I have an honest belief that I loved you once. Maybe it was so long ago that such an imprint on my memory stays even if I have tossed it away, but there was a time

when the hole in my heart was nonexistent, a time when I was young and innocent and completely bereft of these feelings I harbor now. I can barely remember you,

you know. Thor's brightness was too much for my eyes and I suppose my dullness never could reach your own. You were always so proud of him, so happy that he

could exceed your high expectations. Or were they only high for me? Did you just simply know that he would be your golden sun, the beloved prince, and that I would

be the forgotten moon whose light was no brighter than the one in your eye if you could look upon me now. I have no doubt that you will forget me. You never could

remember my presence so why should you turn a new leaf? It is that fact that hardened my heart on that fateful day, that moment in time where the silence broke

me. I doubt you were even aware of how easily I could snap, of how quickly I could fall apart before you, and I doubt that you would even care if you had been. You

never gave me approval, never offered me your pride even when I did something right, and I hardly think it was a coincidence. The son that could never be yours, no

matter what kind of light you shed on him, was a monster. You knew well how deep his treacherous blood ran, and yet you kept him ignorant of his nature. Maybe if

you had been honest with him, that boy you saw as a creature of destruction, maybe then you could have helped him to quell the sickness inside him. But what did

you do? You ignored him, shunned him in the most modest of manners, and you poured your love into a boy whose own heart was as yours once was, when you were

young. He was wild and reckless and he didn't think before he spoke. He was a rash child and I was his polar opposite. I was thoughtful and careful and precise. I

could have been the greatest king in history, but who did you choose? Your precious son. I had of course expected it, but it stung deep down inside of my heart. It

stung so much that the wound grew cold, numb, even, and I grew to ignore to pinprick of feeling that assaulted me whenever you chose Thor over me. I can so easily

call on my memories now and I find it most ironic that I see your face first. I could have had, should have had, a fond place for you, a special spot in my heart

reserved for my father, but it has faded. It has vanished into the nothing, and perhaps that nothing is the void deep within me, the void that was created by the

attention you never gave me. You ripped a hole so far down in my soul that I fear I will get sucked into its dark abyss. And I should laugh now, since I'm so far gone

that it doesn't matter, because that hole could very easily have been filled, filled with love and pride, but was I ever the receiver of such gifts? Of course not. It would

have only taken a smile, a meaningful glance in my direction, for me to smile back, for my heart to swell with glee, but it only shrank. I wish I could show Thor how

lucky he was, how good of a life fate gave him, because he could have been in my place, could have been broken and alone and sad. I would have been the golden

child, then, but I dare not spend too much time on the thought. It unnerves me to think of it in such a way, to think of it as a chance I might have had, because I

never had a chance. You'll say that I had a choice, that I could have followed my brother, that I could have walked the glorious path to heaven, but we all know of

heaven, do we not? Hell is the place we dare not speak of, the realm of death we hope to avoid, and I was ever the curious one. I chose the path of no return the

moment I let go of my life, a life that was such a secure thing, such an assured whisper in the dark. To have you deny me, to secretly despise me, was the crack in

our windshield. To find out that it was all a lie, to discover that nothing was right, that my own brother hated my kind, was the bump in the road. I might say that the

moment I fell was the shatter, the break, but truly it is now, when I am leaving too quickly, when Thor is sobbing too loudly, when you are nowhere but in my head,

in my thoughts and in my breaths. You were always there with me and to be truthful, I loved it. Your aged voice, wise and tainted by time, was the lullaby that put

me to sleep, your imagined love the drug that kept me there. I know not where I'll go, for I doubt anything is concrete with how my mind is toiling, but I do know

that none will mourn because the action of grief runs on the love that has been taken…and there was no love for me. When Thor has children, when his babies of such

ungodly unison spring up like daisies into the world, I ask of you one single request. I don't know if you'll allow me the relief of knowing you followed it through, but

please think about it. I beg of you, above all else, love them completely and equally, love them so much it makes you cry, hug them until they have bruises, tell the

m stories until your tongue falls off, and shower them with every one of your kindnesses that I was never able to see. Because I do love Thor, he is and always was

my dearest brother, and though we have strayed and I am not the same, not joyful or happy or anything like I was, the love between us two, father and son, shall

always be a string that can stand the sharpness of any blade. I will look upon you if I can, to make sure that you're doing the right thing with them and even treating

Thor's mortal woman with an ounce of respect, because I do not wish this on another. I do not look forward to witnessing a child go mad, to watching as they starve

from how little love you give them, and if that does happen, if you are responsible for yet again another demise, I will haunt your dreams and kill your spirit, take

over your mind and drive you insane, and you will never, ever be rid of me, even in death, and my words will echo deep inside of you until the jagged edges of my

voice cut you open, always whispering with such sorrow; Why didn't you love me?

All rights go to their respectful owners (especially Tom Hiddleston's amazing portrayal of Loki). I own nothing. Please R&R! Feedback is very much appreciated, be it positive or negative. ;)