This is my first try at a CSI fanfic. I am new to the show so go easy on me. This is for the great and talented Jellicos, who didn't think I could finish a story in a night. Guess I proved you wrong Kitty!
Warning: This story is about women who love women. So if you don't like that might I suggest you read the Bible?
Disclaimer: I have no right to use the Characters of CSI, I am just using them.
She's leaning over the microscope in the lab across from me. Her golden hair covering her face for a moment. The face that fills my dreams and the rest of my waking moments. Its seared on my eye lids cause when I close them, even in a blink there she is. Her smile those sparkling eyes. Eyes that seem to take everything in and just send out a passion for life I've never seen before.
Usually I can hide my emotions, I can mask them with my anger and my bitterness. But when she teases me, when we're alone or when she just smiles at me after I've figured something out, those are the moments when my walls just break and I have to make some escape, physically or in my head.
My favorite trick is to name all of Newton's laws forwards and backwards. Recently I've started translating them into Spanish and French in my head. Sometimes it works, but most times it doesn't. And the more the smiles come at me like some silver bullet the more I fail in my hiding.
At first I thought I was just lonely because Grissom didn't pay me any special attention. But I realized quickly that I was just looking for a warm body to cover up my loneliness, caused by not being with her. Hank was a mistake, a big one. He kept my mind busy for short periods of times, and when I thought I was finally over her something would happen to drag me back to this Merry-Go-Round of emotions.
When she dates those sleaze balls she's so attracted to it kills me inside. To force myself to smile when she comes in humming some song with a new hickey on her neck is a fate worse then death. That Novak jerk was the worse. The way he talked about her made my blood boil to the point I couldn't see.
I'd wanted to smash his face into a window and watch his filthy blood just spill on my shoes. I pictured it happening several times as we questioned him. How dare he treat her like that, how dare he even breath the same air as her.
There is one thing that keeps me going though, she never stays with them. She ends it with them after a few weeks and she's back to joining the rest of us for a drink after shift or dragging us to breakfast with her. Those are some of my golden moments. The pictures in my head of her sipping coffee as she gives Nick dating advice or when she tells us a story about Lindsey. The way her face lights up at the mention of her daughter.
I don't know how I can keep my sanity when it's the two of us on a case. When we have to work so close that we almost seem to move as one. To me its so erotic, its better then sex. When we can just close the door to the lab and solve a crime, passing each other results and just performing the test, using every bit of intellect we have. Exposing ourselves in the risks we take of being wrong in front of each other.
Its orgasmic when we piece it all together. When she jumps up with that satisfied smirk on her face and growls that she has it in that predatory voice of hers. All I can do is follow her, scolding myself every step of the way. I've never been like a love sick puppy before. But with her I seem to make lots of exceptions.
Sometimes after work when I'm curled up in my bed, with the heavy shades over the window to block out the sun I squint in the faint light and can see her above me. Smiling down at mer as her golden silk like hair frames her face and tickles my checks. If I breath real softly and don't move I can almost feel her lips on mine and hear her voice whisper my name.
But reality usually comes crashing down in the form of my neighbors fighting or some kids out on the street playing. No matter how many times I curse them they don't get the picture to shut up and let me disappear in my fantasy world.
Its worse when I have to go into work after just having one of those visions. And there she is, in some low cut top leaning close to Warrick as they laugh about something. Sharing some secret that I'm left out of. I have to fight back the nausea and the tears.
The pain in my heart that makes my brain scream at me to run. But my body doesn't listen. I'll take her how I can get her. Even if its just friends. Even if I'll never know if her lips really are as soft as they look. Or if her hair feels like the finest silk in the world. I'm just left with my fantasies and my dreams.
Nothing will ever happen. She's so out of my league that I shouldn't even be allowed to walk on the same Earth she inhabits. She'd never look at me like that. Like the way I look at her and want her to look at me. So I just sit here watching her, losing myself in these moments when I can just stare.
"Hey Sar, I think I got a match." Catherine said happily as she entered the room waving the piece of paper in her hand. She was surprised to Find Sara was staring at something out the window and hadn't moved when she'd entered. "Earth to Sara, you ok hon?" She asked worriedly.
Sara felt the voice more then she heard it. The way it just seemed to caress her skin like a soft rain falling on her lips. "Oh, sorry." She said quickly fighting the blush. "I was thinking about something Grissom told me." The excuse was so lame not even Sara could believe she'd used it. "You found a match?" She asked in desperate hope to distract the older woman.
"Oh yeah, here look at this." Catherine said as she stood next to Sara and put the paper on the table in front of her younger co-worker. Sara leaned over the table and looked at the numbers and words on the paper. Allowing Catherine an unguarded moment to enjoy the sight of the beautiful brunette.
Too bad it will never happen. Catherine thought sadly as she took half a step back to prevent herself from reaching out to stroke the soft hair that nestled around that gorgeous face. The face that haunted her dreams nightly.
Hope you liked it! I might write more, it just depends what you readers think so let me know PLEASE!