**The ever-present Disclaimer: I don't own HA!, WLiiA, or the state of Idaho. Some content may be unsuitable for children. They won't get it anyway.**
Marty: Hello, and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, the improvisational television show where the contestants make up everything off the top of their heads, and we give them these points to make it all seem worth it. Tonight we have with us the owner of the local cheese shop, Nadine, the leader of the Ministry of Silly Walks, Helga Pataki, one of the Knights of Ni, Arnold, and a lumberjack wannabe, Phoebe Hyerdahl! (Applause) Our first game tonight is one called Questions Only, which is for all four contestants, starting with Arnold and Nadine. In this game you do the scene, but you can only speak in questions. If you goof up, I'll buzz you and the person behind you takes your place. The scene is you are arguing over the last tapioca pudding in the cafeteria. Now go!
Arnold: Is that the last tapioca pudding?
Nadine: What do you think?
Arnold: So it is?
Nadine: Are you gonna take it?
Arnold: Do you want it?
Nadine: Don't you want it?
Arnold: Yes, I...oops. (steps back and is replaced by Helga)
Helga: Why wouldn't I want it?
Nadine: How should I know?
Helga: Is that a rhetorical question?
Nadine: What's rhetorical mean?
Helga: ...crimeny. (steps back, replaced by Phoebe)
Phoebe: So why don't you take it?
Nadine: Is there a reason not to?
Phoebe: Aren't you aware that pudding dish is a bomb?
Nadine: How did you know?
Phoebe: Didn't you know I'm a secret agent who is keeping you from destroying the world?
Nadine: How did you find out?
Phoebe: You didn't see me in your closet at night?
Nadine: That was you?
Phoebe: Did you ever suspect it was me?
Nadine: No, ne...darn it!
(Marty hits buzzer)
Marty: Haha, well done! I'll give fifteen points to Phoebe for that performance, and the rest of you get free pudding. (Audience laughs) Next up is a game called Whose Line, which is for Helga and Arnold. Before the show we asked the audience to write down random phrases on these slips of paper, and during the scene you randomly pull out a slip and say the line written on it. The scene is you are trying to sneak into Dinoland. Take it away!
Helga: Now listen up football head, first we have to sneak past the front gate to the employee's entrance. Let's go!
(They slink to the other side of the stage)
Arnold: So now what do we do?
Helga: Now we have to say this to the guard to get past: (take a line from her pocket) Give me my tuna melt sandwich back!
Arnold: But why would he give us a tuna melt sandwich?
Helga: Doi, because we threaten to sue if he doesn't. Then while he's going to get us out sandwich, you must (grabs a line from her pocket) Chant hare krishna and eat an egg roll.
Arnold: Wait, isn't that the time I (grabs a line) Throw the Yanni record at Rush Limbaugh?
Helga: No football head, that's when we pass the men's room on our way to the pot pie stand.
Arnold: Oh yeah, I forgot.
Helga: Arnold, look! The guard is gone! All we have to do now is (gets a line) I want you to hug me and call me Jennifer.
Arnold: (Goes and hugs Helga) Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer! (stops hugging) Now let's go!
(They both run to the middle of the stage)
Arnold: Now we can (grabs a line) Feed the whales wallpaper until three AM!
(Marty hits buzzer)
Marty: That was one of the most daring breakins Dinoland has ever seen. Fifty points go to each of you, and Nadine gets 10 points even though she wasn't in the game (audience laughs) Now we move on to a game called Scenes From a Hat. In this game the audience wrote suggestions for funny things for the contestants to do on little slips of paper, which I randomly draw from the hat. If one of you has an idea, step forward and do it! (Grabs a suggestion) Bad Pickup Lines.
Arnold: I lost my number, can I have yours?
(Buzzer)
Nadine: How many pushups can you do?
(Buzzer, Marty grabs a slip)
Marty: Bad things for an airline pilot to say during a flight.
Phoebe: Passengers, this is your pilot speaking. Thank you for flying Hindenburg Air...what's this! We're running out of fuel? We've over the Oregon Penitentiary?!
(Buzzer)
Arnold: What's this button do? Whoops, I just opened all the windows. Oh well!
(Buzzer)
Nadine: Passengers, we just realized this plane was shipping 10,000 live rats to Hong Kong. We're sorry for boarding you on this flig...aaah, it's on my finger! Get it off!
(Buzzer, Marty grabs a suggestion)
Marty: Odd uses for Spam.
Helga: Alright, your new brick home is done, Ms. Hyerdahl!
Phoebe: Thank you Helga!
(Buzzer)
Arnold: Wow, this stuff makes good bearing grease!
(Buzzer, Marty grabs a suggestion)
Marty: Alternate ending for Titanic.
Arnold: Rose, we're approaching an Iceberg! What should we do?
Helga: Let me melt it with my lazer pen! (points at the audience) There. Now let's go make out, Jack!
Arnold: Sounds good to me!
(Buzzer, Marty grabs a suggestion)
Marty: Not too different from the real thing. (Audience laughs) TV Shows that would make a bad home game.
Helga: Hello, and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway!
(Buzzer)
Arnold: Now you too can own the home version of everyone's favorite show, Taina!
(Buzzer, audience applauses)
Marty: Very good, all of you! Now it's time for Three Headed Broadway Star, and this is for Nadine, Phoebe, and Helga. (Marty goes into the audience and chooses a person) Hello, and what's your name?
Audience member: Robert.
(Marty sits Robert on a stool in front of Nadine, Phoebe, and Helga)
Marty: Now you ladies are going to sing a song to Robert one word at a time with help from Gerald Johansen on the keyboard. The song will go 'You Are My something'. Do I have any suggestions? (Audience yells suggestions) You Are My Trailmix! Perfect! Now let's go!
(Cheesy Broadway music starts)
Nadine: You
Phoebe: are
Helga: my
Nadine: trailmix,
Helga: full
Phoebe: of
Nadine: nuts
Helga: and
Phoebe: raisins
Nadine: and
Helga: candy
Phoebe: and
Nadine:...stuff.
Helga: Whenever
Phoebe: I
Nadine: think
Helga: of
Phoebe: you
Nadine: I
Helga: remember
Phoebe: that
Nadine: you
Helga: are
Phoebe: my
Nadine: Trailmix.
Helga: I
Phoebe: love
Nadine: you
Helga: as
Phoebe: much
Nadine: as
Helga: I
Phoebe: love
Nadine: tuna
Helga: and
Phoebe: eating
Nadine: trailmix
Helga: I
Phoebe: really
Nadine: wish
Helga: I
Phoebe: had
Nadine: some
Helga: trailmix
Phoebe: right
Nadine: now
Helga: so
Phoebe: now
Nadine: let's
Helga: go
Phoebe: get
Nadine: some
Helga: ham!
(Buzzer sounds)
Marty: Well, sadly that's the last game for tonight, and my completely obsolete scorecard says Phoebe is tonight's winner! For Phoebe, Helga, Arnold, and Nadine, I'm Marty Green saying goodnight, goodnight!