Omg he came closer to me.
I could feel myself about to faint.
He was the absolute best in the entire world.
I stood there ready for it and he came closer and almost touching my lips. I was about to scream.
It was amazing. Only in my dreams could this happen to me.
Only in my dreams... I heard a voice say, 'EMILY! School!'
I awoke in tears. Why me? Why me? Why me?
I wanted to keep dreaming. I was about to kiss Jesse McCartney!
I was about to experience the moment i've always wanted. Why did it have to end?
As I whiped off my tears and started to get ready. My best friend called.
She had something important to tell me but I wouldn't listen. I was drowning in my tears and I was late. I told her she would have to tell me later. She assured me I would be sorry not to listen to her but I didn't care about anything at the moment but the fact I was never gonna meet or kiss Jesse McCartney. I hung up on her already upset and the day hadn't even started. I got myself dressed up in my jeans and my Jesse t-shirt. I was as ready as I was gonna be for school. This was my favorite outfit. I didn't care what anybody thought about me. At school, I was laughed at as usual. All the popular girls who thought they were so cool and none of them listened to Jesse's music. They of course laughed at my shirt and said, 'eww what do you like about him, anyway?' I didn't answer any of them.
I just kept on walking to where I knew I should be. I went straight to my class, trying to hold in the tears of the hurtful pain. In my mind I was saying, 'Jesse.. I wish u were here. Maybe you would stick up for me.' Shaken and upset I walked in my class and sat down. Even my teacher made a dumb remark saying, 'I see u are wearing ur Jesse t-shirt again. You don't ever get tired of him, do you?' Tired of him? I was soo hurt by that. How could I ever get tired of such a wonderful guy? To me, Jesse was the most amazing guy in the world. It was all I could do not to expload. I then began to feel myself ache and I felt sick. I was so upset that I wanted to puke. I got up and ran to the bathroom. I could hear my teacher saying,
Emily. Where are you going girl?' I didn't stop to answer her. I ran to the bathroom and threw up!
I sat on the floor of the stall I was in and cried. My stomach was acheing so bad and my eyes were bleeding with tears. I couldn't take all the mean remarks and I coudn't stand all the laughter that was going on about me. Jesse meant everything to me. I didn't care what they thought. I was just so hurt and sick. I only wanted to meet him and be close to him. It was all I cared about. I wanted to die.
The pain I felt that day was the worse I have ever felt. I guess I caved in. I couldn't take it. 'just let me die!'
I yelled out loud. No one but myself was in the bathroom and all I wanted was just to disappear. Nothing else was worth living other then the thought of ever telling Jesse McCartney face to face how I admired him and cared so much.. If only he would be here by my side, to cheer me up.
Finally two girls had walked into the bathroom and were checking which stalls were avialable.
One of them kicked my stall and I said, 'this ones taken!' Then she went to the next one.
When I thought they were using the bathroom, I smelled smoke! I gasped and look up. Sure enough I saw smoke comming from both stalls on both sides of me. I jumped up to get out and right then, the hall monitor came in. 'Who is smokeing?' she asked.
I was rubbing my eyes quickly so my eyes didn't look red from my tears and she said to me, 'I can tell you have cuz ur eyes are red. Now who else is doing it?'
Me? I didn't smoke. I looked at her in shock. Like I wasn't enough upset, then I was acussed of smokeing, which I would never do. The hall monitor kicked opened all the stalls and caught both the girls smokeing. All three of us were in introuble. We were escorted to the prencipals office and I was very scared. I have never done anything bad all year,
nor did I want to. I was just upset and crying. I wasn't smokeing. My mom, I knew for sure,
was gonna be upset about this. She would believe the school and not me. I was so scared.
The hall monitor had ahold of my arm and she was tugging me to follow her along. We passed up the same girls who had made fun of me and they saw me being sent to the office. I knew they were giggling in their heads. They were all pointing too. I did wonder what they were really thinking but I knew it would just hurt me to find out. All the way down the hall and to the left, we walked untill we arrived infront of the principals office. I read the sign on the door and all I could make out of it was 'Hell'.
I know it said somethig more intellegent but thats all I could come up with for the meanning. The hall monitor pushed us inside and sat us down all three in a row. the principal just looked over at us. We all looked like drug atics.
I wasn't a druggie tho. I was just upset. The worst time to get introuble after I was already having the worst day of my life. One bye one we had to go into the other room and our parents were called. I wanted to die.
I wanted to killl myself. I was ready to go hang myself. The principal finally hung up with my mom and she said to me plain as day, 'well ur mother says you would never do it and since no one actually saw a cigerette in your mouth, I guess you are free to go back to class. You have a warnning though.' I stood there in amazement.
My mom didn't believe her and im not introuble? I was in shock but I was so relieved. Maybe I was getting a little bit of a break. Well then I was free so I went back to class. I had forgotten a hall pass though. I tried to get back into class but it was locked. The teacher opened it and said, 'There you are! Where is ur hall pass for being out so long?'
I got nervous and said, 'I don't have one. I forgot to get one.' Then she slammed the door in my face. That made me so mad. I was ready to kick the door. I looked in the window and two girls who are always making me mad looked back at me and waved and smiled. If I could, I would have kicked them both in their butts.
I wanted so badly to hurt them both for all the evil and mean things they do and say to me. What could I do? I was kicked out of class! I stood there in the hallway freaked. I was already failing that class. I slid down next to the door and sat on the ground. Putting my head into my lap and trying hard to not go crazy. There was a knot in my throat the size of a baseball. My eyes were stinging and my hands were numb. I was just begging to die again.
All I could think of was how badly I hated school to start with and how I couldn't stand all the mean girls.
Soon after that, the bell rang. I got up and started to walk to my locker. I didn't wanna be late for my next class.
Just then my best friend, Shannon, came up to me and she was squeeling like her pig tail had been yanked on.
I looked at her upset and puzzled. Shannon looked at me and then she frowned and said, 'My God. Whats wrong?'
I just put my head down in sorrow. I said, 'This has truly been the worst day of my life. Don't be shocked if I don't show up here ever again.' I could tell Shannon was confused and she said, 'but I have excitinng news that will cheer you up and you will freak out.' I didn't think anything could cheer me up at this point. So I told her,'nothing is gonna help Shannon. I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore. Its over!' I walked away holding in my pride and pain.
Shannon stood there with a worried face. She didn't even come after me to try and talk with me. Just stood there almost as if she didn't know really what to do. I went on to class. I sat down and got out my agenda to write down the homework that is always assigned right away on the board. As I opened it I had a picture of Jesse McCarntey on the inside. I smiled so big and bright as I saw his pretty face and beautiful eyes. Then I sighed cuz I wanted so bad to meet him. Oh well. I knew it wasn't going to happen. The teacher came in and sat down at his desk, alignning all the papers he had together. Then yelled my name. "Emily, come pass these out for me." Why did he have to pick me? Sighing, I got up out of my seat and drug my feet over to where he was. He handed me the papers and I slowly went to each table and passed them out. Then as I was going to my table, I forgot I had left my agenda open. The guy assigned next to me, Chase, was looking at my Jesse picture with one eyebrow up. I dared to wonder what he was gonna say.
Then he looked up at me and said, "You like that gay kid? Don't you know hes actually gay? Gayer than most!" I just frowned and continued passing out the papers. A tear was slowly falling down my cheeck and my throat got dry again. How come everyone here, had to be so rude? Not only rude, mean and hurtful! As if I wasn't already thinking of just dying, I made my desicsion. How would I do it though? I wasn't sure but I had to do it. I didn't think I could go on. My head began poudning and my eyes stinning. A girl in the very back looked up at me as I layed down her paper and said 'Omg. Are you crying?"
I just wiped my cheeck and said "No. I'm not!" She just staired at me for a second and went back to looking at her paper.
I wondered why she would even care. I didn't think anyone in this school cared about me. As I finished passing out every sheet, I went back to my desk. I looked down at my agenda and my picture had a mustach and gay written all over it!
I was so mad I could of hit Chase with my chair. He was busting out laughing and so was the boys behind us. I looked at him a second and tried to hold in my tears but they got worse. I did only what I could do. I stood up from my chair, grabbed my stuff and ran out of the class room. The teacher told me to come back but I kept going.
I wanted so bad to get out of this place. How could any human bean stand to even be here with these nasty people.
These people who only care about them selfs and don't care if they hurt someone else's feelings. Right as I was running down the halls, Shannon saw me and grabbed me. I told her to get off of me and let me go. Shannon actually pushed me into the lockers hard and said "Stop running away. I don't want you to hurt yourself, I love you and I have good news for you and you better listen or you will be sorry." What the heck was she diong or talking about?
Trying to get away, I said 'Let me go Shannon! I can't take it. I wanna die. You don't understand cuz no one makes fun of you or hurts you. I'm serious. Nothing you say, is gonna help me. Don't you get it?" both of us out of breath and my heart beating fast, we looked at each other and didn't move. Shannon then started to cry and said, 'Fine! If you think I don't ever get made fun of and if you don't think what I have to say is gonna make you happy then I'll just let you have ur way and you just go make the biggest mistake of ur life!' Then she started to walk off. I stood there ashamed and confused. I also felt bad I treated my best friend like that. Then I called her back "Shannon? I'm sorry. I'm just so hurt right now and i've had such a bad day. I didn't mean to act like that to you. Will you come back and tell me what is your great news?" Shannon stopped in her tracks and slowly turned around facing me. She then started to walk back over to where I was. With a smile she hugged me and nodded with a tear in her eye. "You can't leave me,
she said. I don't wanna miss you at all." "Just tell me the good new!" I said impaitiantly. Then in excitement she said quickly, "Ok. Well, my dad has been saving up flying miles for a trip for my family and he saved up enough I can take a friend with me and it just so happens, we get to go somewhere specail!" Not sure where, I said back, 'Oh really?
Well where exactly are you getting to go?" Shannon smiled a second then replied, "Well, we are going to Disney Land in California." "Disney Land?" I asked back to her. "Yes!" She assured me. "Though you will never know who is getting to go there on vaction at the same time." I was really in deep thinking. "Who?" I asked her in wonder. "You really wanna know who?" She nagged me on. "Sure..." I said back in a really confused way. "Jessica!" She squeeled out loud and started jummping up and down all excited and crazy. I thought for a second what she was telling me, then it finally hit me!
"Omg! Jessica?" I asked her now freaking out too. "Yes, your friend online, Amber!" I couldn't believe it. She had rearanged for me to go with her family on vaction at the same time, Jessica was going with her family on vaction.
I was stunned to the point I couldn't hardly speak. I guess she really did have good news. It had almost been two years since Jessica and I had been talking online and we had so much in comman but no way to ever meet offline.
Now it was all the sudden happenning? How could it be possible? My hands were shaking and I wanted to scream.
I threw my arms around Shannon and stood there squeezing her tight. Shannon looked at me and said, "So you wanna go with me and my family?" "Omg. Yes!" I told her excitedly. Then we both heared the hall moniter comming down the hall. "Do yo have hall pass?" Shannon asked me. "Shoot. No I don't." I replied to her. Then we both hid beside the lockers.
The Hall moniter just kept walking buy and turned left down the hall. With reliefe, we both giggled and walked on the opposite direction. School was over and we had managed to miss every other class that day. The school buses were linning up and we were waiting for ours to show up so we could go home already. Just then though, one of our teachers walked by and said, 'Did I see you in class today, ladies?" We freaked for a second then somehow I spoke up and said, "Yes don't you remember?" Our teacher thought for a second and then said, "What did we talk about in class?" Shannon looked at me and nugged my shoulder to say something else. Then I cleared my throat and said, "Didn't we watch a movie in class?" The teacher looked at me stern for a second and then said, "Very smart.
if you were actually watching it or not, thats beyond me but maybe I over looked you sitting in the back." I just grinned for a second then he walked off. Wow. How did I get so good at lying? Shannon looked at me amazed and said, "Omg.
That was so close. I can't believe how good you were." I couldn't believe myself either. Just then, our bus pulled up and we got on. We sat all the way in the back together and talked about our plans. I asked Shannon when her family was going on this vacation. On spring break, she said. I was so excited and I know she was too. Finally the bus pulled up to my house and I stood up to get off. I waved by to Shannon and told her to call me when she got home. Shannon nodded and waved excitedly too. Once I got inside my house though, I remembered how earlier I was going to hang myself.
I stood there a minute and thought about it then figured if I still did, I wouldn't go on this trip with Shannon's family, nor would I meet Jessica. I guess I could survive till then. Soon after, my phone rang. I rushed to answer it. "Hello?" I said. "Hi Emily. Its Jessica!" The voice said. "Omg I said. How are you? Why aren't you at school?" "Hi" Jessica said. "We had a lock down and some kid was going to bomb our school, so we all had to go home early." She added. "Oh. Thats typical."
I said back. Then Jessica said, "Anyway, I have good news for you Emily." "Wait." I interrupted. "I have news for you too."
I told her. "Okay?" Jessica said and I went on blabbing about going on vacation with Shannon's family and at the same time as Jessica's. Excitedly Jessica said, 'She already told you? Well there is more and you wont believe it seriously you are gonna think I'm making it up." "Making what up? There is more?" I shouted to her in wonder. "Yes but I don't see how we will get to go." Jessica said in doubt. "Go where?" I asked her. "Ok omg. Well the same day we all will be at the magic kingdom in Disney land, Jesse is doing a concert there but i've checked the tickets and God they are pricey!"
Jessica told me. I paused a second and then felt myself freaking out. "Jesse! Hes going to be there the same day?
Are you freaking serious?" I started freaking out then Jessica stoped me and said "Yes but we can't afford tickets to watch the concert. You know our parents aren't gonna pay for us to watch him." Then I got really down. "I know." I told her.
"We have to find away though. I seriously have to see him. Omg! You know how much he means to me." I was saying to her in panic. "He means alot to me too.", Jessica said. I knew we had to think of something. How could it be, Jesse would be at the same place as us, the same day. Very ironic and I wanted to see him. I wasn't going to just give up. "We have to find a way!" I exclaimed to her. "ok but how?" Jessica asked unsure. The both of us thought about it for awhile. Right then, my mom came home with my little sister. "How are you Emily?" My mom asked me with a smile. "Guess what mom?
Shannon asked me to go with her family on spring break to Disney land in California and they are going the same time as Jessica and her family and Jesse is going to be doing a concert there the same day!" I told her in a rush. I just couldn't wait much longer. With big eyes my mom said, "Thats alot of excitement there Emily. How are you paying to see Jesse and do you have money for food to go with Shannon's family? You can't exspect them to pay for it all." I thought about it and she was right. I didn't really have any money. Then Jessica said on the phone, "Emily, why don't you just make more Jesse toats, like you made me and sell them." "Ok but how many would I be able to make and who would I even sell them to?"
I asked her. Finally Jessica spoke up agian on the phone, "Ooh! Sell them to my friends and sell them off our fan page on myspace! Trust me." I smiled and said, "I suppose that will work." not long after that she had to get off the phone.
Then I found myself getting right to work. I worked so hard and when my mom called for me to come to dinner, I found it hard to stop working. I heared her comming up the steps and I quickly got up to leave my room. My mother rushed in and said, 'Emily. Dinner. now!' 'ok ok, mom.' ,I said back sighing. I just couldn't get it out of my head of how I would finally meet one of my bestest friends and might see my celebrity crush. My family was all at the table chowing down on food and me, I was actually forcing mine down my neck in a rush. I wanted so bad to hurry up and get back to work.
'Slow down!' my older sister said to me, looking at me strange. When I was finished, I stuck my plate in the sink and ran quickly back up to my room, to finish my work. I never even started my homework. It was really dark and my clock said 12:45 am. I had made five toat backs and I thought they looked amazing. I couldn't wait to take pics and show Jessica.
The next mornning, I was super tired and couldn't stay awake on the bus. "How late did you stay up?" , Shannon asked me.
I was so sleepy and tired, I didn't wanna answer her back. We got in class and the nice girl that asked me if I was crying was in there. I thought I had only one class with her? The teacher announced we had new seating arrangements and that Kelsey, the nice girl, had switched to our class. The teacher saw and said, "Emily dear. I hope you will be staying with us in class today. Come sit in your new seat next to Kelsey here." She pointed to the seat. I slowly sat down and looked at kelsey smiling. She smiled back and said, "Hi there. Remember me?" "yes.", I exclaimed back to her. I started to open my agenda and she noticed the writting all over my Jesse picture. "Omg! Why did you write all over your picture like that?", Kelsey asked me. "I didn't. Chase Thomas did!", I told her. She looked sorry. "That was mean of Chase.
Jesse is such a cutie.", Kelsey told me with a huge grin. "You like him too?", I asked her in wonder. "Well yea...", She answered with red cheecks. Here I thought I was the only person in the entire school, crazy about him. Boy was I wrong.
Then the two of us giggled. The teacher started on with her lesson and talked forever and ever. I sat with my head rested on my hand. Kelsey too, was bored and twittled her pencil about. Finaly the bell rang. I leaped to my feet and gathered my stuff together. I started to leave the room when I heared Kelsey say, "Wait! Wait up Emily!"
I turned around to her and she stood right infront of me with a big smile. I smiled back wondering if she wanted to be close friends. I asked her, 'You want to walk with me to my locker?" "Yea sure!", She said back all excited.
We hurried to my locker and when I opened it up, Kelsey gasped at all the hot pictures of Jesse I had on the inside of my locker door. Shannon rushed over and staired at Kelsey funny. I smiled and said, "This is Kelsey. I now have two classes with her. Shes a Jesse fan too." Shannon smiled awkwardly, seeing I now had a new close friend. After school, I had the two of them over. It seemed like, all my pain of being made fun of, was gone. Now that I had another person crazy about Jesse. Although, Kelsey was a little too crazy. I was telling her that Shannon and I were going to Disney land on spring break and Jesse was performming the same exact day. Kelsey threw her hands on her mouth and shouted, "No way! Your joshing me! You are so totally the coolest person, in school. I wish I would have gotten to know you sooner." I looked at her weird and then she wraped her arms around me tight and squeezed me. Shannon looked at me odd and I looked back at her in desperation, to make Kelsey stop. That night I had three ims from Kelsey, a comment on myspace, and a email as well. I wanted it to stop, even though it was nice to have someone who didn't think I was crazy. I guess it took a crazy person, to not think I was crazy. Finally Jessica got on Aim and I showed her the pictures of my toat bags. Then she saved the pictures and promised to show them to people at her school and see if they would buy them. I thought for all the work I did on them, 10 Dollars each, was more than reasonable. The next day I got to class annoyed. Kelsey followed me around from my locker, all the way into the bathroom. Talking all about how many times Jesse's music video was on tv and how she just got a new poster of him and she had a dream they got married in italy and his cousin sarah, was the flower girl. I couldn't take it! As much of a fan I was, I new sarah was too big to be a flower girl. I was getting so annoyed, I wanted to scream. Kelsey now had a picture of Jesse in her agenda too and she kept showing it to me in my face. I pushed it out of my face and said, "I've seen that picture of him before, Kelsey! Thats nice!" Kelsey just smiled at me and then finally sat her Agenda down. Only two more weeks till spring break. I had my screen saver on my computer at home, couting down the days! I needed to make enough money to take for Disney Land and I had to find away to meet Jesse.
His fan club had a contest, to win back stage passes. Only problem is, I didn't even have concert seat tickets. Nor could I afford them. 48 dollars for one seat, which wasn't even front row! My mom also, wanted me to pay my park ticket, instead of making Shannon's family pay for it. I was over whelmed and Kelsey kept telling me on the phone,
how awsome I was that I was seeing Jesse. I didn't even know that for sure. How annoying, Kelsey was getting and nothing I could really do about it. I wanted to be nice and after all, she wasn't ever mean to me. I was just so annoyed,
I wanted to rip out my hair. I was telling Jessica on the phone how annoying Kelsey was when Kelsey beeped back in.
She had already called me once. Now she was calling me again. "I can't take this, Jessica!", I shouted. Then Jessica tryed to cheer me up by saying, "Aw. I have three buyers for your toat bags!" "three?", I asked? Then I squeeled and said, "Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you, Jessica!" Jessica just giggled and said, "Alot of people loved your bags but only a few said they had the money to buy. I am sorry." She was sorry? I made 30 bucks. I was so happy.
Although I still needed the rest of the money for my park ticket. I didn't have enough for food and the ticket. How could I sell the rest? No one at my school would buy one. Enless maybe I went to one of those shops where you can sell beads you make and the store will then sell them. Wait. Would they take bags? It was worth a try. Me and my friend shannon walked into a store called, 'Nathan's fine jewlery and things'. We walked in really nervous and slowly made our way to the counter. Their was a tall thin guy with earrings in both ears and one on his eyebrow. We were a little grossed but had to do what we came for. Shannon nugged my shoulder and I cleared my throat. Finally the man turnned around and said, 'Good day ladies. May I help you with anything? I have some really cool jewlery you might like to see.' Finally I spoke up and said, 'I was wondering if I could offer you some toat bags I made for you to sell.' The man grinned and said, 'Well miss, let me have a look at them. Maybe I can.' I pulled out the bags I made and handed them to him nervous as ever. He stairred at them all for awhile looking at each picture of Jesse and each stitch I had sewed. to make the bag.
Then he looked up back at me and said, 'Is he on some kind of tv show or something?' I frowned and said, 'It's Jesse McCartney! Beautiful Soul!' The guy looked at me funny and stratched the back of his head. Then said, 'Sorry sweetie. I dunno who he is.' I looked at Shannon like I wanted to kill the guy. Then he said, 'But if this is some kind of popular guy you teens really like, i'll be more than glad to sell these and give you your share. Only if you are sure, he's popular.' I squealed with great excitement and said, 'yes omg. He is super popular. The hottest guy ever. I'm trying to make money to meet this man.' The guy grinned and put the bags on a rack. I couldn't wait to go home and call Jessica. I rushed home and told Jessica everything. She seemed excited, but not overly excited, like I was! Then I said to her, 'Why aren't you freaking out?' Jessica sighed and said, 'Forget it Emily! My parents told me we can't see Jesse!'
"What?", I shouted out loud! 'How could your parents not let us meet Jesse?' , I asked her in desperation. Jessica sighed again and said, 'Simple. I asked my mom if why we were there, could we watch him perform and she said no.
Shes not going to let us, Emily!' I felt my eyes fill up deeply and I didn't know rather to scream, cry, or