Hi. This is Anadalua speaking and first of all: thank you for choosing to read this newbie story of mine. Yes it's my first one here at Fanfiction, so I would like to know your opinion. A constructive one, if you please. Also message me for any doubts, but no spoilers I warn you.

I decided to create an OC Tia Sharpclaws to be part of Shrek's adventures and live them with the team but only for that very reason. I don't want to steal him from Fiona or whatsoever with any other couple. I might pair her with another character from Shrek's Universe but that's still for future non-confirmed plans.

I don't own Shrek nor all the other characters from his films, they belong to Dreamworks. I just own Tia and some occasional minor fellows.

Enjoy!

Introduction

"Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss.

She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed.

She waited in the dragon's keep. In the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss."

Yes, I know. You have already read or heard this from somewhere, most probably from your bedtime stories. When I was a kid I did listen to some of this sort of fairy tale. The world sure was sweeter and easier back then. This precise tale, however, had only come to my knowledge in my adulthood so I didn't really give that much of a care. But little did I know that (ironically) I would become part of this very bedtime story filled with magic, adventures, annoying creatures, a king with height issues, a black belt princess, a mighty dragon, a not-so-evil ogre and, of course, "the true love and true love's first kiss".

And what about you? Yes. I'm talking to you, my curious reader. Are you willing to follow this story telling session of mine? Yes? Alright then. Let me take you to the beginning of all this: the first time I read Princess Fiona's fairy tale and decided to give it a really constructive and mature review.

Chapter 1

There go my vacations!

"Oh. Meu. Deus*. This really sucks!"

Ok. Maybe not so mature.

Nor constructive.

"I think I'm going to puke this morning's furball."

Oh. Did I forget to mention that I'm a cat?

"It's no wonder that people complain about my need of being more feminine. Girls are brainwashed with this trash to make them believe they are born 'damsels in distress'." The old lady at the book store counter by my side laughed. If I'm not mistaken, she had blue eyes and grey/white hair. Quite normal for someone that seemed to be in her late sixties. But don't ask about the clothes, because I can't remember that much detail! "Says the talking pussy cat." I playfully made a fake shocked face. "How dare you! I am no damsel! Besides just because I'm a sort of fairy tale creature that doesn't mean I came from this kind of nonsense." She laughed once more.

"I can see that now. Where are you from sweetheart? I've seen you a lot in the past weeks but I never had the chance to ask."

"Oh really really far away from here. A not-that-big kingdom by the sea actually, next to Spain. It goes by the name of Portugal: land of poets, navigators, wine, and of course 'fado'. Ever heard something about it?" She gave me a thoughtful expression, while looking at the ceiling, before answering. "Hum...Yes. A thing or two. But not much. Even so, what are you doing so far from home by yourself?" I smiled to the older's curiosity. I don't usually trust people that easily but since she seemed to be a fine person I decided to risk.

Without unneeded details of course.

"Mainly two things: travelling and working. You see back at my village payment isn't that great so I go from town to town to do some jobs and I send the money to my parents who still have a studying child to raise. You know, one of those few cases in which the girl knows she has to work to be someone in life and not simply sit and wait for a prince charming."

See? No details.

"You sure are an odd chil-I mean kitten. I see that you wear boots. Who are you exactly? Puss in Boots?". I shook my head slightly. "No, I'm not him. But don't worry I'm mistaken a lot of times so I'm used to it. Unfortunately most people think that every walking-in-two-paws cat that wears boots is him. That's equal to say that all cats are the same, which are not." With this I put the book back to it's original place.

Well, I should give you a mental picture of the book store too, so here it is: the room wasn't that big. On its right side was the counter and the bookshelf where I returned the book which was on its front. And on the left were about four tall library-like bookshelves. "Well I should leave now. It was a pleasure to chat with you Mrs...". She smiled warmly in my direction. "You can call me Granny, honey. And the pleasure is all mine. Not many people bother to pay me attention so it's always nice to have someone to chat with." "Alright then, Granny, I bed you goodbye." Walking to the exit I was just opening the entrance door when the old lady lastly asked "Oh I forgot again. Silly me! What's your name?" Turning my head to her I said "Tia. Tia Sharpclaws. But you can call me Lu".

After the book store episode I was leaving town and passing by the remaining shops. I stopped when I noticed my reflection on the glass of one of them. There I could see my grey and black striped fur and chocolate brown eyes. And I'm a tom cat by the way. I adjusted my belt, which carried a few daggers that I fight with, my dirty brown boots and hooded cape. Not also forgetting to fix my red scarf around my neck. Although my favourite colour is purple I always thought that red was the best suited for it. Finishing, I returned to my voyage, not quite noticing the small group of thugs whispering and pointing to my direction.

A few miles later I was reading my map, thinking about distances and estimating times. "Let's see. About 5 miles from here is a swamp and before it it's another town. With the extra money I earned at the last one I won't need to find another job for the next... 2 weeks. Well, it's not that bad and a little rest will only do good." Yeah. I did talk a lot to myself back then.

And I still do.

But my thoughts had to wait because a bit further from where I stood was a what seemed to be old man laying on the ground right at the middle of the dirt road. Worried I run to his side and immediately checked his pulse. "Graças a Deus*. He's not dead." The said man started to whine and complain about his fake pain.

You read well: fake.

"Don't worry sir. I'm here to help you."."How sweet, aren't you kitty?" So I heard and soon I forgot, since the last thing I saw as I turned to the voice's source was a giant stick which knocked me dead with a great hit on the head. A light evil laugh echoed in ears as my vision embraced darkness. I won a hell of headache when I regained conscious.

And a beautiful bruise.

I don't know yet exactly how long I went out but it couldn't had been much because when I woke up it was still daytime. "Ouch. What a hell of a headache. That will sure leave me with a beautiful bruise."

Told ya.

"The old 'grampa in need' trick. I should have known."

As I looked around I noticed that I was in a cage, carried by the thug who hit me, and that my stuff were missing.

Perfect.

He was in a line formed by other people, with all sort of creatures, waiting for their turn. I wasn't sure for what exactly but what I saw then kinda gave me the idea: there were what looked like to be dozens of other cages on the ground, most of them full of fairy tale creatures. We were in a sort of improvised temporary camp guarded by a few soldiers in a suit of armor who were guiding (or more like pushing) said chained creatures into not far prison carriages and so sent to God knows where. "Alright. This one's full. Take it away." said one guard to the fully loaded 'vehicle'. I heard coins hitting wood and then watched the first person in line giving away what I presumed to be Snow White's seven midgets in exchange of the coins given by another soldier with no helmet who was sat down behind a desk. One made out of wood.

They were... selling us.

Literally not joking.

The poor small men started to sing a sad song as they were yelled at and pushed violently since they were walking too slowly because of the chains on their wrists and waist.

"Move it along. Come on! Get up!" Believe me that soldier's attitude was getting on my nerves. And I'm known for being a really calm person.

Sometimes maybe too much.

The line moved a bit forward as the trading soldier called for the next person at the same time he took notes. "Give me that!" The infuriating guard broke a witch's broom in two."Your flying days are over." "That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch." The seated soldier paid the man, who went away complaining about the little money he earned, and proceeded: "Next!".

In the meanwhile, I kept looking at the next victims, including the witch who had the same fate as the others in a locked carriage. Was I going to suffer the same fate? "Good. You're not sleeping anymore. Now behave yourself kitty 'cause it's our turn." told me the thug with a yellow grin and a stinking breath. Yuck. I just hissed bitterly in response."Next!"

"What did you bring?" My cage was put on the desk in a too uncaring way for my own taste. "Puss in Boots!" Most people gasped and looked at each other. "Really?" But the helmetless man wasn't one of them. "Well the spanish authorities are giving a reward of 1000 pieces of gold for his head. If you can prove this cat is in fact him we are willing to give you at least a close amount to the original one." Trying to convince him the thug put also my cape, boots, belt and scarf on the table. But not my money bag. Aquele monte de - *." Here, you see? He wears boots. And a cape. He has also daggers, so it can only be Puss in Boots!" I slapped my forehead. Man, he sure was dumber than a rock.

No, wait. That's not enough.

My mistake.

"Are you kidding with me? Are you kidding with ME ? I. AM. NOT. PUSS. IN. BOOTS! And for some good reasons: number one, I am female; number two, I don't carry a sword and people always say that he's better than anyone at sword fighting; number three, and last one, there are millions of cats out there and a nice group of them can talk and wears boots, so what makes you think that I'm him?" For a bit they all remained quiet. "I'm sorry, but she has a point." The thug got in a desperate state. I could feel victory there, although it didn't last for long. "But I must say she's a beauty and she can talk which makes her a fairy tale creature. So including her stuff, that can make a total of 25 pieces of silver. And I'm feeling generous today." I rolled my eyes to those words.

Beauty? I'm a cat. That's the maximum of 'beautifulness' you could ever get.

Generous? With 20 pieces of silver for a witch? I don't think so.

Hope actually returned to the yellow-grinned man who happily accepted and ran away.

I never saw him again though.

"Ok. Put her on top of the baby bear's cage." Guess who was given this task? That's right. The infuriating soldier. "Who's a cute little kitten? Who is it?" he cooed and cooed as he took me to my new place. I raised my fur, arched my back, hissed with the scariest face I could manage and made catish angry sounds.

Looks like that kitten wasn't me.

When said guard was done and had enough of my uncute attitude, the baby bear under me was crying and they were just putting the lock on his prison. "This cage is too small." he said between his tears. His mother at our right tried to make him feel better but she was too down herself.

That was the last drop.

I had to do something. The issue wasn't how to get out of the cage but how to survive the guards and free everybody at the same time. I sighed and pressed my forehead against the cold metal from the cage bars. "What I need is a distraction."

I must had been blessed because not long after I heard some old woman's screams and a metal kick. And when I raised my head I saw ... a flying donkey.

It still sounds unbelievable right now.

"Hey! I can fly." he said. "He can fly!" exclaimed a little boy and the three little pigs."He can talk!?". I'm a talking cat which walks in her back paws, wears boots, a mysterious cape, fights with daggers and travels by herself and the trading arrogant helmetless soldier gets impressed with a simple talking donkey? I didn't want to live in this world anymore.

"Ha, ha! That right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey." Oh boy. "You might have seen a house fly, maybe even a super fly, but I bet you ain't ever seen a donkey fly! Ha, ha!" And then he run out of fairy dust. All his happy thoughts lost. "Uh-oh." He hit the ground with a grunt.

Yup. Pretty much doomed.

"Seize him!" With this single order soldiers started to jump and tried to catch the animal but in the end they never made it. "After him! He's getting away!" The donkey got into the woods and soon after went all the guards leaving the camp 'unguarded'.

"Now that's what I call a distraction! Thank you very much!" I quickly opened my cage's lock using one of my claws and got to the ground running to the wooden desk. On it were the cages' keys and under it were my things.

I didn't know who was dumber: the thug who hit me or those soldiers.

After 'getting dressed' I released Mama and Papa Bears and asked them "Please, Mr. and Mrs. Bear, scare these humans and free all the others. I've got a donkey to save." They understood immediately. "We don't know how to thank you.". "That's good 'cause you won't need to." and so I run into the forest following the direction the talking animal took. I even got in all four paws to get there faster.

A few minutes later, my ears twitched: I heard screams and heave feet. "The guards". I stopped in my tracks and hid behind a tree waiting for them to pass by. When they did they seemed to be running from something.

Like little baby scared girls.

"Ogre! Save yourself!". Oh no. "An ogre !?" I cried to no one in particular. I had always been warned during my trip that ogres can be the most fearful creature someone can think of.

And that donkey managed to get caught by one of them.

What is he? A danger magnet?

Even if having the possibility of facing such a monster I had to at least try to rescue the animal. It was my duty. If it wasn't for him, me and all the other remaining fairy tale creatures would be lost by now. So I went after him. How? I followed the ogre's scent.

Believe me, it wasn't that hard.

"Well, there go my vacations!".

Meu Deus = My God

Graças a Deus = Thank God

Aquele monte de - = That pile of -

So what do you think? I know it's not the best thing in the world but I think it will make you smile even if just once :)

More chapters will later arrive and please forgive me for any spelling or grammar mistake you may find there. I'm not a native speaker so it can be that hard.

See you next time !