This short features George the monster turtle from John and Rodney's Mainland Adventure. If you have not read about George, you can check out the story or just know that George is a massive turtle (actually tortoise) with one hundred legs, large claws, and nasty sharp teeth. He is also very cute (but I'm biased).

Thanks to Sholio for the beta!

It wasn't long after the insanity virus that Rodney and John had brought George to Atlantis to stay.

The problem was that he wasn't the easiest secret to keep. Rodney and John had only managed to keep him from Elizabeth for so long, and even less from Sam when she came to the city. That was different, though. Elizabeth had been around long enough to grow used to (eventually) a monster turtle living in the city. Sam had had her own share of strange experiences so George hardly fazed her at all.

Woolsey, on the other hand, was not likely to look kindly on the idea, and more than that, was likely to commit anyone who thought sharing the city with a monster turtle was acceptable.

"Maybe he won't notice?" Rodney suggested in a desperate whisper.

Sheppard's eyebrows shot right up and Ronon grunted. Teyla shook her head. "I do not think it likely that we will be able to hide George for long."

"So what do we do?" Sheppard asked.

"Look, Woolsey's not going to arrive for another week. We have plenty of time to think of something," Rodney suggested.

Unfortunately, time passed quickly. With keeping the city in one piece and preparing for numerous changes, there'd been no time to come up with a good plan—or any for that matter. So it was that Woolsey arrived on Atlantis and three weeks later found himself lost (rather he'd been lost many times before this, but not quite so lost as he was this time). It wasn't his fault; it was just that every corridor looked the exact same. It was a maze and Woolsey was sure he was the mouse.

Down he went, to the lowest levels, plunging forward more out of a sense of curiosity than a conviction that he would find his way back. He only became aware of the scratching sound five minutes after it had started. He paused, glancing anxiously at his surroundings, wondering whether or not Atlantis had mice.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" he called.

The scratching continued joined by a strange clicking sound. Woolsey didn't carry a weapon, but he found himself sorely wishing that he did. He reached for his headset and whispered for assistance, but there was no reply on the other end. He must have wandered too far--into sections of the city that were still damaged and out of sensor range. That couldn't be good.

Still the clicking continued. "This is Richard Woolsey, leader of this expedition. I demand you show yourself," he demanded with what he hoped was an authoritative voice.

What happened next was not at all something Woolsey expected. He had pictured a strange alien life form (but still humanoid-ish) stowing aboard the city, or an infestation of cockroaches or crabs or…well, not an alien turtle. The monster clapped its claws, emerged from a nearby bulkhead, and sprung forward.

Woolsey screamed. He fell back against some loose debris and quickly tried to scoot away. "Back. Back." He tried to shoo the creature away.

The turtle was unfazed. He continued forward until at last he was at Woolsey's position. He then proceeded to nuzzle his head against Woolsey's trembling lap.

There was a distinct purring sound and Woolsey was beginning to wonder whether or not he had accidentally inhaled a hallucinogenic chemical. What could this aberration be doing down here? What did it want? With such sharp teeth and claws, one would conclude that the turtle would feast on him. The purring, however, suggested otherwise.

Woolsey, unable to come up with a single manual that would tell him how to deal with this situation (he had memorized nearly all manuals given for off-world use), decided to treat the turtle as though it were a bear. Perhaps, Woolsey reasoned, if he stayed absolutely still and made no sound, the turtle would lose interest and leave him be.

The turtle, however, was not a bear (nor was he like any turtle Woolsey had ever heard about). He continued to nuzzle and purr and clap his frightening claws. When a full ten minutes had passed and Woolsey's arm grew weary of holding him in place, Woolsey realized he would need a new approach.

"Uncleared alien life forms are not allowed in the city. You will have to go." Perhaps the turtle was intelligent?

The creature snarled.

Woolsey fell back against the debris with a shriek. Whose bright idea had it been to send him (Woolsey) to Atlantis again? Certainly it couldn't have been his own? He was too intelligent to put himself in situations such as these.

Woolsey tried to back away. Again, the turtle growled.

"You will let me go this instant!" Woolsey demanded with more fear than courage in his voice.

The creature lifted his head under Woolsey's hand as though demanding to be petted.

It was now clear that Woolsey would be here for the long stretch. Surely people would come looking for him eventually? This monster couldn't hold him captive forever, could it?

"I just want to go to my quarters," he whined, not realizing he was doing so aloud.

At this, the turtle seemed to perk up. He released Woolsey from petting duty and backed slowly away. He clapped his claws into the air.

Woolsey continued scoot back. The creature moved toward him and then back again before once more clapping his claws.

"You want me to follow you?" Woolsey asked.

The turtle gesticulated wildly with both legs and claws, running circles in a strange dance. Woolsey was now sure he was hallucinating.

Woolsey wasn't sure what he was expecting from a hallucination, but reluctantly he came to his feet and motioned for the turtle to continue. His mind told him he was crazy, but his gut told him to follow along.

It was a longer walk than Woolsey would have imagined and he wasn't at all sure that the turtle wasn't leading him into a trap (which would suggest the turtle was real after all). Soon, however, the corridors began to look as monotonous as they always did, with no debris scattered on their floors. Could it be? Was this creature leading him home?

I am certifiable, Woolsey told himself and he did not doubt it. He would report to Dr. Keller first thing.

As they turned left for what seemed the hundredth time, a sudden exclamation echoed through the halls. "George!"

Was that McKay's voice?

The turtle clapped its claws excitedly and raced to the other end of the corridor. It was extremely fast.

Sure enough, McKay emerged, his arms outstretched in welcome of the beast. He hugged the turtle. Was it Woolsey's imagination or did the turtle hug him back?

"You are acquainted with one another, I take it?" Woolsey asked, crossing his arms.

Rodney stepped in front of the turtle as though protecting it. "Um…yes. Mr. Woolsey, meet George. George, Mr. Woolsey."

"What is this thing doing in the city?" Although he was grateful to the turtle for leading him back, he had a hard time believing this creature was not a threat. Its teeth were massive.

"Well, you see, he's…uh…he lives here."

"He lives here?" Woolsey asked incredulously.

Rodney continued to pet the turtles head affectionately. "It's a long story."

"Everything's a long story when it comes to Atlantis," Woolsey responded, and he knew it couldn't be closer to the truth.

"Elizabeth said we could keep him!"

"I'm sure she did," Woolsey responded disapprovingly, but then George bowed his head sadly and Woolsey felt bad. Could it be? Was he actually sorry for this strange creature?

"Is he harmless?" Woolsey asked.

"Yes," Rodney answered quickly, but then added, "Well, mostly harmless."

Woolsey felt like banging his head against the nearest wall.

"I suppose if I ordered you to take him to the mainland—"

"We'd bring him back to the city within a week, yes." McKay's chin was aloft which told Woolsey that he meant it. There was no point in pretending Woolsey had any say in the matter.

"Very well. It was nice to meet you George," Woolsey half-lied. He put on a smile and walked away with what dignity still remained. Atlantis was a very strange place indeed.

FIN