Just So You Know, a pretty little liars fanfic

I shouldn't love you but I want too
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

Ezra Fitz was sitting at a desk, red marking pen in hand. He had been doing quite well, battling his way through the wonderfully written essays, the barely comprehensible words and everything in between. However, he had stumbled upon his downfall. Her essay. He almost wanted to tuck the essay at the bottom of the pile, forget about it, maybe call in one of his teaching buddies to grade it for him. Somehow, even reading her handwriting made his heart ache in the spot she had touched.

He should not be in love with her. He was a grown man, an adult, her teacher for Christ's sake! She was a teenager, a child still, his student! He was an adult, she was a minor. They never should have kissed that day in the bar. They never should have caught fire the way they did; in a way that was impossible to put out.

He'd tried to do the right thing. He had ended it between them; he had stayed silent in class, watching her as she watched him in turn. He would have to look away from those hypnotizing brown eyes so that he wouldn't lose his place in his lecture, but he would always feel their weight. He would always know when she was watching him. He would always know when his Aria was near.

He should be happy that she was dating Noel. He should be happy that she was finally was someone her own age. Someone that would be able to take her out on dates and dance with her in public. Someone who she could introduce as her boyfriend to her family. Someone who could kiss her in the hall. She should have someone like that. He should be happy for her. And he was, really. If she was happy, then he would be happy. He could be happy simply because she was happy.

"Mr. Fitz?"

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make the feelings stop

"Aria," he puts on his strictly-for-students-and-faculty-members smile. On the inside, his heart is pounding. The last bell rang twenty minutes ago. She shouldn't be here now. She hasn't made one of these visits in a long time. "Can I help you with something?"

"I just have a couple of questions for you," she bit her lip, but took a few more steps into the room. She closed the door firmly behind her, locked it, and closed the blind on the window for good measure.

"I'll do my best to answer them." Ezra swallowed, surprised that he had his voice at all.

"No, you will answer them, because I really need your answers."

"Then I will answer your questions."

Just so you know
This feelings taken control
Of me and I can't help it
I won't sit around
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want too
I just gotta say it all before you go
Just so you know

Aria was standing right beside his desk now, barely leaning on the edge of it. "I just don't know what to ask first."

"Take your time," he encouraged. He could smell her perfume. He had never smelled it before that day in the bar. And that day, he could have never known how much it would come to mean to him.

"What do you think of Noel?" She blurted out, her eyes widening.

"I think that he's a good kid. He's smart, a bit mischievous, but he's a good kid." Oh, God, he sounds like he's in a parent teacher meeting.

"I don't want the teacher answers." So she had noticed too. He should have known that she would. Not much got by her.

"What kind of answers would you like then?" Ezra leaned his arms on the desk, so that he was angled toward her.

"The regular person kind."

The reply is so her. It's something that he wouldn't understand if it had come out of someone else's mouth. "People are regular teachers, Aria." There's a slight chuckle to his voice, and her name comes out of his mouth like he's savoring a delicacy.

"You know what I mean. Pretend that you're not a teacher. What do you think of him?"

"He's got a great sense of humor. He's a lot of fun." This is all very true. Noel Khan is a lot of fun, he is very funny. The perfect antidote to Aria's seriousness. Ezra knew that if he and Aria had met as teacher and student, then Noel would have been her boyfriend a lot sooner. She and Noel fit, in a way that Ezra knew they couldn't.

"Yeah. I guess so." She's using her index finger to trace figures on the patch of desk where there are no papers. She won't look at him. She just follows her finger, round and round in circles.

It's gettin' hard to
Be around you
There's so much I can't say
And do you want me to hide the feelings
And look away

"Was that an okay answer?" Ezra asks. He really needs out of here. All he wants to do right now is pull her down on his lap and kiss her. He wants to kiss her like he believes there's a chance for them, like reality and life aren't fighting against them.

"Yeah, it was. And you're right. Noel's a lot of fun." Still looking down, dark hair obscuring her pale face.

He really doesn't want to be doing this, talking to her about the boyfriend he could never be.

"It's just – "She stops mid-sentence.

Ezra bits the inside of his cheek. She knows that he hates it when people don't finish their sentences, so he knows that she needs a little prompting. "Just what?"

"I came here to ask you questions."

She never finishes her sentence, and he knows that she's not going too. "Ask away. I'm not going anywhere." How could he go anywhere with her right there?

"I don't know how to ask half of the questions that I want too."

"I can wait until you know," he offered.

Her eyes flash up to his for a moment. "I'm scared of your answers." She admitted.

"Then don't ask the questions," he advised.

"But I have to know," she insisted.

"You can't have it both ways."

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make the feelings stop

"Do you miss me?" She whispered. She tried to tear her eyes away from his, but found that she couldn't, that she was firmly anchored.

"More every day," Ezra breathed.

He knew that he shouldn't. He knew he shouldn't admit this, say these things to her. He knew that he shouldn't make things worse for either of them. He knows that, if he could just close his mouth, she could get on with her life that much faster. But he wasn't going to lie to her. He couldn't lie to her.

"Why?" Her voice is barely there, but intense.

"Because," is all he can manage.

How can he describe all of the things that makes him miss her? It would take years to explain just how addicting her laugh is. Not to mention her intoxicating smile, or how she can speak through her eyes. There's also the way that every time she touches him, his skin will burn with pleasure. There's the way she bites her lip that's so adorable. The way she'll grin in her impish little way, call him Mr. Fitz while playing her fingers across his chest, all before kissing him.

"That's not the answer I want."

"I can't always know what you want," he replied.

She lowers her eyes, their breath taking moment over. "You knew that I wanted you."

"Aria," he puts all he can into her name. He doesn't know what else to say, what else he can say.

After all, there was a reason she didn't come to the apartment anymore, there was a reason why he only saw her in classes. He was trying to give her a normal life; he was trying to rid his mind of her. He couldn't keep doing this to her, to himself, to them. Being this close, smelling her perfume, it was a torturous, heavenly, moment, knowing that he couldn't hold her the way he wanted.

"Don't 'Aria' me," she snaps suddenly. "I need you to be honest with me."

"Honest about what?"

"About everything! About why you miss me," she insists.

"Aria," he can't help it. The name rolls off of his tongue again. She bites down on her lip, keeping her words inside. "I don't know what to tell you."

"Tell me you think I'm better off with him."

This emptiness is killin' me
I'm wonderin' why I've waited so long
Lookin' back I realize it was always there just never spoken
I'm waitin' here
Been waitin' here

The words cut through him like a knife. Better off with Noel? He feels empty at the thought, because the real, rational side of him knows that she is better off with Noel. The part of him that still lived in the real world, not in the Aria fantasy world, knows that he let go of her because she was better off with someone her own age. He thinks over his thoughts, about why he did this, about why he let her go.

He did it for all the right reasons. He was ripping his own heart to pieces in order to protect her. In order to guard her. He needed her to live a real life, the life that all teenagers lived. Like he said before, she needed someone that she didn't sneak around with. She needed someone that didn't keep her cooped up in an apartment because they couldn't see each other outside of school.

She needed someone like Noel Khan.

She was better off with someone like Noel Khan.

He didn't want her with Noel Khan.

If he was being honest with himself, he would admit that he was in love with her. He was beyond in love with this quirky woman-child, this old soul that loved poetry and thought he was cute. He needed this person by his side, even if he was just grading papers or lying on his bed listening to the rain. He wanted her by his side, forever. So, yes, she probably was better off with Noel, but, that wasn't where he wanted her. That wasn't where he knew she should be.

"So?" Aria's voice brought him out of his thoughts. "Am I better off with him?"

Without hesitation, he said, "Yes."

Tears welled up in her eyes. "That's all." She slid off of the desk, and went to the door. Inside, she knew that it wasn't all. She still had one question left burning in the back of her throat. She had come here intending to ask, 'did you ever love me?', but thinking back, the answer to that was pretty clear.

His heart jumped into his throat, beating wildly. "But," he said, loud enough, forcefully enough, to make her turn around, "That doesn't mean that I want you with him."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She jumped to the defensive, her first reaction when faced with something that she didn't quite understand.

"It means that you're better off with a boy your own age, not a man that you have to sneak around with. It doesn't mean that it doesn't tear my heart out to let you go. It doesn't mean that I want you with him. It doesn't mean that I don't want you with me."

Aria strode over to his desk, in loud, confident steps, "You were the one that pushed me away. I've always wanted to be with you. I was with Noel because I was trying to forget you, I was trying to make you see what you were missing. He's a cool guy, but I only think of him as a friend. How can I see him, or anybody, as more when all I can think about is you?" She ranted.

Ezra was taken aback. He had known that her every little movement had affected him in a deep and profound way, but to have her be the same? To know that he had such an impact on her life left a deep impression on him.

"I wanted you to be a normal teenager, with all the boyfriends and the parties. I didn't want to take away that experience, that life."

"My life is with my heart, which you just had to steal."

Steal seemed like a dirty word for something as precious as her heart.

"I love you!" She shouted at him. "Did you ever really love me?" The question slipped out of her mouth.

That question brought him to his feet, standing over her. "No."

At that one word from him, her whole body seemed to crumple in on herself. She could feel her small frame shaking from the shock.

"No, because I still love you, because I could never stop. This feeling that I've had since that first day I've met you; it's been building and building. It's love. I shouldn't love you. It's not right for me to love to you. I know it, you know it, but I can't stop it. I don't know how to stop it, or if I would if I could. I also know that you should be with a boy like Noel, but that doesn't mean I want you with him. I want you with me. I want to cook my burnt, second-rate dinners for you, I just want you there.

"Noel, he really likes you, but, frankly, I could care less about his feelings. I only care that I love you. I only care that you love me too. I tried to hide it, because of the fact that you're still a teenager, but I'm starting to care less about that too.

"Trust me, I tried, hard, to move past you, but I can't. I just can't." His eyes stayed riveted to hers. He didn't dare breath; she didn't dare blink.

"Why go through everything if you always loved me?" She asked.

"I didn't think that it was right for me to love you. I didn't think I should love you, but, you can't choose who you love. It's an impossibility, like stopping that love."

"So you want me back, just like that?" She could hardly dare to believe it.

"Not just like that, but I want you back, if you want me."

She crooked her finger, and, obediently, instantly, he bent to her height. "Idiot. I love you." She seized his face in her hands before kissing him. It was the longest, most passionate, heartfelt kiss either of them had ever had.

"I'm sorry for all of this," he apologized into her hair, drinking in the scent of her perfume.

"Shh." She whispered, kissing him deeply once again.

Just so you know

This ended up COMPLETELY different that I intended. Oh well. Don't know what I think of it, but I want to know what you think of it. I thought the song fit them really well, but I don't know if the story lived up to it . . .

I don't own Pretty Little Liars or the song 'Just So You Know' by Jesse McCartney.

~DI4MGZ~