Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, no copyright is intended
A/N: Written for the Birthday/Anniversary challenge to celebrate the 1st Anniversary of ConbyKink on LJ, from a prompt by ievenstar_estel, and inspired by a scene in *that other dinosaur show* and by the song "To the Moon and Back" by Savage Garden (if you don't know it, find it on youtube, it's perfect for Abby and Connor)
Connor liked to watch Abby; he'd been doing it for the best part of three years but at least now he could do it and not feel like he was doing something wrong. Being stranded 85 million years in the past had many negatives, but it had one amazing positive – Abby had finally let him in and they were now a couple in almost every way except one.
She was perched up on a rock above the lake where Connor had been spearing fish for their supper. They'd stumbled across this place a few days ago and decided they should set up a more permanent home here. They had fresh water, a plentiful supply of fish and they'd be sheltered and protected by the surrounding rock face.
He wondered if she'd been watching him whilst he waded in the shallow water, but then he realised that her face was turned upwards towards the sky. It was almost dark; night seemed to fall very quickly here once the sun set and there was an eerie glow cast on the rocks by the slowly rising moon. They really should be heading back to their shelter by now; the creatures of the night here were even more deadly than the ones they encountered during the daytime.
Scrambling up the rocks towards where Abby was sitting, Connor smiled to himself. He had two large fish in his backpack and he could almost taste them now. He'd never really been a fish eater back home, but here the tender flesh was a welcome change from the bland roots they usually ate, or the tough meat from some of the small theropods that happened to get caught in one of Connor's traps. As he drew closer to her, he realised that she was looking at the moon. It was full tonight, and a brilliant white. Each crater was so clearly visible, Connor felt like he could reach out and run his fingers over the surface and feel them.
Silently, he sat himself next to Abby and shifted his gaze to where she was looking. His shoulder brushed against hers and he felt a tingle shoot through his body. She must have felt it too because she shifted a little closer, her fingers tangling into his.
"Why does the moon seem bigger here?" Abby said out loud, her eyes still fixed on it.
"It's not that much bigger really... but my guess is we're a bit nearer the Equator than we are at home, and the moon is actually moving slowly further away from Earth – so it is a little nearer to us in the Cretaceous than it is in 21st Century London."
"Geek!" Abby teased.
"You asked!"
Abby turned and caught a look in his eyes she knew too well; she'd hurt his feelings again. Why did she keep doing that? "Being a geek isn't a bad thing you know, especially here. We would never have survived this long without your knowledge." She rested her head on his shoulder and pressed into him even closer. "It's one of the things I love about you. You're able to just pull a fact out of your head in an instant. I wish I knew half the stuff you do."
"Girls don't like geeks – you said so yourself not that long ago. And any that do seem interested are just using you."
"Forget Caroline." Abby kissed him softly on the lips and smiled. "She doesn't matter. She had your love and she threw it away. I don't intend to make the same mistake."
Connor kissed her back, and curled his arm around her shoulder. The chill night air was closing in and they really should be sitting by the warm glow of a fire back at their camp, but neither wanted to move. There was something special about sitting high up bathed in moonlight; almost romantic.
"Was Caroline your first?"
"Thought we were supposed to be forgetting her?"
"I was curious, that's all. It's just that on that night when we... when you... you said you'd not slept with anyone that actually meant something to you. Are you a virgin or not?"
Connor swallowed nervously. "Does it matter?" He felt his throat tighten as he recalled that night, about two weeks ago now, when they'd been so close. Huddled together in their shelter they'd kissed and explored each other's bodies. Being so intimate with Abby was like all of his Christmases come at one, and yet it had scared the life out of him. Then she'd touched him, and said she wanted him in every single way – and he froze. She'd said it was fine, they had no need to rush into anything he wasn't ready for. But he was ready; he was just afraid to make a fool of himself. She had pretty much held back since then and kept their contact to holding hands and kisses.
"Not to me, but didn't we say there would be no more secrets between us. I want to know everything about you." Abby looked at him and gazed into his large, sad eyes. "If you don't want to tell me, it's fine."
"No, you're right. No secrets." He removed his arm from Abby's shoulder and moved away slightly. It didn't seem right to be talking about old girlfriends whilst Abby was in his arms. "Caroline and I never really got further than a bit of kissing and groping. She let me touch her breast when we kissed once, but that was it."
"How about before her?"
"I lost my virginity at 15 to the girl that lived next door to me Gran. She was 17." Abby stared at him wide-eyed, she'd certainly not expected to hear that. "It was awful! I didn't have a clue what to do and was so nervous I couldn't... you know... get it up."
Abby stifled a giggle; she could just picture poor Connor being mortified at not being able to perform at the crucial moment. "But you did eventually right?"
Connor nodded. "Even managed to last long enough to get inside her... but that was it. My first time lasted no more than 5 seconds, if that."
"I'm sure it's the same for most teenage boys, Conn," Abby soothed. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."
"That's not what she thought. It was all over school by the Monday and I was a laughing stock." He hung his head and felt a slight twisting in his stomach as he recalled those nightmarish months where he was ridiculed by the other boys and avoided by the girls. He was grateful that exam time came and went, and that most of his tormentors left school and didn't move on to the sixth form to study A-levels .
Abby knew only too well how cruel your peers could be and felt a pang of guilt. She'd been a bully herself; honing in on anyone who seemed a little different. She probably would have been one of the leaders taunting Connor had they been at the same school. It was a cover for her own insecurities most of the time, but she'd never given a second thought for the effect her actions and words had on her victims. Clearly the whole experience had stripped Connor of what little confidence he had. "How about at University? You must have been with a girl there?"
"I tried, but I couldn't get that night out of my mind. I got so nervous around girls, I just made a fool of myself and scared away anyone half decent."
Abby took his hand and squeezed it. "Their loss."
Connor grinned and moved back towards Abby, circling his arm around her waist and wrapping his legs around her so that she nestled between his thighs and leaning back against his chest. A few months ago, Abby would have shied away from being held like this, but right now it felt nice. She'd never felt so close to anyone as she did Connor, and he made her feel safe, wanted... loved. Finally she actually realised what love was.
"So what about you?" Connor said. "I bet you've had men falling at your feet since you hit puberty."
Abby closed her eyes. Her past was in the past, and she'd pushed it firmly to the back of her mind and filed it under 'best forgotten'. Could she share the things she'd done with Connor? 'No secrets' suddenly didn't seem like such a great idea. "There's something you have to understand about me first, Connor. I mistook 'sex' for 'love' because that's how my mother behaved. I thought if a man slept with you, it meant he loved you."
"Your mum slept around?"
Abby nodded. "Dad left when I was 13, but even before that he was hardly ever there. He'd appear now and then and shower Jack and I with expensive presents because he thought that would make up for not being around. Then he just stopped coming to see us altogether."
Connor had always suspected that Abby and Jack hadn't had a proper father figure in their lives; it was yet another thing he had in common with Abby, except his own father's absence was because he'd died when Connor was 12. His mother had never remarried, and Connor had spent his teenage years being brought up by his mum and his Gran. Sometimes he wondered how differently he'd have turned out if his father had been around during those awkward teenage years. He squeezed Abby a little tighter and rested his chin on her shoulder.
"Mum only ever seemed happy when she had a man in her life, and there were a lot of them. As I got a little older, some of them paid me a bit of attention, and I liked it..." The shame hit Abby again and she felt sick. Connor would probably hate her and wonder what on earth he was getting himself into with her. "I was taken in by a bit of flattery... and my first sexual experience was with a man twice my age that was meant to be my mum's boyfriend."
"You don't need to feel bad about it, Abby." It was almost like Connor had read her mind. "He should've known better. You were young and innocent."
"But I liked it, Connor. The attention, the closeness... I thought I was something special. I thought I was so grown up; having sex, being bought gifts by men old enough to be my father... but it was all an act. All I ever wanted was to be loved, and not one of them actually cared about me. I was just an easy lay."
"When did that change? The Abby I know isn't like that..."
"I got pregnant. I was only 16 and petrified, but for some reason I thought my mum would understand and help me." She blinked away her tears. "And then just when I needed her the most, mum disowned me. She called me a slag and kicked me out of the house."
"Abby, I had no idea... I'm so sorry."
"I try not to think about it. I miscarried a couple of weeks later, maybe it was the stress of everything, or just one of those things that wasn't meant to be. I can't change anything that happened, and maybe it was for the best. I was 16, what sort of life could I have given a child? I'd have been a terrible mother, and probably still would be."
"Don't talk like that! You're such a strong woman and any child would be lucky to have you as their mum!"
There was a silence. Connor held Abby in his embrace, feeling protective and realising just how vulnerable she really was. The only sounds to be heard were the feint rustling of vines and leaves in the soft breeze. Connor's head hurt. They'd learnt more about each other in the last half an hour than they had in the whole three years they'd known each other. He understood why Abby had built such high defences around herself; the people she thought loved her had let her down and used her and now she struggled to accept real love.
"We've both had a pretty rough time of it," he finally said.
"Still are."
"It's not so bad, Abby. We've got each other; and we're not as far from home as you think we are."
"Oh really? How do you work that one out?" Abby turned her head to face him.
"Well, see that moon up there? It's been there for millions of years already, and right now it's also shining down on our home in London, and on Jack, and Becker, Sarah, Lester... It's also shining down on Danny too, wherever he is."
"Since you put it like that," Abby sighed, leaning into Connor and feeling his warmth surround her.
"It makes sense, Abby. And even if this is all we have for the rest of our lives, that moon will be our connection to everyone else. We have to put all the bad stuff that's happened to us behind us now, and work on making some new, good memories that we can look back on fondly."
"Good memories? Here?"
"Stop being so negative! We should think of something special we can do every time there's a full moon like tonight; our own private little celebration of being together for another month." Connor grinned and pulled Abby into a kiss, pressing his lips hard against hers and sighing softly. She returned it, tracing her tongue along his lips and urging them apart so that she could explore his mouth.
"How do you propose we celebrate then?" She purred, guessing what Connor had on his mind.
"I've always liked moonlight; there's something magical about it, and right now you look bloody gorgeous with moonlight in your hair!"
"There's names for people who have a thing about the moon," Abby quipped.
"Yeah, I'm a werewolf... AHHHWOOOOO!" Abby giggled, and then the mood shifted. She curled her arms around Connor's neck and kissed him again, their tongues dancing together and a heat rising in the depths of both their bodies.
"Make love to me," Abby whispered. "Right here."
Connor swallowed nervously; he wanted it so much and the fact Abby hadn't run a mile when he'd told her his shameful secret made him less anxious, but it was still a huge step. If he didn't overcome his fear now, he never would.
As they kissed, they slowly removed the layers of clothing separating them. Abby felt herself shiver, not sure if it was the cold night air or the sensation of Connor's fingertips ghosting across her bare flesh.
He moved back, his eyes drinking in every inch of her body as she lay back on the rock. Her pale skin was bathed in the moonlight and almost seemed to shimmer. Connor was mesmerised; he couldn't think of anything more beautiful right now. Abby gazed back at him through her long eyelashes and suddenly he felt shy. He tucked his knees up to his chest and curled his arms around them.
"What's wrong, Connor?" Abby whispered. "There's no-one out here to see us."
"It's just that you're so... and I'm so..."
Abby sat up and stroked Connor's arm. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You have a great body."
Connor quirked his eyebrow at her and snorted. "You're just saying that because you want your wicked way with me!"
"Don't put yourself down! Look." She tugged at his arms so that he released his knees, and then she pressed down so that he flattened his legs. "Lean back." She watched Connor lean back against the rock behind him and then took a step back. The shadows cast by the moonlight seemed to emphasize every curve of his well defined shoulders and arms, and Abby couldn't quite believe she'd not realised before now just how incredible Connor was. Her fingers trailed teasingly across his throat and then down the slight crease between his pectoral muscles. Connor opened his mouth to speak, but Abby pressed her lips on his to silence him.
Connor swallowed down a sigh and began to move his hands over Abby's body. He took his time, committing every single curve to memory. She felt soft and warm, and yet firm as she pressed into his caresses; her own hand drifting lazily down his taut stomach. He felt his groin tense as it moved tantalisingly close to his growing arousal and his breath hitched.
He moved both his hands across Abby's torso, splaying them to cup the underside of her breasts and then moving slowly to caress them, rolling her erect nipples between his thumbs and index fingers. Abby sighed happily and pulled back from their kiss slightly, nibbling at his bottom lip and tugging on it before leaning back and smiling. She loved the sensation of Connor's hands on her breasts and she flung her head back and closed her eyes, losing herself in the moment. She trusted Connor completely; he would never hurt her and the way he touched her showed just how much he respected and adored her. It was something she'd never had before, but she was getting used to the idea and loving it.
She lifted her head and opened her eyes to stare straight into Connor's. The moonlight twinkled in them which gave him an almost wicked look. Abby wondered just what was going through his mind as he gazed back at her. He lacked so much confidence because of that first bad experience and he constantly seemed to be holding back; scared to completely let himself go in case he suffered the same embarrassment. She would have to remedy that over time; he had a huge heart and an enormous capacity to love, they both just had to learn how to manage it.
Connor grew a little bolder and leaned forward, suckling one of her nipples and laving it with his tongue as he allowed his hands to slide slowly down towards her hips. Abby gasped her pleasure and pressed into Connor's body, reaching down to grasp his erection firmly with her fingers. He swelled and twitched at her touch and let out a groan. Abby resisted the urge to go all out and make him come; Connor would be devastated right now if he came before they'd even started. The fancy stuff would have to wait until he had got over his issues. She simply slid her fingers up and down his length and sighed as he lavished attention on her breasts. It would be enough for this time.
He glided his hand from her hip to her thighs and grunted appreciatively when she parted them for him. Trembling, he slid a finger over the nub of her clit and drew out a long sigh from Abby. Knowing he'd done something right, he repeated his action a little harder and then pushed further, sliding into her slick entrance. "That's it, Connor!" she breathed, rolling with his hand as he moved his finger in and out of her.
Suddenly, Connor released her breast from his mouth and sat up, panting. He grabbed Abby's wrist and pulled her hand away from his cock. "Abby, I need... If I don't do this now..."
Abby pressed her hand to his cheek and whispered. "It's OK, Connor. You don't need to worry with me. It won't change anything between us, but I understand." Pushing him gently back to lean against the rock again, she straddled him and settled into his lap with her knees resting with side of his slender hips. "You'll be fine; more than fine." She stroked his cheek again as she adjusted her position in his lap.
"But now that I've told you what happened to me, it's at the front of my mind and it's all I can think about. I don't want to disappoint you."
"You'll never do that, Connor. Now, shush. Just relax." She paused for a moment, guiding the tip of his cock to her and then sank down onto him. She felt him tense up, so she leaned into him and captured his mouth in a kiss. Moments later, she felt the hair at the base of his shaft graze against her sensitive clit and she knew he was completely inside her. "1...2...3...4...5" she whispered then looked down into his eyes. "See, longer than five seconds and you're still OK."
"Yeah," Connor said nervously. "I'm a stud, right?"
"'Course you are, Connor."
She rocked against him, pressing her hard nipples against his bare chest and resting her arms loosely around his neck. Connor met her movements, thrusting up as she ground down and finding a rhythm that was comfortable for both. It was like they'd been doing this for years; moving as one and reading each other's needs perfectly. Connor's hands moved over Abby's body until he found a place to rest them that felt right. As she increased her pace, he dug his fingertips into her soft flesh and let out a gasp; the fire in his groin was raging out of control and he would not be able to hold off for much longer.
Abby too was close. Each stroke sent intense waves of pleasure surging through her body, firing every nerve and making her tingle. She bit down on her bottom lip, preparing herself for the inevitable as she soared closer and closer to her release.
"Fuck! Abby!" Connor's hips bucked beneath her and he gripped her so hard he would leave bruises. Normally Abby hated swearing, but the words sounded so delicious falling from Connor's lips in the height of their passion and it was just what she needed to tip her over the edge.
Her entire body shook, and her internal muscles rippled around Connor. She let out a cry just as Connor groaned out loud and released into her. It was intense and both sobbed, pulling each other closer and locking into a kiss that said all they needed to say. Rolling together, it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began; a perfect union.
Finally, after some minutes, they reluctantly parted but settled into each other's embrace. Abby watched Connor's chest rise and fall, the thin sheen of sweat glistening in the moonlight and his face illuminated by it's white light. He was pink cheeked and had half closed eyes, and Abby thought it the most wonderful sight she'd seen. Kissing the tip of his nose, she whispered. "First of our good memories."
"Yeah," Connor sighed and then smiled. "You know what? I love you."
Abby felt her heart skip a beat. She knew he truly meant it; no-one had ever said it to her without some ulterior motive behind it. But she couldn't return his words, not yet. There were still some walls even Connor couldn't penetrate. "We should do this again; every time there's a full moon – kind of like marking an anniversary every month." She saw his face fall for a brief second; he was hoping she'd say she loved him too, and she hated herself. One day, she'd say it. He already had her heart, mind and body; the words would come in time.
"I'd like that," he said softly, his smile returning. "We could continue it when we get home too."
Abby dipped her head. Now was not the time to remind him of the reality of their situation so she just nodded. There was a sudden chill in the air, and in the distance the call of some unseen creature brought both of them out of their reverie. "We should be heading back to the shelter," Abby said, looking around for her clothes. Connor nodded in agreement and gathered together his own clothes, pulling them on and then taking Abby's hand as they made their way down the rock face towards the pathway they had cleared.
Things had definitely changed between them tonight; a new understanding had brought them even closer and despite a certain desperation they could start putting the hurts of the past behind them and replace the bad memories with many good ones – and every full moon would bring them back here to remind them of that decision.