Author's Note: Yes, this is a new chapter story(: I decided that since I deleted three of my ongoing, stuck fictions—I should have the right to write one more, hmm? Well, I really hope you like this one.

Each chapter is a name of a song that I found fitting. So on the whole, it creates an entire soundtrack to the story. :)

| ~ | ~ | B l u e . E r s a t z | ~ | ~

1
"Here Comes Goodbye"

-SuzieQuaKes-

"Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time, here comes the start of every sleepless night, the first of every tear I'm gonna cry."

Absolutely stunning. The woman that was in front of me, wearing my wedding dress was breathtaking. Even beautiful would be an understatement. Her name was Jennifer Something and she was definitely drop-dead gorgeous like all Jennifers were.

Golden matte skin, shining hair and the biggest sea-green eyes you would see in your entire life. She smiled at me from the mirror. Her teeth would put dentists out in the streets, jobless.

The dress that was originally made for me, hung like a piece of artwork on her well-shaped figure. Like it was painted especially for her by a eminent artist.

And to make matters worst, I was sure she was completely aware of it. Posing before a three-paneled mirror in my boutique, Jennifer was amazed by what she saw in the glass. She looked like Cinderella, after her Fairy Godmother had waved away the stained muslins, and the mistreated heroine realized that there would never be another dress like this.

And there would certainly never be another dress like this.

Jennifer's mother, a woman by the name of Grace, stood next to her daughter, admiring with an amused smirk on her face. She certainly wasn't very graceful though. She was the one who had yanked my dress off the mannequin and shoved it into Jennifer's arms while Jennifer was walking to the trial-room. Despite my reaction.

The said-woman opened her red-painted lips to speak: "Oh, Jenny!" She gushed, her eyes full of approval. If this were some animated cartoon, she would definitely be having red hearts all around her plump face. "It's just lovely. Absolutely perfect!"

Of course it's perfect. I found myself curling my lip in disgust. Words were definitely forming in my mind. Words of protest that would undoubtedly convince the duo not to buy the dress.

The bride-to-be giggled and sashayed around the room, flashing her Miss America smile that looked like it would cause every male to fall at her feet or simply swoon in admiration. She swished her hips in my dress and I could still hear it calling out my name as it rustled across the marble-tiled floor.

May. May.

One of the endless things that I loved about that particular dress was how the tulle and chiffon became a duet that spoke my name when it whooshed across the floor.

"Oh, Mom! It's gorgeous, isn't it?" Jennifer twirled around to face her mother, her face beaming like the sun of California.

May.

I felt a surge of energy pulse through my body, leaving my fingertips cold and my mouth dry. In my mind; I told my beautiful dress to please, please stop saying that. I couldn't think straight.

May.

"You know, dear, I never really expected to find anything useful in a used dress shop. I mean—really. Who'd have thought?" Grace spoke with a voice of authority in her voice as if the owner of this "used"establishment was either deaf, gone or simply unimportant. "I was going to speak you out of coming here—but look at you! You look heavenly."

"See? I told you that it was going to be worth it." Jennifer answered her mother and she caught my eye in the mirror as she turned back to her reflection. She smiled a conciliatory grin that seemed to say something along the lines of 'Pay no attention to my mother. She may be a bit rude at times.'

After the little message, Jennifer's eyes fell back onto the dress, which she looked at with complete adoration. "It's perfect, isn't it?"

And that was when I usually say something like, "That's the one for you, Jennifer." Amanda. Emily. Sally. Whoever. "Shall we see if there's a veil you like?"

But that wasn't what came out of my mouth. "Um, I don't know." I mumbled under my breath.

Three heads swayed in my direction. The first being Jennifer's. Then Grace's. Then my mother's. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the graying head of auburn hair dart up from writing cash registers and shake her head ever so slightly. She thought I couldn't see her.

Actually, she knew I could see her.

"What do you mean, 'I don't know'?" Grace demanded, fast on my back. The little fake laugh in her throat screamed out, 'This has got to be a joke!'

Unfortunately for her, it wasn't.

"The thing is—" I started to say, catching the eyes of the furious mother's."I don't know if I can sell you that dress." I finished off lamely. I tried to add a drop of lament in my voice. So it'd sound 'Like Golly, I wish I could sell it to you, but I just can't!'

"Oh, no!" Jennifer's perfect face drooped with disappointment. "Is it being held for someone else?"

"You could say that," my mother mumbled from the background. I glanced over my shoulder and tossed her a look but she had her head down. All I could see of her was the gold-rimmed glasses propelled on top of her hair and the lime-green scarf draped around her neck.

"Why didn't you say so before she tried it on?" asked the MOTB—mother of the bride. Like her daughter, her expression was also instantly morphed. But I wouldn't call it 'oozing disappointment' like that of Jennifer's. No, she was simply mad.

"I, uh, I'm sorry. I was paying attention to what Jennifer was taking into the dressing room. I hadn't realized that one had been taken off it's mannequin."

I sensed that my mother had lifted her chin again. A mother always knew when her child was lying. But in this case; it was obvious that she knew I was telling a lie. I always paid extra attention, just to that particular dress, hung up in front of the shop—behind the glass. Showcasing it to everybody—but never selling it.

Never.

"Well, for heaven's sake! Why in the world is it hung out here with all the other gowns?" Grace growled. She placed a well manicured hand on the hip of her pink Capri. Like I didn't know that she was ticked. "It's not marked that it's being held!"

Suddenly getting a new thought; I pushed back my brown hair. "Actually, it's not marked at all."

The auburn head in the back went back down. I wasn't lying about that. There weren't any price tag on that dress.

Grace pursed her colored lips but didn't say anything.

"Are you really sure that the other person wants it?" Jennifer's voice was full of hope. I took a long look at her face, as if to remember that kind of anxiety of getting married. Just to drink in the look and taste that kind of expectation.

"Not entirely," I answered; my voice sounding funny. Grace was being too mad to notice. Jennifer, too, was disappointed. My mother had surely picked up on it, but said nothing.

"Well, could you let me know the minute she decides that she doesn't want it?" Jennifer had turned back to look at herself once more; clad in the perfect wedding dress. My perfect wedding dress.

"Will do. And I have lots of other dresses for you to try on. The first one you picked was worn by a woman who married a classmate from Kindergarten. They hadn't seen each other in twenty years—and just suddenly, they meet up in the grocery store."

Jennifer still stared at my dress on her body with longing showing in her oceanic eyes.

I decided to try again. "That one over there," I pointed to a ruffly gown that a tall mannequin was wearing. "That one was worn by a woman who waited four years for her fiancé to wake up from a coma. They married last spring in Rome."

Jennifer sighed. "What's the story for this dress?" She stroked my gown wistfully, practically pouting.

I turned away from her image in the mirror and avoided her eyes as I stiffened. "It's not that great of a story."

Jennifer motioned for her mother to tackle the zipper and as she did so, I saw the tiny blue satin heart that was sewn into the back of all the wedding dresses I sell at Blessed Blue. It was my little way of commissioning these gowns of wonder. And also removing any mental link to a past that was best left forgotten.

Jennifer stepped down off the mirrored platform, picking up the fairy-like skirt. "Why? Did the couple get divorced?"

I swallowed deeply, trying with all my might not to let a flicker of emotion show through my eyes. Although it had been many years before, I still clung to that fairytale end that was supposed to have happened to me.

Supposed to.

Before somebody took it away from me.

"No," I finally answered, trying to say something that brought my heart utter misery. "They didn't get married."

Jennifer's eyes flashed with curiosity as she joined her mother's side—whom I might add-was—listening with just as much enthusiasm. "Why not?"

I licked my lips that had suddenly gone dry. I had told this story many years over the past years, but it didn't mean that it got any easier or the hurt got any less. I shrugged as if to say that I really didn't know why Drew had said "I don't" and called off our wedding, just hours before we were about to say "I do."

"I guess the couple decided that they weren't right for each other," I said calmly, forcing the lump in my throat to go away.

"Why didn't the woman just take the dress back to the store she bought it?" asked Grace, apparent now that she, too, was pulled into the tale of woe. "She hadn't worn it."

Oh, Grace. Of course, I had worn it. Many times in my bedroom, leading up to what was supposed to have been my wedding day. Looking at myself with bliss, that familiar jitter racing through my heart as I imagined the wedding for the millionth time in my head—before falling back in my bed, not wanting to slip out of it. Wanting to hug the soft and sweet-smelling garment and take it to bed.

I felt tears coming into my eyes just by the mere thought. I forced them away quickly. But I understood what Grace meant. Technically, the dress that Jennifer was wearing was a new, never-been-worn gown that was usually worth more than the truly used items that were sold in this secondhand dress store.

"She had it custom-made, actually," I finally answered Grace's question, and sniffled slightly.

"Well, surely the seamstress could've found another buyer! A gown as beautiful as that."

I cleared my throat, feeling very uncomfortable all the sudden. No customer had asked for this much detail about one dress. I wasn't sure that I was about to tell the whole story either. "Um, perhaps, but the girl kind of . . . held on to it for a while."

"Ah, so it was the guy who dumped her," Grace nodded her head. Like she understood everything. She didn't know the slightest thing about how it felt.

I could make out a lump rising in my throat again. After all these years and it still hadn't fade away. Hearing the fact that it was "the guy who dumped her" didn't exactly help either.

"That's so sad." Jennifer's beautiful features crisscrossed with empathy.

"Better to find those things out before the ceremony rather than being made a fool out of." Grace's tone was thick with her ever-so-present matronly self-assurance.

Being made a fool is the right phrase; I found myself thinking. Just looking back on that lovely autumn evening . . . I remembered everything about it. The white seats already starting to fill with friends, family and guests, the beautiful streamers fluttering like butterflies in the cool wind . . . Being told over the phone that your fiancé was not going to show up . . .

I winced. The burning sensation of humiliation etched into the pit of my stomach once again as I flashbacked to my mother's horrified face, my father's look of fury and my brother's plain look of sympathy.

"Do you know this girl? Is she okay?" Jennifer asked, her face revealing consideration. Jennifer was just too good to be true. Hopeful. Kind. Compassionate. Beautiful even when she pouts.

I should just let her keep the dress; I thought to myself. I should just give it to her. It wasn't like I had anything left to do with it. The Voice of Reason from within me prodded. Give her the dress. Give her the dress.

I coughed, trying to block out the irritating thoughts. I knew that I could never, not in a million years—ever sell the dress to anybody in the world. My mother often called me too foolish to keep on holding on to the past when nothing good was going to come out of it. But I disagreed. I knew that there was a reason why I was doing this. Even if it didn't seem crystal-clear right then, I knew there was a reason.

There had to be.

"She's all right." I tossed my head back, hoping I would be thought-free. "She knows there's going to be somebody else out there who's going to sweep her off her feet."

But she still wishes he would come back to her; the little voice inside of me added as I mentally cursed it. It was silly of me to want him to come back and I was completely aware of that particular fact. But I guess no matter how long it had been, there would always be a little piece of me that still hoped . . .

"Well, of course there is!" Jennifer chirped, not noticing my brooding as she turned back towards the dressing rooms. "There's someone out there for everyone!"

"I wouldn't be so sure of that . . ." Grace muttered.

"But I still want this dress," Jennifer remarked, oblivious to her mother's comment as she began to walk away. "If the other girl doesn't want it, I do. I don't care about it's first life. Besides, I believe in those little blue hearts you sew into the dresses. And I don't think it's ever possible for a dress to be cursed. So I want you to call me if she changes her mind, okay?"

What else could I say except nod my head and agree? "Certainly."

And as Jennifer walked away, the dress swished and swayed. I heard my name in every step.

A/N: God, that seemed short D: I wrote that in three(or two?) short hours so it's definately not my best quality ;) But I wanted to post it so quickly and see what you guys think! My Beta hasn't seen this yet . . . Agh, Adam would so kill me D8

So there's tons of mistakes out there, I know. :) It's very similar to the book Blue Blessed Heart-but the plot is going to be completely different. I promise. :P It's like 1 AM right now, so I'm off to bed. See you, dudes. (:

Review. Flame. Give Love. Criticize.

I'm all ready.

-suzie x

Edited: 4th September '10