Maggie Landers was having a lot of fun with her two best friends making sandwiches from crackers and just laughing at everything. Sometimes there was a moment of seriousness. She felt a bit awkward then. Still, she appreciated Carrie and Mouse trying to cheer her up.
"I just really don't know if I should get back together with Seth." The Mouse admitted, "I miss him but I'm still too hurt to make that decision."
Maggie wanted to tell her not to. She opened her mouth to speak but quickly stuffed a sandwich inside instead. It was too bad that Carrie had noticed her hesitation.
"Were you going to say something?" She asked.
Maggie just shook her head. She had a mouthful of crackers so she hoped that was enough. She saw Carrie looking at her with concern, and maybe a little pity. It didn't seem fair. Swallowing, Maggie smiled and then turned back to Mouse.
"No rush making a decision." Was all the advice she offered. Maybe Seth was different than Walt.
Walt. His name made her dizzy. She glanced over at Dorrit. They were her age when she and Walt started dating. Two years had gone by and despite all their "I love you" moments things had gone bad. Now she felt she had nowhere to escape to anymore.
Maggie had realized, in her last embrace with Walt that she wanted more than either of the guys in her life could give her. She didn't just want sex (and definitely not in the back of a police car) and she didn't just want a friend. Maggie decided that she wanted the best of both worlds. She just wasn't sure if she deserved it.
She wished she could be more optimistic, like Carrie. Maggie wasn't really jealous but she did wonder how Carrie could handle everything so well. Sneaking around, lying to her dad, her sister ruining her date with Sebastian, and her mother…yet still she was happy. Carrie had found an escape in Manhattan and in writing. Maggie had found escape with an older man in the back of his squad car.
"Can I be honest with you?" Maggie asked the three girls in front of her.
"Yes!" Carrie said.
"Of course, what's wrong?" Mouse asked.
"Is it Walt?" Carrie asked.
Dorrit nodded. So did Maggie.
"I've been faking smiles and laughter all night. I feel so terrible about what happened with Walt. I miss him. But this isn't like with Mouse and her guy- there is zero chance of us getting back together." Maggie wasn't sure how she knew that but it felt true, "I'm not happy. We haven't been happy for a while but now I'm alone and I don't know what to do."
"Fake it 'til you make it." Carrie said.
Mouse rushed over to hug her. Maggie hugged her friend back and forced yet another smile.
"What do you mean?" Maggie asked.
"Larissa told me, today at the photo shoot," Carrie explained, "Fake it 'til you make it. If you want to be something than just pretend until it becomes the truth."
"So I should fake being happy? Isn't that lying?" Maggie wasn't sure about this idea.
"We can tell anyways." Dorrit admitted, "I mean that you weren't really happy here tonight."
"Yeah, and you always have us, Maggie." Mouse said, "You're not really alone."
"Thanks." Maggie really did smile then. Just for a moment but it was a start.