Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, FFVII: Advent Children, or any of the characters. This applies to all the chapters I will be posting in the future.
A/N: Hey everyone! Welcome to my latest fanfic! I have decided to make an answering machine fic this time and I hope it will be successful like my FFX fanfic. I'm planning on making answering machine messages for most of the main characters from the movie. Now, an important note to all who read this: I have never played FFVII before, I've only watched FFVII: Advent Children. This means that the character's will most likely be OOC. Bear with me, and I will try my best. Now, on with chapter one, the messages on Cloud's cellphone.
/Cloud's Voicemail/
"... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... beep"
Message 1: Hey, it's Reno calling. Our boss wants to talk to you. Yes, I know we've been through this many, many, times now, but you are the perfect body guard you know. Oh and this time around, please don't lock me outside again. Do you realize how hard it is to make out what people are saying through the door? And you have no idea how much I attract mosquitos. If you DO do it again, I would appreciate some insect repellent first.
#Beep#
Message 2: Big brother, I know you have mother with you. Give her to us now so we can have our reunion already! I'm tired of chasing you around, especially since fuel is so expensive these days. But I have been stealing gas from Loz and Kadaj lately...
#Beep#
Message 3: Uh, I was just wondering if I could borrow some hair gel from you. The kind you use is more natural looking and has a flexible hold instead of a stiff one. The reason my hair seems so stiff is... (starts crying) I actually don't use gel...I use...cement mix... (blubbering can be heard in the background)
#Beep#
Message 4: What up fool? It's me Barret. Listen, I got called to survey an oil field and had to leave immediately. Can you tell Marlene for me that I'm sorry I can't attend her tea party this afternoon? I'm sure Denzel and Tifa will have a great time drinking out of little plastic cups with her. If you have time, you should join them too Spiky!
#Beep#
Message 5: How have you been, Cloud? Denzel and Marlene miss you a lot and they want you to come back soon. Oh, by the way, don't let anything happen to your tires. You left your spare tire here at the bar. I'm looking at it right now as I'm saying this to you on the phone. Take care and please be careful.
#Beep#
Message 6: Cloud my man, I was wondering if I could get a ride to Seventh Heaven from you. Barret mentioned something about a party there. But you see, I was doing some dry cleaning on Shera and I accidentally dropped the box of damn coathangers. It was just my luck that they fell into the goddamn engine too! And now, Shera's crashed in the middle of nowhere. I have no idea where the hell I am but I'd appreciate it if you could give me a lift. See ya!
#Beep#