A/N. This is a one shot. It's very dark, just to warn you! It was
originally an essay for my english class. So sorry about spelling and
grammar. My teachers suck.
Disclaimer: I own nothing; not the song nor the characters. Though I'd wish, I did!
Dear Hermione...
Sometimes life is so hard and there is just nothing you can do about it! Sometimes people give up upon their reality and flee into their own little worlds! Sometimes the scars are just too deep and the hurt too strong! Sometimes it takes a lifetime to just stand up for your self! Sometimes the tears just flow and not even the highest powers in the world can stop them! Every now and then the pain is just too real and then you slowly fade away! Seep in to the shadows of your mind, and you'll breathe no more. In your mind you'll run from something, nothing and yet everything! Someday you might return.
Have you ever been sitting in the black of your room... alone? Have you ever felt defenceless? Or insignificant perhaps? I do feel these terrifying feelings all the time! They are the bane of my whole existing. They and my Nemesis' at school! Don't ask me why, I don't know. I just want to be left alone, to be ignored and seen through. Still these voices haunt, taunt and frighten me. I see their stares and glares, hear them whisper and gossip. I want to scream: " Leave me alone!!" They judge me, is that fair? I believe this is harassment; a mental harassment. 10 years... I have known these people for 10 fucking years and neither of them have spoken a single word to me, but somehow the unspoken are the ones to follow me wherever I go. Even in my mind they will not leave me alone. They don't think I can see, yes they reckon me to be blind. They watch and judge, always judgement. They call me paranoid, I hear them! Paranoid!! Can you believe that? I do NOT have paranoia! I just want to be alone! Alone in my own little world! Is that perhaps paranoia?
When I fall into myself, the voices finally stop and the silence from within enter! My only silence! But, then again, I awake and the harassment starts all over again! You are the only one I trust, Love. The day you entered my life, the voices became a little bit more distant, and their gazes not so violently. My thoughts are with you, always, until there is no more.
Please, guard me from them, please, PLEASE!! I don't know how much more of this, I can take. My skin burns on my body, the fire is under my skin. This itching of thoughts in my head! Love I know, I sound crazy, but I am not the one who is insane, IT'S THE WORLD! The chaos around me, around us. Am I wrong when I want to escape? What else can I do?
Every now and then, when I am strong enough, I laugh out loud, laugh at the voices and faces in my mind and sight. At these days I act normal, but "What's cool being mainstream?" and soon the voices return stronger and more powerful! There's a thin line between reality and illusion, too bad I don't know the difference! According to other people I walk on the wrong side of that line, but in my mind there is no such line. I decide what is real, and what is imaginary.
I am something you cannot be,
Blinded, with the ability to see,
Everything that lies inside,
Deepest, darkest corners where secrets try to hide,
Feared emotions thought to be gone,
Pleasures of mind when everything else has gone wrong.
This is me, love! Isn't that just simple; a poem! How gothic, a poem, written to lover, with a lover's blood. Romantic? I think so! Writing is good therapy. Whenever I am angry, I just write. Letters to you are on the top of my list. You know that?
If the people in school could see me now, they would have so much to gossip about, to giggle about and another reason to stare. I can already hear them: "Look at Paranoia, he's a cutter! Look at his wrists; look at the scars, the wounds." Can you hear them too? Please tell me if you feel my pain, and if you do let us enjoy it together.
I am too tired to write anymore, now I will sleep not to reawake. Remember me, Love. Remember my pain, my shackles of life and my struggle to feed the voices and stop the glares. Paranoia is Death and I truly am paranoid! I see that now! Death is realisation and I am dying... Be strong, and remember!
Love you 'till the end of time;
Yours truly,
Draco.
A few days later:
A scream is ringing through the walls of a beautiful small house on the countryside of England. In the living room a sad melody is playing, while a petite and fragile looking, girl is lying on her knees with a letter clutched in her hands; tears are streaming down her face. Her eyes are red rimmed and swollen. She is sobbing uncontrollable, as she looks at the bloodstained paper in her hand and the words can hardly be heard between the sobs: " So you got your freedom, Draco! Wait for me, it won't be long." And the melody goes on:
When the fate leaves you behind
And drags me of to an unknown destination.
Shall my tears shape a sea
On which your boat has to reach the area.
When the storm is most violent
And the horizon seems to be far away
You will find strength to go on
And conquer the misery that wants to bring you down
When silence from afar is close at hand
Our harmony becomes as elusive as time
Viribus exhaustus sentio meum finem
Meam amicam viduam reliquens.
Silence from afar ~ After Forever
Disclaimer: I own nothing; not the song nor the characters. Though I'd wish, I did!
Dear Hermione...
Sometimes life is so hard and there is just nothing you can do about it! Sometimes people give up upon their reality and flee into their own little worlds! Sometimes the scars are just too deep and the hurt too strong! Sometimes it takes a lifetime to just stand up for your self! Sometimes the tears just flow and not even the highest powers in the world can stop them! Every now and then the pain is just too real and then you slowly fade away! Seep in to the shadows of your mind, and you'll breathe no more. In your mind you'll run from something, nothing and yet everything! Someday you might return.
Have you ever been sitting in the black of your room... alone? Have you ever felt defenceless? Or insignificant perhaps? I do feel these terrifying feelings all the time! They are the bane of my whole existing. They and my Nemesis' at school! Don't ask me why, I don't know. I just want to be left alone, to be ignored and seen through. Still these voices haunt, taunt and frighten me. I see their stares and glares, hear them whisper and gossip. I want to scream: " Leave me alone!!" They judge me, is that fair? I believe this is harassment; a mental harassment. 10 years... I have known these people for 10 fucking years and neither of them have spoken a single word to me, but somehow the unspoken are the ones to follow me wherever I go. Even in my mind they will not leave me alone. They don't think I can see, yes they reckon me to be blind. They watch and judge, always judgement. They call me paranoid, I hear them! Paranoid!! Can you believe that? I do NOT have paranoia! I just want to be alone! Alone in my own little world! Is that perhaps paranoia?
When I fall into myself, the voices finally stop and the silence from within enter! My only silence! But, then again, I awake and the harassment starts all over again! You are the only one I trust, Love. The day you entered my life, the voices became a little bit more distant, and their gazes not so violently. My thoughts are with you, always, until there is no more.
Please, guard me from them, please, PLEASE!! I don't know how much more of this, I can take. My skin burns on my body, the fire is under my skin. This itching of thoughts in my head! Love I know, I sound crazy, but I am not the one who is insane, IT'S THE WORLD! The chaos around me, around us. Am I wrong when I want to escape? What else can I do?
Every now and then, when I am strong enough, I laugh out loud, laugh at the voices and faces in my mind and sight. At these days I act normal, but "What's cool being mainstream?" and soon the voices return stronger and more powerful! There's a thin line between reality and illusion, too bad I don't know the difference! According to other people I walk on the wrong side of that line, but in my mind there is no such line. I decide what is real, and what is imaginary.
I am something you cannot be,
Blinded, with the ability to see,
Everything that lies inside,
Deepest, darkest corners where secrets try to hide,
Feared emotions thought to be gone,
Pleasures of mind when everything else has gone wrong.
This is me, love! Isn't that just simple; a poem! How gothic, a poem, written to lover, with a lover's blood. Romantic? I think so! Writing is good therapy. Whenever I am angry, I just write. Letters to you are on the top of my list. You know that?
If the people in school could see me now, they would have so much to gossip about, to giggle about and another reason to stare. I can already hear them: "Look at Paranoia, he's a cutter! Look at his wrists; look at the scars, the wounds." Can you hear them too? Please tell me if you feel my pain, and if you do let us enjoy it together.
I am too tired to write anymore, now I will sleep not to reawake. Remember me, Love. Remember my pain, my shackles of life and my struggle to feed the voices and stop the glares. Paranoia is Death and I truly am paranoid! I see that now! Death is realisation and I am dying... Be strong, and remember!
Love you 'till the end of time;
Yours truly,
Draco.
A few days later:
A scream is ringing through the walls of a beautiful small house on the countryside of England. In the living room a sad melody is playing, while a petite and fragile looking, girl is lying on her knees with a letter clutched in her hands; tears are streaming down her face. Her eyes are red rimmed and swollen. She is sobbing uncontrollable, as she looks at the bloodstained paper in her hand and the words can hardly be heard between the sobs: " So you got your freedom, Draco! Wait for me, it won't be long." And the melody goes on:
When the fate leaves you behind
And drags me of to an unknown destination.
Shall my tears shape a sea
On which your boat has to reach the area.
When the storm is most violent
And the horizon seems to be far away
You will find strength to go on
And conquer the misery that wants to bring you down
When silence from afar is close at hand
Our harmony becomes as elusive as time
Viribus exhaustus sentio meum finem
Meam amicam viduam reliquens.
Silence from afar ~ After Forever