This was a hard prompt to write for, but thanks to Captain Jack eccentric nature, I figured out something. :)

Prompt: "a virgin demands to hear God's voice"

Character(s): Jack Sparrow/OC

Rating: PG-13

Virgin Pesticides

Jack rolled over in the rough cotton of bed linens. He allowed a deep sigh, feeling his legs stretch out, right down to his toes. A woman lay next to him. The dirty sheets had slipped down her back and stopped just before the soft swell of her hip. Jack smiled wistfully, recalling the fun they'd had last night.

"Well, time to go," he murmured.

Just as he finished dressing, his elbow hit the wide lampshade next to his side of the bed. Honey? Holly? Heather? Yes, Heather, rolled over to look at him.

Bugger.

The girl's eyes suddenly widened in terror. Jack was still frozen, his "fight or flight" instinct failed him once again.

"What have I done?" she exclaimed suddenly. Heather gathered up the sheet around her chest. Her breath was labored and absolutely frightening.

Jack lifted his hand mid-gesture. "Well, you solicited me for your services. Hence, your apparent lack of clothing."

She whipped her head towards him. "I was no whore, you scoundrel! I was a virgin!"

The words choked his throat. "V-virgin?"

"God help me if my fiance discovers my sin!" Her voice was cracked and hysterical. Jack took this as his cue to begin inching towards the door. "God save me! Relieve me of my infidelity! Let me hear your voice! K-keep m-me from the gallows!" Heather threw herself onto the floor, still naked. She began to sob on top of her previous wailing.

Jack watched her in a fascinated horror. It wasn't that he cared that he'd deflowered some virgin noble. He's done that plenty of times. It was her dangerous insanity.

Heather's head snapped up and she locked her psychotic gaze with Jack's scared one. "You have to marry me now. It's the only way I may be pious again!"

"Now, love, calm down for just a tic," he consoled, pushing her back onto the bed. She took a breath and focused on the floorboards. "Look! It's your fiance!" He pointed out the window. Heather completely fell for it. Before she could turn back around, Jack was already flying down the docks towards his beloved ship.

That's the last time he wouldn't sleep with a whore.