This is my first FF story.

English isn't my first language so if there are mistakes i'm sorry.

The story has elements of the books, but it isn't based on it.

Fear Kept Her Hidden

Chapter 1

"Ma'am, I have some bad news. You need to come to Grand Central Trainstation. This morning two trains collided and we found a suitcase with a ticket on it. It said Edmund Pevensie with a phone number. so we called you. Is he related?"

"Edmund" came the whisper.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry."

Susan ran across the street. The phone conversation still playing over and over in her head. Edmund. Her head screamed again.

Her siblings were on their way to professor Kirke. They wanted to.. they were trying to get to.. no I don't want to say it. I'm not thinking about it again. I'm over it. She reached the station, but she was stopped by a police man. "Ma'am you need to wait here." Susan looked at him with cold eyes and she ran right past him. "Ma'am!" he yelled after her. She didn't listen, she ran. She ran towards the screams and shouts.

Edmund. Edmund! Her mind kept screaming at her. She turned the corner and she stopped dead in her tracks. She saw the damage. She couldn't move. Men were carrying stretchers with bodies covered with white blankets out of the train wreck. Edmund! Edmund! It came again in her head. If Edmund is.. where are Peter and Lucy. She couldn't lose all three of them.

"Peter! Just because some man in a red coat hands you a sword doesn't make you a hero!" she heard herself scream in her head. She put her hands to her temples No, No. I need to forget. I can't remember. I can't. she pictured Lucy in her head. "I'm sorry Lucy, but it seems as if you'll be going alone after all." Again she heard her own voice say. No. No. I forgot. I got over it. I.. I.. NO! tears blurred her vision.

She walked down the stairs that led towards the damage. It felt to Susan like it were the stairs towards her mental dead. "ma'am, you need to come with me." She looked up at another police man. She let him guide her towards a line. She saw people standing there. Everyone had the same expression on their faces. Hurt. Sorrow. Incompleteness. She got in line. It moved too slow for Susan.

She kept looking at the back of the man in front of her. Visions running through her head. "that's mine from my chess set." Edmund said, looking at the gold centaur in her hands. "which chess set?" Peter asked. "well, I didn't exactly have a solid gold chess set back in Finchley did I." Susan blinked her eyes. "you might need to call me again?!" Lucy sarcastically said behind her. "oh shut up." She said herself. A tear escaped the corner of her eye.

With all the thoughts about her siblings the part she wanted to forget just came with it. "to the radiant southern sun I give you Queen Susan the Gentle." She choked in the tears that were now running freely down her cheeks. "Dear one. Daughter of Eve. Queen Susan." The voice came stronger and stronger. "you need to remember. They're home. You have to find your way home too. We need all our kings and queens. Come home dear one. Susan felt her knees go weak and she fell to the ground. Forget! her mind screamed. Remember! That gentle voice came. She was torn. She was broken.

Susan didn't have the strength to take control of her thoughts anymore. "what happened." Lucy said. Concern visible on her face. "Ask him." Peter bitterly replied, while he pointed towards Caspian with a movement of his head. Susan felt her heart break even more. Caspian. tears dropped from her chin onto the ground. She stood behind Peter and Caspian. "Peter!" she yelled at her brother. "Me?" Caspian asked confused. "You could have called it off. There was still time. Susan choked on her tears as she remembered one of the main reasons she wanted to forget about Narnia. The Telmarine King who managed to steal her heart.

Susan heard the man in front of her. "it's hard isn't it miss. I'm sorry for your loss." Susan didn't respond she was once again lost in her thoughts. "I'm glad I came back." She stood in front of Caspian. "I wish we had more time together." "it would never have worked anyway." "Why not?" he asked confused. "I am thirteen hundred years older than you." she looked at him one more time before she turned around to walk to her siblings. Then she turned around to Caspian once again and she pulled him in for a kiss. He responded right away and she had never felt so complete. They pulled back and he pulled her into an embrace. He buried his face in the crook of her neck. She felt his lips on her shoulder. Planting a soft kiss on it. She inhaled his scent one more time and then they pulled back. She looked into his eyes one last time before going to stand with her siblings. They turned towards the portal to their world and she didn't have the strength to look at Caspian one last time. So she just focused on the back of Peter who walked in front of her. Then she walked through the portal. To England and away from Narnia. NARNIA! Her head screamed the same word over and over again. she remembered everything. The lamppost in the west to the shining castle where she once ruled as the Gentle Queen. Cair Paravel. She remembered everything that had happened in Narnia. Her first arrival, her rein as queen, the love she found the second time she came to Narnia.

All of a sudden she heard the most beautiful voice. It was the voice of the One she needed the most at that moment. The warmest and most loving one of everyone she had ever known. "Dear one." She looked up through her with tears filled eyes. She saw a shining golden figure. She blinked a few times to make her vision clearer. Then finally she recognized the figure. Aslan. She bowed her head again. she didn't have the courage to look at the Lion. She was scared. She made herself forget everything, even Aslan.

she felt a hot breath on the top of her head. "Daughter of Eve." He said softly. Susan started shaking with fear and sorrow. Tears spilled from her eyes again. "Daughter of Eve." He said again. Susan looked up. She started to cry harder. "You remembered." He said. Susan bowed her head in shame. "but I also forgot." She said. "you didn't forget dear one. You wanted to forget, so you pushed it away. But it's a part of you. Narnia is a part of you. You never forgot, but you wanted to because it hurt to think about it. But that isn't the important part, because you chose to remember again." Susan looked up to Aslan. "Oh Aslan, how can you only see the good thing about this all, instead of the bad thing I have done. I didn't want to know you anymore. How can you not blame me for that." She said tears still falling freely from her eyes. "because you're also a part of me, my dear. I want to see my family save. I don't want to see them hurt. And because you are a part of my family, I want to see you happy. I don't look back on the things you did wrong, but I do hold on to the part where you made it right again." she wrapped her arms around the Lion. "oh Aslan, I have missed you so much." She said while holding on to him like her life depended on it, afraid that he could be gone in a blink.

"Peter, Edmund and Lucy?" she said into His mane. "They continued their rein. But there is one empty throne between them. Queen Susan the Gentle, that throne is the one where you are supposed to sit." She felt so ashamed. She unwrapped her hands from his back. "I'm not worthy of being a queen anymore Aslan." "Susan, once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia. That isn't just a saying. It goes for you too." Susan felt so loved. Aslan made her feel less empty. "Aslan, when will I continue my rein between my brothers and sisters?" she asked. "soon dear one. Very soon." With that he breathed on her again.

she closed her eyes at the comforting feeling and when she opened them again she was in a forest. Aslan was gone and she breathed in the fresh air. She felt so much better. She looked to her left en there it was. The lamppost. She knew right away where she was. Narnia. "Narnia. I'm in Narnia." She started to run. She knew exactly where she had to be in that moment. She ran towards east. She ran and ran. She felt exhausted, but she didn't stop running.

When it got dark she stopped running. She got scared. With every noise she heard, she thought anyone could jump out of the bushes and attack her. She realised she had her bow and arrows on her back and she put an arrow on her bow. She looked at the object in her hands and she felt so good. She felt in her place. Images of the battles that went on the last time she was here were playing in her mind.

The sounds of swords clanging together. The swish of arrows being released from their bow. She was releasing arrows everywhere to strike any enemy who came into her surroundings. She looked to her left and saw Caspian fall into the whole they created earlier. "Caspian." she said out loud. She was once again scared. How many years have past since I last was here. What happened in the mean time. She needed to get to the castle. She started to run again. she ran and ran. She was out of the forest, she was close to Beruna. She started to run faster, but she twisted her ankle and fell to the ground, her head hitting a stone in the process. After that it went dark.

This is the first chapter. Please review if you liked it or have some advice to make my story better.

Thank you

Even If The One You Love Isn't With You.. True Love Never Dies!