Without You
Song: If only Tears could Bring you Back to Me…
A/n: Slight AU, Tala's relations with Kai.
Italics- song
Switch from present to past.
Tala's point of view.
"He's dead." Bryan replied unemotionally.
"Damn it." I clenched my fists so hard my palm began to bleed. "Why damnit!" My voice was quivering.
"Voltaire had don-" Bryan stated monotonously
"SILENCE!" I screamed at him. " I KNOW THAT! Go away Bryan. Go state the obvious to someone else."
"I'm sorry Tala." Bryan tells me.
"How could you be sorry you heartless bastard!" I glared coldly at him. "JUST FUCKING GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! YOU KNOW NOTHING! NOT ANYTHING OF WHAT KAI AND I HAD."
My brother… my dead brother… Kai…
How will I start
Tomorrow without you here
Who's heart will guide me
When all the answers disappear
Is it too late
Are you too far gone to stay
This one's forever
Should never have to go away
Past
Since we were little we've had been best friends with each other. Kai's parents adopted me because he was an only child. They didn't want him to be lonely. We were living in Japan for a few years. We were happy and all together, one family. Unfortunately, our parents did not tell Kai's grandfather, that they adopted me. Everything had to be run through grandfather, Voltaire. Everything! Grandfather was already angry of the marriage between father and mother. Now, I popped up from no where. The first time we all went to Russia to see him, he automatically hated of me. Since grandfather had not heard my arrival, he was of course furious with this. Kai and I hid behind our father and mother while Voltaire exploded with great fury. Shouting words of disapproval and cursing.
Kai and I were near 6 years old. We were still kids. We both witnessed the death of our parents. Right there and then, Voltaire shot both of them. I pulled Kai into a run to get away. Voltaire's guards caught us both. Sneering, Voltaire came close to us while we struggled to get out of the guard's grasps. "So, two little bratty emotional unpleasant children." Seeing Kai and I had tears, "I should stop all the pain for your loss." Kai suddenly stopped struggling and took out something around his neck and whipped it at Voltaire.
"Ow! You little insolent fo-!" He paused midway. He stared at Kai's necklace.
"Dranzer." Kai's bit beast. Voltaire reached for my neck.
"Wolborg"(1)
"Set these two boys down." He commanded the guards. " As legal guardian from a few moments ago, you both will be under my care."
Present
Bryan has gone out of the room. I lay down in my bed and cry for my brother… Damn it all! I hate Voltaire… Kai… Why did you try and escape without me… Why did he not tell me… I stare at the dark ceiling above me. I cried. Nobody to disturb me. Nobody to hear my loss. Nobody anymore. I'm nothing at all. Outside from my view was cloudy and rainy. No stars, no moons, no light. It must've been an hour I stayed like this. It's probably been an hour since Kai's death. I fall asleep thinking of Kai and getting nightmares that refused to let me wake up. Cold and numb. Nothing to feel.
In the morning everything is different. I don't have a strong partner to fight with, train with or even beyblade against. Kai… I get paired up with numerous other bladers. Everyone, I beat. All my anger coursed through my veins.
Kai, nobody is strong enough to fight me… They're afraid… Nobody is lasting in my battles… They all fucking suck too much! I'm growing bored of this… Where are you… Even Bryan who can last on my attacks didn't stand a chance today… I want to go where you are at brother…
What will I do
You know I'm only half without you
How will I make it through
If only tears could bring you back to me
If only love could find a way
What I would do, what I would give
If you returned to me someday
Somehow, someway
If my tears could bring you back to me
Past
Since then, we were trained, beaten, tortured and went through everything together. Not only did we please Voltaire by perfecting our skills of beyblading; we perfected the act of a façade as emotionless characters. One mistake, one whip, two mistakes two beats, more mistakes, Kai got tattooed on his face. 4 attractive blue triangles. But in our heads, we knew and talked of things that bothered us, things that contained emotions, things only allowed in the confinement of our cold dank rooms.
The day Kai got the tattoos, we spoke about it. He said it hurt. I did not know better. I agreed to try. It rather turned into some deal. I do not speak during the tattooing process and he'll have to get another one. I did not say anything during the process, meaning he had to get another tattoo. I had a phoenix and he had a wolf. Symbol of our bond. Under the picture, we had the word brothers. Our backs were already scarred so that was why the tattooing did not hurt as much.
One night, we talked about the recruits in the abbey where we lived since the death of our parents. There were teen girl bladers, we were just meddling with relationships and accusing each other of starring at the girls. Hey! Come on we were around 15. But truthfully, we weren't interested in any of them. Boris, his head guard, eavesdropped on one of our conversations and pulled us into the torture chamber, whipped and nearly killed us. Conversations ended as both of us were separated into different rooms. The separation actually made us more fond of each other as we missed all the long conversations.
Present
Finally the day is over. I haven't thought of experiencing such a elongated day without a good hard fight… All my weak partners were whipped and tortured. To my honour, Boris let me spit and curse at whoever I choose. Target, Bryan. I kicked his face, hissed at him 'you know nothing'. That fucking asshole. Boris found that without Kai, I have more power and anger. Releasing all the emotions into Wolborg, I defeated Bryan without a problem. It was quick and fast. His blade, smashed and dead. I can't live like this all my battles, I will be reminded of Kai. I can't do it!
I'd cry you an ocean
If you'd sail on home again
Wings of emotion
Will carry you, I know they can
Just light will guide you
And your heart will chart the course
Soon you'll be drifting
Into the arms of your true north
Past
A few days later we were told some of the other bladers, were banished. We heard that the girls and boys from the new recruits were caught hugging and kissing etc… They were expelled from the abbey.
Kai and I were retiring to our rooms we quietly discussed of the 'love problem'. We were interested in it. We were deprived of many things, girls were one, and others … Hugging, we did that when either of us had nightmares. Kissing was unheard of. It was wrong. But we were curious. Before we closed the doors to our rooms, Kai kissed me. I stared shocked. He stood rooted to the ground looking downwards to the floor. I lifted his chin and returned the kiss with more passion. We parted. At that time, I read his expression memorized all the curves and lines of his face, "The tattoo actually make you look tough." Hearing footsteps, we quickly returned to each of our rooms.
Look in my eyes
And you will see a million tears have gone by
And still they're not dry
If only tears could bring you back to me
If only love could find a way
What I would do, what I would give
If you returned to me someday
Somehow, someway
If my tears could bring you back to me
Present
First time for everything. It's a wonder that we never got caught after the many times we did kiss. I touch my lips again still feeling the lingering sensations of Kai's kisses. I miss you, Kai … My brother… Tomorrow will be another day without-
"Tala?" Bryan followed me to my room didn't he?
"What the fuck do you want now Bryan?" Without turning around.
"Kai left this on his bed. It was in his room." I quickly snatch it and opened and was about to slam the door. Before the loud bang, Bryan said sorry. Bang. I didn't hear him. Pshcheeee…. What ever…. I don't care any more…. I read the letter.
Sorry Tala, I cannot live on like this. I don't know how to say this to your face. I need to go. I can't stand this… this… torture I've been receiving from Voltaire. I'm tainted Tala. He.. He's dragged me out in the middle of the night and took me as another toy. He's yelling at me saying I'm not worthy of anything. Tala, big brother… this is all… I cannot face another night or day… I'm corrupted… Big brother… Love you always…
P.S.
He may be after you too, big brother… Be careful… I'm ashamed… I have to go now… I'm very sorry… I can't bring you either… He'd kill us both… As long as you are safe, you're in my heart big brother, always……Good bye……Love,
Kai
…I hold you close
And shout the words I only whispered before
For one more chance, for one last dance
There's nothing that I would not give and more
If only tears could bring you back to me
If only love could find a way
What I would do, what I would give
If you returned to me someday
Somehow, someway
If my tears could bring you back to me
"Kai … Damnit…Who am I suppose to turn to for help now?! Worthless piece of shit I am… Not even able to notice that something was wrong with my own frikken brother!" Why did he not tell me? I hate that Voltaire even more! He raped Kai… He fucking raped my brother… So angry… I get off my bed and kick the wooden chair against the wall facing my bed. It didn't break. I stare forwards where my eye meets my eye. I know this will certainly break. Crash! Whoops did I break my mirror? Seven years of bad luck? I don't believe so. This life has already countered the bad luck! Losing Kai and everything… Fucked up life. Looking down at the broken pieces, I get another idea.
If you're listening Kai, please wait for me.
Slash once, Slash twice, Slash deeper and deeper, Slit… everywhere…
"WHO THE FUCK CARES! I'm nothing anymore. Never was anything. Nothing but a stupid little orphan…" The mirror piece I held dropped with a clang as I fell onto the floor with it. Closing my eyes, I let the darkness welcome me… Goodbye…
A/N: This is goodbye… Review…