One day thorin oakenshaft decided to go to the loacl strip club to have a nice wank. He had never been on thursday before, and what he didn't realise was that thursday was hobbit night. He was surprised to be so aroused by these tiiny people swinging their appendages around his face. One of the sprightly young things got his gstring stuck in thorins beautiful beard causing a stray bollock to gently caress his forehead.
"OH NO! IT S MY FIRST DAY! THE BOSS WILL KILL ME!" the hobbit cried.
"Not to worry darling, you are doing fine what is you name?"
"Bilbo Nippletwister sir."
"Well young master nippletwister, I want you in my pricate booth right now!"
Thoring oakenshaft had the biggest wang this side of Erebor – none of the other strippers would go near him, but bilbo did not know.
They found his body the next day ripped in half.
The End.