Kurt and Blaine vs. The World!
Thought I'd try this out for size. It's based loosely on my favourite book where 2 gay guys go around terrorizing the world. I hope nobody finds this offensive, it's all a bit of fun. I have nothing against straight people!
Update: I've just finished chapter 2 and it is so much better than this chapter. I urge you to skip the crappy slash in this chapter and go straight to that!
I pick up the last bottle of lube and pile it on top of our assortment of condoms, trying to make room for it around the many bottles of flavoured syrup Kurt had found near the freezer section. Our trolley is full to the brim. We've stripped the shelves of every last suggestible gay item and drawn numerous funny looks from fellow shoppers. I have no intention of buying any of this stuff, neither has Kurt. We're just doing it to piss people off. I'm just going to point out now that by people I mean straight people, although I guess any gay guys who needed condoms or lube would be equally pissed off when they found the entire aisle empty.
We don't have anything against straight people per se. We just like to make them sweat, to make them a little uncomfortable, to make them feel like we used to feel during a public display of affection or a school dance. I make out like there's a huge political point behind it all, like I do it to make a difference, and I do... but to be brutally honest I mostly do it because I find it hilarious. I've started posting gay porn through people's letterboxes on a daily basis. Sometimes, when I'm not with Kurt, I even go so far as to smash their window and climb into their house. I tidy up a little to compensate, making sure to sweep away the glass, and then I spread porn out all over their bed... the really graphic stuff. Kurt worries I'm going to get myself arrested, but apart from a little vandalism I really don't see what they could charge me with. It's not like I'm stealing anything. I reckon most people won't even bother calling the police, and even if they did can you imagine? "Someone's broken into my house and left me some gay porn." I mean it sounds like a hoax.
"Come on Blaine I want to get back for the Sex and the City repeats..."
"Hang on - I'm wondering about throwing some tampons into the mix."
"Blaine... that's just weird."
Kurt begins dragging the trolley towards the checkout, his ass looking perfect as always. I pocket one sachet of lube for later and smile to myself.
"That one." Kurt points to some middle-aged woman in glasses, she's probably got 2.4 children, nice husband, a clean kitchen...
"Good choice." I say as we join the queue.
The condom tower is wobbling slightly, I have to place my hand on top of it to stop it from pouring onto the floor. For a second I wonder if that might be a better idea, it would definitely attract some attention, but Kurt is already loading our items onto the counter.
The lady raises her eyebrows a little as she picks up the first bottle of lube. I used to feel awkward about things like this, I used to care about being judged... but not anymore. I grab Kurt round the waist and pull him towards me, drawing him in for a long passionate kiss. As he draws back I slap him on the ass and he lets out a delectable yelp, loud enough for the entire queue to hear.
"I hope we've got enough lube..." I grin. The lady is scanning what I reckon is the nineteenth bottle.
"I don't know why we even bother buying condoms anymore..." This is Kurt's attempt at striking up a conversation with the check-out lady.
She smiles... a forced painful smile but at least she's trying.
"I mean if you were in a relationship for over a year and you couldn't get pregnant, would you bother?"
She looks lost for words. "I wouldn't like to say."
"It's because he thinks I'm sleeping around..." He rolls his eyes at me.
"Yeah and tell her why I think that..." I'm trying not to laugh. It's all complete bullshit.
"Oh for god's sake Blaine... he caught me last year with his best mate and his best mate's boyfriend... bad timing because I had one in each hole and they were really going for it. But I was drunk!"
She shoots a nervous glance at the guy in the queue behind us and he shakes his head in disapproval.
I put my arm around Kurt and kiss him on the cheek.
"I love you."
That was the first sincere thing I'd said all evening.
As she got down to the last few items I feigned looking for my wallet.
"Crap..." I widened my eyes. "You're not going to believe this..."
"What?" Kurt was pawing through the bottles of chocolate sauce.
"I must've left my wallet at home."
Kurt let out a dramatic gasp. "Shit Blaine what are we gonna do?"
"Well we can't buy any of this stuff... I guess I'll have to fuck you dry tonight."
Kurt squeezed my hand. "I'd like that."
I know it was all an act but my pants suddenly became much tighter.
We said our apologies to the now incredibly annoyed cashier and walked away, leaving her up to her neck in lube. I wondered if she'd put it back on the shelves or whether that was beneath her.
It didn't take us long to get to the car. Once there I immediately pushed Kurt roughly against the door, pressing my erection urgently against his. I wanted him to understand how hard I was for him right now.
"Blaine... Sex and the City..." Kurt gasped against my lips as I tried desperately to kiss him.
I leaned back panting, my erection burning. "Kurt... I bought you the boxset."
He sighed. "Yeah but it's not the same..." Even so he kissed me back. "But I guess I can miss it... again."
I began kissing his neck appreciatively. "You won't *kiss* regret it *kiss*"
He let out a tiny moan as I began digging my erection into him once more, my hands fiddling with the keys as I tried to open the car door. I was hoping we could just fall in without having to break contact.
Kurt somehow managed to slide into the passenger seat with me on top of him. It was a squeeze but it was nothing we weren't used to. His hands had found their way under my top and he was clawing at me needily, already putty in my hands.
"What you said in there about me fucking you dry..."
"I meant it." He gasped, our lips already sore.
I let out an excited moan and dove back in to taste him. His fingers were already fiddling with my zipper and I brought mine down to help, expertly undoing my trousers within seconds.
"You'll have to get onto the back seat if we're going to do this..."
It wasn't usually such a rush. I tended to be bit of a romantic when it came to love making, but we'd not had sex all day and I was in a hurry to get out of this dodgy car park... Plus we could still make the end of SATC.
"You and your erection are going to have to get off me for a few seconds if you want me to move..." Kurt shot back, struggling for breath as my hands dipped into his jeans.
"I don't know if I can manage that." I whispered teasingly, stroking him delicately and watching in delight as his head tipped back and he moaned in pleasure.
"Actually... I... I'm just fine here." He breathed, screwing his face up in pained concentration as he tried not to cum.
I kissed the side of his lips tenderly, drawing more moans from his bruised lips.
"I love watching you." I panted, my eyes darting between his closed ones, enjoying his sighs of disappointment as my hands left the tight confines of his trousers. "But not as much as I love fucking you."
He let out a soft whimper and immediately began the rather testing climb to the back seat, lying on his back and pulling off his trousers as soon as he'd made it. I guess he was eager to catch the end of SATC too.
I didn't need any more encouragement. I was all over him, kissing him on every available part and occasionally breathing the odd curse word into his ear.
"I'll try and be gentle." I whispered, pulling out my cock.
He nodded, eagerly lifting his hips to meet my straining erection. I was always so hard for him, always wanted him more each time than I ever had before.
There was no time for preparation, SATC must've been on the first ad break at least. I pushed myself gently against his hole, watching as his hands turned to fists, his knuckles white as he gripped the seat cover. He was bracing himself for what was to come.
"Tell me when..." I panted, waiting for my cue. He was always so tight, I could barely contain my excitement.
Kurt let out a long shaky breath and nodded, gritting his teeth as he did so.
I began to slide inside, Kurt crying out in pain as I chafed against his tight opening. I licked my hand and immediately gripped his cock, his whole body jerking in surprise.
"Fuck Blaine!" He squealed, his eyes shooting open.
I began pumping my hand gently, trying to soothe his painful cries. It didn't take long before I was fully inside, I stopped momentarily, letting him adjust around me.
"You ok?" I breathed, it was taking all my strength not to fuck him senseless.
"Aha..." he squeaked back, whimpering gratefully as I ran my thumb over his tip.
"You ready?" I shifted a little and he tensed in surprise.
"Ah..."
I took that as a yes. I began slowly, moving gently as I continued to pump his erection.
"Mmm..." he whimpered, his eyes tilting back into his head. He was already looking much more relaxed.
"You're doing great." I encouraged him, driving back in to him as carefully as I could.
I'm not sure he could hear me, he was in his own world now, the only signs of life his tiny sighs of pleasure as I pushed into him over and over again.
"More..." he whimpered. I could only just make it out.
I did what I was told. I always did. I drove into him a little harder, ready to adjust my angle once I'd built up a steady rhymth.
"Ah!" he shivered, my hand moving in time with my thrusts.
I drove into him a few more times, my breathing was so heavy I could hardly hear his tiny noises over it. I altered my angle, hoping to hit his prostate, and voila! Kurt let out a breathy cry and threw his head back, clawing at the seats in pleasure.
"Blaine!" His eyes were wide. "There! Right there!"
He moaned again in ecstasy as I continued to thrust into him. I was trying to wait for him but I knew I couldn't last much longer.
"I'm close." I managed to gasp, my whole body aching.
"Oh!" Was all Kurt could manage in reply as I managed a direct hit to his prostate.
"Fuck Kurt..." I could already feel the heat building.
"Ah!"
I felt Kurt's body tense, his muscles tightening around me as he spurted all over my hand, his back arching as he cried out in pleasure.
I was close behind, cuming hard inside his tight little ass, the world a blur for what felt like hours.
Eventually I slumped onto his chest, my cock slipping from inside of him, cum dribbling out with it and adding yet another stain to the seats.
"You ok?" I breathed, struggling to form any words at all.
Kurt let out a little satisfied sigh, his eyes still closed.
"Do you want me to clean you up?" I was already moving towards his entrance, bobbing my head so that my tongue could lap up the mess.
He squirmed as my tongue scraped against torn skin, whimpering quietly. Better not tell him about that lube in my pocket...
"Blaine..."
"Yeah?" I spoke softly.
"I love you."
I smiled, even though he couldn't see me. "I..."
Our perfect moment was suddenly interrupted by a hard knock on the glass, Kurt's eyes instantly shooting open, both of us jumping in shock.
"Fuck!" I banged my head on the roof as I tried to move away from Kurt. "It's the fucking cops again!"
What do you think? I'll do a much better job on the next chapter if anyone wants one. It's just I wanted to finish this before The Apprentice started..