It is a lovely afternoon in Spooner, Wisconsin. A very epic, heart-wrenching, and very frustrating race is about to begin. 11 teams of 2 will arrive, one by one, at the starting line, where William Fontaine De La Deautrive (Bill) will tell them the rules that they already know.
1. Spongebob Squarepants and Squidward Tentacles (Neighbors)
"Bahahahaha! This is going to be great, Squidward! Just you and me, racin' around the world...s, feeling the adrenaline running through our veins, and clogging our arteries with a steady supply of some Krabby Patties!" Spongebob said in his confessional.
"Spongebob, when I said to you 'Why sure, pal, I'd love to go racing with you on some game show I've never even watched and embarrass myself on national television', I was being sarcastic!" Squidward cried.
"What's that mean?" Spongebob asked. "Is that when you feel cranky after eating too many undercooked coral bits? Because if it is, I can fix that!"
Squidward sighed.
2. Pinky and the Brain (lab mice)
"Oh, Brain, this is going to be so much fun! Narf!" Pinky squealed in his confessional.
"Pinky, we're not here to have fun. We're here to fund our next scheme at taking over the world! Or at least any of the other worlds we end up visiting," Brain reminded him.
"Oh, sorry, forgot about that. But I bet it'll be real fun to be able to visit all sorts of neat places! Poit!'
"Yes, Pinky, it may be fun for you, but I'm not losing sight of our goal."
3. Zim and Gir (Normal Human and Dog)
"I, uh, am a normal human meat child, attempting to win this race so that I may find a particularly vulnerable planet for the Irken Empire to invade-I mean, eh, make myself a new home..." Zim added this last phrase as sweetly as possible, making sure that his fake eyes were stuck on. Gir, in his puppy suit, waved at the camera.
"HI MOMMY! HI DADDY!" the robot cried.
"Gir! You are a machine! You have no parents! I am your master!" Zim yelled, forgetting that he was on camera. Although Zim would deny it many times, everyone knew who he really was.
4. Mario and Luigi (brothers)
"I a-figured this race wouldn't be a-so bad," Mario said in his confessional. "It could give me a chance to really a-bond with Luigi."
"Yeah, and a-maybe I can prove to Mario that I'm not always a coward and a-second banana!" Luigi added.
5. Mordecai and Rigby (friends)
"Yeah, not gonna lie man, this race seems awesome and all, but we really just need the money cause' we got fired from our jobs, thanks to Rigby here," Mordecai said in his confessional.
"Hey, that concert was worth it, and you know it!" Rigby protested.
"Yeah, but I didn't brag about it to Muscleman and High-Five Ghost!" Mordecai pointed out.
"Will you drop it? Once Benson sees us on TV, he'll hire us back for sure! He'll be famous for having hired two guys that were famous!"
"Don't we have to win to be famous?" Mordecai asked.
"Exactly!" Rigby reassured.
6. Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff (lylonk fraends)
"this is AWSUM, BRO!" Hella Jeff cried. "if we WIN THIS FTW, well hav enuff moo-la for tons of MAD SNACKS, YO!"
"dude, you made the wrong reff, you dumb homo tool!" Sweet Bro reprimanded. "Your doing it wrong!"
"Don Tell me who to Do!" Hella Jeff screamed.
7. Robotnik and Scratch (Villain and Minion)
"I, the suprrrreme Dr. Ivo Robotnik, will win this race at any cost! No one can stop me! NO ONE!" he cried.
"Uh, your Gloriousness, what if somebody tries to yield us, and we lose?" Scratch asked.
"WHAT?! Prrrreposterous! Inconceivable!" Robotnik cried.
8. Vriska and Tavros (Alternian Trolls)
"This race will 8e pretty fun, I think! That is, if Tavros will cooperate and help me win!" Vriska said smugly.
"i WILL, UH, DO MY BEST, BUT IF WE LOSE, PLEASE DON'T, BLAME ME, FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS," Tavros replied nervously.
"If you don't screw up, then I won't have to!" Vriska said matter-of-factly.
9. Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam (co-workers)
"Now ah know they said no guns on this here race, but if somebody pulls off some dastardly trick-oooooh, I'd hates that!" Sam said angrily.
"Don't wowwy," Elmer reassured him. "The wabbit and the duck aren't in this picture, and they awn't gonna be, aftew I had tawk with the pwoducers."
10. Jessie and James (Team Rocket)
"We're so notorious throughout the galaxy that we don't even need to state our relationship! Team Rocket is just that bad!" Jessie cackled.
"Uh, what is our relationship exactly?" James asked.
"Nothing that meddling twerps that could be watching this for their own amusement right now should know about!" Jessie yelled.
"Oh. Sorry."
11. Tom Servo and Crow (co-workers)
"Heh, I checked out what they call us; we're 'Co-workers!'" Servo laughed.
"Yeah, more like 'Co-stars!'" Crow cried. "And who were the idiots that thought it would be a great idea to start a race in Spooner, Wisconsin?"
"Yeah, who's lobbying for this show, E. Gary Gygax?" Crow asked. The producers had no response.
All 11 teams gathered in some cheesehead's field, rented by the producers. Bill Deautrive, the host, said a few formalities before letting the race begin.
"Hey y'all! Make sure that you all go to your specially marked vehicles with the funny logos on the hoods!" Bill said, pointing to the cars about 100 feet behind him, all lined up in a neat row. "You have to read the clue placed with your bags-also behind me-before you can get in your car! Remember, be nice and respectful to all those foreigners you meet in the race, and they just might help you! Or file a restraining order."
"Will you hurry up?!" Robotnik demanded. Bill whimpered.
"Uh, okay, uh...ready, set, go!" he cried. All the racers dashed to their cars, some at impressively quick speeds, and others at depressingly slow speeds.
"Make your way..." Squidward read.
"To the Spooner Galactic Airport..." Brain read.
"And book one of three charter flights! EEEEEK!" Gir read.
"To New New York! Where is that?" Mordecai asked as he read.
"Wuns you arrive, head to the Planelet Ex-press!" Sweet Bro read.
"Where you will rrrrecieve your next clue," Robotnik read.
"A-teams are encouraged to find earlier flights, if a-possible!" Mario read.
"The fiwst weg of the wace is guwanteed to be an ewimination wound," Elmer Fudd read.
"lAST TEAM, TO CHECK INTO THE PIT-STOP,,," Tavros read.
"May be eliminated!" James finished.
"Real harsh on the first-timers, huh?" Servo asked Crow.
"Yeah, they probably just trying to weed out the Spielbergs from the Ed Woods!" he replied.
Each team scrambled to their cars to prevent that elimination from happening.
Intro time!
Spongebob is seen yelling over Squidward's head to call out an order at the Krusty Krab. In the picture, Squidward is trying to shove Spongebob out and only show himself as the picture is taken.
Brain is seen lecturing Pinky on his latest scheme, pointing to a blueprint pinned to the wall of their cage. Pinky is asleep. In the picture, Brain is about to whack Pinky over the head, but sees the camera just in time and gives his "winning smile" as their picture is taken. Look it up.
Zim is looking on a monitor while Gir is dancing with an orange in the background. In the picture, Zim quickly leans over to grab his wig and eye panels and puts them on before the picture is taken.
Mario and Luigi are seen stomping on 2 different goombas and then blasting a koopa with fire and thunder respectively. In their picture, they are simply smiling and not doing anything weird.
Mordecai and Rigby are seen riding a golf cart into a portal over the edge of a cliff while Benson angrily shakes his fists at them. In their picture, they're high-fiving.
Sweet Bro is falling down some stairs while Hella Jeff is laffing with a bag of Doritos in his hand. In their picture, their flat bodies are just seen facing each other, rather than the camera, and a tiny Jeromy can be seen in the corner.
Scratch is seen licking Robotnik affectionately from the pilot of Aosth (Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog). In their picture, Robotnik grips Scratch's beak while smiling deviously at the camera. After the second leg, the intro changes: Robotnik is pointing out Grounder and talking about failure and paperweights while wearing a strange device on his head. In their picture, Robotnik has one foot on Grounder and is crushing him.
Vriska is seen grabbing both Tavros' horns and swinging him aside. Nothing weird in this picture, except Tavros looks uneasy.
Elmer Fud and Sam are seen shooting targets with Bugs Bunny's silhouette and a shooting range, with Sam using 2 pistols and Elmer using his shotgun. In their picture they aren't doing anything weird, but Elmer is leaning on his shotgun.
Jessie and James are running and carrying bags over their shoulders, with their all of the Pokémon they would use on the race are following them. In their picture, Wobuffet and Mime Jr. are trying to hog the camera by getting in front of them.
Crow and Servo are seen in silhouette form as the Amazing Race logo appears on their screen. Crow clearly had some comment to make about it. In their picture, they are in the Satellite of Love.
A few frames of the race are seen, but they all go so fast that the viewer can't make out a thing!
Mordecai and Rigby were the first to get their car moving. "Awesome, we're in first!" Rigby cried.
"We could seriously not lose this!" Mordecai agreed.
Regular guys: currently in 1st
"Don't wait for the others to get out of the way! Drive!" Jessie yelled, her head briefly inflating anime-style as James turned on the ignition.
"I'm going as fast as I can!" he cried.
"Jessie and I are usually on equal grounds when it comes to scheming, but sometimes she lets the stress get to her," James said in his confessional. "Perhaps if we win a few legs, she'll relax...or just get even more wound-up!"
Team Rocket: currently in 2nd
"I'll handle the navigation," Jessie said rapidly, her eyes scanning the road ahead of them for people. Hopefully, they would be willing to ask for directions when the time came, but at the moment she felt that it was best to follow the animals. Meanwhile, the Bots were also beginning to pull out, with Crow driving as Servo navigated.
Bots: currently in 3rd
"We're not gonna need directions, right?" Servo asked.
"Of course not! Enough movies have been shot here for us to know this place like the back of our hands!" Crow said.
"Good, cause' you know mine don't really work!" Servo replied.
"Then how are you gonna hold the map when we get one?" Crow asked.
"Bro, give me the weel!" Sweet Bro cried as Hella Jeff almost steered into a tree.
"No, man, you're doing it wrong!" Hella Jeff cried as Sweet Bro took the wheel from him and almost veered off the road.
SBaHj: currently in FORTH
"yeah, we make suk as drivers, but we still can kick the other racers' and their moms' butts, if we just keep it real about...AIDS!" Sweet Bro insisted in his confessional.
"on closer inspection...maybe our horribible drives can help us do good!" Hella Jeff said hopefully.
"Tavros, you take the wheel and put your metal to the metal!" Vriska cried, referring to Tavros' metal legs.
"uH, OKAY, BUT
WHAT ARE YOU, GOING TO DO?" he asked.
"I'm just gonna manipul8 some of the other slowpokes into letting us passing them!" she said.
Trolls: currently in 5th
"Those other teams may 8e sitting pretty right now, 8ut in the end it's gonna all 8oil down to who has the most luck and skill! And I have more than them! All of them! Sorry, other teams, 8ut them's the 8r8ks!" Vriska boasted in her confessional.
"wHY IS VRISKA BRAGGING, ABOUT HAVING LUCK AND SKILL, WHEN SHE'S JUST USING HER POWERS, TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS?" Tavros asked in his confessional.
"Pinky, I'm driving for the first round!" Brain declared. Despite the mice's apparent shortness, they were able to drive because their producers had modified the cars they would be using to have extremely sensitive pedals that extended from the floor of the car to the top of the steering wheel, where Brain was.
"Don't you think it's real nice of them to fix the cars just for us, Brain? Zort!" Pinky asked.
"It was a very foolish mistake on their part, giving us a tremendous advantage!" Brain said.
"The other teams won't expect two simple mice to inexplicably beat them in the race!" Brain said. "They will be facing an unpleasant surprise when we complete a leg hours ahead of schedule!"
Brain stepped on the gas as hard as he could, passing Tavros and Vriska just as the trolls were trying to accelerate at a slightly slower pace.
Mice: currently in 5th
Trolls: currently in 6th
"Hurry up and get close to them, Tavros! I can't make them go to sleep unless I'm close enough to them!" Vriska demanded. Tavros did so, and she used her powers on Pinky and the Brain.
"iF THAT'S HOW IT WORKS, THEN WHY, WAS IT SO MUCH EASIER, FOR YOU, WHEN YOU MADE, JOHN AND JADE, FALL ASLEEP?" Tavros asked.
"Shut up!" Vriska cried.
Brain could feel a mental pressure forcing itself on his powerful brain, but to him it just felt like a minor headache. Pinky yawned and curled up in the passenger's seat.
"Brain, I feel tired. Yawn!" Pinky was soon fast asleep as the mice got on the road.
"Sleep tight, Pinky. You're stupidity won't be useful to me unless you're rested," Brain said.
"I later found out what Vriska had done," Brain said. "Powers of hypnosis and suggestion only work on the weak-minded! I'm not called 'the Brain' for nothing! Did she really think that I could possibly succumb to her mind control?"
"Spongebob, let me drive! I have a license!" Squidward cried, pushing Spongebob into the passenger seat.
"Squidward, shouldn't you buckle up first?" Spongebob asked.
"I'm fine! I don't need your silly regulations!" Squidward replied. Suddenly, Yosemite Sam and Elmer Fudd pulled out in front of him, and when he stopped the car suddenly, his big head slammed against the window.
"I think now would be a great time to...floor it!" Spongebob cried, mashing on the gas.
"Nononononooooooo!" Squidward cried, shoving Spongebob off the gas. But by the time he had done so, they had passed a few people.
Sea Creatures: currently in fourth
SBaHj: currently in FITH
Mario Bros: currently Sixth
Mice: currently in seventh
Trolls: currently in 8th
Toons: currently in 9th
Zim and Gir and Robotnik and Scratch pulled out shortly afterward. Robotnik was not happy with his position, and decided to roll down the windows as Scratch began to sped up.
"THRRRROW THE RACE! THRRROW THE RACE!" he cried, using psychological warfare to force the other teams to be discouraged.
"uHH, VRISKA, SHOULD WE REALLY EVEN, BE IN THIS?" Tavros asked.
"You bet your disembodied legs we should! Go faster!" she cried.
"Gir, due to our very LOW placement, you shall drive us insanely fast to the airport!" Zim ordered. Gir saluted and took the wheel.
"EEEEEEHEEEEEEEUWWWW! WE GONNA GO REAL FAST!YEAAAAAAAH!" Gir squealed.
The Spooner Galactic Airport, like most Galactic Airports, did not shuttle flights to and from places within the planet, but rather serviced interplanetary and interdimensional flights. The Galactic Airport Committee, which decided where these airports would be, was very meticulous, and as such they were rarely within the vicinity of actual airports.
The placement of the teams rose and fell as they attempted to get to the airport, with some of them just getting simple directions, and others getting lost. But fortunately for them, all 3 flights wouldn't take off until 9, 9:30, and 10 pm, while the race itself had started at 5:30. Don't airports make such great equalizers?
Bots: currently in 1st, arriving at the airport at 6:03
Regular guys: currently in 2nd, arriving at 6:11
Team Rocket: currently in 3rd, arriving at 6:16
Invaders: currently in 4th, arriving at 6:20
Mice: currently in 5th, arriving at 6:23
SBaHJ: currently in SIX, arriving at 6:33
Sea creatures: currently in 7th, arriving at 6: 40
Trolls: currently in 8th, arriving at 6:42
Mario bros: currently in 9th, arriving at 6:50
Robotnik: currently in 10th, arriving at 6:56
Toons: currently in last, arriving at 7:02
The racers now had to wander about the airport, hopefully finding one of the three charter flights or something faster. They also took the time to purchase food, maps, guidebooks to their destination, go to the bathroom, and check to see if they hadn't lost their passports. They hadn't.
Mario and Luigi approached the counter for Federation Galactic Transport. Luigi asked. "A-what flights would you a-have to New New York?"
"We've got one, departing at 9:30 pm and arriving at 11:12 am, local time," the guy at the counter said. Mario and Luigi immediately bought 2 tickets.
Mario Bros: First on Flight 2
Zim spotted the Mario Bros as they headed over to their gate, and immediately asked for the same flight.
"You! Flight negotiator! Let's negotiate!" he cried.
"Like I said to the others, it leaves at 9:30 and shows up at 11:12 am, local time."
"...Oh. Your assistance will be noted. Eh, anything earlier?"
"Sorry. You'd have to check with other airlines."
"Oh. Eh, I'll just keep what I've got."
Invaders: Second on Flight 2
Vriska and Tavros also approached the Federation Galactic Transport counter. Vriska leaned in close and asked:
"Is this the 9 o'clock one? Spit it out!" she demanded.
"No, ma'am. Our flight to New New York-assuming that you have the same intention as the other passengers-departs at 9:30 pm and-"
"Damn! Let's try Dimensional Airlines!" Vriska declared, dragging Tavros.
"Those airport people were real stuck-up and o8sessed with 8eing on time!" Vriska said. "I don't have time for on time, I have to 8e there early!"
The trolls went to the Dimensional Airlines counter. Vriska quickly demanded the flight to New New York.
"Our flight leaves at 9:00 pm, makes a brief connection at Omicron-Persei 8, and then arrives at New New York at 11:45 am, local time.
"Great, we'll take it!" Vriska said, purchasing the tickets.
Trolls: First on Flight 1
The Bots went to the same ticket counter shortly afterward and asked for the same flight. Upon hearing the arrival time and the connection, Servo frowned and told Crow that they should consider checking the other flights.
"Relax, will ya? This isn't gonna go down like Airplane!" Crow reassured.
"Yeah, but I still think we should try and see if the other flights will-"
"Okay, blah blah blah, here we go!" Crow retorted as they headed over to the counter for the 10:00 pm flight from Wormhole Shuttles.
"Our non-stop flight leaves here at ten, but arrives at New New York at 10:37 am, local time," the attendant explained. Servo turned to Crow.
"What did I tell you?"
"Lucky fluke!"
"More like good luck fluke! At this rate we'll be through with this leg faster than Speed Racer in bed!"
Bots: first on Flight 3
As Jessie tapped her foot impatiently as James spent forever in the bathroom, Yosemite Sam approached her.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to get in your way," Jessie said. Sam laughed.
"Nothin' could get in the way o' the deal I'd like to give ya!" he said. Jessie looked at him curiously.
"Well, 'ccordin' to your bios-checked 'em on the airport Wi-Fi-you folks have some experience in varmint-catchin'! And Fudd an' I have had some trouble with a varmint for years now! How's bout' yous help me out after the race if'n I get ya some tickets?"
"Wow, thanks! But, uh, we're not exactly professionals. We haven't even been successful once!" Jessie remarked. "Pokémon can be very difficult to catch under the ownership of twerps! No, wait, there was that one time we got the Togepi and the Yanma..."
But Sam had already left and purchased 4 tickets from Federal Galactic.
Toons: Third on Flight 2
Team Rocket: Fourth on Flight 2
Pinky and the Brain struggled to climb up the counter of one of the airlines. But when they finally reached the top, Brain asked:
"What do you have to New New York, if anything?"
"We have a flight that leaves at 8:30 pm, and arrives at 11:30 am, local time," the attendant replied.
"Good. We'll take it!" Brain said, getting tickets for himself and Pinky. As they went over to the gate to wait for the boarding time, Brain asked:
"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"Hmm...I think so, Brain, but I don't think trolls really need buckets. It's probably just a cultural thing!"
"No, Pinky! We'll be leaving before everyone else! So, logically, it would make sense for us to arrive before everyone else as well!"
"But Brain!" Pinky cried in distress.
"What?!" Brain demanded.
"But then...but then we'll be in first!" Pinky cried.
"Exactly."
Mice: first on Special Flight
"I really don't see why Brain was so excited about getting the first flight. What if something happened, and we didn't get there first?" Pinky wondered. "And if we did win, how would we know who would be going home?"
Meanwhile, Squidward and Spongebob were searching the airport. Squidward approached the FGT counter and asked for the flight.
"Why is everyone going to New New York today?" the attendant wondered as he gave the tickets.
"Squidward, shouldn't we check the other-"
"No!" Squidward interrupted.
"We didn't do especially well getting here, so I'm just getting the first flight I see and sticking with it!" Squidward said defiantly in his confessional.
Sea creatures: Second on Flight 1
Meanwhile, Robotnik strutted pompously to the airport counter of FGT, demanding their flight. When he heard that it was the 9:30 one, he decided to take it.
"I almost came in last thanks to Scratch's insufferable stupidity!" he complained in his confessional. "If those rrrracers think they can take advantage of my bad placement for the moment, they're delightful...ly incompetent! Ahahahaha!"
"Ha-ha-ha-HA!" Scratch laughed triumphantly. "We're gonna be the best once we get to New New York!"
"Don't boast just yet, you metal-headed bird brain!" Robotnik screamed, clamping Scratch's beak shut. Brain looked around to see who had said his name, but only saw a fat man yelling at a chicken. Brain raised an eyebrow.
"I think I've seen him before..." Brain said to himself.
Robotnik: Last on Flight 2
Mordecai and Rigby headed over to the Wormhole flight as the airport seemed to be shutting down around them.
"You two got the last tickets available," the attendant said.
"Oh, thank God!" Rigby declared.
"Don't worry, dude, it's just a setback. Besides, I think some other team is still behind us!" Mordecai said.
Regular guys: Second on Flight 3
"Can we get your goodest flight?" Hella Jeff begged the attendant at FGT.
"Sorry, we're booked," he replied. Sweet Bro glared at Hella Jeff.
"If you hadn't spent so much time in the baffrom, taking care of your BIZ-NESS, then we wouldn't BE in this MESSS!" Sweet Bro complained. Hella Jeff lowered his head in shame as they wandered to another counter.
"Our flight leaves at 8:30 and-"
"Sweet, bro!" Hella Jeff cried, giving the attendant a high five.
"Hella yeah!" Sweet Bro replied. "We got mad Luckz, huh?"
"Totally!" Hella Jeff agreed. "How HIGH to have to BE to even HAVE luck like that?"
SBaHJ: Secund on "Special" Flight
Each flight arrived safely in New New York, with no delays. Here are the standings as the teams began the leg:
1st: Bots
2nd: Regular Guys
3rd: Mario Bros
4th: Invaders
5th: Toons
6th: Team Rocket
7th: Robotnik
8th: Mice
9th: SBaHj
10th: Trolls
11th: Sea creatures
New New York, the largest city in Earthica, a sprawling megalopolis built underneath an older, outdated sprawling megalopolis, filled with people and machines of all shapes, sizes, colors, and levels of intelligence. In some ways, the place was more advanced than any other society in the universe; in other aspects, Earthica was so horribly backward that it would never recover. Thankfully for our racers, the people in the city that would be helping them out in the race would be some of the city's elite. Or at least, that's what Farnsworth told his employees at the Planet Express as the eagerly awaited for the arrival (and subsequent departure) of the racers.
The flights arrived as scheduled, and nothing was delayed (how convenient for all of them!). The Bots and the Regular Guys immediately got out of the plane and headed for the marked cars in the parking lot. Crow quickly dashed to his car and stuffed Servo in, speeding off while Mordecai and Rigby were still looking.
"So long, suckers!" Crow cried as he drove off with Servo.
"Crap, man! Now we're probably in last!" Mordecai cried.
"No, we're not!" Rigby protested. "I looked at the other arrival times on our way out! Our flight might have gotten here before the others!" Rigby was unable to persuade Mordecai.
"Yeah, sure, whatever, let's just see if we can't try and avoid getting eliminated!"
"This really sucks!" Mordecai said in his confessional. "We did pretty good getting to the airport, but I guess we just spent too much time gettin' snacks and stuff that we didn't realize all the other teams had booked! Just goes to show you can't let your guard down!"
"I can't believe Mordecai didn't listen to me," Rigby complained in his confessional. "I got a good luck at the other arrival times! Yeah, sure, our plane was last to get off the ground, but we got a non-stop flight! I saw the other times, and we got here hours earlier! I think the producers set that up to try and trick everybody into getting the earliest flight! And I didn't fall for it! Hm hm!" Rigby nodded aggressively.
Bots: currently in 1st
Regular guys: currently in 2nd
As the Bots drove out into the streets, Crow read the clue that had been placed in each car.
"Make your to the Planet Express. Once there, you will have to complete the first challenge of this race!" Crow said. "Hope it's not some stupid eating contest!"
"If we wanted to win at that, we'd probably need Linda Hunt, or something!" Servo asked. Crow gave him a weird look.
The Mario Bros were the first out of their flight, and they immediately headed for one of the marked cars outside their airport's parking lot.
"This a-leg shouldn't be too hard for us, Luigi!" Mario said.
"What makes you say that?" Luigi asked.
"Well, like all Italian immigrants, we a-lived in old New York for a while. So, shouldn't a-New New York be like a more modernized version of the same a-place?"
"Oh, I a-see what you mean!" Luigi agreed.
"Despite a-being, well, the freakin Super Mario Brothers, the other a-teams haven't really paid any attention to us," Mario said in his confessional. "I think it would be best to a-keep it that way for now."
Mario Bros: currently in 3rd
Zim, Gir, the Toons, Team Rocket, Robotnik and Scratch all piled out of the plane in a heap after the Mario bros. had left. Scratch tripped up James, but Gir tripped up Robotnik, whose fat body collapsed on Zim.
"Get off of me, you bloaty-pizza hog!" Zim cried. "Gir, help me get out of this massive solid puddle!"
"You incompetent, rrrrambunctious, rrraving, morronic, bucket of metal!" Robotnik cried to Gir.
"Silence, fat one! No one calls Gir those things except ME!" Zim yelled. Robotnik quickly rolled off of Zim with Gir's help. Jessie, upon seeing James trip, simply forced him up.
"How could you possibly trip on flat ground?!" she cried to James.
"The chicken tripped me up!" James protested weakly as he was dragged to the car.
Elmer and Sam, meanwhile, got to their car first with no interruptions. They read the clue like the other teams and drove off.
"Hoo-wii! Good thing we didn't get caught up in that little melee mess like the others!" Sam said in relief.
Jessie and James were next to drive off.
"Follow the toons unless it looks like they're going the wrong way!" Jessie ordered James.
"How will I know that?" James asked.
"I don't know, just go somewhere else if they stop and ask for directions!" Jessie asked.
Toons: currently in 4th
Team Rocket: currently in 5th
Zim and Gir, being faster than Robotnik, got to their car quicker. After Zim read the clue, Gir was a little upset as he took the wheel. Zim sighed.
"What is it, Gir? Did you forget to smuggle the tacos on the flight?" Zim asked.
"No...the fat man called me mean names!" Gir wailed. Zim awkwardly flicked Gir's antenna, not knowing of this would help.
"Eh...uh...we are in front of them, I guess, so that does make them inferior to us, for the time being," Zim said, trying to cheer his robot up. He then thought of something that could sorta work.
"DRIVE, GIR, DRIVE! DRIVE IN RAGE! DRIVE TO BEAT ROBOTNIK AND SEND HIM TO HIS DOOOOOOOM!" Zim ordered. Gir, suddenly elated, drove furiously.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEUEEWEEEEE!" Gir cried.
"I didn't actually think that would work," Zim admitted in his confessional.
"Who did you trip?" Robotnik asked Scratch when they got in the last car.
"Uh, I don't really know!" Scratch asked. "I think it was the purple haired guy. They're still in front of us, though."
"WHAT?!" Robotnik cried, grabbing Scratch's head and shaking his neck.
"You tripped him up, and we STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN AHEAD OF THEM?!" Robotnik tugged at his mustache in irritation.
"Stand back!" he said, shoving Scratch aside with his fat body. "I'll drrrive!"
"I can't believe that didn't work!" Robotnik said in his confessional. "We'll have to try more advanced tactics to win! And Scratch will have to stop being an idiotic, iron imbecile for a just a few hours!"
"I wish Robotnik would stop yelling at me if things don't quite go as planned," Scratch said in his confessional. "Oh, well! I bet Grounder would've done really horribly! I probably tripped James up better than he would!"
The not-so-special flight arrived next, carrying the mice and SBaHJ.
"Hm, they must've not expected us to show up so early. Narf!" Pinky remarked when he couldn't find any cars.
"Up in that plane, how HIGH did we have to BE?" Hella Jeff asked Sweet Bro.
"I dunno," Sweet Bro replied simply, too busy frantically searching for cars to answer.
They searched the parking lot for marked cars, but they couldn't find any. However, four clue boxes had been placed where they had been. They each grabbed a clue and read it.
"If you are reading this clue, then your team did not arrive in time to claim a specially marked car for this leg of the race!" Pinky read.
"But FEERNAUGHT! If you can cache a TAXY and get a good DRIVER, you may bee abel to cache up!" Sweet Bro read.
"I don't understand; our flight left earliest! Shouldn't we be winning?" Brain asked Pinky.
"Oh, yeah, about that. I looked at the other flight times while we were flying, and I think this one wasn't the first," Pinky said. Brain stared at Pinky in irritation before sighing. Was he actually right?
"But...I'm the Brain! I can't possibly make such a foolhardy mistake!" Brain cried. "How could I fall for such a deception?" he asked himself. Meanwhile, Pinky had hailed a cab.
"Come on, Brain!" he cried, waving from the cab. Brain climbed in and ordered the driver to Planet Express.
"I am going to conquer the world soon. I can't make mistakes like the one I made today, or it could cost me domination!" Brain said in his confessional. "From now on, I need to be more cautious when choosing flights...perhaps I could have Pinky help me out with that in some way. His low intelligence won't allow for planning, but if I could at least make him memorize boring flight information, it may help me make better flight decisions!" Brain thought.
SBaHj were right behind them.
The trolls and the sea creatures also arrived, just a few minutes later.
"Ugggh! That flight was way too long!" Vriska moaned as she dashed out of the plane with her luggage. Squidward nodded in agreement.
"At least you didn't have a sponge asking you every 11 minutes, 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet?' So annoying!"
The teams got out and grabbed the clue boxes, reading them quickly.
"What the h8ll?! C8uld they seri8usly n8t w8 for us to sh8w up and get some cars?! All the 8ther teams pr88a8ly have s8me 8y n8w!"
"wELL, MAYBE IF WE HAD JUST LOOKED FOR ONE OF THE OTHER FLIGHTS,,," Tavros suggested. "tHE OTHER FLIGHTS, MAY HAVE LEFT LATER, BUT I GUESS THEY GOT HERE, EARLIER."
"Tavros, shut up! I don't need theories, I need answers!" she cried. Tavros walked calmly to the side of the road and waved frantically for a cab.
"Where to, brother?" the robot cab driver (it's not Bender!) asked upon noticing Tavros' metal legs.
"uHH, COULD YOU TAKE ME AND THE GIRL, WITH ME, TO THE PLANET EXPRESS? IT'S OKAY, IF YOU DON'T KNOW, WHERE IT IS, BUT JUST, TRY TO HURRY! WE'RE, UH, IN A RACE," Tavros said nervously.
"Sure thing! Anything I can do for a fellow metal man!" the robot said. "Get your girlfriend and let's go!" Tavros did as the cab driver asked.
"What do you want? Can't you see I'm planning? We've got a8out as long as it takes for the 8ig-nosed 8ald guy and the talking cheese to leave!"
"dON'T WORRY," Tavros reassured her. "i, GOT US A GOOD CAB DRIVER. I THINK THAT, HE LIKES ME, BECAUSE OF MY METAL LEGS," he explained as they got to their taxi.
"Wow! Guess me paralyzing you actually helped us!" Vriska said happily. The robot glared at her, and whispered to Tavros:
"You want me to ditch this chick? She's slowing you down!"
"nO, IT'S OKAY, WE NEED EACH OTHER, FOR THE RACE. WE HAVE TO, WORK TOGETHER," Tavros explained.
"Okay, your call. But just so you know, there are a lot of folks here that would take care of her for you."
"nO, NO, THEY MIGHT GET KILLED, TRYING TO KILL HER," Tavros replied.
"Yeah! You tell'em, Toreador!" Vriska cried.
"vRISKA, CAN BE REALLY MEAN, AND ANYONE, WHO'S KNOWN HER, FOR AS LONG AS I HAVE, KNOWS THAT," Tavros admitted. "bUT, SHE REALLY KNOWS, WHAT SHE'S DOING, AND SOMETIMES, SHE CAN BE VERY NICE, IF YOU'RE LUCKY. BUT, ADMITTEDLY, I'VE BEEN THINKING, THAT MAYBE, I SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE. iT'S NOT HER FAULT, BUT SHE'S JUST, TOO MEAN. UNFORTUNATELY, MY ONLY OTHER OPTION, IS GAMZEE,,,TO BE HONEST, THOUGH, I REALLY LIKE JADE HARLEY,,,BUT SHE'S A HUMAN, AND SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME," Tavros said. "uH, JADE, I HOPE, THAT YOU'RE WATCHING, AT HOME, OR SOMETHING, AND I HOPE, THAT DAVE, ISN'T HOGGING THE POPCORN."
Spongebob and Squidward imediately got a taxi as well, and Squidward instructed the driver to follow the trolls' cab.
Mario and Luigi were the first to arrive at Planet Express, simply finding the old Western Union building that had been in the city's previous incarnation. They immediately headed inside, where they received a nod and a grunt from Scruffy.
"Clue box is over there," Scruffy said, pointing to said clue box just ahead.
"Oh, a-thank you, Mr.-" Luigi began.
"Scruffy. I'm the janitor," Scruffy said.
"Oh, a-really! We're a plumbers, so we're a-practically related!" Mario said. Scruffy gave him a puzzled look and continued mopping the floor. The brothers opened the clue box.
"Detour," Luigi read. "Delivery or Surgery?"
A detour is when each team must complete one of two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In Delivery, teams must go to the hangar of Planet Express and get a shipping order from Professor Farnsworth, who will be waiting there. The teams must then fly to the marked address somewhere in the city and deliver the package, and then return the hover-bikes they delivered the packages on. This task will be hard for those not skilled in piloting a massive ship, and the delivery could be anywhere in the city.
In Surgery, teams must head into Dr. Zoidberg's office and assist him in operating on a dummy. The teams must be able to carefully remove 5 tumors, located in the brain, heart, liver, right kidney, and-most importantly-the appendix. If the teams accidentally puncture a vein or artery, or accidentally remove some uninfected tissue, they must place the tumor back inside the dummy and seperate the healthy tissue from the tumor. It's not a hard task, but you have to be very, very meticulous.
Once the teams are finished with the Detour
"A-hmm," Mario wondered. "Which one should we a-do?"
"Weren't you a doctor once?" Luigi asked.
"Yeah, I was! How could I forget?" Mario declared.
"I'm a-not particularly fond of my years in the medical profession," Mario explained briefly in his confessional. "I had to a-see and learn about some terrible things..."
The brothers burst into Zoidberg's office, causing him to leap for joy.
"Hurray, I have visitors! Are you here for the challenge? If not, then the bathroom is across the hallway," Zoidberg said.
"No, were a-here for the challenge!" Luigi explained.
"Okay, then! Put on the sterile outfits and help me with this dummy here!" Zoidberg pointed a claw to an unconcious, 30-something black man with an afro.
"His father is counting on us! If we fail, he may never be able to sell junk again! And I practically rely on junk to survive!" Zoidberg said. "Help me repair the ecosystem of this city!"
"Okay, let's a-go!" Mario cried, peering at the tumors.
Mordecai and Rigby were the next to arrive at Planet Express. Scruffy had properly mopped up the floors by this time (i.e. made them slippery) and Rigby skidded over to the clue box.
"Delivery or Surgery?" he asked Mordecai.
"Delivery, definitely," Mordecai decided. "All we gotta do is give something and come back. We've done stuff for Benson like this before, and we're less likely to screw up!" The regular animals headed off to the hangar, were the Planet Express ship was parked. Farnsworth was sitting in front of it, snoring away. Rigby snapped his fingers to get him to wake up.
"Eh, wha?" Farnsworth moaned, staring at the team. He then yelled to no one, "Leela, I think some of your animal friends have shown up! Leela, where are you?"
"No, no, we're here for the race!" Mordecai explained. Farnsworth breathed a sigh of relief.
"Oh, good; for a minute there, I thought I'd have to talk to a bunch of savage furries! Good to see you're just regular animals. Okay, here: deliver an antique vase to this address!" Farnsworth handed them a card labelled "666 Carnie Road, Jersey City."
"666? Isn't that, like, the devil's number?" Rigby asked.
"No, that's just where the Robot Devil lives, underneath an old amusement park! That's where Robot Hell is!" Farnsworth explained.
"Oh, that's okay," Mordecai said. "We've actually had to go to otherworldy places like that before! This should be a peice of cake!"
"Yeah! Heck, Pops could probably do this!" Rigby exclaimed.
"This Pops fellow, did he graduate from Starvard University, in the year 2873?" Farnsworth asked.
"Uh, no..."
"Oh, good! For a minute there, I thought I was going to have to hire a hitman! That'd be a major dent in the company's revenue!" Farnsworth said with relief.
"So, what do we fly in? That big ship there?" Rigby asked, pointing to the Planet Express.
"Ha ha, you wish!" Farnsworth said. "But no; you'll be flying in one of those!" he cried, pointing to a group of 2-seat hover bikes. They got on when Farnsworth gave them the package.
"You hold the thing, I'll drive!" Rigby said.
"Sure, dude, just head south! I think that's where Jersey City is!" Mordecai suggested. "Look for, like, an old, run-down carnival!" And the two animals went off.
Mario bros: currently in 1st
Regular guys: currently in 2nd
Meanwhile, Servo was asking for directions to Planet Express.
"Hey, uh, you wouldn't happen to know where Planet Express is, would you?" Servo asked a large green alien outside of news building.
"Morbo is unconcerned with wanderings!" Morbo said, and entered the building.
"Come on, Servo, we have to get to the place before Pablo's happy hour! If we don't, it'll be a bad sign!" Crow said.
"When is that?" Servo asked as he got back in the car.
"Whenever Roberto Santibanez feels like it is!" Crow replied.
The robot cab driver quickly took the trolls to the Planet Express, letting Tavros get off for free.
"But you're gonna have to pay!" he said to Vriska. "25 bucks! Cough it up!"
"Ugh. Fine," she said, handing the robot his money. Tavros read the Detour as Vriska nearly fell on the wet floor.
"uHH, SHOULD WE DO DELIVERY, OR SURGERY?" Tavros asked. Vriska read over the Detour choices carefully.
"Okay, Delivery looks long, 8ut Surgery looks lame!" she said. "If only Terezi was here. She could just flip a coin and decide for us!"
"Why don't you do surgery?" Zoidberg suggested, klacking his claws and appearing from nowhere.
"uHH, WHY DON'T WE DO SURGERY?" Tavros suggested, glancing at Zoidberg. Vriska shook her head.
"No, we need to do Delivery! That'll be less boring!" Vriska cried, rushing off to the hangar. Tavros looked at Zoidberg with disappointment.
"i'M SORRY, I COULDN'T GET HER, TO HELP YOU," he said.
"It's okay, friend. I appreciate the gesture of kindness," Zoidberg replied. And the two sad, adorable woobies went to where they were supposed to be.
"i COULD TELL, THAT THAT GUY, WAS A LOSER, LIKE ME," Tavros said. "oR AT LEAST, EVERYONE CALLS HIM A LOSER, AND NOBODY LIKES HIM. i JUST, WANTED TO MAKE HIM HAPPY," TAvros said remorsefully.
Farnsworth woke up from another nap as the trolls entered the hangar.
"The hover-bikes are over there. Drive dangerously, now!" Farnsworth said as he gave them a package. "This package contains a Chaos Emerald, whatever that is!"
"oH, OKAY. wE WILL, DO OUR BEST, TO DELIVER IT SAFELY," Tavros said, taking the package. Vriska hopped in the front seat and started the craft.
"Come on! We have to get moving, we could be in last!" she cried.
"No, you're actually the second team I've seen!" Farnsworth called as they left. Vriska heard this and was surprised, but she had no time to think about it.
"Those troll costumes are top notch!" Farnsworth said to himself as the trolls left. "But I don't see why anyone would want to pretend to be Vriska!"
Spongebob and Squidward were close behind the trolls, and it wasn't long before they got to the Planet Express as well.
"Ooh! Let's do Delivery!" Spongebob exclaimed, dragging Squidward along with him.
"No, no, wait, remember what happened last time!" Squidward said, remembering the time they had to deliver a pizza.
"Exactly! This'll probably be even easier than that!" Spongebob cried ecstaticly.
"Wait, fellow sea creatures! Don't you want to help me with some surgery?" Zoidberg asked, once again crestfallen.
"Yeah, what he said! Spongebob, if you let me do surgery, I'll...uh...go jellyfishing with you!" Squidward begged. Spongebob shook his head.
"Sorry, Squidward! I think this'll be easier!" Spongebob said.
"I don't see why Squidward didn't wanna do what I wanted to!" Spongebob said in his confessional. "Why is he like that all the time? Does he secretly hate me, or something? No, that can't be it. Must've been something he ate, and he didn't wanna throw up from all that gross surgery!"
Farnsworth gave them a package that took them to the flooded portions of New York.
"The address is in an area that flooded during the great Sponge shortage of 2497! Hoo boy, was that terrifying!" Farnsworth said. Spongebob beamed, honored to have the absence of his species causing a tragedy. Farnsworth gave them a package containing a pizza, of all things, and sent them off.
"Oh, drat! I forgot to give them the drink he ordered! Oh, well!" Farnsworth said, trying to see if he get some sleep before the next team arrived.
Trolls: currently in 3rd
Sea creatures: currently in 4th
Mario and Luigi, meanwhile, had carefully removed the tumor in the liver and appendix, and were focusing on the kidney.
"Luigi, don't a-move!" he said. Luigi had placed the tonsils meant to remove the fake tumor (it was fake, right?) just next to the renal artery and the renal vein. Yeah, I think those are real? As Luigi tried to reach over to where the tumor was, he accidentally hit the vein.
"Oh no!" Zoidberg cried. "Now you guys are gonna have to patch that up as well!"
"Eh, sorry!" Luigi said sheepishly to Mario. Mario asked Zoidberg as the latter gave him some fancy futuristic tool thingy that artificially repaired blood vessels:
"A-hey, this guy's a volunteer, right? He's a-not in any real danger, is he?"
"What? Oh, no, he's just a simple volunteer! An unwilling one, perhaps, but just a volunteer! You wouldn't believe how hard it was to give him those tumors!" Zoidberg replied. The brothers exchanged nervous glances.
"Now you a-see why I left the medical profession?" Mario whispered to Luigi.
Pinky and the Brain were next to arrive. Pinky quickly grabbed the clue box and read the Detour.
"We're doing Surgery. In an attempt to poison all of mankind, I had to learn their anatomy," Brain explained.
"Oh, you did? Well, why is it that the females have such big-?" Pinky began.
"Breeding mechanism," Brain said quickly as they headed into Zoidberg's office. Zoidberg klacked his claws in excitement.
"Hooray, another team!" Zoidberg said happily. "I'm afraid I only have one dummy with me at the moment. You'll have to wait until these guys finish, and then I have to put the tumors back in slightly different places!"
"No need. I have a dummy for you to operate on right here!" Brain said, presenting Pinky.
"But Brain, I don't need surgery! Zort!" Pinky protested.
"Hey, that sounds a lot like 'Zoid', the beginning of my surname!" Zoidberg said happily. "You guys are great!" Brain bowed.
"Well, yes, thank you, we do strive to conquer...wait, did you say 'Another team' when we showed up? Are you implying that we are only the second team you've seen?"
"The Mario brothers are the only other ones that have seen me!" Zoidberg replied. "Other people wanted to, but they were shot down, and it made me sad."
"YES! WE CAN STILL WIN!" Brain cried excitedly as Zoidberg placed tumors in Pinky and knocked him out with anasthesia.
"You take joy in others' loneliness? How mean..." Zoidberg said.
"No, no, I'm not that cruel. I may want to conquer the world, but only for benevolent reasons! I'm not evil!" Brain claimed.
SBaHJ, meanwhile, were having trouble getting to the Planet Express.
"No, man, you're doing it wrong!" Sweet Bro said.
"You have to flip the wheel...turnways!" Hella Jeff insisted, very nearly forcing the cab driver off the road.
"UNO, I think that 'specil' flight was a ruse..." Sweet Bro said in his confessional.
"Yeah," Hella Jeff agreed. "The aim of its plan was to be a distaction to the other players, and WE GOT ONE!"
Mordecai and Rigby eventually arrived in Jersey City and found Robot Devil's address. Robot Devil happily accepted the vase, and the regular guys had no idea why he could possibly want it in the first place.
"Your souls wouldn't happen to be available, would they?" Robot Devil asked.
"Sorry, no, they're probably on loan to somebody else," Rigby said apologetically. "Can't remember who, though."
"Oh, that's too bad. See you for all eternity one day!" Robot Devil cried, waving goodbye.
Regular guys: currently in 1st
Zim, pretending to be a normal Earth child, asked Morbo for the directions to Planet Express.
"Morbo knows who you really are, and is sympathetic to your cause!" he said. "Take a right at Detraction Avenue, and then look for the red building with an observation tower!"
"Thank you, news person!" Zim said, still attempting to maintain his Earth facade as he went back into the car.
Zim and Gir arrived at Planet Express, quickly followed by Robotnik, Scratch, Team Rocket and the Toons.
"Okay, uh, Delivery or Surgery?" Gir asked Zim.
"Surgery! I have great knowledge of organs ever since I had to steal some a while back!" Zim boasted. James took the next available clue box. Scratch took the next one.
"Scratch, we're doing Delivery! That should be a suitable job for your...limited intellect," Robotnik said. He and Scratch headed off.
"Okay, which one do we do?" James asked Jessie, Elmer, and Sam.
"Suwgewy doesn't sound too hawd," Elmer suggested. "But it does sound scawy!"
"I don't know nothin' bout' puttin' people together!" Sam said. "We're doin' Delivery!"
"Oh, come on! You've been in chawge this whole twip! Can't I pick one thing, pwease?" Elmer begged. Sam relented, and the two went to Zoidberg's office.
"That's fine. What should we do?" James asked. Jessie went over and whispered to James.
"Keep quiet about this, okay?" she said. "We'll just say we're doing Surgery and watch them. If it looks too hard for us, we'll go straight to Delivery before we even start! And Sam and Elmer won't be able to follow us unless they want to risk elimination!"
"Oooh! Sounds delightfully wicked!" James said. Team Rocket followed the Toons into Zoidberg's office, where the Mario brothers were just finishing up.
"Okay, we a-got the last tumor out!" Mario exclaimed triumphantly.
"Good! And just in time for the others!" Zoidberg said, crudely stuffing the tumors back in and giving the Mario bros. their clue. Jessie and James looked at each other.
"This'll take too long! Let's go!" Jessie said. And she and James sneaked out of the room to join Robotnik and Scratch in the hangar.
"I am done with Pinky as well," Brain said, presenting Pinky's dissected body. After sewing him back up and taking a clue, Brain went out of the office and revived Pinky.
"Narf! That was really weird!" Pinky said. "Did we win?"
"Not yet, Pinky. Since we've already nearly come in last, we shouldn't be too far from the finish line," Brain said.
When the Marios Bros were away from the Planet Express, Luigi read the next clue
"Make your way a-to the Madison Cube Garden," he read.
"Never a-heard of that place. Must be right where the a-Madison Square Garden once a-was!" Mario thought. He drove off with the mice in hot pursuit.
Mario bros: currently in 1st
Mice: currently in 2nd
As Vriska and Tavros gave their Chaos Emerald to a very depressed looking Shadow the Hedgehog, they looked up in the sky and saw Mordecai and Rigby on their hover-bike.
"Crap! We have to get moving!" Vriska said.
"sORRY, ABOUT MARIA," Tavros said. "i BET, SHE WAS REALLY SWEET."
"It's hard, being immortal," Shadow commented. "Want me to take you back to where you were?"
"Hell, yeah! Do it!" Vriska said.
"hOLD ON, VRISKA," Tavros warned. "i THINK, THAT WOULD BE CHEATING, AND THEN THEY WOULD, DISQUALIFY US."
"Gah! You're pro8a8ly right, you stupid goody-goody!" Vriska sighed. The trolls got back on their hover-bikes and went off.
As Mordecai and Rigby were just getting out of the hangar, Robotnik and Team Rocket both went in. Robotnik went over to Farnsworth, who had predictably fallen back to sleep, and yelled:
"WAKE UP, YOU WRINKLED OLD BAG OF POOP!" This woke up Farnsworth immediately.
"Why, Gerald, it's so good to see you in this race! It isn't every day I meet an old friend!" he said.
"NO!" Robotnik cried. "I'm not Gerald! I am Dr. Ivo Robotnik! Now give me a package!"
"Okay, okay, sheesh, kids these days!" he said, giving him and Team Rocket a package. They got on their hover-bikes and left.
Just as the Bots and Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff arrived in the Planet Express, Mordecai and Rigby were heading out, on their way to the Madison Cube Garden.
"Aw man, we gotta hurry!" Servo cried, hovering over to the clue box. Yes, he can hover, just not hold stuff.
"Okay, we have no idea how humans work, so we're doing Delivery!" Crow said, and the bots were off. Sweet Bro looked at the detour options and said:
"oooookaaaay...we SUCK at driving, so MAY BEE WWII should try and do some CO-OPERACEUN!"
"Dude that pun was so LAME! Not even in an IRONIC WAY!" Hella Jeff complained as they went to Zoidberg's office. There they saw that Jessie and James had left, apparently to do Delivery.
"SHOOD we BANG this?" Sweet Bro asked Hella Jeff.
"Hella yeah, man!" Hella Jeff said.
"I now this may be AGRRAVITATING to sum people, but 'HELLA YEAH' is like, my new cache phrase!" Hella Jeff said proudly. "Eksept that I CHER IT with my Sweet Bro."
Vriska and Tavros were just leaving as Servo, James, Crow, and Jessie were arriving to wake up Farnsworth.
"This guy sleeps around more than a teenager on Ecstasy!" Crow said.
"Yeah, and he's about as quiet as Jack Black and Carol Channing at a funeral!" Servo remarked.
"Ew, now I'm thinking of Jack Black in a pantsuit!" Crow said in disgust. Farnsworth then woke up.
"Eh, didn't I see you two hooligans at a theater once?" he asked the Bots.
"Yeah, we riff movies. It's awesomely horrible," Servo boasted.
"Uh...we catch Pokémon," James said weakly.
"Don't let Leela hear that!" Farnsworth said. "Here are your packages, and there are your hover-bikes! Now will you all leave me alone?" he said, sinking back into his chair to continue his nap of laziness. Just as they left, Bender burst into the room.
"Somebody said Crow and Tom Servo were here! I want them to sign my shiny metal ass!"
"They just left, you sick pervert!" Farnsworth said.
"Oh, look who's talking, Mr. there's nothing wrong with loving a blob!"
"Mooshi was very sweet!" Farnsworth said defensively. "And she wasn't just 'some blob', either! I couldn't explain it to you, Bender; you robots aren't capable of love or heartbreak!"
"That really hurts my feelings..." Bender said, beginning to leak oil. "And now I'm pissed cause' I'm leakin' oil!" Bender went off to go and see if he could repair himself in peace.
Spongebob and Squidward arrived at their customer's door, and he happily accepted the pizza, until he realized something was missing...
"Hey, buddy, where's my drink?!" the fish demanded Spongebob. Not remembering what happened last time, Spongebob whimpered:
"But...but you didn't order any..."
"Didn't you ever once think of the customer? You call yourself a delivery boy? What happened to that Fry fellow that used to work for Planet Express?" the fish demanded. Squidward sighed, realizing exactly where this gag was going. He took Spongebob and left the ocean.
"But Squidward, we failed the customer!" Spongebob cried.
"No, Spongebob, the customer failed you!" Squidward said.
"Oh...bahahahahahahha!" Spongebob laughed idiotically.
"Oh, well. I'd rather have him laughing than crying," Squidward said in his confessional.
Meanwhile, in Zoidberg's office, the teams all struggled to properly fix their respective dummies, all of which suspiciously looked like Lamont Sanford and his clones.
"Gir, help! The patient's circulatory fluid is getting in my mouth!" Zim cried as he severed the jugular vein. But Gir was too busy playing with the blood pressure machine, seeing HOW HIGH his blood pressure could go. Since he had no blood to be pressured, he simply squeezed it until his arm came off.
"That could've hurt!" Gir said optimistically.
"Oops, just tore out some of his intestine!" Sam said sheepishly.
"No, dude, you have to flip his lever TURN-WAYS!" Sweet Bro cried to Hella Jeff as they removed their first tumor.
"Uh, I think that Team Wocket just weft us..." Elmer Fudd whispered to Sam.
"Well, shoot! Looks like those two-timin' rascals turned tail and ran! If'n I can get on to'em bout' it, I certainly will! Maybe Surgery'll be quicker than it looks!" Sam vowed as he removed his third tumor.
Meanwhile, Spongebob and Squidward went back to Planet Express and got their next clue, just as Mario and Luigi arrived at the place the clue would be taking them.
"Roadblock," Luigi read. "Who is ready to play ball? That'd be you, Mario!"
"Of a-course! I've always been a-better than you at all sports!" Mario said jokingly. When Luigi scowled, Mario added, "But only by a little bit!"
Teams must now have one member play Blernsball and either hit a homerun or round all the bases. The catch is that they will not be told the rules before playing, and so they will have to figure them out on their own. They are allowed an unlimited amount of outs if needed, and the players will be patient with them.
"Hmm. Don't think I've ever played this variation before," Mario asked.
"Variation of what?" one of the Blernsball players asked.
"This variation of baseball," Mario replied. The Blernsball players gave him odd looks.
"Go, go, Mario!" Luigi cried from the stands.
Mario Bros: currently in 1st
Pinky and the Brain were next to arrive, but had to wait for Mario to finish. Pinky immediately volunteered.
"Oh, I love playing blernsball! It's always been a dream of mine!"
"How do you know how to play?" Brain asked.
"Do you remember that one time we met that Nibbler fellow? Well..."
Brain, not wishing to remember how his plans for world domination had been apprehended by the Nibblonians, just sat back and watched Pinky play.
Mice: currently in 2nd
Regular guys: currently in 3rd
Trolls: currently in 4th
Sea Creatures: currently in 5th
Meanwhile, Robotnik arrived at the right address and delivered his package. He was disappointed when the person at the door smiled and told him to have a pleasant day. Robotnik got back on the hover-bike, confused.
"Strange...they usually scowl and say how much they hate me! Scratch, tell me, am I in decline?" he said.
"Only your belly is, your Portliness!" Scratch replied. Robotnik was angry at Scratch's comment, but his distorted angry face looked like a smile to Scratch.
"Glad I could brighten your day, Dr. Robotnik!" Scratch said happily.
Robotnik: currently in 6th
Meanwhile the Bots also reached their address. Fry opened the door.
"Hey, you were those guys that always made fun of movies back in my time!" Fry said.
"Yeah, we still do some of that, but it's called Rifftrax now," Crow said. "Our sillohouettes aren't allowed on camera, and we have to pretend to be some guys named Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett. Legal issues," he explained.
"But it's not fair! Mike gets to still be Mike!" Servo complained. Crow handed Fry his package.
"Could you guys wait here for just a second? Bender's a big fan!" Fry said.
"Who's Bender, your hooker?" Crow joked.
"No, but he got turned into a girl twice," Fry replied. As soon as he tapped a few buttons on his Eyephone, Bender immediately crashed through Fry's wall.
"I finally get to meet you guys!" Bender exclaimed. "I was at the Planet Express, but you guys had just left!"
"The Kool-Aid man entrances aren't a normal thing, are they?" Servo asked.
"Nah, I've just been a hurry. How's about I give you something for your troubles?" Bender opened up his compartment door and gave each of the Bots a beer and some rocket fuel.
"Just drench your batteries in this stuff and you'll be back at the Planet Express in no time at all!" Bender said. The Bots drank some and felt energized. Servo suddenly found himself flying through the air and zoomed through the sky, making sure to take the much slower hover-bike, and Crow landed on the ground and ran down the streets at the speed of racecar.
"Hey, Servo, how legal do you think that stuff was?" Crow asked Servo as they sped back to the Planet Express.
"I don't know, like, Adam Sandler streaking illegal?" he asked.
"Yeah, that sounds about right," Crow said.
Meanwhile, back at Zoidberg's office (again!) Sam and Elmer had just finished removing the last of the tumors and left for their next clue, bumping into the Bots on their way out. Sweet Bro, Hella Jeff, and Zim were working hard to remove their dummies' tumors as well.
"Dude, we almost got it!" Sweet Bro cried as Hella Jeff's shitty JPG fingers gripped the tongs and took out the fourth tumor.
Zim, meanwhile, had already removed all of the tumors but was struggling to repair all of the arteries he had severed, as well as untangle the large and small intestines from each other. Finally, he had to make sure that all the bones were back in place.
"Gir, could you try and help me, please? This could take a while unless you don't-"
But Gir simply flailed and splashed around in the dummy's various bodily fluids, further depriving him of his essence.
"Allow me to help you!" Zoidberg said as SBaHJ removed the last tumor. All they had to do was put back a few brain cells, and they were out of there!
"Uh...dude...what do you know about...BRAINS?" Sweet Bro asked Hella Jeff.
"Uh...I dunno. How are we supposed to NO about that when we don't HAF ANY!?" Sweet Bro cried in distress.
"That was so funfair!" Sweet Bro said in his confessional. "Don't those IDIDIOTS NO that we are one of the few EXTINGWISHED INVIDIDUALS without a brain?" he asked.
"Your assistance, like the flight attendant, will be noted, and your life will be spared, should this place ever be invaded," Zim said.
"You know, my race tried that once. We worked everything out, and now I realize that it's much better to live in peace." Zoidberg said. Zim laughed hysterically.
"AHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA! You are a very silly...whatever you are," Zim said.
"I believe my disguise is working!" Zim said ecstaticly in his confessional, forgetting that everyone watching TV would hear it. "A few people have actually believed I was a dumb smelly human, and perhaps more will do so as I continue in the race!" he said confidently.
Robotnik and Scratch returned to the Planet Express, along with Jessie and James.
"That was so much easier than that Surgery thing, I'll bet!" James said.
"Yeah! I'll bet there are some losers still working in there!" she said as they left Planet Express and searched for their next clue.
"Quickly, Scratch! To the Ego-matic hovercraft!" Robotnik cried, referring to his car. The two teams sped off to Madison Cube Garden. And it was at that location that Mordecai, Rigby, Spongebob, Squidward, Tavros, and Vriska arrived. Rigby, Spongebob, and Vriska all volunteered to do the roadblock, waiting in line and watching Mario.
Mario stood at the plate, swinging his bat and hitting the ball. The ball flew over the shortstuff and landed in the middle zone, falling into the golf hole. Fireworks appeared in the sky, and suddenly a machine gun popped out of the golf hole and shot at Mario. Although Mario jumped to avoid the bullets, he didn't notice the ball popping out of the hole, and one of the players caught it and threw it straight at Mario, getting him out.
Next, it was Pinky's turn. He hit the ball surprisingly far, and it landed straight in the hands of one of the players. Brain frowned, but Pinky ran the bases, jumping for joy.
"In regular baseball, you don't want them catching your hits, but in blernsball, you do! It's quite simple, actually. Narf!" Pinky explained in his confessional.
"Pinky, did you win?" Brain asked, unsure.
"Poik! I sure did!" Pinky exclaimed as he read the next clue.
"Make your way by taxi to Mom's Friendly Robot Factory, the pitstop for this leg of the race! Warning, last team to check in may be eliminated!"
"YES! The Pitstop!" Brain cried triumphantly. He and Pinky waved desperately for a cab, but none seemed to come. They were almost too small to be noticed!
"No!" Brain cried. "I didn't come this far to be refused by cab drivers! We've got to get their attention, Pinky!" Brain said frantically. As he and Pinky tried to hail a cab, the Bots, Robotnik, Team Rocket and the Toons all showed up. Crow, Robotnik, Jessie, and Sam all volunteered for their teams.
Rigby hit the ball, watching in amazement as it soared over his head. He quickly scampered to each base, hoping that the players wouldn't get him out. But sadly, his ball landed in the charging corner, and a giant ant appeared from the side of the stadium and bowled over Rigby while he wasn't looking. Fortunately, Rigby wasn't harmed, but he was out.
"Aw, man! Get it next time!" Mordecai said.
Next it was Vriska's turn. Getting out her dice, she slammed them on the ground, and nobody but Tavros had any idea what it meant. The pitcher threw a fast one, but she hit it effortlessly and ran to first, second, and third without any trouble. As the third baseman tried to throw the ball at her to get her out (isn't blernsball painful?) Vriska jumped over it as it whizzed behind her. It bounced off Robotnik's fat stomach and right into the hands of the pitcher, giving Vriska the point...somehow. After the players explained to her that she had won, she and Tavros went off to try and get a cab with the mice. The trolls, being larger, got one first. Vriska tried using her powers on the next one, but as she was being driven away they wore off, and Pinky and the Brain were also taken to their destination.
Meanwhile, SBaHJ and the Invaders finished roughly around the same time. Gir mashed on the gas pedal, as Sweet Bro veered his steering wheel left and right; it was now a race to see who wouldn't be last! It was very, very close (just believe me, okay?) but Zim and Gir just barely got to the Madison Cube Garden before Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. It might have had something to do with the latter team's hijacking of a taxi and subsequent arrest, only to be bailed out by the producers.
Finally, Vriska and Tavros arrived at Mom's Friendly Robot Factory, where Mom had put on her nicest fake dress to greet the racers with a warm, false smile.
"Welcome to New New York!" she said warmly to the trolls.
"uHH, THANK YOU," Tavros said. Bill was also there to congratulate them.
"Good job, you guys! You're the first team to show up!" Bill said. The trolls cheered, and Vriska briefly kissed Tavros before realizing what a horrible and disgusting act she had performed on national television. From home, Karkat was watching and gasped.
"TEREZI! LOOK AT THIS FILTH THEY'RE PUTTING ON TV THESE DAYS! VRISKA KISSING TAVROS?!" Terezi groaned at Karkat.
"WH4T?" she asked, not understanding what Vriska had done.
Trolls: 1st, arriving at 3:34 pm
"What do we win?" Vriska asked Bill.
"Uh...a signed copy of the entire HypnoToad series, on DVD!" Bill declared. Vriska looked at suspiciously.
"Eh, okay, I guess. May8e the prizes get 8etter the more legs we do."
Pinky and the Brain also arrived at Mom's. Mom gave them the same greeting, nodding at Brain.
"Your next purchase is half-off!" she said to Brain.
"I'm not buying from you ever again! Your robots did horribly!" Brain said. Mom did her best not to rage on him.
"Pinky and, uh, the Brain, you are team number 2!"
"Egad, Brain, we're second!" he said.
Mice: 2nd, arriving at 3:37 pm
"Yes, and we'll be first at some point, I just know it!" Brain said.
Spongebob hit the ball as hard as hard as he could, and he would have made it to second if his shoes hadn't been untied.
"Aw, tartar sauce! I'll get it next time!" Spongebob said. Crow was next, and although he swung the ball right into the missile launcher, he managed to get to home before getting hit with a missle because he still had some energy left from the fuel Bender had given him. The Bots immediately drove off to Mom's.
"Welcome!" Bill said when they got there. "You are team number 3!"
"Wow! Third! I didn't think we'd make it this far!"
Bots: 3rd, arriving at 3:41 pm
"Well, as long as Roger Corman is making movies, we will keep on staying strong!" Crow said. "Wait...no, that's not a good analogy, Roger Corman's really old now."
"How about as long as Alan Hale is fat?" Servo suggested.
"That's better!" Crow agreed.
Robotnik hit the ball with such immense power that it sailed all the way over the field, giving him a homerrrun almost instantly.
"I win, I win, I win I win I win, I win!" Robotnik cried. "I must go and double my salary!" he said as he and Scratch sped off to the Pitstop.
Robotnik and Scratch arrived at the Pitstop, where Bill announced, "You are team number 4!"
Robotnik: 4th, arriving at 3:49 pm
"Ha ha-ha HA! We beat so many losers today!" Scratch cried.
"You mean, I beat so many losers today!" Robotnik corrected.
"Oh...right."
Jessie didn't do so well on her first attempt, and neither did Zim. Sweet Bro, however, did a little better when he made it bounce off of the walls at the end of the field and made it hit a player's head, giving him a boost to second. When the pitcher hit it to him from second (a special rule of blernsball being put into play here) Sweet Bro ran to third, and almost made to home, but was then caught by surprise when the bases rose up on elevated platforms, connecting to the ground via stairs. Sweet Bro tried to climb up the stairs, but ended up getting out and fell back down.
"I WARNED YOU ABOUT THE STAIRS, BRO! I TOLD YOU, DOG!" Hella Jeff yelled as Sweet Bro nursed his injured...something.
This time, Mario hit the ball far enough for it to land in that precious "safe zone", where it was surrounded by an electric fence until Mario reached third. The outfielder missed when he tried to hit at Mario, giving him the win and the clue to the pitstop. The Mario brothers drove off.
"You are team number 5!" Bill said. The Mario brothers were relieved with this placement.
Mario Bros: 5th, arriving at 3:52 pm
Rigby hit the ball again, but failed to get anywhere. Spongebob, however, held up his bat in a bunting position, and as the players scrambled for the ball, Spongebob rounded all the bases. You see, in blernsball, bunting is very respected act, and the players couldn't get Spongebob out for doing that 30 seconds after the fact. Squidward, surprised by the little yellow guy's luck/skill, drove off with him to the pitstop.
Jessie had bad luck again, and so did Gir and Sam. But Sweet Bro took a deep breath and said to himself at the plate.
"In my dreams, I am the star. It's me." He then unleashed a hideously garbled war cry and ran the bases, trying to avoid the big man chasing him down. He slid to the plate and would have skinned his knee had his red footie pajamas not been worn.
"You DID HER/IT, man! I KNEW YOU could do it!" Hella Jeff cried triumphantly.
"You are team number 6!" Bill said. SBaHJ relieved a sigh of brief.
SBaHJ: 6th, arriving at 3:55 pm
"And as the middle place winners, you get this nice trophy!" Bill declared, handing them a giant, shiny, and glistening trophy with the words "MIDDLE PLACE" inscribed on it.
Spongebob and Squidward approached just after they had. They would've come earlier, but Spongebob had gotten hungry and ate a Krabby Patty on the drive. Squidward would have been ticked off, but since there were other teams behind him he didn't mind.
"You are team number 7!" Bill announced.
Sea creatures: 7th, arriving at 4:01 pm
Back at the blernsball stadium, Rigby finally scored a homerun when one of the players got a call from his Eyephone was henceforth distracted. Gir also did well, finally concentrating his insane energies into hitting the ball, at last. The two teams made it to the pitstop.
"You are teams 8 and 9!" Bill said. Everyone relaxed, but already knowing their fate.
Regular Guys: 8th, arriving at 4:13 pm
Invaders: 9th, arriving at 4:17 pm
It was just the toons and Team Rocket left. Jessie and Sam hit the ball and each managed to make it to home. It was now down to who could get to the pitstop fastest. The racers-and even the viewers for once!-were on the edge of their seats.
"You swowpokes best make way fow the weaw wacews!" Elmer Fudd called out.
"If there's one thing I know about Slowpokes, it's that you should NEVER underestimate them!" Jessie cried. But only one team got there first.
"You are team number 10! Do a little better next time!" Bill announced to the almost-losers.
Team Rocket: 10th, arriving at 4:28 pm
"Well, somebody had to lose," said Sam. "Well, best be drivin' home, then!" he said to Elmer.
"Sowwy we didn't win," Elmer said.
Toons: Last, arriving at 4:29 pm
"Oooh, that's all right. You done good for a guy who can't catch a varmint," Sam said. "And you both did great, too!" he said to Team Rocket. "Say, you'se two wouldn't happen to be related to Jessie James, now would ya?"
"Sorry, doesn't ring a Chimecho-I mean bell!" James said, thinking of his beloved Chimecho.
Sam and Elmer left, disappointed that they had lost. But they couldn't deny that they had had fun.
"Well, that sure was a hoot!" Sam said in his confessional. "I guess we coulda done better, but by golly, that race was tough! Tougher'n outsmart'n a rabbit, even! An' maybe if'n I work with Fudd more, we can see if we can't finally catch him..."
"It's good that Sam doesn't hold me wesponsible fow ouw woss," Elmer said. "That wace was twuwy amazing! Heh, heh. I bet that wabbit couldn't do it with his eyes cwosed, or even open, for that mattew!"
Sorry for everyone that was going for Sam and Elmer. I couldn't bare to make any of my teams depart, but one had to! It was a tough choice between them and Team Rocket, but ultimately I picked Team Rocket to stay because then there would have only been one female racer left! I'm not going to make a major casting mistake like that again if I make another season of this (which I have plans for). When I write this stuff, I usually don't plan in advance who to eliminate; the team that just so happens to show up last just ends up with this fate.
To clarify, "Robotnik" is Aosth (Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog) Robotnik, better known as the one who said pingas. But don't worry, he's not going to be annoying like that! At most he'll just roll his R's and acted really hammy.
If you're going to review, feel free to tell me if I messed up some of the character's personalities. Also, if there's a certain team you want to win, let me know who it is and why you think they should win!
If I get just one review, I promise I'll upload the next leg as soon as possible!