Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. The character in this story is not mine but the plot is.
Jesse and Ms. Corcran, her mother, was the last straw. Rachel Berry stood in front of her mirror asking a question that she had been asking for many years. The only difference this time was that she finally had an answer. NO. Rachel had always been able to pull one thing that would always turn the answer to yes or some reason that even if the answer wasn't a yes it still wasn't a no. Having every one that she ever came in contact with outside of her house putting her through one form of torture or another was the first thing that dr4ove her to the question. But at the early age of eight she was able to answer yes because of her dads. They use to be so joyful and caring. Her fathers would do whatever they could to help her. They told her that once she got out of the town of Lima people would be more accepting, and that all of this childhood foolishness would be put in the past. That is when she really decided that she would be a star on Broadway. There she could apply all her skills that her fathers were helping her gather with all her classes. She could do what she wanted. Sing and dance all the time and get paid for it. She would be famous and people would love her and no one would treat her horribly any more. They would all over look the fact that she didn't have a traditional family but two gay dads. Being gay in New York wasn't a bad thing. They didn't care. So at the age of eight the idea of Broadway and New York became cemented in her brain.
Then things started to change at home. Dad would start to stay out longer, stating that he was going out to drink with his buddies from work, or just had to stay late at the office. While Dad was out getting drunk with co-workers Daddy was getting drunk in front of a young impressionable Rachel Berry only at the age of ten. At first Rachel didn't really know what was going on, she could just tell something was wrong with all the tension in the air. Rachel would always brush it off when her two drunk fathers would meet in the house and terrible fights would ensue. Some even escalating to thrown objects and punches in the wall. But even with this happening the answer to her question was not a no. She had her classes and her dream. It was her dream to be a big star on Broadway that made sure the answer was yes. And it kept her cool until things between her dads cooled down.
Her dads started to be more friendly with each other. It was like they started to rediscover their relationship. With the heating up of their relationship together it seemed that the relationship with their daughter cooled down even more than it had when her dads were both drinking. They would shuffle her off to more and more classes every day so that they could be alone with one another. It got to the point where it felt like it was a couple and a stranger living under the same roof. The men would go off on weekend vacations together and leave the girl at home for days to fend for herself. And still the answer was yes. For two main reasons. No one on the outside knew about the dysfunction that was going on in the Berry house. Everyone thought that all the Berry's were happy and the picture of family bliss. Rachel couldn't stand the idea of people knowing that her dads might not love her anymore. The other reason was glee. She had finally found aclub with people in it that were slightly nice and similar to her.
Here she thought sh would find a good way to practice for her dreams, and the best thing, she might finally find people who wanted to be her friend. Sure half of the club was compossed of people who were her main tormentors at school, but there was still hope that they would befriend her like they had with the rest of the club. For awhile things seemed to be going well. She was still constantly getting slushied and called names all the time nut how she had people willing to help clean her off and even defend her at times. She even had a boyfriend for some time. It amazed her that Noah Puckerman wanted to date her. That relationship didn't last long because she realized that he was using her. It hurt. Here she was thinking that someone might want her, to only understand that she was just a tool to make someone else jealous. The thing was she was still the happiest that she has ever been in quite a had twelve people who were nice and even slightly cared about her. She didn't even feel the need to ask that question for months.
Rachel was happy. She couldn't believe even though her home life was still that of a couple and a stranger she was happy. There were people who she believed cared about her, New Directions had just won sectionals, and the boy she had a crush on looked to be feeling the same way. Finn was finally out of the relationship he had with Quinn and was paying all his attention to Rachel. Of course that didn't last long. Rachel was so happy that he finally could and wanted to be with her that she did all that she could to spend time with him. She went to his games and cheered him on, made dates for them to meet up and even made him a cute little calendar for him to keep so he would know when they had something planned. It took her by surprise to find out that he was just playing with her emotions and that he really didn't want to be in a relationship at all.
Slowly Rachel felt like she was sinking again. It had been half a year with New Directions and there was no headway with making friends. In fact it felt like the people who use to just pass her in the hallway were now also turning in to tormentors. Kurt and Mercedes where always trying to put her down, and steal the solos that she rightfully deserved. Santana and Brittnay where still being the bitch Cheerios that Rachel had grown use to. It just felt like everyone in glee where becoming more icy to her. The one exception was Quinn. She wasn't being nice to Rachel but she was no more trying to tear her down, she would not track her down to try and put her in her place. In fact there were times when she would throw a compliment Rachel's direction. Rachel was confused by this but just chalked it up to baby horomones.
Rachel was just about to ask herself the question again, but she ran into Jesse St. James. Right away he was so honest with her. Yes he critized her but all he said was an honest opinion on how she could be better. It wasn't an attack on her character but on something that she could do to improve. That was the first thing that made her start to crush on him. The next was his voice and the fact that he wanted to sing with her and could actually match her in talent. The final thing that clinched it for her was the fact that he seemed genuinely interested in her for who she was. It was soon cemented that she was truly developing feeling for Jesse when he wouldn't let her break the budding relationship that they had because her glee mates where wanting her too.
Things developed fast between the two of them. Jesse seemed to be exactly what Rachel needed. He was there to comfort her when her team mates tore into her. He soon became a fixture at her house to keep the loneliness that she had been feeling at home away. Jesse also just seemed to understand her. He got her dream and wanted to help her achieve it. Not only did he want to help her achieve it he wanted to be besides her when she did. They shared so many things in common. Their interests seemed to be the same. They were both in love with musicals, dance, and what others didn't know about them was they both clicked on an even more personal level. Jesse had a bad home life also. His parents didn't pay him any attention except for when his dad was drunk and tried to beat him. So together they were slowly healing one another. So when Jesse left for awhile because of the "Run Joey Run" incident Rachel felt that she might have destroyed everything that she was quickly becoming her reason for a yes to her question.
When Jesse came back and asked Rachel about her dreams she couldn't believe it. She felt like he had forgiven her for her stupid mess up and that they would be able to move past it, but to make sure that he knew she was going to put her all into the relationship she told him the one dream that she wouldn't even admit to herself until that point. That if she had her mother that maybe everything would be ok. She didn't realize that, that was exactly what Jesse wanted to hear. She also didn't know that by telling him that, that she had set in motion the events that would come to make the answer to her question no.
Rachel was at the happiest that she had ever been. She had a boyfriend who had forgiven her for horrible judgment and they had just found a tape that was from her mother to her. She was happy that her mother had left something for her to have that would lead Rachel to her but she was also extremely scared. Rachel had so many preconceived conceptions about who her mother was and what she was that she didn't want those illusions to be proven false. She was fine as long as she had her fantasy; she couldn't stand to have her fantasy destroyed. It was one of the things that had kept her answer a yes. So when Jesse put the tap into the player and made her listen to it she was grateful because she knew that she would never have been able to do it on her own.
After listening to the tape she knew that she had to find her mother. With a voice like that she had to be able to help Rachel with her dream, and while helping Rachel they would be able to bond and she might finally be able to have a relationship with one of her parents that she has always dreamed of having. So the one day that she was spying on Vocal Adrenaline she was surprised and giddy to have finally found her mother. Sure the first meeting between the two hadn't gone as smoothly as she would have liked but it was a start and it wasn't like her mother had told her that she didn't want to be a part of her life. Rachel felt like she was flying on cloud nine. She had a boyfriend who truly understood her and loved her for who she was and she had met her mother and it seemed like things would work out there. She should have known better. Things weren't meant to go well for her, she was never suppose to know happiness for long. She knew she was only allowed to get a taste to know what she was missing out on to have it taken away. She should have been prepared for what followed the next two days.
Shortly after meeting her mother, Ms. Corcran, came to her and said that she couldn't be what Rachel wanted her to be. That it would be best just to admire one another from afar. Even though Rachel put up a brave front in front of her she was dieing on the inside. Not only did her fathers not want her anymore but the one figure that she had painted in her fantasies as always wanting her had just told her that she wanted no part of her. Yet again Rachel asked her question but the answer was still a yes. Jesse.
Rachel couldn't wait to see Jesse she needed him badly. So when she got to the text from Jesse to assemble New Directions and come to the auditorium she couldn't do it fast enough. She was hoping that when she finally saw him she would be able to hold him and have him tell her that everything would be ok. That even though all her parents had abandoned her that it didn't matter because she still had him. But that all came crashing down when she saw him up there with Vocal Adrenaline. She couldn't believe it everything was being taken away from her in one foul swoop. Rachel wouldn't have been able to deal with being broken up with to begin with but to do it in front of the glee club just killed her. She knew than the answer to her question.
The thing was though Rachel couldn't stop the little hope that he had when Jesse called her during lunch after he left with Vocal Adrenaline. She was hoping that he would tell her that he was in love with her and that his friends made him do that and he still wanted to be with her. That he would love to meet her clandestinely, to have a romance like Romeo and Juliet. She didn't expect what happened. She didn't know that Jesse could be so cruel to call her out and than have his entire time egg her. Rachel tried her best to hid her tears till Jesse and Vocal Adrenaline left. She quickly went into the school to clean up and than was going to go home.
The plan was changed though when Kurt found her running into the bathroom. He helped her clean up and quickly texted all the glee club to meet him in the choir room. After cleaning up Rachel he dragged her in there where she was forced to tell the story of Vocal Adrenaline egging her. She felt nothing when all the boys got up to go defend her and she felt nothing when Schue came in and called Jesse to come to the auditorium on Friday. She could no longer feel a thing. She quickly made her escape from the choir room and went home. She finally had the answer to her question. Would anyone care is Rachel Berry was no longer on this earth? No. She didn't matter at all and she knew that and it hurt to much to stay so she decided it was time that she no longer inhabited the earth. She went up to her bathroom and grabbed all of her anti-depressents that her therapist has prescribed to her and downed the whole bottle.
Rachel couldn't have been more wrong when she thought that no one would care if she was dead. There was a certain blonde who had been watching her for a long time just trying to get the nerve to talk to her and finally accept that offer of friendship that the brunette had extended. Quinn had quietly been watching Rachel she knew that Rachel was having a hard time at home she knew the signs. She wanted to help Rachel so bad she just didn't know how to.
When she saw that Rachel had developed something with Jesse she was estatic because that meant that the brunette that Quinn really cared about had someone in her life that was making her happy. That would be there for her. Quinn only saw how happy that Jesse was making Rachel, she didn't know any of the things about Rachel's mother so she felt that as long as Rachel had Jesse she wouldn't want her around. She knew it was a cope out because she was afraid of Rachel refusing her friendship but she thought that as long as the diva was happy all would be ok.
When Jesse broke up with Rachel right in front of everyone Quinn just wanted to kill him right there. She was to consumed in her anger to notice that the diva had run out of the auditorium. As soon as she realized it though Quinn went on a man hunt looking for Rachel. Try as hard as she may she just couldn't find her. She had resigned herself to going to Rachel's house after school to try and help her when she got the text from Kurt to go to the choir room. When she got there and saw Rachel she quickly rushed to her side trying to figure out if there was anything that she could do to help the small girl out. She was quickly cut off when Kurt told the glee club about the egging. Everyone was enraged and wanted to hurt Vocal Adrenaline but because Schue came in they all quieted down to listen to him tell Vocal Adrenaline to be in their auditorium that Friday. Quinn kept her eyes on Rachel the entire time that she was there.
When Rachel left the choir room Quinn tried to follow only to be stopped by Puck. He was still trying to recruit people into doing some vengeance on the traitor Jesse for what he did to Rachel. After Quinn shook off Puck she waddled as fast as she could to the parking lot and noticed that Rachel had already left. She quickly went to her car and went to Rachel's house. After pounding on the door for ten minutes she finally tried to door knob to find it unlocked. Quinn quickly rushed up the stairs to try and find Rachel all the while calling out her name. When she finally found Rachel's room and noticed she wasn't in there she got desperate. She started a room to room search until she found the diva in a crumbled up heap next to an empty pill bottle. Quinn couldn't believe it Rachel was trying to commit suicide. She quickly pulled out her phone and called 911. Then grabbed the girl and clutched Rachel to herself.
When the paramedics arrived they had to pry Quinn off the body. Rachel had been dead before Quinn even got there. She just couldn't bare it. Quinn lost control of the tears that she was fighting back when she heard the paramedics say D.O.A. Listlessly she got up and walked into Rachel's roomed and just stared around at the room that was so Rachel. All the Broadway posters, playbills, and cds laying around. Quinn picked up Rachel's Ipod and looked down at it. There wasn't a day when Quinn hadn't seen the diva with her Ipod always listening to something or other.
Quinn jumped when a hand was placed on her shoulder. There stood a police officer. He wanted to ask her some questions. After Quinn had finished with the questions the police officer told her that she should go home and put her in her car. Without really even thinking Quinn drove her car to Mercedes house. When she got there she just walked up to her room, and as soon as she touched her bed she started crying. Hearing Quinn cry Mercedes walked into the room and tried to calm Quinn down. Even with all the pregnancy horomones she had never seen Quinn like this. Finally when Quinn calmed down enough to talk she told Mercedes what she found when she went to Rachel's house. Quinn couldn't believe her ears when she heard Mercedes say that means they no longer qualified for Regionals. She quickly throw Mercedes out of her room.
After hours she started to calm down some and only than did she realize that she had been holding something the entire time. When she looked down she saw that she was still holding on to Rachel's Ipod. Quickly she turned it on and started to listen to what Rachel had. From now on she knew this was the only connection that she would have with the diva.
The week flew by in a blur for Quinn. She spent all of her time crying and listening to Rachel's Ipod. When Friday came and Jesse was suddenly in front of her asking her what the glee club wanted it hit her. They hadn't called and cancelled the song they were going to perform in front of Vocal Adrenaline. That's when a plan click in her brain. She had been fuming for days now about how the glee club was just brushing off the death of one of their teammates and just worrying about Regionals. So she told Jesse just to go to the auditorium with Vocal Adrenaline and that they would meet them there. She also went to find the glee club and told them to go and sit with Vocal Adrenaline,
Quinn got up on the stage and spoke her mind. "Jesse you might not know this but the day that you egged Rachel she went home and commited suicide." Jesse was just sat there in shocked he didn't know that Rachel was dead. It killed him inside to know that he had hurt so much that she would do that. But Quinn wasn't done. "I have recently come across a wonderful song that I feel the need to share with all of you at this moment. I got it off of Rachel's Ipod. It was one of the songs that she listened all the time." With that Quinn cued up the music and sang for both glee clubs telling how she felt about Rachel's Suicide.
You fold his hands and smooth his tie
You gently lift his chin
Were you really so blind
And unkind to him?
Cant help to itch to touch, to kiss
To hold him once again
Now to close his eyes
Never open them
A shadow passed, a shadow passed
Yearning, yearning
For the fool it called a home
All the things you never did are left behind
All the things his mama wished he'd bear in mind
And all his dad had hoped he'd know
The talks you never had
The Saturdays you never spent
All the grown up places
You never went
And all the crying
You wouldn't understand
You just let him cry
Make a man out of him
A shadow passed, a shadow passed
Yearning, yearning
For the fool it called a home
All the things he never did are left behind
All the things his mama did to make him mind
And how his dad had hoped he grow
All thing he ever lived are left behind
All the fears that ever flickered his mind
All the sadness that he come to own
A shadow passed, a shadow passed
Yearning, yearning
For the fool it called a home
And it whistles through the ghosts still left behind
It whistles through the ghosts still left behind
It whistles through the ghosts still left behind.
With that Quinn turned and walked away from the glee clubs. Not wanting anything to do with any of them any more.
A/N: please review this was my first fic and I would like to know what I did well and what I didn't do well. I will gladly take all forms of reviews from lovely ones to flamers. How else would I get better? Thank you to all who read this.