A/N: Why? Because Zelretch. That should answer all your questions.
Disclaimer: Don't own Fate/(anything). Don't own any of other stuff I stick in. I do own much sadness, however.
Knights of the Round
Chapter 001
"I swear, I didn't mean to break reality! ... Again. It was an accident, honest!"
"Tch... Again? All right, who are you?"
"That's what I should be saying! Grr... anyway, I'm your Master. Who are you?"
"Saber of the Red."
"Yes, I can see that. You're clearly a Saber in red. Who are you, though?"
"Good question. I don't want to tell you, though."
"What?! How dare you! I am your Master!"
"*sigh* Another day, another Grail War, huh?"
[Hello~ Are you my Master?]
"I am. What is your name and class?"
[My name? Hm... I don't think you need to know~ Ha ha ha ha ha ha]
"H-huh? Why not? I admit I'm not a very good magus, or a very good anything at all, but I'm not so bad that I can't know your name, am I?"
[Ha ha ha. Oh yeah? Well, I am the weakest person to ever exist. I always lose!]
"That's not something to brag about! And what's with your manner of speech?"
[Oh, this? Well, the author doesn't know how to make hook brackets, so my personality may be off a little bit.]
"A-Author? What are you- Wait! Where are you going?!"
[Don't you know? It's almost first period. First period is Shounen Jump time.]
"... I knew I should have used a catalyst. I just summoned a bigger loser than myself."
The mid-afternoon sun beats down harshly from the cloudless sky, its heat heavy on the people scuttling about the street. It had been a hot summer, maybe the hottest in the past two hundred years. No one really cares too much about that, though.
The students had just been let out of school for the weekend, and many are rushing home to their air conditioned rooms. Others can't take the heat and just end up sluggishly trudging along, complaining the entire way. Mentally, of course. Complaining out loud would take too much energy, and the sun is sapping enough of that already.
In the traditional houses district on the old section of the city, a young girl drinks tea while sitting on her porch. A cool breeze blows through, gently pushing about her long, white hair. Her red eyes take in the swaying branches on the trees, but her mind is somewhere else.
Fuyuki City has changed so little since then, she thinks to herself, remembering the insane experience that was the Fifth Holy Grail War. Has it really already been a year?
While the details of the war are somewhat in dispute due to how it ended, no one can deny the tremendous impact it had. The survivors of the war came together afterward and pieced together the things they knew for certain. That was an ordeal in and of itself with so many strong-willed people in the same room.
The results of the war were also undeniable, though how they came to happen is still in question.
Shinji Matou was killed, and Sakura Matou was revealed to be the real master of Rider. Zouken Matou was an evil bastard, and attempted to use Sakura as a backdoor into the grail. Rin Tohsaka was revealed to be Sakura's sister by blood. Sakura was saved, Zouken was killed, and Shirou Emiya finally realized his feelings for the poor girl. As it stands, they're still dating.
Archer turned out to be Shirou from the future. Shirou learned Unlimited Blade Works while fighting said Archer, who wanted him dead. Shirou killed the golden Archer from the previous war, who was still around and was the servant of Kotomine Kirei, a man who was supposed to be neutral in the conflict. No one knows what exactly happened to Caster, Caster's master, or Kirei.
The Holy Grail was corrupted in the third war by Angra Manyu, a manifestation of all the world's sins. Emiya Kiritsugu had realized this and tried to destroy the Grail at the end of the fourth war, which resulted in the fire, his adoption of Shirou, and his eventual death. The cursed contents of the Grail killed him slowly, and sapped enough of his strength that he could not get his daughter, Illyasviel, from the clutches of the von Einzberns.
After Illya's servant, Berzerker, had been defeated, she had been brought to the Emiya household. She revealed herself to be Kiritsugu's daughter, and therefore Shirou's older sister. It had taken a while, but she is now officially and Emiya instead of a von Einzbern. Since six months ago, she had started to age properly. No one knows why, but considering that she was originally supposed to die two weeks ago, it is being looked over as a miracle.
Which, naturally, Rin is researching. Ever since Illya and Rin managed to make a replicate of Zelretch's Jeweled Sword, things had been going well for her. Zelretch had even shown up and declared her his disciple in order to prevent her from getting slapped with a Sealing Designation. Things had been going very well for Rin, indeed...
"Hey there, pipsqueak."
Speak of the devil...
The white-haired maiden turned to the source of the voice. Rin Tohsaka, an eighteen year old girl with long black hair that she likes to tie up in twintails with black ribbons. She stands at five foot three inches, has aqua eyes, and tends to wear red and black outfits.
"Good afternoon, Tohsaka-san. What brings you here today?" the red-eyed girl asks politely.
Rin frowns. "What's wrong? You've gotten formal all the sudden, Illya."
The small girl, Illya, is technically the head of the Emiya clan now, and has been for months. Rin Tohsaka has been the head of her clan since she was orphaned as a child. Due to their friendship, both agreed to do away with the formalities when they were alone.
Which is leaving Rin concerned. This small, white haired girl is one of her closest friends. One might venture to say that Illya is her closest friend, maybe even best friend.
Unfortunately, her worries are not unfounded.
"Rin. Remember that experiment, eight months back?" Illya inquires.
She is, of course, referring to the one where the two tried to turn a duplicate of Zelretch's Jeweled Sword into a pendant so that they could travel between alternate realities. The experiment was a failure with some potentially world ending consequences. Their tampering with a such a powerful time/space manipulating tool ended up screwing with the time/space reality of Fuyuki City, making it a place where anything could happen.
The Tohsaka shakes her head, groaning in frustration. "Ugh. How could I not? Not only did it bring back almost everyone who died in the Grail War, including the Grail itself, it also lead to that false Grail War once I got back from the Clocktower. And don't even get me started on those horrible Carnival Phantasms!"
Considering that the two had essentially broken the limits on reality, it was a major problem. All of the people who had been in the War, regardless of whether they were alive or dead, a Servant, a Master, or one of the innocent people who got caught in the middle, they were returned to life. All of them.
Just about everybody immediately joined forces and killed Zouken again. It was very satisfying.
Sakura, Rin, Shirou, and their respective servants then went out for a day at the beach, where they used Shinji as a pinata. It was very satisfying, if a little disturbing to hear Sakura cheering for Shinji to die.
Kirei Kotomine was nowhere to be found outside a Carnival Phantasm, and seems to have stopped existing. Even now, it is very, very satisfying, regardless of the fact that his daughter, who replaced him, is just as bad.
Still, it didn't change the fact that Rin and Illya accidently broke time and space, meaning they had a responsibilty to find a solution for the problem. Rin left for the Mage Association's Clocktower almost immediately after the experiment in order to try to find a way to fix things. Unfortunately, she couldn't find anything with her level of clearance.
So she came back after two months, only to immediately be thrown into a fake Grail War in a four day time loop. Illya was the only one who seemed to know what was going on from the beginning, but seeing as her body inexplicibly started to grow normally, even with (or maybe because of) the time loop, she didn't stop it. Fortunately, that one took care of itself.
Unfortunately, the events that take place afterward, known only as the Carnival Phantasm by those who it involve, did not. Every now and then, something completely inexplicable happens. This includes, but is not limited to, people being somewhere there were not moments ago, false Grail Wars, people being out of character, Lancer getting killed repeatedly, people having their defining character traits exaggerated, time travel and event recreation, dead people coming back to life for a short time, and Giant Monsters/Robots fighting in the city.
Long story short, it hasn't been fixed yet.
That isn't the issue, however. "Yes. The Grail was restored to peak condition," the petit Emiya stated, making sure to put emphasis on the last two words. "In other words, it is ready to start a new war at any time."
Rin nods slowly, a puzzled frown on her face. "Yes, I know this. It's half the reason why we're trying so hard to fix all this," the twin-tailed girl says, gesturing toward the city. "If we don't fix it, we may never be able to dismantle the Grail properly. There are simply too many variables."
Illya closes her eyes and doesn't speak for a long moment. She hangs her head and lets curtains of white hair shadow her normally bright face. Rin connects the dots fairly easily.
"How many have already been summoned, and when?"
"Two, one last night and one right before school," Illya replies.
Rin sits down next to Illya, and the two watch the leaves blow in the gentle breeze. Neither girl particularly cares for such idleness, but Shirou did it too often for Illya not to take it up in order to spend time with her 'onii-chan.'
Sure, Sakura will usually be there too, and Saber will likely be standing guard somewhere nearby, but that doesn't diminish the quality time Illya spends with him. Plus, it's good for thinking.
So together, Tohsaka and Emiya privately ruminate on the condition of their allies.
The people from the Fifth War will join in without question. Well, the known ones, anyway. Caster and Caster's master are still completely unknown, and Zouken is currently very killed. If the Grail is just looking for replacements, then the War has already started and everyone needs to start making preparations.
On the other hand, a Sixth War would mean seven new Servants. The people from the Fifth War would likely join the fray for their own reasons. Bazett and Lancer would likely join in for the fight. Not that they haven't been doing plenty of that anyway, what with Bazett taking Lancer on Apostle Hunts and whatnot, but Lancer wouldn't pass up a chance like this for the world.
Unless he had given his word. Lancer always keeps his word, and that always seems to be the end of him. Except during a Carnival Phantasm, but we'll not go into that.
Shirou would be all too willing to take Saber to war, and, although he's better prepared compared to last time, he's still Shirou. He's bound to do something Shirou Stupid(TM) unless Sakura can reign him in. That isn't likely, however, considering the both Shirou, Sakura, and their respective servants will want to limit the casualties of the war.
Well, Shirou and Saber will want to limit casualties. Sakura just wants to protect Shirou, and Rider just wants to protect Sakura. Archer, AKA Counter Guardian EMIYA (AKA Future, Alternate Reality Shirou), probably won't help unless someone is in trouble right in front of him or Rin makes him.
Illya could take to the field with Heracles, but who knows what killing a servant would do to her? If this is a new Grail War, then the von Einzberns have likely prepared a new vessel and Illya should be safe. If not, the consequences aren't nice to think about.
A long five minutes pass as the two think hard on what to do, plotting and planning in true Magus fashion. In the end, they agree to dig for more information and share it over dinner on Saturday. Neither actually expect to get anything useful so soon, but there is an unwritten rule in the Emiya household. 'If it is for Shirou's cooking, any excuse is tolerable and any crime is permitted.'
Just as the young Tohsaka head is about to depart, an immense surge of prana hits her senses. Not allowing herself to be surprised, she casts a quick detection spell to find the source. Both Rin and Illya jump away from each other, just in case it is an enemy Magus' attempt to kill them both with a single spell.
The detection spell comes back reading non-hostile, but the surge of magical energy has already dissapated. In its place is a strong magical being coming at them from the direction of the surge. Which is... up?
"...od damn it ZEEELREEEETCH!"
Rin watches the man fall and make a crater in the lawn, but her focus is less on his Magus-like attire and more on his swearing. Specifically, his swearing about the Wizard Marshall and master of the Second Magic. Rin, for a moment, allows herself to hope Zelretch is going to help fix things around here. That things are finally going to start making sense again.
Silly Rin.
Sakura has been having a good day. A wonderful day, actually. Perhaps even the best day ever.
Shirou actually took the initiative to take her somewhere for the weekend, just the two of them. Right now they're on the bus to Misaki City, where they plan to tour the sights. For the night, they'll stay at an inn with an outdoor hotspring, and the next day they plan to go to the amusement park that recently opened.
It was a super-rare occurance, so she left with him without telling the others. It should be fine, right? Rin can take care of herself, and Shirou said he left a note for Illya.
The real hard part was ditching Saber. For Shirou, that is. He and Saber are good friends, so he felt extremely guilty when he asked her to stay behind. Fortunately, Saber seemed to understand, and only wished them safe travels and a good time. Considering all the wacky antics they get into in Fuyuki, some relaxation in Misaki should be a nice changed of pace.
Right?
"God damn it, Zelretch," the man mutters under his breath for the twenty-seventh time that evening. Though he might actually have justification for it, it is starting to grate on the white-haired Emiya's nerves.
"Today has been stressful. I woke up this morning to find a potential war on my doorstep. You came falling out of the sky and made a mess of my lawn. I just found a note from my brother telling me he eloped with his girlfriend," Illya states, just barely holding back her frustration. "I've healed you up and am currently letting you stay the night in my home. You are going to tell me what's going on."
The man turns his brown-eyed gaze to her, analyzing the homuculus girl for a long moment before speaking. He is, in turn, analyzed by both female family heads. From his seat on the of the floor guest bedroom, he doesn't look terribly abnormal.
His frame is that of an average oriental youth, and neither his dark chocolate colored eyes nor his long ponytail of raven black hair do anything to detract from the image. His limbs are long, wiry, and well-muscled, though that might be expected of anyone who has to deal with Zelretch. He wears a pair of black pearl studs in his ears, and a set of black-green robes with gold trim cover his five foot eight inch body.
Still, both female magi can tell there is something... alien about him. Inhuman. Not that that is usually an issue, since they deal with heroic spirits all the time, but it is still worth noting.
"I don't know about the first or the last of those things. As for me falling from the friggin' sky, I'll tell you what's going on," he seeths, barely restrained rage contorting his face into a horrible snarl. "Goddamn Zelretch is going on, that's what!"
"Yes, we figured out that much from your swearing. What we want to know is in what way, and why," Rin interjects in a calm, cool manner that gives the impression that she is in control of the situation. Just as a Magus should, by her reckoning.
The man takes a few deep breaths, speaking only once calm has returned to him. "Okay, first thing first. Since you both know who I'm talking about, I assume you know of the Second Magic?" He gets a nod from both girls. "Great, I don't have to explain. I am Zelretch's third disciple in the Second Magic."
Rin nearly face-faults. Illya just rests a hand on his shoulder. "I am so sorry," the white haired Emiya says, eyes filled with pity for the poor fool in front of her. After all, records state that every time Zelretch took a student from the clocktower, they tended to get... broken.
He just lets out a tired sigh. "Yeah, thanks. Anyway, I'm the third disciple. The first two graduated already, so that means I'm the most senior of his pupils throughout all the realities and worlds Zelretch has been to. With that in mind, the ass saw that there is a broken time/space continuum here and sent me to fix it as training. Also, if I find the sixteenth disciple, his most recent one, then I'm to help her with her studies and whatnot."
He crosses his arms and sighs heavily. "Ugh... how bothersome. How am I supposed to even find this girl? He didn't even give me any details other than her gender, the prick."
It is then that he notices Rin smiling sweetly at him. Experience tells him he should be wary. His instincts say something is off with this girl. "Hello, Sempai. I am Tohsaka Rin, Second Owner of Fuyuki City and fellow disciple of Wizard Marshall Zelretch."
(Un)fortunately for him, although he's met enough powerful women to know what evils might be hidden behind that kind of smile, he had never met a manipulating beauty on the level of Rin Tohsaka. If he were to turn around, he might see Illya still gazing at him with pitying eyes and realize he is a sheep before a wolf. He does not, however, and sincerely believes the twin-tailed girl in front of him is exactly as she appears.
He has never been so far from the truth.
He smiles back sunnily at what he considers to be nothing but a cute kouhai. That isn't to say he is disregarding her magical ability, as any true disciple of Zelretch is going to be a friggin' beast, but it must again be said that he does not realize how scary this paricular girl can be.
"Ah, then hello! I am Kital Septim Vesperia Teo Athanasia Jasmine Zect Entheofushia, but you may call me Kital. It's a pleasure to meet you, Toshaka-chan," he says, introducing himself cheerfully.
If only he could know what the auth- Fate has in store for him.
"I ask of you... are you my Master?"
"..."
"I see. I am Saber of the White. Let us fight well."
"..."
Hmm. This might be a difficult battle. Still, the Lord will provide."
"..."
"Oh? My name? Well... I don't see the harm. I am Jeanne. What about you, Master? May I know your name?"
"..."
"Ah, that is a good name. I pray we make it through this War with minimal bloodshed."
"... Amen."
A/N: Chapter 001, COOOOMPLEEEEEEEETTEE!
=D
... and now, for something completely different.
Presenting:
"God Dammit Zelretch"
A Knights of the Round Side Story
Starring: Ester Williams, Thirteenth Disciple of Zelretch
Ester Williams is a proud woman. Descendant of a certain reality's Ashley Willams and Commander Shepard, soldiering is in her blood. Killing sythetic automations and cybernetic undead is in her blood too. She's proud of that.
So when an old man came up to sixteen year old Ester with an offer to join a special task force made /specifically/ to counter mind-boggling abominations like those, she just couldn't refuse. She went home and told her mom, went to the graveyard and told her dad, and that was that. Okay, maybe her mom was a little upset since both the training and the force were super top-secret, and that contact would be extremely limited for the first few years, but it was her life to do with what she wanted.
She left and her mom let her go, both thinking she was going to go shoot some Reaper-like enemy in the face before it ever got near any sign of human space. To a certain degree, they were correct in their thinking. That degree just so happens to be very, very small.
Learning Magecraft? Learning Magic? She didn't even know that such things existed until she got to the Wizard Marshall's 'training base.' Even so, she was singled out to fight, so she does. Wizard Marshall Zelretch will often deploy her in hot zones all over time and space, oftentimes forcing her to go without her gear from home so that she'll have to grow as a magus to survive.
Which she did. That's what a Williams friggin' does. Kick a lot of ass and survive to kick more ass.
Still... the current situation is testing her patience with him. Commanding officer he may be, but this is just ridiculous. She woke up, got ready for the day, ate breakfast, practiced her shooting, and studied her magecraft. Just a normal day in the life of Ester Williams.
Then BAM! Giant robots duking it out in the middle of some twenty-first century city.
Worst part? She got here via portal trap set on the bathroom door. It activated as she was leaving the bathroom after her evening shower.
So here she is, standing on the street corner in nothing but a towel while giant robots fight each other in the city, in the airspace above the city, and in high orbit above the planet. She was sent here to fight, as usual, and there would be further instructions once she's set up a base for herself, so there is no need to panic. Still, there is really only one thing to say in this kind of situation.
"God Dammit Zelretch!"