Disclaimer: I don't own it.

Warnings: Crap angst/romance fic because it's my 21st in a few days and I'm bloody miserable. I hate birthdays.

Note: There's a huge pile of washing-up waiting for me in the kitchen, so don't expect too much from this one! I wanna write something about Marik and Ryou, I need a plot for it. Well, at least I got something written. Better than nothing, right?

Hole Hearted – part 1

"What's it like, all that pink hearts and love bullshit you do with Marik?" Bakura asked out of the blue, sitting next to Ryou on the couch as the hikari attempted to understand his latest assignment. Some Bon Jovi song was playing from the radio in the kitchen and the music was making Bakura think. He'd never had someone like that, but it seemed to be what everyone he knew was striving for. Some fairytale relationship, love, whatever. Was it really that great? He'd never had time for anything like that, he had died young after all. Sex was about all he'd had back then, but now that he was in this time permanently he couldn't help but wonder about the whole love thing. If even yami no Marik could do it, it couldn't be that hard.

"Great. Why are we having this conversation? Are you hormonal?" Ryou grinned, chewing on the end of his pencil.

"Forget it." Bakura growled, turning away and looking back at the television, which was playing the news on mute. There was what talking got him, so he attempted to go back to his usual mostly silent self. Ryou wouldn't have that, though.

"Awh, don't be like that. I'm sorry, it's just a strange thing to hear coming from you. I never thought you'd care about something like that."

"I don't." Bakura frowned, still staring at the silent television and wishing he'd never bought the subject up. He just couldn't get it out of his head – Marik and Ryou were always there holding hands and being a happy, loving couple. Then there was Malik and Otogi, who were the same, if slightly more crazy. He felt as though he should have had some big, epic romance by now but it was difficult to do when everyone thought you were evil incarnate and you had no idea what you were doing.

"Yes you do, or you wouldn't have mentioned it. Are you lonely? You have been on your own for a long time. Maybe you should find someone." Ryou suggested, smiling. "It's great, I can say anything to Marik and he doesn't think I'm nuts! He sticks up for me all the time too, it's sweet. And he growls at anyone who looks at me funny."

"I don't need anyone to stick up for me. I'm perfectly capable of gutting anyone I don't like by myself." Bakura pointed out, allowing himself to be dragged back into the conversation because no matter how stubborn he acted, he really did want to know what it was like.

"Well, it'd be different for you. The point is, you have someone to do little things for you that make you feel all happy and fuzzy." Ryou explained, giving up on his assignment.

"Fuzzy." Bakura repeated flatly, not entirely sure he wanted to be feeling like that. He didn't think anything anyone could do would ever make him feel fuzzy.

"Oh, stop being difficult, you know what I mean. So why don't you start dating?" The hikari asked. Bakura frowned again, looking annoyed.

"It's not that simple." He muttered.

"Everyone thinks you're evil, right? Well, whose fault is that?" Ryou laughed lightly. "Anyway, once you've found someone you like you can easily show them you're not that bad. Who do you like?"

Bakura raised an eyebrow, leaning back in his seat.

"What?"

"Out of everyone you know, who would you ever consider dating? In your case I suppose it's more like who could you get through a night without killing." Ryou said thoughtfully, knowing his yami better than anyone else.

"I don't know." Bakura replied truthfully, never having thought about it before. Ryou shrugged.

"Ok, well I'll say a name and you tell me what you think of them. I'm sure we'll find someone eventually."

"Hn." Bakura wasn't sure he liked the idea because it involved being far too open, but he let it go.

"Right, what about… Jounouchi? He seems nice enough." Ryou suggested.

"He's an idiot. I'd kill him." Bakura replied honestly, knowing that he didn't exactly have endless patience and anyone who went out with Jou would need it.

"Fair enough, what about Honda? He's a lot smarter than he lets on, you know." Ryou claimed, twirling his pencil in his fingers.

"No." Bakura scowled. "I hate his hair."

Ryou laughed at his yami and shook his head.

"I see your point," he giggled, "what about Anzu?"

"She's too…friendly. And she cares too much about the pharaoh." Bakura muttered, knowing that if he ever did manage to make it as far as actually dating someone, talking about how great Yami was all night would not be on the agenda.

"Mai?"

"Whore."

"Yami! That's not nice!" Ryou chastised.

"True, though." Bakura shrugged, not caring.

"Who else is there? Malik, Otogi and Marik are taken, how about Yugi?" Ryou asked.

"Never. And don't even mention the pharaoh." Bakura hissed darkly.

"I know, I know." Ryou sighed, well aware of just how much Bakura hated Yami. "So I suppose that just leaves Pegasus, Ishizu, Shizuka and Kaiba."

"Pegasus I'd kill, Ishizu… maybe. Shizuka is too innocent." Bakura's eyes darkened a little. "Kaiba… I don't know. The only time I ever spoke to him was when I duelled him before the memory world. He sided with the pharaoh," The thief growled bitterly, having thought at the time that at least one person might side with him. The whole game had gone wrong, though. Everything had twisted away from what had really happened, and in the end he'd known long before it happened that he was going to lose. What he'd really wanted was to show everyone what a bastard the pharaoh had been, but since Yami didn't remember ever being anything but the king of games – and the world had been based on Yami's memories – nothing had gone according to plan.

"So Ishizu and Kaiba are the only two people you could maybe get through a date without killing?" Ryou summarised, already scheming.

"…Possibly."

"So who would you prefer?" Ryou asked, waiting while Bakura thought about it silently. After a few minutes of brooding he finally looked away and muttered a name.

"Kaiba."

In the end it came down to whether he'd rather date a man or a woman, and he had to admit that – much as it annoyed him – he'd prefer a man. Back in the day he hadn't cared. Now, though, the thought of Ishizu as anything more than an acquaintance did nothing for him. Seto Kaiba, though… He wasn't sure about that.

TBC

There will be a plot in here, at some point. Yay for trashy romance/angst fics! Yeah, I'm too tired to write anything decent, just go with it.