By CatFish
The wolf was always there.
Always.
Waiting.
Watching.
The wolf had always been there.
A part of him.
The wolf was the earliest thing he could remember.
The biting jaws, the rank smell of blood, yes blood so much blood staining the ground and the wolf's teeth. And fear. He remembered fear, adrenaline coursing through his veins like a life force, heart franticly beating and terror closing in all around him.
The unparalleled terror of being hunted down and knowing that there
was
no
escape
that running only delayed the inevitable.
And in the end, he had stopped running. Some unknown force in him compelled him to stop, to turn, and to face the hunter.
The wolf.
And after. He remembered after the wolf, when his mother had run out of the cottage, panicked at his cries. The wolf had fled. His mother had carried him inside, murmuring mindless words to hear her own voice, words she had not meant him to hear. First comforting, then scolding, then saying that it would be alright, it would be alright, whether to him or to herself or to no one he did not know.
And he saw fear in her eyes. His fear. That same fear of knowing that from this there was no escape.
And that was part of him, too.
But- before the wolf? What had been before the wolf? Had there been a before the wolf?
Had there ever been a time when existence had not included the beast that lurked in the back of his mind?
A time when he had not been so keenly aware of scent?
When silver had not caused him to cringe?
When the full moon had not been synonymous with that monthly night of fear?
He could not imagine his life without these seemingly insignificant differences.
They were part of him.
The wolf was part of him.
It frightened him. How much of him was the wolf?
Was the wolf the reason for his canine devotion to the pack that was the Marauders?
Was it what had shaped his personality, his very nature?
Was he himself despite the wolf?
or because of it?
What was he, without the wolf?
Who was he?
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A/N Told you. Pointless. I will write fics with actual plot eventually, I swear! I may rewrite this into a prologue for something, though at the moment it stands alone. Anyway. I would like to thank my RL beta Susan for actually reading my pointless stuff.
Disclaimer: Remus Lupin and all other Harry Potters characters do not belong to me. Remus' mother as I depict her does, though I don't like her very much. The words in the order they are arranged also belongs to me. Not that anyone else wants them.