It's an empty, lonely feeling really.
But if one has no heart, than how can it feel lonely?
Heh I digress.
If I were to start from where this all began, I'd be talking for a long time.
And I don't have much of it to spare.
I'm going to start with a feeling.
Ironic how I would start with this seeing as how Nobodies have no hearts therefore no feelings.
We're imprinted with this false sense of emotion and we use this knowledge to our advantage.
In laymen's terms we fake it.
So why is it we have this need to regain our hearts. It's what we live for what we fight for!
Well... what they fought for.
I suppose I always knew I was different seeing as how I could care less if I had a heart or not.
I'm always out to get what I want or what benefits me.
Joining this Organization was just another benefit.
Watching these people fight so hard to gain what they aspire for. And I reap all the benefits without having to do much.
At least that's how everything started out.
Then Number XIII joined.
I knew as soon as I meet him I was going to love messing with this boys head.
Oh man do I love my mind games.
Sitting with him on the watch tower, eating that disgusting crap he would shovel down his throat. (I mean who comes up with the idea to make salty ice cream?! It's putrid!)
It was all part of my plan.
Learn his thought process than crush it!
Crush all his happy little dreams and watch him become like the rest of us.
No feelings, hopes or dreams. Just Nothingness.
But as I continued to sit upon that ticking watch tower time passing by ever so slowly, I saw that this boy, this kid; who should have his head in the clouds living up life!
Was already lost in the darkness of his own mind.
Like the rest of us.
Like me.
And the more we talked the more I loved to watch him smile.
Eating that shit he called ice cream.. was worth watching him enjoy it.
Now don't get me wrong as I mentioned before I do only what benefits me.
His happiness gave me this since of, pleasure.
Yes it had to be pleasure! With every lick, every half hearted smile, every second that ticked pass without even a word being spoken, it had me on 'cloud nine'!
I was happy I really was! Who needs a heart when I could have this! It was worth being in the Organization because I had time to spend with Number XIII.
I had time to spend with Roxas!
Now here is the part of the story when everything changes.
Roxas left.
He found his heart. This darling little boy Sora.
Who always had a smile on his face, a song in his heart and enough love to fill the world.
I can't smile. I'm a Nobody.
I guess I didn't make Roxas feel the same way as me.
I wasn't the happiness he needed.
Hah this is one horrible horrible joke.
How could I be the happiness he needed?! I have no happiness to share.
No heart. That's what everyone says at least. We have no hearts.
So now here I lay. Staring into the eyes of Roxas' heart.
This darling boy Sora, who took Roxas away from me.
But as much as I wish I could I can't really blame this kid can I? After all he is a part of Roxas.
Roxas...
"You made me feel like I had a heart."