Thinking Too Much
Sculpted shadow in darkness... Ruby eyes gazing with morose...
A reflection of death and inner turmoil Of a monster in the clever guise of a man.
This is who I am, and more -
Love me not, the sinner, the monster
My humanity has deserted this murderer
My heart lies cold in its stark desuetude....
Swimming in the infected wound within myself.
A sullen calm that always follows
With a maelstrom of turbulent emotions...
Guilt is the companion of my sleep;
Dark introspect as I greet the day, silently brooding.
Dare I love...? Dare I feel?
No, this cannot be, yet it is...
What sad beauty steals my heart?
What burning heat warms my soul?
What bright knife of hope cuts through my carefully woven darkness?
Should I grasp it? Dare I clutch it to my throbbing breast,
Fearing an invisible hand to wrench it from me?
What does she see?
What is there in me for her to find?
What delicate hand takes mine, guiding me through the night?
Whose burning mortal touch
sets my dead nerves blazing,
her kiss a sweet elixir for my aching wounds?
Ah, time will tell.
Memories never die with time, only to grow
and escalate to more vivid, painful, unbearable clarity.
I remember. I weep.
Am I so selfish? Is it both my pain and hers?
Is that which I see in her eyes the thing
that attracts me so?
Drawing me deeper and deeper
into that blessed, euphoric numbing bliss...
Would she, could she wash away the still fresh-blood
upon my hands, an innocent to cleanse innocent blood?
Let me drift into dreamless sleep then.
Hold her tightly, feel her heart throb in my veins
Her warmth becoming mine
And for awhile, I am human.