Cope Re Deaux
KeruKeru: Yes, I am writing the follow up to Psycho Weasel's "Cope" but this is Tai's sort of… "after death" thoughts like he's talking to Matt. I have full permission from Psycho Weasel to do this. :)
Warning: Mentions of yaoi.
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon and neither does Psycho Weasel.
You were the one with the courage, Matt. You'd always question my method when nobody else would; you'd always stick up for your friends and family no matter what. People may say I was "courageous", but really, I was just dumb. Even if you don't believe it, you were always the bravest of them all.
Sometimes, I regret I never told you how I felt, but now I realize it's probably better. You'd be more broken up now, than you already are and I couldn't live with myself knowing it was technically my fault for that.
If it makes you feel better, you were the last thought in my head. I told myself I loved you and then I was gone. I don't want you to torture yourself over me, Matt. I want you to live your life to the fullest; that would make me happy.
I wish you could hear my thoughts, that way you'd know that I'm alright… where ever it is that I'm at. I think it's heaven, but I'm not sure because you'd have to be here with me for that. I'd like to think you'd be in my version of heaven, but I can't be sure because I never imagined a world without you because I was already in heaven.
Matt, don't ever wish to be dead. I don't want your family and our friends to have to deal with this again. You can't control who dies and who lives, it's just a fact. Even if I could, I wouldn't want some else to die in my place, it'd be my fault for someone else's friends and family being struck down be a death that was meant for me. I don't care that people think it was my time, because I think it was. I don't want things to be the way they are, but you just have to accept that that's life.
I wish I could smell that weird hair gel of yours, hear you rocking out with Runi and them, or even taste your amazing cooking. If I could have a last wish, it'd really be to show you what you truly mean to me. If I had one more hour, I hold onto you and never let go, telling you "I love you" until either my voice gave way or my legs did from standing for so long, whichever came first. Please Matt, don't be sad.
You're my whole world, Matt, you wouldn't make me angry if you didn't go to look at my body. I wouldn't want to force you to see me like that anyway. If I were in your position, I wouldn't want to see my Yama in a coffin in a black suit either. I want your last image of me to be however you want it. It's not my place to tell you what to do.
Please don't hold your feelings in. Talk to someone. You have TK, Kari, Sora and everyone else to talk to. I don't want you hurting yourself mentally or physically over me and my death. You are strong Matt, you just have to know when to let other people help you. For me, talk to someone.
You could never let me down, no matter what. I love you, Matt and nothing could change that. You could start dating Sora and it wouldn't make a difference to me because you'd still be Matt. Nothing you could do could ever change that fact because there's nothing in this world that would make me love you any less.
Imagine me how you wish. I know I'd be imagining you as a rocker angel with a guitar and amps instead of wings and a halo, though.
One day, maybe I'll learn to cope without you… one day, maybe you'll know how I really felt about… one day, maybe, but not today…
I don't want my Yama to cry for me anymore.
KeruKeru: Yeah, so, not my best work, but I was trying to adapt to Psycho's style. Clearly I failed, but still. Also, if you haven't read "Cope" then you need to because Tai is answering many things Matt is talking about and it makes more sense if you read "Cope" first. Please review and review Psycho's as well. :)