Disclaimer: Don't own Eva, sorry to dissapoint you.
A/N: This story occurs after EOE. It also has some elements from the manga.
Thank you for your attention.
(-)(-)(-)
"WHERE IS PARIS?"
This simple question was uttered by one Shinji Ikari, who, while saying these words in a relatively loud manner, sat up quickly from his bed, breaking the shackles that held him prisoner to sleep, and reached his hands into the air.
After remaining in this position for a few seconds, our valiant anti-hero let himself fall back into bed. He tilted his head to the side, so he could get a look at the time.
'14 minutes, 6 hours, 22 days, 4 months, and 2 years after Third Impact' were Shinji's inaccurate thoughts. Inaccurate because the odds of Third Impact happening exactly at the first minute of October 2015 are low, at best. (Didn't get the joke? Ignore it, it's not that funny) This, of course, lets us know that the moment in which this story begins would be somewhere around 2018, February 22nd, and 6:12 a.m. It also gives us a great opportunity to retell the events that followed after Third Impact.
As is suggested by many, after Third Impact and the 'beach scene', with Asuka and Shinji, humanity started to come back. All of our characters important enough to have a name came back, excluding (unsurprisingly, I might add) Gendo Ikari and SEELE. Besides this, someone else (kinda) important to the story came back. This person being a small little girl who, until now, didn't have a name. She's Touji's little sister, and is called-
"Baka, why'd you wake me up so early?"
We'll change our attention from Shinji, currently taking his time to remember the events that brought his redheaded roommate to his bed, to a small pair of parentheses: ( ). Isn't that lovely?
Anyways, I take this opportunity to remind you that, in this story, only a few seconds have passed since Shinji let the world know that he had no idea where Paris is.
Back to Shinji's thoughts, to explain the events that led to Asuka being in our hero's (didn't I say he was an anti-hero before?) bed, we'll just have a flashback…in Misato's POV.
(FLASHBACK! IN MISATO'S POV! gasp)
I decided to bend my routine a bit and skip my visit to the bar. I was just too tired to go and put myself in a near-comatose state, only to have Ryoji take me to his house and wear it off by screwing me 'till kingdom come.
Seriously, all I wanna do tonight is go home and fall on my bed without being disturbed because of anything short of Fourth Impact knocking at our doors. After all, being Sub Commander of NERV is no easy task…
Ok, that's a lie. After Third Impact, we've had nothing to do. Since we defeated all the angels, and SEELE was nothing more than a pile of goo, there were no real threats that involved NERV. Sure, we did synch tests on a regular basis, in case a non-human threat showed up (a law was created that prohibits the use of evangelions against human forces); but I'm not sure Ritsuko even records the results anymore. She's too busy playing Battleships with Maya. Damn that girl can sink those ships!
Anyways, the last time we had any work was a whole bunch of paperwork. It all started when the father of a little girl, who was apparently injured in the attack of the third angel, organized a massive lawsuit against NERV. The accusations ranged from psychological damages all the way to armed robbery. It was the last one that made the jury doubt the sanity of the litigant party. They didn't get a penny from NERV…twits.
As I walk down the hallway towards my apartment, I can't help but wonder what the name of the little girl was. I keep forgetting…she's the sister of that kid, Shinji's friend. His name was…Suzahiro…Suzahera…Suzuhara! Right, he's Toji Suzuhara, and his sister's called-
"OH, SHINJI, SHINJI, SHINJ-AAH!"
No, no, it wasn't Shinji, it was- wait a minute.
As I spin on my heel, I make a quick assessment of the situation and a change of plans. Maybe a drink or two wouldn't do any harm.
(END FLASHBACK)
"So? All the screaming left you deaf? Maybe you wanna hear me scream some more…?" Asuka teased, interrupting Shinji's thoughts.
"Uh, well, um…" One would think that, after two years of normality and getting laid, Shinji would stop his usual role as the STAMMERATRON 3000. One would be wrong.
"You're so fun to tease" Asuka said, with a grin on her face. Then, after positioning herself on top of Shinji, she attempted to wrestle Shinji's tongue with her own. Unsurprisingly, she was successful.
They parted for a moment; a moment which Shinji used to voice his opinion. He wasn't sure of the exact series of events that transpired last night, since he remembered most of it in a blur. But he was sure of one thing.
"I love you, Asuka"
"I love you too Shinji-kun"
(-)(-)(-)
Unbeknownst to the unwary pilots, the sadistic gears of destiny had been put in motion to create an unannounced barrier of unbounded possibilities to impede their unacceptable love, for such state of peace love and happiness would be unable to entertain an audience, as proved by the series Everwood, whose level of boringness, dullness, and unfunniness (yes, the word exists) remains unabated.
Ununniness.
(-)(-)(-)
Five hours later, Shinji was happily preparing breakfast for two.
In his past, all he had ever experienced was pain. The terrible death of his mother, which he had been witness to. Because of this, the terrible transformation of his father that led to his abandon. Then, the arrival of the angels and having to pilot the eva, while being used as a tool for his father's plans which, eventually, led to Third Impact.
But after all that, things seemed to be changing for the better. His life was finally gaining a semblance to normality, if there was such a thing. And now, he had the girl of his dreams waiting for him with open arms.
Speaking of arms, a pair of them slid around Shinji's waist, from his back, and embraced him, pulling him out of his thoughts. In that moment, Shinji realized that Asuka wasn't just the girl of his dreams. He loved her, and was willing to spend the rest of his life with her.
"Mmm, scrambled eggs? Can I get some Shinji with that?" Asuka whispered the words into Shinji's ear, in as seductive a voice she could muster.
"Umm, A-asuka, I have t-to take care of b-breakfast" Shinji managed to stammer out; while Asuka pulled him away from the stove and began pushing him softly towards the couch.
"Breakfast can wait, I wanna take care of my other appetites…" she replied wearing a mischievous smile, before throwing him onto the couch, laying on top of him, and holding his arms above his head. Not that he was offering much resistance. (I know I wouldn't…)
'And I thought that after a night of sex followed by five hours of making out would be enough for her…' were Shinji's last thoughts, before his mind kicked into overdrive.
In the middle of the…let's call it feeding sessions, the phone started to ring. By this point, Shinji had recovered his capacity for basic thoughts, and the ringing phone reminded him of his duties, which included what used to be scrambled eggs.
"A-asuka, please, I have to get back to cooking and maybe you should answer the phone" Shinji said, with a newfounded determination in his voice, as he pulled away from Asuka.
"No 'sorry'? Well, just because of that I won't be mad at you. But don't think you can get away, my little baka" Asuka replied as she began unbuttoning his shirt. With her mouth.
By now the phone was on its seventh ring, and, whoever was calling, got the answering machine.
"Hey, Shinji! Pick up, I don't have all day" came the voice of his fellow stooge, Kensuke Aida. "Anyways, remember how the devil said that she was conceived in a test tube, and she wanted to meet her father?"
(FLASHBACK! IN THIRD PERSON! gasp)
"I was conceived in a test tube and I want to meet my father"
(END FLASHBACK)
By this point, Asuka had stopped struggling with Shinji's shirt, and was paying attention to the message.
"Well anyways, since she knew that I am the greatest hacker there is" ("yeah right"-added Asuka) "she asked me to hack into the sperm bank's records and look for her father. Well, she actually threatened to kill my mother while she slept. Then I told her my mother was dead, and she said that she'd make sure I'd get to see her again…Anyways, I found her father"
By this point, the two pilots were so immersed in the message that they didn't notice the front door opening and closing.
"Her father's name is…"
(-)(-)(-)
Misato entered her apartment after a night at Kaji's house. For some unknown reason, nobody ever called him by his first name.
As she entered the living room, she could feel the stench of burned food hanging in the air, then she heard the message. She instantly knew what was going on, and the tension and expectation were so thick that they were palpable, hanging in the air. For this reason, Misato couldn't keep moving. Fucking tension…
(-)(-)(-)
Asuka had stopped moving her mouth down Shinji's shirt. The only reason she didn't get up and answer the phone now was because there was a big piece of tension hanging on top of her.
She looked up to catch Shinji's eyes in hers, and he gave her a reassuring smile. As long as they were together, everything would be fine.
(-)(-)(-)
"…Gendo Rokubungi" came the end of Kensuke Aida's message. "Anyways, make sure the devil gets that, I don't wanna die just yet. Well, see ya man" CLICK
"Shinji you sick bastard…" Misato's voice cut through the air.
"You sick, sick man…"
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A/N: Well there you have it. I haven't seen anything like that anywhere so I hope it is an original idea. Don't expect an update anytime soon, since I gotta figure out how I'm gonna proceed.
Please, read and review. Hell, I'll even take the flames. It's funny when people over the internet try to get to you. It's even funnier when it works.
I'm not completely sure of the pairings, so you just might, I tense, might convince me of doing what you want it to be. If you're trying to convince me, make sure you give me a good reason, not just "ZOMFG, DO REI, ASUKA'S A TOTAL BTICH AND REI IS LIKE SUPER H0T!1!1!" or "DUDE, DEFNITIELY ASUKA, REI HAS LIKE NO FELEINGS!1!11!ONE".
Well, I hope my ramblings don't go to waste and you actually review this.
Anyways, OMAKE TIME!
"The true meaning of EOE"
In an unknown place at an unkown time and in an unknown way, a group of people are gathered around a dark table.
"Ok ok, I've got a good one. I bet you Unit 01, Lillith, AND the Lance, that I can manage to get my son, Shinji 'I hate myself' Ikari, to a beach alone with the Second Child with no human around in a 50 miles radius" came Gendo Ikari's drunken voice.
"Does it count if there are human souls or the components of the human body?" came Fuyutsuki's not-so-collected voice.
"No" was Gendo's reply.
"Pffft, that's easy" Keele's message boomed across the room. So did the fact that he had been having way too many tequila shots.
"Indeed" SEELE-02 commented.
"We will not give hic over the mass production evas over such an easy task" SEELE-03 added.
"Indeed" was SEELE-02's contribution.
"You must manage something harder, Ikari!" was SEELE-04's message, before passing out.
"Indeed" SEELE-02 said. Yet again.
"WILL YOU SHUT UP?" Keele screamed angrily at SEELE-02, causing the poor monolith to break down into sobs.
"Very well. I will get the second and third child in a beach, alone. With the third on top of the second without being rejected" Gendo refuted.
"NOW we're hic talking" SEELE-05 said.
"Indee-"SEELE-02 attempted to say.
"SHUT UP DAMMIT!" Keele screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Good. Do this, and we shall hand over the MP Evas. Fail, and we shall have control of Unit-01, Lillith, the Lance, AND Adam"
"Very well…" came Gendo Ikari's reply.
"Ikari! What are you doing?" Fuyutsuki pleaded.
"SILENCE FUYUTSUKI! This bunch of old geezers will soon be crying at the loss of their precious MP Evas…" came Gendo's voice. "Goodbye, old men"
And with this, Gendo Ikari and Kozo Fuyutsuki ended the transmission.
Several months later…
Two puddles of goo are having a conversation.
"See? I told you I could do it! Now gimme my MP Evas!"
"Idiot…"
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Preread by RedShadow and Somewhere N of A (a.k.a. the Grammar Nazi). I'll pay ya back someday.