Completely random story that sheikgoddess finally beta'd (in other words, she finally pulled her finger out). Actually I'm with her right now forcing her to correct it. Puts gun away.

Disclaimer: Do not own Fullmetal Alchemist but the owners would be absolutely disgusted if they found their characters getting up to the mischief you're about to read...

BRIEF LOVERS' SPAT

"EDWARD!!"

Colonel Roy Mustang's voice could be heard from every corner of the Eastern Headquarters.

"You cheating Bastard!" continued Mustang.

"Please let me explain, Roy!" begged Ed, already on his knees.

A chicken, randomly perched on the doorframe let out a loud "BOCKURK!" and an egg the size of a tennis ball fell onto the floor in front of the Colonel.

"Ummm… maybe this is a bad time…" said Second Lieutenant, Jean Havoc cautiously, pulling up his briefs (underpants). The movements of his mouth forced ash from his cigarette to fall onto Ed's golden hair.

Mustang immediately shot red-hot death-stares at Havoc, as Ed wiped the edges of his mouth and stood upright in the tiny cloak cupboard he and Havoc had been discovered in. Mustang looked back at Edward amazed as he took the half finished smoke from the Second Lieutenants mouth and took a long drag.

"I didn't think you smoked!" the Colonel smirked coldly. "You always said it was a disgusting habit."

"I thought it was time to try something new," replied Edward smugly, tapping the end of the cigarette to discard the ash.

"Apparently!" replied Mustang, for once with a sound of sadness that he may be loosing the love of his life. "In more ways than one!"

The three men stood silently, until a slight giggle was released from behind Havoc's increasing smirk.

"What's so funny, chibi thief?" questioned Roy. It was obvious he was cut about Havoc taking Ed from him.

"Well, you're the one that always ended up with the girl, like the one from the flower shop in episode 37! But this time, I was the one the ended up with the girl... or... boy… thing…" said Havoc, almost triumphantly.

"Don't you start that, who are you calling a boy thing that's so small that the only thing he could fit in his tiny ass is a dildo the size of a toothpick?" retaliated Ed.

Totally ignoring Ed's rambles, Mustang simply replied with "Congratulations!"

Confused, Havoc put out his hand to shake Roy's outstretched glove. Roy quickly clicked his fingers, singeing the hairs on his second lieutenants arm.

"That's payback," smiled Mustang.

Ed had stopped rambling and was now staring at Roy. He noticed the familiar look on his lover's face that he only got when he and Roy where in bed, messing around at 2am in the morning, horny, and ready for action.

Mustang then leant forward and slipped his long tongue into Havocs mouth and put his hand on the back of his head. Havoc wasn't sure what to do. His commanding officer's tongue was in his mouth! He decided to go along with it. Havoc placed his hand on Mustang's hip, and pulled himself in close. He played into the kiss, massaging Roy's tongue with his.

Turned on by what he saw, Ed was inspired to finish what he had started, kneeling, forcing his way between them, and pulling Havoc's briefs back down. Mustang manoeuvred the two back into the closet, standing on the unbroken tennis ball egg, forcing it to pop like a massive pimple. With his spare hand, the Colonel grabbed the door handle and pulled it shut behind them.

Author's Notes

Yuk! Yuk! Yuk! Yuk! Er...don't ask - Ashley and Petina random recollecting today's 'events'. No you gross people we did not make out before the writing of this story (Smiles and jokes people, that would be like kissing my sister)