obnoxious and odious behaviour she had ever witnessed bringing out the worst in them. Of course there were the self-justifications - he was friends with curse-happy thugs, he was obsessed with the Dark Arts, he was rude and nasty to just about anyone in Hogwarts. 'Except me', mused Lily. 'Must have been because I was the only witch his age living near him. He was lonely and he had no one to play with and I was there. And when he went to school, he didn't need me anymore. Had bigger and badder people near him and a muggleborn friend from childhood wasn't impressive'. But Lily knew that James and Sirius never looked at Snape has having feelings of his own. Never cared how he felt, thought about where he came from. 'Of course I wasn't better,' sighed Lily, 'Trying to show him that I could be a great witch on my own, being respected by teachers and the other girls, he probably thought I was too good for him.'
As much as she hated to admit it, she missed her previous friendship with Severus Snape. He had been like an imaginary friend, with whom she could share her hopes and fears with, her desire for escape from the dreary working-class neighbourhood she had known, something he understood thoroughly. 'But then maybe it's not Severus, but a part of my childhood I want back' she wondered out loud. 'I have Harry now. My parents are gone and none of us have anyone older to talk to anymore.' Severus had helped her to study the One Thousand and One Magical Herbs and Fungi before they had arrived in class. He also helped her learn several nifty hexes and jinxes that earnt her bragging rights amongst her dorm-mates and fear from Slytherins who tried to hex her. Of course she also landed in detention a few times(nowhere near James or Sirius of course). Initially it helped her feel that she had an advantage or a leg up over other Muggleborn students when they came to Hogwarts but she soon learnt that there was more to magic than early introductions could teach and that everyone was essentially on an even keel by and large when it came to learning magic. She wondered how they began parting ways.
It couldn't be because of them being in seperate houses. That didn't stop them from working together on their homework in their first three years or catching up at Diagon Alley or Knocturn Alley(where Snape's mother worked, though she had to be passed of as his sister whenever she entered there). It made them slightly competitive during classes but generally mild. She supposed Slughorn favouring her over him in his class was part of the problem. Although a talented and studious pupil, Lily knew that Severus made little attempt at being friendly with others and looked down at any efforts to score favour with teachers. 'He had talent but no sense of personality or people skills and no famous name, so Slughorn just passed him by. But still if he cared only for something as petty as that over close friends that just goes to show where he kept his priorities.' Like any true Gryffindor, Lily had nothing but contempt for those who compromised their self-esteem for glory and personal gain. She often wondered if she should try and contact him and wonder what he was upto. 'Of course that's out of the question. He won't come anywhere near James and I wouldn't go to meet him any place alone.'
Living with James who was always full of exciting stories and hidden secrets to share was wonderful but she often felt left out and a little jealous. She had mentioned this to him and tried sharing some of her own experiences as a girl with him. James who found Severus Snape little more than an object of amusement would enjoy nitpicking stories of Snape's awkward attempts at social interaction. ("Letting that branch fall on her, real smooth. I didn't know he was touched in the head as a kid. Thought his unpleasantness at school was because he was homesick and he missed his Mommy.") She sighed. Of course James was wonderful when she told him about her parents and he enjoyed talking with her father and he had even enjoyed her stories about studying at Muggle schools and the friends she made there of whom she still maintained occassional contact with. But it was the private memories of her childhood that she couldn't tell him which she repressed.
The car stopped in front of a bustling railway station. Remus got out and looked around and then looked at one particular point in a building ahead. Lily stared at the building in question looking for something strange. Following Remus' eyesight she noticed a small board on the second floor. It read, ''A. MOODY - Skin Specialist', Lily smiled at the image of patients lining up in a waiting room to see a scarred and bruised doctor with a wooden leg brandishing several instruments, "Skinning Specialist' would have been better. She stared at the sign for several seconds and then in a small flash it had changed, it now read, ''S.O. Black's Garage - Send it to us and it'll send you to us'. She barely had time to comprehend what that even meant when James asked her to leave the car with Harry.
The afternoon sun sloped gently on the street they were standing. The small young family looked tired but happy. Remus counted all the suitcases with his wand and then turned to them, "Right, go to the building with the sign. There's a Portkey waiting there. Arabella has a small cap for Harry so that he want react too harshly to it. We already checked it and it's well and protected. Dumbledore's waiting at the cottage as is Sirius."
"Sirius is there," said James brightly. "I thought he might be too busy. Lily, I'll carry him now" Lily softly placed Harry in his arms as he cradled the child cautiously. Lily stared after them and then turned looked below and found a heavy suitcase on the ground. She glared at James who turned behind and grinned sheepishly. Lily took out her wand and tapped it lightly at the side and then lifted it up. To outside appearances it was a simple travel suitcase, but it had been charmed to carry an entire wardrobe of clothes and a trunk with many books, both of which had been shrunk and made small. Carrying it ordinarily gave the bearer the feeling of carrying a bag filled with heavy stones. Now it carried the weight of a handbag but Lily, still found James' skiving irritating. James cautiously strode ahead to the house as Remus followed with Lily and Harry.
"Sirius was busy but he sent Peter to cover for him," muttered Remus shortly.
Noticing Lily's gaze he whispered to her, "Peter's okay for standing guard but when he's in trouble but when he's supposed to be tailing a Ministry official to find out who he's been in contact with, well he tends to get distracted easily and miss details."
"Like?' asked Lily surprised.
"In his last memo he talked about how Marty Monaghan, who we think is sabotaging the Floo Network at the Improper Use of Magic, has a silvery coloured quill of excellent texture, wears boots of richest dragon hide, has a wonderfully polished Cleansweep 7 and how his wife is extremely good looking, dresses in the most elegant of dress robes and has a very beautiful pearl necklace that fits her most elegant sculpted neck. All his words, not mine."
"Clearly Mrs. Pettigrew neglected to teach her son the bit about not coveting the neighbour's wife," said Lily drily.
Remus shook his head. "It was fine when we were in school. But this isn't fun and games anymore. Of course I can't breathe a word to James because he looks at Pete as the little brother he never had to spoil."
"Yes," admitted Lily. "He's very indulgent. Like a Duke with his grandees." She followed James and Harry into the building with Remus trailing her. He rushed forward and pressed the elevator button and waited by Lily's side finishing the conversation. James was standing in front of the elevator shaft singing a funny song that Harry liked.
"Then Peter tries to work it in that he has been doing some work. He says that it's improbably Monaghan can afford all this on his salary and that he's been accepting bribes and the like."
"That's possible isn't it?" Lily and Remus started suddenly to find James staring at them coolly. He had heard every word of their conversation including their criticism of him.
Remus paused but continued defiantly, "It is. Unless of course you neglect the fact that Mrs. Monaghan is related to the Melifluas and her husband got a fair dowry when he married her."
"Dowries can't last long. They've been married for how many years."
"Six months" intoned Remus seriously. "Don't try to defend him this time, James."
"I don't know what you are talking about, Remus," said James with a harsh calm.
"You overheard us James," replied Lily. "We know and let's not play this game right now."
"In that case, the Duchess should do well not to think that a grandee's low voice is safe from my ears," said James mockingly. "Let's go!" He marched into the elevator followed by Remus and Lily.
Lily avoided James' eyes until they entered the flat. Remus looked shaken and ashen-faced. He disliked getting on the wrong side of James. James occupied himself by making faces at his son who giggled at his odd father.
The elevator stopped and they got out on a low ceilinged landing with bare gray halls, lit by a small window through which the sunlight slanted inwards beadily. Remus walked to the second door on the corridor to the left and knocked seven times, each seperated by a careful pause.
The door opened and Remus stared at a gray haired thin lady who looked at the entire group and then said, "I am Remus John Lupin, I met you through your ad in the Daily Prophet about buying a Kneazle and you told me that someone who looked like he couldn't take care of himself had no business dealing with Kneazles."
Mrs. Figg shifted uncomfortably, "Come in!"
They entered the small flat that was full of cats. Lily had purchased a cat from Mrs. Figg once before. Sally was currently with Sirius since it had fallen sick and Sirius had been caring for it while they had been living at the Inn at Upper Flagley. James and Remus were gathered around a small basketball that was their portkey.
"Give it a minute" said Remus. "Who'll go first and who'll go with Harry."
James looked at Lily. His eyes filled with regret over their recent spat on the ground floor. "I'll go first. Lily, take Harry" he passed the baby to her. Harry's eyes stared at his father sadly, regretting the loss of his arms around him. "If it's safe, I'll send a message across and give the clear." He looked at them seriously. For them, something as relatively banal as this was a matter of life and death. "If you don't get it, Remus, get them away as far as you can! I trust you."
Remus nodded, rufling his hairs, "James..."
"Forget it, Moony. I'll talk to Pete and tell him to get his act together." Remus smiled as James shrugged towards the ball. He stared at Lily and Harry and then placed his left palm on the ball and disappeared at once.
"So Mrs. Figg, as Ninette given birth to her kittens yet," asked Lily conversationally.
"Oh yes, three!" she said sadly. "I was expecting a bigger lot you know."
"Imagine if I had three instead of the one with me, now!" said Lily, staring at Harry affectionately. He had become still and quiet upon his father's sudden disappearance from the flat. She patted him soothingly.
Mrs. Figg smiled. She went to the small dining table and picked up a small black cap. "This'll cover his head and his ears. That way it won't be too woozy for him." She gently fitted the little boy with the cap, tucking in the tufts of hair inside and making sure it didn't come over it's eyes. Harry struggled softly against the discomfort of the cap and he began crying.
"Hush, it's only for a little while. We'll be home soon," said Lily softly. This seemed to make the child cry harder. Lily started rocking him softly as the baby bawled in her chest. At that instant, a silver animal entered the room. It was shaped like a great stag, the form that James took when he transformed. It's mouth opened and said in her husband's human voice, "It's safe, come quickly"
As soon as Harry heard his father's voice, he calmed down at once. Lily went over to Remus who held out the ball to her.
"I'll be busy for a while, so I won't be able to keep in touch," said Remus weakly. "I'll miss the old lunches the five of us would share."
Lily stared at him softly. A great weight fell on her, similar to how she felt with Maggie Prentice. "Will I ever see you again?" she blurted out unthinkingly. She looked at him as if she wanted to take her words back. Mrs. Figg stood near her table peering into her newspaper determinedly.
Remus smiled, "Lily, we swore that we would never ask that question."
"I can't care right now," said Lily heavily, her voice inflated and hard as if several stones were filled in it. She looked as if she was struggling and gasping for water. As if she was ready to fall into the same irrational burst of tears that the child in her arms had just fallen into. "I am afraid. He wants us dead. He wants to kill us. Even this one. We can dance around it, we can pretend it hasn't happened but we're doomed. I don't think I have the patience anymore to endure this."
Remus pressed her into his arms and held her there for a little while. "I feel so alone. And I can't feel alone, I have Harry and James. I try to pretend that we are too special, too important. But we aren't. We aren't any different than Benjy Fenwick. He was tougher than us. He was brighter but he got mutilated and shredded to bits of broken flesh and guts."
Remus gulped, "Lily you've to go now, you can't let James see you like this."
"Fine then!" Lily removed her wand with her free hand and then pointed it to her face. A small blue light hit her. Immediately it brightened and flushed with colour. Lily looked at Remus and smiled ear-to-ear, "See you, Remus!" She held Harry tightly, the baby's arms clutched at his mother's shoulder. Remus placed the basketball on the floor and Lily placed her left foot on top of it. She looked at Remus, the smile still on her face as she disappeared in a glint of blue light.
Remus sat on the chair for a few minutes, before he disapparated to his house. He couldn't bear to sleep that night disgusted as he was by that awful smile on her face. That Cheering Charm would never fool James and she knew it. But it was their way of telling the other how they really felt and their way of telling the other to keep away from going further. True Love couldn't keep fear away, couldn't do away with the despair and the sense of hopelessness that was part of their lives.
Remus stared at the photograph on his bedside. It was his four friends together, Hogwarts behind them. It was taken in their last week. Taken by Lily who had been joking with them off-camera. He stared at it weakened and dazed. He couldn't sleep tonight, he'd have nasty dreams about sheared body parts of people like he knew, like a grotesque three-dimensional jigsaw puzzle. He went to his cabinet and pulled out a Dreamless Sleep potion, on the bottle was the instruction that 'Low supply, Moony, use only when absolutely needed - Padfoot', he unfurled the lid and took a deep gulp. His muscles tensed immediately. He was just able to shut the bottle and insert it back into the cabinet before he slumped to the floor, the cabinet door still open.
Lupin looked awkward lying on the floor, strewn across like a dead body in a crime scene but he was breathing and his face was calm and he wasn't dreaming a thing.
fin