*warning to all; this fic is angsty.*
"Never regret thy fall,
O Icarus of the fearless flight
For the greatest tragedy of them all
Is never to feel the burning light."
"You're an angel?" Daphne asks something unidentifiable in her voice, something that smells like hope.
"Yes." Puck breathes out, puts his head in his hands.
"Like...chubby baby in the sky?"
"No, like warrior, like stronger than any man or beast, like something old who could sneeze and destroy an entire town." Puck responds, mutinously.
"Oh. Why is this a problem, then?"
"I'm losing it all. I'm falling," his voice breaks, "I fell in love, and now..."
"Love isn't bad, Puck," She smiles wide, "I never thought you'd admit you loved her."
"Listen," he places Daphne's hand on where his heart should be, "no pitter patter, I'm not built for love," he laughs something cruel and black. "I don't even have a damn heart."
"Oh."
"I'm not human, and angels don't fall in love. Because falling in love is falling from heaven."
He notices her slowly and then very suddenly. At first glance, his twelve-year-old brain had shelved her as Person to Prank and someone who had Hair like Honey. It only got worse after that. He found himself tripping to make her laugh; wanting to hold her hand, wanting to kiss her, he was addicted to her smile. He knew that being in love was out of the question, and then he started to get older. It surprised him, but then it terrified him. This is where he marks the beginning of the end.
"How are things?" Daphne says, closing the door behind her.
"Still feel like a fool in love."
"I have an idea…" She clenches her jaw and her knuckles at the same time, whatever emotion she's feeling he has never seen it on her. It worries him.
"You need to stop looking at her, talking to her... go on a few dates with other girls, just try and fall out of love, so you don't fall out of the sky."
He tries. He can tell it hurts Sabrina because she starts pulling away too. Her mouth sours, when she sees him dressing for another date, a girl named Brooke, who likes yoga. Yoga isn't what she's known for, though.
"A little privacy would be nice." Puck grumbles.
"Why are you doing this," she gestures at his outfit, and he winces.
Telling her the truth and letting himself get trapped under the weight of both rejection and guilt, is out of the question, but lying is too.
"Brooke is nice."
"Nice? It sure is easy for you to go goo-goo eyed," Sabrina says spitefully. He knows what she's implying, Brooke is beautiful and easy, not nice.
He wants to shake her, but instead he says nothing. His eyes hardening, he buttons his top and pushes past her.
He takes Daphnes advice to heart, but nothing changes. It's hard to ignore her, but he knows falling would be harder. Daphne notices this, and asks him, quietly like he might hit her, "Would it be so bad?"
He thinks for a moment, "Would it be so bad to stop breathing?" Words fail him, but his eyes don't, he knows she can see everything in his eyes.
Whatever she sees reassures her, strengthens her resolve. Daphne breathes out hard through her nose, eyes sad, "You need to leave."
He understands what she means; it still stings in the place where he has no heart.
He leaves. Its three long months, before he falls. It isn't graceful or golden or kind. On the way down, he breaks in every way. He can't believe how weak willed he is- how thinking of her and her cherry chapstick could make him human. It's not smart, but he wants to go back. He lived in Ferryport Landing long enough to feel it is his home. He's already fallen, so he figures it can't get any worse. It takes three months of walking and hitchhiking, to make the trek back.
On day six on his way to Ferryport Landing, he sits down in a burger joint. He orders something simple and the waitress smiles at him. He smiles back and starts to wait. For some reason, he starts to cry. Really cry, in a way he never has before. He doesn't stop crying, and wishes he could be ashamed of bawling in public, but he isn't. He wants to yell. He wants to explain to the strangers looking at him that he has lost something so much greater than they could imagine, he wants to tell them he is a prince, and he is to be respected. But it would all feel like lies, because he has nothing now.
He gets kicked out by a tall guy with acne, who looks like he wants to be anywhere but there, Puck looks at his name tag, "Sam…have you ever experienced loss?"
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