Break Away

I find myself suddenly to be in the garden of my childhood. Artificial sunlight shines through the leaves above my head, gentle rustles in the undergrowth alerting me of the life hiding somewhere just out of my sight. Could it be one of my old Pokémon friends? No…if it was, it would come out to greet me. They know me well, even now that I am grown. I spent plenty of time visiting them, even if I no longer spent nearly every moment with them. "N…"
Without meaning to, my body freezes in place at the sound of the voice. I know it all too well. A figure dressed in elaborate robes steps out of the shadows, his eyepiece glinting in the light. "F-Father…Ghetsis." My voice trembles as I speak, my tongue stumbling over my mistake. This man is no longer my father. He never was. It was all a lie.
"Look at you, my son." A dark chuckle escapes him as he finishes speaking, shaking his head with amusement. The contempt in his voice as he called me "son" cut me to the core, causing me to flinch away from him. My body is shaking so badly, I can barely keep my gaze fixed on him, but I must hold my ground; this man no longer owns me as he once did. "Wh-why am I here, Ghetsis? Why have you brought me back to this place?" He seems not to hear me. His gaze bores into me, as if he's examining an interesting specimen under a microscope, making me feel exposed and utterly alone. Then, a dreadful, cold smile crosses his lips.
"Look at you. You have become just. Like. Me." His words utterly stun me. I feel my eyes grow wide with my confusion, and even more so, fear. What is that supposed to mean? Have I…truly become like Ghetsis in some way? No…there is no way I could ever be like him. "I…I am nothing like you, Ghetsis. I care about Pokémon and people. You…you care for no one but yourself. You are-" His harsh laughter cuts me off, causing me to involuntarily flinch again. "But you ARE like me, N! You claim to care? Then, take a look at what you are doing!"

He draws aside a corner of his robes, revealing a child standing beside him. He could not be more than five, but unlike all children I have seen of his age, there is no light in his blue eyes, no glimmer of hope or happiness. His hair, the same color as mine, is dull and unkempt. His small, bony hands stretch out to me, a look of desperation crossing his gaunt, haunted face. "Daddy, please! Please, take care of me! I need you Daddy!"
Unable to look away from him, I slowly take a step forward before falling to my knees, unable to take the weight that suddenly settles in my heart. "Those eyes…White's eyes…My son…" I hold my arms out to him, tears beginning to fall down my cheeks in a stream I cannot stop. "C-come here. I'll take care of you, I p-promise!" But he doesn't seem to hear me, nor see my outstretched arms. "Daddy, why? Why do you ignore me?! Can't you see me? Don't you love me? Please Daddy, I need you! Please!"

A sob wracks my frame, shaking me to the core as he continues to cry out for me, begging me to help him, but I can't move. My body won't respond. I want to run to him, to snatch him away from Ghetsis and hold him close, give him all the love I can give, but the weight in my chest keeps me rooted to the ground. I look up at Ghetsis, every scream from my child like a knife piercing my heart. "Why?! Why are you doing this? L-let me take care of my son!" But he only laughs coldly, smiling with a cruelty I never thought possible in anyone, not even Ghetsis. "Why, N, don't you understand? You are my son. You are just like me! You will never love this boy, as I never loved you!"

As he speaks, a scream escapes the child, and he falls to his knees, clutching his head in great pain. "Daddy!"

"NO!"

My own scream brings me into the waking world, my eyes flying open to see early morning light flooding in through the windows. My breath comes in gasps, cold sweat causing me to shudder as the horror of the dream continues to mentally terrorize me. I clench my eyes shut once more, the image of the little boy that was my child burned into my mind. "N? N, are you okay?"

Slowly, I open my eyes once more. Looking down at me with worry is the one person understands me and loves me unconditionally; my beautiful, darling wife, White. I try to reply, but find the words stick to my throat, my voice unable to speak what is on my mind. Tears come to my eyes; I want to tell her about the little boy with her eyes, the way he cried out to me, how much agony he seemed in because I could not (or…would not?) care for him. But how can I tell her such a thing? How could I tell her that…that I may end up the monster my adoptive father is? How could I tell her, and risk ending up completely alone? Somehow, she understands me. In that moment, she somehow realizes I can't talk about it, and doesn't push me. Without another word, she wraps her arms around me, resting her head against my chest, curling her body close against mine. Her touch is the ultimate comfort. Still trembling, I move my arms around her, holding her firmly but not too tightly, so as not to hurt her, and simply breathe, allowing her wonderful, calming scent to wash over me. Soon, I can breathe easy, my trembling gone and my body relaxed. Now that I am calm, I can hear White's breathing; soft, relaxed and even. She's fallen back asleep. A small smile crosses my lips; it must be earlier than I first thought, for White to fall back asleep. I close my eyes, adjusting to settle myself more comfortably against the pillows; I may as well try and get some more sleep myself, if only a little. And with White's reassuring touch and warmth, wrapped in my arms, I soon find myself drifting off…

When I wake again, the light from the windows has considerably brightened, slight pain from the light burning at my eyes, but it does not take long for them to adjust. I realize White is no longer lying against my chest; she slipped off of me to lie at my side sometime while I was asleep, her back pressed close against me. Her breathing is still soft with sleep, and though I don't want to wake her…she makes a very tempting target. I carefully turn onto my side to face her, lowering my head so I can place a soft kiss to the side of her neck. Even after nine months of marriage, and almost two years of dating before that, I still marvel every time at the softness of her skin, and every time, I want to continue to feel that soft warmth. I brush a trail of gentle kisses from her neck to her ear before softly breathing against her ear, whispering as quietly as I can, "I love you." As quiet as the words were, they seem to have been enough to stir her. A soft sigh escapes her; a smile crossing her face as she slowly begins to slip back into the conscious world. Her back arches against me as she stretches luxuriously, a satisfied moan escaping her before she finally opens her eyes, looking over her shoulder at me. "Did you say you love me?" My smile matches hers as I lean forward to press a kiss to her forehead. "Yes, I did." She turns over onto her other side, snuggling up closer to me, tucking her head under my chin. "Well, I love you too then."

Another half hour of simply enjoying each other's warmth and touch, and we finally crawled out of bed to get started on breakfast. It was simple; eggs and toast with our respective favorite teas. But no matter how many times we sit down at the table together, I can't help but get a thrill at how wonderful it is to share life's little normalcies together. Just getting to have breakfast together, waking up side by side, even doing household chores and grocery shopping; if I'm with White, it doesn't matter what it is, I love every second of it. Maybe it's because my childhood was anything but normal that I love anything…well, normal. Having a real life to live how I want still feels foreign, but wonderful.

Breakfast was finished and the dishes put away. There was nothing else pressing to do, and thus nothing to distract White from what she needed to do but her own uncertainties. Even N was not a distraction, as he had decided to curl up in an armchair in the living room with a book on advanced care for Pokémon, a book White herself had bought for him that he hadn't had the chance to read yet. So, steeling her nerves, she had headed into the bathroom, taking out a box from its hidden place beneath the sink. After a few minutes of reading directions, following them, and then the agonizing wait that seemed to last for hours…she finally had an answer. She gripped the small stick in her hand tighter to keep her trembling fingers from dropping it. The indicator showed green. So her suspicions had been correct. The sickness she had been feeling every morning for the past week wasn't just a stomach bug, as she had originally thought. She had so carefully made sure to hide her nausea from N; he would have worried himself sick over her. She had thought every morning that it would go away soon, and then there would be nothing to hide. Well…now she had something entirely different to tell him. A cyclone of happiness, doubt, worry and giddy excitement swirled within her, making her so dizzy she had to grip the counter to keep from falling. What was N going to say about this? Maybe this hadn't been expected or planned, but she found, to her pleasant surprise, that she was happy about this. This was something she wanted; to have a family with N. She could only hope he would feel the same…

Well, there was no use in standing her, worrying and wondering what N was going to say. She needed to tell him. She released the counter, slowly making her way out of the bathroom to the living room, nervousness eating at her. There was no way that N wouldn't be happy about this, right? But, what if he wasn't…

But when she saw him, comfortably curled in his favorite chair, both totally relaxed and completely absorbed in his book...she knew there wasn't any reason to be nervous. Her kind, gentle, beautiful N would love this as much as she did. "N?" She began, her heart starting to pound with excitement. There was no response from her husband, causing a smile to cross White's face. He really was focused…she would just have to draw his attention. She moved over next to his chair, leaning in closer to whisper in his ear. "N…" He gave a shudder of surprise, looking at her with a bright smile. "I'm sorry, was I ignoring you?"

She quickly shook her head before leaning closer, nuzzling her cheek against his. "No, you weren't. But…I've got something important to tell you." She carefully took the book from his grasp, setting it to the side before settling herself in his lap, resting her head against his shoulder. His arms moved around her, blanketing her with his warmth and comforting scent. "Is…everything alright, White?"

She nodded, taking a deep breath before holding out the stick still clutched in her hand. "N…I'm pregnant."

I looked at the strange stick held in White's hand, unsure of what I was looking at. I had never seen something like it before. But then…"N…I'm pregnant."

The surprise hits me first, freezing my entire body. She…White, she's…pregnant? A warm, fuzzy, dizzy feeling takes over from the surprise, a smile crossing my face as I begin to adjust to the thought. White…she's pregnant. We're going to have a baby. A child all our own.

I hold her even more securely in my arms, feeling so giddy I can't help but laugh a little, at the same time as tears come to my eyes. "White, y-you're…we…" I can't even speak; I'm so happy the words won't come. Another laugh escapes me, my smile so wide it should hurt. "W-we're…we're going to be parents!" White's smile lights up my world as she raises her head to look at me. Such joy dances in her eyes; I swear she has never looked so beautiful. She even laughs a little along with me, sharing in my giddy, uncontainable excitement. "I know!" She throws her arms around my neck, laughing with pure happiness. "Isn't in amazing?!"
I try to form a reply to that, but no words come. I only can press my lips to hers, trying to tell her how much I love her, how excited and happy I am through my touch. She responds in kind, and for several minutes, we continue our conversation, saying nothing at all but telling each other more than words ever could.

We celebrated over the wonderful news all afternoon, pouring over books full of baby names, catalogues of clothes, measuring our room to see where to fit the crib, wondering if we should turn the spare room into a nursery before deciding we want to keep our little one as close as possible.

It was only hours later that I remembered my nightmare.

And when I remembered it, it hit me like a rampaging Bouffalant.

But I kept my thoughts to myself, not wanting to discourage White from her excitement for even a moment.

But once we went to bed, and as soon as I was sure she was asleep, I slipped quietly from beside her and got dressed. I needed to take a walk, to clear my head and think.

So here I am, in my private glen, one I discovered while on my journey to find Reshiram. High above me, I can see a piece of the sky, sparkling with a vast array of stars. I still find myself in complete awe when I look at those stars. I was raised in a castle beneath the earth, hidden from the sky. The sky still seems so vast, so endless and free; by comparison, I feel so tiny and insignificant.

Like a child beneath his father's dominating presence.

I flinch at the thought, the horrors of my nightmare coming back to me. Tears fill my eyes and silently fall down my cheeks as I continue to stare up at the stars. Am I doomed to follow the example that Ghetsis made for me? The image of my child burns behind my eyes; his dull, lifeless eyes, his gaunt, ashen face…and his tiny hands reaching toward me, begging for me to care for him, for me to love him. Am I not going to be able to care and love for my child, because my father never loved me? What do I even know of raising a child? All my life, I have been a child myself, knowing nothing of the outside world or of people or of finding the good among the bad. Those were all things White has shown and taught me to understand. White…she will be a good mother. She will know how to raise our child, to give him the love he deserves. But me? Will I know?

A soft rustling sounds from a nearby bush, drawing my attention from the sky above. A tiny Lillipup crawls from the bush, whimpering with pain. It seems to only be able to hop on three stubby legs, its forth leg held high from the ground. The Lillipup could only be a few weeks old, judging from its size. Slowly, I hold my hand out toward it, speaking in soft tones to sooth it. "Come here little one. Let me look at your paw." The pup whimpers with fear, its ears back against its head as it looks at me, silently asking for reassurance. "Don't worry; I won't hurt you. I promise. I only want to help."

Hesitantly, still unsure of me, the pup limps closer, whimpering all the while. I can see the problem now; a large thorn is impaled in the pup's paw. I carefully reach my hand out for the pup to sniff, waiting patiently as it breathes my scent. As if it just recognized me, it limps closer, the fear gone from its features. "That's it, you can trust me." I speak as soothingly as I can, stroking its soft fur. "Now, let's see that paw of yours." I pick the pup up and set it in my lap, continuing to pet it with one hand as I lift its injured paw with the other. The thorn isn't buried too deep, but it will hurt to remove it. Looking around at the foliage around me, I spot a bush with thick leaves, perfect for what I have in mind. I pluck one of the leaves and set it to the side before returning my attention to the pup. "Alright little one…this isn't going to feel good, but the pain will go away quickly." I press my hand to its back to hold it still before taking a hold of the thorn, forcing myself to ignore the pup's pained yelp. With a quick movement, I pull it out, frowning at the pup's cry of pain. "I know, I'm sorry...It will pass quickly." Still holding the pup still, I pick up one of the leaves, carefully wrapping it around its paw to help staunch the blood flow. "Such a brave Lillipup. You did such a good job."

I hold the pup close, petting its trembling frame for a couple of minutes until it finally calms, the pain having past. "There. You see? I knew it would pass soon. Now you'll be able to walk." Carefully, I set the pup back down, removing the leaf from around its paw. Hesitantly, it tests its paw, a happy yip escaping it as finds it can walk on it now. A smile crosses my face as it gives my hand a grateful lick, its stumpy tail wagging fiercely. "You're welcome. Now run back home. I'm sure your mother is waiting for you."

With one last happy bark, the Lillipup dashes off the way it had come. I can hear it rustling through the undergrowth for a few moments before silence claims the glen again. I look down at my hands, remembering the feel of the Lillipup's fur and the way its trembling had slowly subsided under my touch. Pokémon have always had an almost instinctive trust in me, and I've always had a strange feel for what to do to help them when they're in distress.

And…a thought occurs to me.

In my nightmare, Ghetsis said I had turned out to be just like him.

If I was just like him…how could I have cared for that Lillipup? My father never would have cared for an injured Pokémon; he cared nothing for them. He only saw them as tools, fit to throw away once "broken", something I could never understand. I value every Pokémon's life as a precious gift.

How much more my own precious child?

Maybe I will not ever be perfect. I know I will make mistakes. There will be times I will hurt my child because of my flaws. But that doesn't mean I will ever for a single moment not care for or love him. I will never be Ghetsis. Tonight, I break away from that man's grip on me.

I vow I will be the best father I can be to my child, and he will grow up knowing that his father loves him with all his heart.

Author's Comment: I hope you all enjoyed! Please review and tell me what you liked/didn't like and how I can improve in the future. ^^