Hellions on Pandora

So, this is just a silly story me (Bug) and my nephew (Scraps) came up with when we were watching Avatar for the millionth time. It's not to be taken too terribly seriously, just something we made up for a laugh, and because we enjoy the prospect of making Quaritch's life a living hell. We don't own Avatar (sadly) but we do own Bug and Scraps.

Miles Quaritch began to bang his head against the wall. He thought Grace Augustine was a nightmare, now he had to deal with Bug and Scraps, her niece and nephew. The duo was extremely rowdy and constantly causing trouble for almost everyone. Their main target for abuse was Quaritch, and they had managed to cause him severe migraines without even being on Pandora for a month. Then, a light bulb went off in his head. He'd make a list of rules for the terrible twins, of all the things they could never do again. It would help not only the minorities of Pandora, but himself as well. He took out a pen and paper and began to write.

Things Bug and Scraps are NOT allowed to do

We may write DORK on Quaritch's face while he is sleeping.

We may not hum Beethoven's fifth every time Quaritch enters a room.

We may not take Trudy's Samson out for a joy ride. EVER.

We may not write love letters to Parker saying they're from Aunt Grace.

Or Vice Versa.

The computers are not for playing virtual solitaire.

Or Angry Birds.

Quaritch's name is not Jorgen Von Strangle. He is not the ruler of Fairy World. We must stop insisting so.

We must stop referring to Aunt Grace and Parker's arguments as 'flirting'.

While Jake Sully is in his Na'vi body, we may not steal his. wheelchair and use a fire extinguisher to make it into a rocket.

The scientists must NEVER hear us say 'I wonder what this button does'.

'Do not touch the big machine' is NOT a challenge

We may not steal Quaritch's weapons and replace them with squirt guns

Stealing Parker's unontanium from his desk to watch him go nuts trying to find it is wrong. Funny, but wrong.

We may not use the Amplified Mobility Platforms to play Transformers.

The Avatar units are not green trampolines. We may not use them as such.

We may not follow Quaritch around and question everything he does in a Russian accent.

We must stop referring to Quaritch as the following: Ranger Rick, Miley, Quarbitch, or The Dark Lord.

We may not jump in front of the security cameras wearing scary clown masks.

We may not pressure Aunt Grace into teaching us Na'vi swear words.

Or Norm Spellman.

We may not trick newbies into thinking the units are tanning beds.

We may not ask Quaritch if he's willing to take up his offer of giving Jake Sully a 'big wet kiss'.

We may not attempt to give Quaritch matching scars on the other side of his head to 'even things out'.

Dressing up like Na'vi and shooting plastic arrows at the marines may be comical, but they have every right to chase us around Hell's Gate with big bazookas afterwards.

We may not tie-die any of the marine's clothes.

We may not ask Quaritch if he has a girlfriend by the name of Dolores Jane Umbridge.

We may not take native fruit and throw it at Quaritch's head.

Every time Quaritch makes a command, he does not need us to announce for him in a Dolores Umbridge manner 'He . . . will . . . have . . . . ORDER!"

We may not attempt to scare Quaritch while he is lifting weights.

We may try to not examine Quaritch's brain.

We may not kidnap Quaritch, take him into the middle of the forest, and inform the Na'vi that he is the enemy.

Failure to comply with this list will result in lockup for an indefinite time.

Quaritch smiled a self satisfied smile and set off to give the list to the two hellions.

Quaritch felt his eye twitch as he glared at Bug and Scraps, who were smirking at him in triumph.

"I . . . honestly don't know how to respond to the likes of you two." He began, wringing his hands. "I make a simple list and you two promptly take a Samson out for a joy ride, which was FORBIDDEN!" He leaned in close to their innocent looking faces, "Care to comment?"

"Ricky," Scraps began as he cleared his throat, "You said we couldn't take Trudy's Samson out for a joy ride."

"You didn't say anything about any of the other Samson's." Bug finished for her brother. She pulled out the list to show him. "See?" Quaritch paused.

"Just don't do it AGAIN!" He finally choked out. The terrible twins shrugged.

"Okay we won't do it again." Scraps began.

"And we won't tie dye the marine's clothes either." Bug said. Quaritch nodded, but was confused at the sudden change of subject. They began to walk off, but Scraps turned and said,

"Because dying your clothes is much easier." Quaritch felt his eyes grow large.

"Wait, WHAT?" He shouted. But Scraps had already hurried off.

And here is our first chapter kiddies. We are willing to take any ideas, especially ones about tormenting Quaritch. We hate him with a bloody passion.