Chapter One: Heart Shattering Realization

Standing here listening to Billy say "it's you" to Zoe on stage is hard enough for me, but when they lock lips in a kiss that was supposed to be ours I can't take it anymore. As if my night can't get any worse I turn to find my boss Gray and her nephew Eli standing right behind me.

"Jane, what are you doing here," Gray asks.

I am at a loss for words, after all that I've been through tonight now this. I am so numb after my revelation of being in love with my best friend and not being able to have him the only thing I can manage to say is, "We'll talk about it on Monday." With that I make my way around the two shocked faces staring at me and leave my school.

I walk out into the parking lot wanting to be rid of the tidal wave of emotion I feel at the moment. When did this happen, how could I not know I'm in love with my best friend. It doesn't matter now anyway he's with Zoe and I can't bring myself to come between them like I did with him and Lulu. He deserves to have his chance at happiness; I can't be selfish with him anymore. That's what loving someone is all about right? Letting them find their own happiness even if it's not with you and it kills you inside. And to top it off Gray and Eli of all people had to show up here. I know that India did this to me she knows my little secret and wants to take me down. Well, it looks like she going to get everything she wants. As I reach the Beast I feel the stinging in my eyes start to intensify. Tears run down my face hot and fast. I get into the old beat up car that Billy loves so much and just sit there trying to compose myself enough to drive home. I must have sat there for a while because there was a knock on my window. I look up from my hands and notice my big brother Ben standing there with a concerned look on his face.

"What's the matter Jane," he asks worried threw the window. He knows I never cry unless something really horrible is bothering me.

I roll down the window and sadly reply, "It's nothing Ben I really don't want to talk about it now okay. I just want to go home take a shower and crawl into bed."

"But what about Billy, you didn't even stay long enough to congratulate him on his awesome performance," he asks knowing that Billy and me are like two peas in a pod. I just shake my head and roll up the window. I start the car and make my way back home. I really hope Billy doesn't come over tonight I just don't think I'll be able to face him now, maybe I'll never be able to again. Oh why couldn't I realize my feelings sooner like when he said those same words to me not so long ago. I pull up to the curb in front of my house and gloomily make my way into the front door.

I trudge straight into my room not bothering to turn the lights. I want it to be dark and hopeless just like my heart. I enter my room and head to my dresser where I find some of Billy's clothes that he leaves here for when he stays over. I grab a pair of his comfy sweatpants that are too big on me and a t-shirt as well, making my way into the bathroom. I flip on the light and look and my tear-stained reflection in the mirror. Wow I look horrible. I turn and start the water for a hot shower I just need to wash away the hurt that I'm feeling. I strip down and step into the steaming stream of water and my muscles relax, I didn't realize how tense I was as I sigh with gratification. The bliss is short-lived as my mind starts to wander again. What am I going to do now without my best friend? I know that he's going to come here trying to find out why I left so suddenly. What am I going to tell him? I know I'll just tell him that Gray showed up at the school tonight, that's less than half the reason why. I don't know how long I'm going to be able to keep things with Billy and me together. I'm going to have to find a way to get out of here and away from him before I break down and tear him and Zoe part.

With my mind-set on my half-true explanation I step out of the shower. I pull on Billy's clothes and bask in the smell of the boy I love. Tears start to form in my eyes again as I head back into my room. I writhe into my empty bed that Billy frequents nightly, pull the covers over my head and weep until I fall asleep. I don't know how long I'm sleeping when I'm awoken by my bedroom window opening. I don't bother to look to see who it is, I already know. The bed slumps at the added weight of my best friend as he lays down next to me in his usual place. I stir a little and pretend to still be asleep so I won't have to deal with him while my heart is aching.

I feel him wrap his arms around me as he lays his head close to mine, I can feel his breath on my ear as he whispers, "'Nite Janie, I love you." The pain from those words rip at my insides like a hungry beast. Of all the things for him to say, he just has to say those words. The words I so badly urn to say to him, but can't because I'll ruin what he has with Zoe. I know that when it comes to me and anyone else Billy would always chose me, but I just can't be that selfish. I lay there in the dark with him and once more cry myself to sleep.

Authors Note: I don't own any of the rights of characters for Jane by Design. Please review! Also this is my first story so any thoughts are welcome. Thank you.