Hullo! Hullo! All my authors blabber is at the end, so if you like reading it, read the story first! (xD naw, you don't have to – but I'd like you to). Anyhow, I'll put my little disclaimer up, and hope you like this….angsty…sad…little piece I made up…which will hopefully NEVER EVER happen in the manga. Or I will really cry.
DICLAIMER: NARUTO (sadly) DOES NOT BELONG TO ME. I only chuck out Mr. Kishimoto's amazing plot line and substitute my own little things in here and there. The things I never said
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What I never got around to saying to you were the things I needed to say to you.
What I did say were things that I could have left out.
And what I should have said died in my throat, because I didn't know how to say them.
But now, when my world is turning black, and I can feel the last of my life force leaving, the things that I didn't know how to say make themselves known to me, and words that used to catch in my throat don't catch anymore.
And I regret the times when I should have said them, but did not.
And even though you can't hear me…maybe you'll understand if I say them now. With the last breaths I have, maybe if I whisper loud enough, and wish for it hard enough…maybe, just maybe, you'll know what I should have said to you all those times I didn't.
I should have said to you I loved you. I should have told you that I love you when we were at the beach, even though we were under Neji's strict watch. When were worked in the small rose plant we decided to grow together. When I fell into a fountain and accidentally pulled you in with me. When you slipped on mud and fell on top of me. When we just eating ramen together at Ichiraku's. There were so many times I should have told you that I loved you. But I didn't, because I didn't know what real love felt like. And I couldn't tell you that I loved you, in case I ended up realising that I didn't. But now, I know that I did.
I should have told you how special you are to me. How wonderful, and beautiful you are in my eyes. I tried. I tried so hard to force those particular words out of my mouth and tell you that you are the most special person in my life, but I didn't. Because I was stupid. So stupid. So blinded by my quest to save my friend, I didn't realise that you were always there, waiting for me to see, worrying about me, accepting me for who I am, not what I hold. And I know that even though the time we got together was only short, I should have told you how much you are to me.
The last time we had an argument about whether you needed my overprotection or not, you were the one to say sorry. I didn't, but you still forgave me, and said that you were sorry, even though you didn't do anything wrong. I should have told you I was sorry. I should have said that I really didn't mean to make you feel useless, and that I never meant for you to think that I didn't think you were strong. Because you are. And only now, have I realised how much I should have told you that.
I should have whispered to you that I needed you and wanted you to be by my side for the rest of my life like most couples do. I should have told you that no matter what, I'll always be by yours as well. I should have told you that I needed you so much, that I don't really know how I went about my life without you, and can't imagine living one like that either. I should have told you so many things.
But I didn't, and now, I can't anymore.
I won't ever see your lovely face again, or look into your lavender eyes and see utter truthfulness and acceptance anymore.
I know I'm dying, because I can't feel my limbs, and Kyuubi's lying on the floor, unmoving, still. Just like he's sleeping, but I know he won't wake up again. Already, he's fading, disintegrating into nothing.
And all I can see is that little bright spot of light in oblivion that's rapidly coming to swallow me up. That bright spot must be you. And I'm imagining your smile, and your voice in my head. Replaying it over and over again, because if I'm thinking of you when I move on, I know I'll die with a smile on my face.
But I really want you to know what I said! I really need you to know. I want to hang on so badly, but I can feel my spirit getting sucked away from my body, the heaviness of my limbs and the searing pain of all my physical hurts are going away. Fading to nothing. But I know that even though I can't feel anything anymore, the emotional regret of not saying the things that I should have said will haunt me the rest of eternity until I see you again.
And one last thing I should have said. You weren't there when I left on this hopeless mission in the middle of this hopeless war. I never got to say goodbye. When you left, I was still unconscious. And I really didn't think that the last time I would say goodbye to you was when you left on that mission with Shino and Kiba because they needed Byakugan. I don't know why Tsunade didn't keep you in my squad as usual, but at least you'll be able to keep living because you aren't here. I know that you'll be the one I leave my heart with when my body fades to dust and my spirit disappears into the sky.
I'm just glad that I didn't make the mistake that Sasuke made. Even though he came back, he never got to tell Sakura at all. He was going to ask her out after this mission, war or no war. I even helped him plan the date out. And even though he didn't show it, I knew he was so excited, and extremely nervous. At least, I had some time with you. Those memories will never fade. They're tucked neatly into the most sacred section of my heart, the place which is only for you. Nothing will take them away.
You'll probably never know where I died, you'll probably never find me, or Sasuke or Sakura. Our names will be carved on the stone and lined with gold. But no matter who you send out to recover us will fail. The fire from Kyuubi and I will burn the enemies as well as myself. I heard Sasuke use his forbidden jutsu, he's life force will disappear, together with Sakura's because it's a combined one. In the end, we will fade to dust, fated to be blown away by the wind and washed away by blood.
Hinata-chan, I love you. I've always needed you. I'll never let go of you. I'm willing you to hear this so hard that I feel like I'm going to burst, even though I know that isn't possible. You were the life line that I've always needed, my opposite yet the puzzle piece which completes the riddle that we make together.
I know that no matter what I say, you might cry when I don't come back. But please, don't cry long. Don't grieve for a silly individual like me. Move on, live your life to the full, and enjoy it. Please, don't waste away because I'm not there, you were my support, I'll be yours now, though I may not be there physically, I'll hold your hand until its your time and pick you up right in front of the golden gate.
My body is fading to dust. I can see the fire licking away at my clothes, already, my feet are black and burnt. But I'm happy. Happy that I got to say just a little bit of what I wanted to say to you. So just before I go, I'll leave you a message, if you ever find this deserted and blackened place. I'll write in the ash that I love you. In big letters, and hope that you understand the things that I never said to you now are things that I'll say to you over and over again the next time we are together once more.
So for now, arigatou, and sayonara, Hinata-chan.
Ahhhh……sorry people…..no, I haven't died……..I just haven't posted anything for a loooooong time……And I feel so bad……
And I feel even worse because I probably will have another long period of not posting anything – around two-three weeks…because I have exams…….
And annoying parents who won't stop talking about studying……… (not really, but you should hear them when they start! Gah….)
Anyhow…This just popped into my head…so I wrote it down…and decided that I'd post it up….just to see what you people think.
Comments and reviews are awesome, but if not, then I hope you had a …. …. …. sorta-not-do-depressing/angsty time reading this little piece of writing….
And one last note: Those who are reading 'Look" (my Bleach ficcy….if you are…) I will be posting 'Soul', I won't ever desert it….but you'll probably have to wait until the holidays….because I've just been so busy….*cries* I thought my assessments for this school term was over….but noooo…..they put in more…..and they're all in the same three days as well…..wah….*wallows in sea of studying and more studying* ….
Anyway, enough of my blabber, and thanks for reading!
-- Bitter-Sweet Teardrops