Guiding Light
Author's Note: So, this is going to be a one-shot. This idea has been in my head for about the past two weeks and wouldn't get out I turned it into a story. I've been constantly working on it since then and I've changed a lot of things because it's like I've never been satisfied with it. I don't know if I satisfied with it now, but I've just decided to post it because it's been really, really bugging me. So, I hope you like the end result, because I wasn't sure what to change. So, it's probably not going to be that good. Also, I didn't have someone else edit this. It was only me, and I really did try to be careful, but I'm only human and humans make mistakes. But if there are any grammar mistakes, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make them. One last thing, I know that this story is super long, but I didn't really feel like splitting them up. I thought that they go together very well.
Summary: After Zora gets herself involved in a dangerous cycle of depression and self-mutilation, Sonny quickly finds out and tries to help her before it's too late. She's falling fast, but Sonny is determine to be there to catch her.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used in this story, Sonny with a Chance, or the lyrics contained within this one-shot.
Loved by numbers
You're losing life's wonder
Touch like strangers, detached
I can't feel you anymore
Guiding Light - Muse
You pulled the door shut behind you, exiting the prop house. You now stood alone, in the middle of the hallway. You rolled your eyes quickly; even with the door now shut, you could hear the blond still cackling to herself at her own joke at the expense of the young girl. Now, you knew that that was just a part of her character, and you had grown used to it by now; but still, it had looked like the younger brunette had taken her cruel remark to heart.
Over the past few weeks, the young girl's personality had changed drastically. She was quieter, softer, and a lot more shy. You knew that you weren't the only member of the cast who noticed the changes in the youngest member. She was becoming increasingly more and more distant with each day that passed. She kept to herself all the time. You knew that something serious was definitely troubling the young girl and you had an ugly feeling deep in the pit of your stomach that something was terribly wrong with her.
But her personality was not the only thing that had changed in just a short period of time. Her appearance had also apparently taken a turn for a worse. The girl that used to love bright colors and crazy patterns now wore only wore the darkest colors and clothes that were visibly too big her thin frame. Her complexion was now ghost-white, making her brown hair seem much darker than it really was in comparison. Her large hazel eyes now seemed to possess the ability to look through people, and always seemed to have a distant, detached look in them.
Aside from you and the other four people that you were sure noticed all of the changes, you also wondered who else had noticed. Surely her parents knew about it. They had to know. The change in personality was glaringly obvious. You were worried about her. You knew that you were beginning to lose her, and not for the better. If they do know about it, her parents were obviously doing nothing about it, which meant that somebody else had to step up. You had taken it upon yourself to be that person.
She was your friend and you weren't about to just sit back and do nothing. You were determined to help her in any way that you were able to and you knew that you had to work fast. Every day that went by, she was slipping further and further away from the young, spirited girl that she used to be.
It might have been just you, but you thought that she left rather quickly and you could have sworn that you saw tears well up in her eyes. Normally, she would never take any negative thing that the blond said seriously, and you were not exactly sure why this time seemed to be different. She seemed to have been really hurt, and you knew that she probably needed to be checked on just to make sure that she was okay.
You nibbled gently on your lower lip, looking down both ends of the hallway, trying to estimate which way she could have gone. Deciding that you would start searching for the young girl in the vent system in the dressing room you shared with the blond, you turned left and started down the hall. You stopped only when you heard what sounded like a loud whimper coming from inside the bathroom. Confused, you took a step closer to it. The door was shut so you could not see inside.
You took another small step forward, curling your left hand into a loose fist and raising slightly to meet the bathroom door. You cleared your throat softly, pressing one ear softly against the smooth wood, hoping that you would be able to hear any other noises coming from inside the tiny bathroom that would signify the younger girl's presence.
"Zora?" You questioned hopefully.
"Zora." You tried again hesitantly, your voice soft. Your brow burrowed slightly as you knit your hands together loosely, silently wondering to yourself why on earth you weren't getting an answer. "Are you in there?"
Nothing.
"It's me, Sonny. Are you okay?"
Still nothing.
"Zora-"
"Go away." The younger teenager ordered in a soft voice from behind the door.
"Look, Zora, I just wanted to see if you wanted to talk." You explained patiently, backing away from the door.
"I said leave." She spat darkly, the pure venom present in her voice shocking you.
You sighed heavily. You shook your head, reaching out a placing a hand on the door knob. You tried to turn in slowly, but it wouldn't budge.
"Zora, listen to me. I just want to talk to you, okay?" You explained gently. "Can you unlock the door?"
You froze with your hand still on the door knob, waiting for a few moments, straining your ears in order to hear a response from her. There was no other sounds from the young girl; but after a minute, you could hear rustling coming from the other side of the door. You let out another slow sigh of relief when you thought that you heard the soft click of the lock.
You smiled softly to yourself in triumph when you felt the brass knob turn fairly easily in your hand. You inhaled slowly through your nose, holding your breath for a moment as you pushed the bathroom door open hesitantly. You stopped in the threshold of the room once the younger girl was in full view, your hand slipping from the doorknob and your arm moving back to rest at your side.
She was sitting alone on the hard linoleum floor, crouched down next to the tiny shower, her thin legs bent, curled tightly underneath her. She was turned away from you; the hood of her dark sweatshirt was pulled up over her head roughly, covering her smooth copper hair, so that you could not see her face. She was leaning slightly to one side, pressing a temple up against the cool powder-blue tiles that were covering each wall.
You finally exhaled, taking one brave step into the tiny room. You stopped just about two feet away from the young teenager, planting your sneakered feet atop the snowy, plush bath mat that rested just beyond the door. You parted your lips briefly, before closing your mouth. You tilted your head slightly to one side for a moment, brushing a lock of your silky, raven hair from your eyes as you studied her. You nibbled gently on your bottom lip as you waited for her to say something. You sighed again, opening your mouth once again only when you realized that she was not going to.
"Hey, Zora." You greeted softly, smiling at her cautiously. The tone of your voice was soft and tender, as if you were speaking to a much younger child instead of a thirteen-year-old.
"What do you want, Sonny?" You heard her snap quickly, her voice bitter.
She finally spoke to you, but she made no visible movements. She did not even bother to turn her body to face you and judging by her tone of voice, you immediately realized that she probably was not really in the mood to talk to anybody. Especially you.
You cleared your throat gently and took a step back. You could tell she was angry and you did not want to leave without making sure that she was okay. "I just wanted to check on you. You seemed a little upset back there in the prop house. It seemed like Tawni really hurt your feelings. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that what she said isn't true. If you need me to, Zora, I can...I can talk to her for you."
"It's fine." You heard her whisper to you absently.
You saw her wipe at her cheeks quickly and you heard her sniffle. You knew that she was trying to get rid of you, but you were determined not to let her win. She was obviously more hurt by the blonde's comment than she would ever be willing to admit to you, but you could see right through her fake demeanor. You doubted she would ever understand why you cared so much, but she was your friend and that was just a part of your personality, and she was just going to have to deal with that. You were a nurturer, and you always protected the people that you cared the most about.
"Zora..." You begged her, a batch of tears slowly filling your dark, ebony eyes.
"It's fine, Sonny." She repeated harshly.
She scoffed loudly and quickly got to her feet. You froze, watching her silently as she shook her head, finally turning around to look at her. You gasped audibly when you received your first glimpse of her face, noticing that her pale cheeks had now turned a bright scarlet and her hazel eyes were now rather swollen and pink.
She glared over at you, her eyes piercing into yours. She rested her hands firmly on her hips and gritted her teeth. "Look, Tawni didn't hurt my feelings, okay? I don't need you to defend me, Sonny. It's not a big deal. I've known Tawni long enough that I know I'd be an idiot if I ever took any of her criticisms personally."
You studied her intently, creasing your eyebrows in surprise at the younger girl's sudden outburst. "Zora, I...I'm sorry."
She sighed loudly, rolling her eyes. "Just forget it."
"Zora, have you been crying?" You questioned in concern, leaning towards her slightly and ignoring her request.
Your eyes widened slightly as she immediately pulled away from you when you went to grab her left hand. You saw a new round of tears that seemed to come out of nowhere and pool in her light eyes, the expression on her young face changing, becoming pained. She sniffled again, bringing one of her hands quickly back up to her eyes to wipe away the extra tears.
"Don't." She pleaded desperately.
"Zora-"
"Don't." She repeated angrily. "Just leave me alone, Sonny."
You immediately began to shake your head stubbornly, pressing your lips in a tight line. "No. Zora, you're clearly upset, and I'm not leaving until you-"
You cut yourself off abruptly when she moved further away from you and you noticed a tiny object suddenly fall out of the large pocket of her sweatshirt and clatter to the ground. It made a small noise, causing you to glance at it curiously after it came to rest beside the younger girl's sneaker. You squinted hard at it, noticing that it was silver in color. Your eyebrows furrowed gently as you studied it.
You suddenly froze, feeling the muscles in your shoulders tense when it shined briefly in the sunlight that streamed through the small window.
It was a razor.
You felt your breath catch in your throat roughly. You finally tore your eyes away from the razor and looked back at her, noticing that she was frozen as well.
It took you a brief moment to collect yourself and find your voice again. "Zora, why do you have a razor?"
She shifted her gaze to her shoes, but did not answer you.
You knew that it was not wise to jump to conclusions; but still, you could not stop yourself from wondering. You felt your breathing grow heavier, your gaze softening as you looked at her. You did not want to make any assumptions, and were afraid of what the brown-haired girl's answer would be. In your head, you tried to think of all the reasons why she would be carrying around a razor, but you could only come up with one and once you thought of it, the words kept repeating over and over again in your head.
She's a cutter.
She's a cutter.
You sighed internally, you did not want to believe that it was true. She was not like that. She was too young for that; and as far as you knew, she was not depressed. You knew that there had to be a more rational explanation for why she had a razor in her possession. There had to be. Right?
Still, a seed had just been planted in your mind and you knew that now you could not just ignore or forget about your suspicions. "Is that why you came in here, Zora? Is that why you locked the door?" You continued your amateur interrogation, your voice breaking slightly.
"I didn't do anything." She answered you quickly, folding her arms tightly across her chest.
You wanted to believe her; you really did, but you knew better than to do that. You knew by her denial that she was just trying to protect herself. Obviously, she never thought about what she would do and say if she ever got caught.
You slowly shook your head at her. You knew that you were prying, but you cared about her too much to worry about that now. You wanted to respect her privacy, but now that you knew that there was a possibility that she could be cutting herself, you knew that you had an obligation to tell somebody in order to get her some help.
"Zora, did you just hurt yourself?" You questioned calmly, raising your eyebrows at her.
You took her continued silence as confirmation of all of your suspicions, but you still wanted to hear it from her verbally.
"Answer me, Zora." You ordered, your voice a lot harsher than you had intended it to be.
She took a deep breath in before finally mustering up the courage to look back up at you, both sets of eyes meeting. You frowned again and felt your heart ache in your chest when you saw that even more tears had now gathered in her eyes and were threatening to spill down her cheeks at any moment.
The corners of her mouth twitched slightly as she looked straight at you. She paused for a moment before finally speaking. "Sonny, I told you. I didn't just hurt myself. That's crazy." She told you sincerely, her voice void of any emotion.
Her tone of voice was so convincing that you almost believed her. Sighing lightly, you reached for one of her hands again. "Zora, please. It's me. You know that you can tell me anything. You don't have to lie, okay?"
You heard her sigh and you knew that she had finally broken down.
"Look, you just can't tell anybody, alright?" She whispered fearfully, so softly that you had to strain your ears to hear her.
As soon as you heard her words, you let out a loud sigh. You knew that it was coming, but still, that did not make it any less of a shock. You did not want to believe that someone like her would ever want to hurt themselves, for even feel like they had to; but now, because of her admission, you could not even deny it. You felt tears sting your own eyes as you looked back at her sadly. She suddenly looked like a small, scared little girl that was silently begging just to be comforted.
"God, Zora..." You breathed loudly in disappointment, raking a hand through your thick, dark hair.
"Please, Sonny." She pleaded with you desperately. "I'm serious. Nobody can know."
You shook your head, staring at her for a few moments before reaching over and touching her arm, ignoring her plea. You did not want to make any kind of promise you were not sure you could or should keep. "Come on, Zora. Let's go."
"Wait a minute, where are we going?" She asked you hesitantly, pulling away from you slightly in resistance.
"We're going to my dressing room. You and I need to have a serious talk." You explained to her patiently. You grabbed hold of her arm again, holding on to her tighter, and trying to lead her out of the room.
"Sonny, wait. I...I don't think-" She protested, somewhat nervously.
You stopped for a second and turned towards her again, looking her in the eyes once again. "Don't worry. Tawni, Grady, and Nico went over to the cafeteria for lunch. I promise, we'll have some privacy."
"Wait a-" She continued, trying to back away.
"Trust me." You told her reassuringly, raising your eyebrows again. "It's just going to be you and me, alright?"
After a moment, she blinked at you, slowly overcoming her hesitation. She paused for a second, before the corners of her mouth slowly turned up into a slightly smile; but it was gone before you realized what it was.
"Okay." She responded lightly in defeat, stepping out into the hallway to join you.
The two of you walked through the door on your side of the dressing room. You pushed the door open, entering first. You kept one of your hands curled loosely around the door knob as you watched her walk past you slowly. You looked away from her for a moment, making it a point to shut and lock the door before following her further into the room. Once the lock was in place, you turned back to her again, taking a small step away from the door.
After one step, you suddenly stopped, your dark eyes flashing briefly as you studied her. You saw that she had found a seat against the wall, just below the vent that she always used to hang out in. She sat curled in a tight ball, hugging her knees to her chest. Her back was currently hunched over slightly and she was staring over at a spot on the opposite wall, studying it intently.
You sighed quietly, stepping across the room, closing the gap between the two of you. You stopped, standing just in front of her, folding your arms loosely across your chest. You swallowed thickly, staring down at her expectantly, prompting her to take the opportunity to speak. But, it was not working. You could not tear her focus away from what ever she was staring at.
"Zora, I don't understand." You admitted in a small voice, fully aware that the room that you were both currently in was not in the least bit sound-proof. You cleared your throat quietly, slowly shaking your head as you glanced down at her. "Why are you doing this? Why are you hurting yourself?"
"Why do you care so much?" She challenged, her tone harsh and demanding. She visibly tensed at her own words, finally looking away from the wall long enough to glare up at you with tears in her eyes.
You hesitated briefly, pressing lips together in a tight line and resting your hands gently on your hips. The intensity of the look in her eyes caused you to flinch, the venom present in her voice stinging you deeply. Your brow creased as you continued to stare down at her, slightly hurt.
"Because I care about you, Zora." You admitted quietly.
"No, you don't." She protested as soon as you were finished speaking, scoffing bitterly. She wiped at her eyes briefly, trying to get rid of the tears. "You've never cared about me, Sonny. Nobody does."
You tilted your head to one side slightly, studying her in disbelief. You had no clue why or how she could ever believe that nobody cared about her. You removed your hands from your hips and folded your arms across your chest. "Zora, that is not true."
"Yes, it is." She answered you discourteously, shifting her gaze back down to the floor.
"No, it's not." You argued, rolling your eyes and unfolding your arms.
You stepped towards her and around her, turning and pressing your back up against the wall. You slowly eased yourself down it, moving your legs so that they fanned out in front of you, joining the younger girl. In the back of your mind, you suddenly remembered the fact the floor that you were both now sitting on was probably filthy dirty, but you were willing to ignore that fact if it meant that you had the chance to help a friend.
The two of you fell silent for a minute before you shook your head again and reached out to touch her arm softly. "Look, Zora..."
"Leave me alone." She bit out absently, flinching away from you slightly as if your touch was burning her arm.
You sighed internally before tightening your grip around her arm, preventing her from moving any further away from you.
"No." You responded firmly. "Zora, I do care about you. I just want to know why you're hurting yourself. Please, Zora, I'm really worried about you. I'd like you help you if I can."
You watched her swallow heavily before looking back over at you skeptically.
"You can't help me." She answered softly before her cheeks reddened and she quickly pressed her lips together again.
She looked slightly embarrassed. You watched her carefully, wondering for a moment if she even meant to say that out loud. Judging by her reaction, you guessed the answer was probably not.
"Zora, I-"
"Look, just drop it Sonny, alright?" She ordered harshly, her eyes turning cold once again as she leaned in close to you. "This is not a big deal, alright?"
You swallowed quickly, keeping your eyes on her. "It is a big deal, Zora. What's going on with you? The Zora that I know would never-"
She stopped you suddenly, turning her head away from you. You saw her smile sarcastically, her tone of voice sharp. "Don't you dare tell me that you know me."
"Zora-"
"You don't know me, Sonny." She bit out, interrupting you again. "So, stop acting like you do, because you just don't."
"I...I'm sorry, Zora." You apologized meekly, stumbling over your words briefly. You weren't expecting such an outburst from the brunette. "I thought that we were friends."
She scoffed at you loudly. "Really? Because, we were never friends, Sonny. You and Tawni are best friends. Nico and Grady are best friends. You're all friends with each other. I don't have anyone. I get ignored because you're all older than me. What am I supposed to do, Sonny? You all treat me like I don't exist."
You studied her in complete shock. You had no idea that she was feeling this way. You opened your mouth in order to respond to that, but you weren't exactly sure how to. You resisted the slight urge to laugh out loud. Not only were her beliefs completely ridiculous, but they were also completely untrue. You placed a hand back on her arm gently.
"I...I didn't know you felt like that, Zora." You explained to her softly, stuttering over your words again. You suddenly felt sick to your stomach. "I had no idea I was making you feel like you were being ignored, and I'm sure the others didn't either. You do matter to us, Zora. If I ever treated you poorly, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to. You do know that, right?"
"Whatever." She grumbled absently, pushing herself away from you and slowly getting to her feet.
She shook her head quickly and stepped across the room, heading for the door.
You copied her movements swiftly and steadied yourself on your own two feet before taking a few steps towards her. "Zora..." You pleaded with her desperately, your voice trailing off as she turned to look back at you.
"What?" She snapped angrily, wiping at her eyes again.
"Zora, please. I'm only trying to help you here. I'm not going to be able to do that if you don't trust me. I need you to talk to me." You continued slowly, keeping your distance from her.
She squinted at you coldly, her hazel eyes meeting yours. You gasped audibly, the intensity of her glare catching you off-guard. The corners of her mouth twitched slightly as she thought for a moment. "Give me one reason why I should ever trust you, Sonny."
You swallowed heavily, not wanting to break your eye contact with her.
"You used to be able to trust me, Zora." You explained meekly, your tone slightly hurt. "Look, I realize you may not have ever considered us to be friends, but I always thought you and I were pretty close. You and I used to talk all the time. But, the only reason that it's different now is because you don't talk to anybody here unless you absolutely have to. You flat out refuse to speak to anyone. In fact, the only times you speak to me, Tawni, or the boys now is either during rehearsal or after the live tapings. Now, you're by yourself all the time. You may not want to believe it, but everybody is concerned about you. Even Marshall. You're a completely different girl than you were before, and I think-"
She raised her eyebrows at you slightly at you in question. "So, you're saying that this is all my fault?"
You closed your dark eyes for a moment and sighed loudly, opening them again when you began shaking your head adamantly. "No, Zora, I never said that. Of course this isn't your fault. I know that there has to be something else that's bothering you and I just wish you would feel like you could trust me enough to tell me. You used to know that you could tell me anything."
She scoffed at you again before responding. "Well, that was before."
"Before?" You asked curiously, but she already broke her gaze and was looking down at her hands. "Before what?"
"Nothing." She repeated numbly.
You sighed lightly, studying her. "Okay Zora, I really want to be here for you, but you're making it really difficult for me because you're not telling me anything. Something is obviously wrong, and you need to tell-"
"No. I don't want to talk about it." She snapped at you, irritated.
"Fine." You replied quickly, becoming just as frustrated by her lack of cooperation. You were quiet for a moment, trying to gather up your patience again before asking another question. "Can I just ask you how long you've been doing this to yourself?"
Her eyebrows furrowed and she shrugged. "I don't know."
"Yes, you do." You countered flatly, biting down hard on your bottom lip.
You were a bit hesitant because you knew that you were beginning to seriously over-step your boundaries and it was obvious now how much prodding the copper-haired girl would allow. She had already lost her temper with you once, so you didn't really have a lot of wiggle room. You really didn't want to push her any further, but you knew that you had to if you were going to help her.
She let out a slow sigh as she thought for a moment. "A few weeks, I guess."
You squinted at her slightly. A few weeks? You bit down on your bottom lip once again; you were not aware of anything that recent happening her that would cause her to lapse into the activity of self-mutilation. If something had happened to her, she certainly had done a great job concealing it from her cast mates and all of the other people at the studio.
She fell silent again for a moment, but then opened her mouth and closed it again, as if she was debating whether or not to confess to anything else.
"I have this one friend who's been doing it for a few months. She was over one day and I was having a really bad day. I had a fight with my mom and she told me that she'd been cutting herself. She knew that I was upset and she said that cutting always makes her feel better. She told me how to do it. When my mom left to take her home, I went into the bathroom and cut my wrist. The next day, I did it again. I couldn't stop after that, Sonny. It's the only thing that makes me feel better."
You blinked back a few tears of your own before wrapping an around gently around her shoulders. "Zora-"
"The first time I cut I almost got caught. A couple of days later, my mom saw the scar and asked me about it, but I was able to lie myself out of trouble. Now, I usually only cut myself on my stomach. It makes it really easy to hide all of the scars; and I try to cut only when I know that I'm completely alone because I know that there's no chance that I'll get caught. I didn't know that you were going to follow me." She explained before groaning loudly, loathing herself. "I'm such an idiot. I should have made sure that nobody was following me."
You shook your head at her. "You're not an idiot, Zora."
You felt her shoulders drop as she sighed, dismissing you quickly. "I didn't want anybody to find out about this."
You swallowed again quietly. "Zora, you're lucky that somebody did find out about this. But, you should have told somebody sooner. You shouldn't have kept this a secret. If you didn't want to tell your mother, you could have come to me."
"No, I couldn't have." She protested defensively, exasperated. "I couldn't trust you."
"Zora-"
"Do you understand now, Sonny?" She asked you, raising a hand in order to cut you off. "I knew that you would never be able to understand. I knew that if you ever figured it out, you would have told on me. I didn't want to risk that."
You felt tears start to pool in your own eyes as you stared at her. "Zora, I would never have told anyone without talking to you about it first. Just like I'm doing now, okay?"
She sniffled quietly, pushing a thick lock of hair out of her eyes as she took a step closer to you. "I don't have a lot of people I can talk to. I didn't think that anyone would be able to understand why I cut. I never expected you to be able to. But, now that you know, I need you to try to, alright? Please, Sonny. I need you to promise not to tell anyone. I need you to swear to keep this a secret."
You immediately began to shake your head in protest. "Zora, I can't-"
Her hazel eyes widened significantly and she leaned towards you slightly. "I'm begging you, Sonny, please. Can't this just be between us?"
You groaned, thinking for a moment before folding your arms across your chest again. "Zora, you know as well as I do that I can't make that promise."
She stared up into your eyes, blinking at you in confusion. She suddenly scowled. "Why not?"
"Because, you and I both know that shouldn't be hurting yourself. It wouldn't be very smart or responsible of me to keep this a secret." You explained to her patiently. "I'm not the only one who's worried about you, Zora. What you're doing to yourself is so unhealthy, so do not ask me to lie for you. Because, I won't."
She sneered at you again, wrinkling her nose as she backed up just a few inches. "I'm not asking you to lie." She spat at you defensively. "I'm only asking you to keep your mouth shut. You can't tell anybody about this. I don't want anybody else to know about this."
"Zora, I'm not going to keep this a secret." You responded firmly.
She took another small step away from you, crossing her arms tightly across her chest to match your posture. "I thought that you said I could trust you now."
"Zora." You called quickly, when she began to walk away from you and out of the room again. You reached out, grabbing hold of one of her arms in order to stop her. "Zora, you can trust me." You told her sincerely.
"Yeah, right." She grumbled, rolling her eyes.
You swallowed heavily, shaking your head at her. "Now, I care about you, Zora, but you're going to have to realize that this isn't the kind of thing that should be kept a secret. It's dangerous, and self-destructive-"
She instantly pulled away from you, twisting her arm out of your grasp. "How would you know, Sonny? You obviously don't know anything. You don't cut yourself. Why would you? You're perfect, your life is perfect, somebody like you would never even dream about hurting yourself."
You froze, watching her in shock. You were still close enough to her to notice the new batch of tears that were quickly gathering in the other girl's eyes. You knew her well enough to know that she had not meant what she just said; but still, you could not remember a time where you had seen her as angry as she was now.
"Zora, please." You pleaded with her desperately. "I'm trying to help. Please, just let me tell somebody. Marshall, your mother, whoever you want to me tell..."
"No." She cried, backing away from you again. "Just forget it. Forget what I told and forget what you saw. It doesn't matter anymore, alright? Leave me alone."
"Zora..." You tried softly, your voice breaking for a moment.
You felt a few silent tears slip down your pale cheeks as you watched her storm out of the dressing room.
Sighing heavily, you made your way across the room and sat down on the big, soft yellow chair, and leaned back against the pillows as you thought. Your cheeks reddened slightly as you folded your hands loosely and rested them in your lap. You shook your head, blowing a thin piece of your hair out of your face. It was then that you realized that your hands were shaking.
It didn't take much to know that you had potentially made things a lot worse for the young girl. You were angry at yourself for getting her so worked up and realized that you had probably just given her a very good reason to go pick up a razor and cut herself again. And to top that all off, not only did she apparently feel like she couldn't trust you, but now you were almost positive that she hated your guts.
You pulled your silky, raven hair over both of your shoulders and used the hair tie around your wrist to tie it into a low ponytail as you stepped down the narrow hallway. You turned at the prop house. The prop house door was slightly ajar; you reached a hand out and gently applied some pressure, causing it to creak open before you stepped inside. You took one small step inside the room before you froze, stopping in the middle of the threshold.
Your chocolate brown eyes immediately focused on her, your breath catching roughly in your throat. She was sitting over on the far right side of the olive green couch, slightly slumped over and looking down at her lap intently. She looked tired and her shiny brown hair looked it had not been brushed that morning before she came into work.
You let down a light sigh before swallowing heavily and taking a brave step forward into the room. You cleared your throat uncomfortably before smiling sweetly in her direction. "Hey, Zora." You greeted gently.
After a moment, she was courteous enough to slowly turn her head in order to look at you teary-eyed. She did not speak to you and she had this look in her eyes that you couldn't quite read.
You sighed again, but you weren't the least bit surprised by her lack of a reaction to seeing you.
It was the beginning of day three of the silent treatment.
By now, you could see where she was coming from and totally understood her reasoning behind wanting to keep her self-mutilation a secret. But any reason she could come up with could not change the fact that it was not healthy. And her silent routine that she had chosen to take up was really getting on your nerves. It was also a bit too immature for your tastes, but on the other hand, the girl in question was only thirteen years old. She was only a baby, so you didn't really want to call her out on it until now. Especially since she obviously was experiencing some emotional issues at the moment.
You've had enough; you completely understood where she was coming from, but now you desperately wished that she would extend that same courtesy to you. You wanted her to come to her senses and realize how dangerous what she was doing to herself was without any more prodding from you; but now, it was obvious that that was not going to happen. You now knew that you were going to have to intervene again before it got any worse. You were going to have to explain yourself better and find another way in order to actually force her to grasp the seriousness of her situation.
"I was looking for you." You continued awkwardly, moving towards the couch. "I wanted to talk."
She quickly turned away from you when you sat down next to her, making yourself comfortable among the cushions.
You rolled your eyes impatiently. "Really, Zora? Come on. I'm trying to be a friend here and you're ignoring me. You haven't said a word to me the past two days. Now, we have to work together, Zora, and it's going to be really hard to to that if you're going to insist on giving me the silent treatment forever."
"What do you want to say, Sonny?" She snapped angrily. "Do you want to tell me that you told somebody about what I was doing? You already told me you were going to do that."
"No." You answered calmly, shaking your head at her slowly. "I haven't told anybody yet, Zora."
She snapped her head back to look at you in surprise and you knew that she was surprised.
"What?" She breathed somewhat skeptically, studying you.
You were telling the truth; you had not told a soul. At least not yet anyway, although you were dying to. You wanted to tell someone so badly, but you had decided to keep your mouth shut long enough so that you could give her the chance to admit it herself, to not deny it anymore. You wanted to talk to her first, but you were afraid you were going to explode very soon if you weren't able to get the secret out there in the open and known to people.
You swore that you had almost slipped at least a dozen times already. You almost told every single person that you had come into contact with, spoken with, or that was in at least a ten foot radius from you in the past two days. Still, she had practically begged you to keep quiet about what you knew, and after thinking about it for a day, you decided that the best thing to do would be to obey her and give her another chance to be the one that finally admits it. You figured that it would be better for other people, especially her mother, to hear it just from her instead of a second party.
Also, another reason why you kept your mouth shut was because although she was expecting you to rat her out, you knew that that wasn't what she wanted. So, if you had spoken up, you would feel like it would be a betrayal; at least, you were worried that she would see it that way and you didn't want to risk that. You didn't want to lose her; what you wanted was to have a chance to try and salvage any remnants of the relationship that you had with her that might possibly still be leftover.
What the relationship was between the two of you, you weren't exactly sure. You knew that you were more than just co-workers; but according to her, you two weren't even friends. But regardless of what she thought, you had always cared about her. Although she was four years younger than you, she was important to you and was just an important part of the cast of the show as the rest of you were. She had worth and was surrounded by people who loved her, whether she wanted to believe that or not.
"I haven't told anybody yet." You repeated gently.
Her eyebrows creased as she studied you more closely, hesitating for a brief moment. "Why not? I thought you said that you weren't going to keep this a secret from anyone."
You swallowed thickly, ready to start explaining yourself. "I wanted to talk to you again before I tell somebody. I wanted to give you another chance to tell your mother first because I think it would be better for her if she hears it from you, rather than from me. If you tell her, then you two can work it out in private and there's less of a chance of anybody else that's here at the studio figuring it out."
You watched her begin to shake her head adamantly, only concentrating on the first thing you said. "I said no, Sonny. You have no right to tell anybody. You've already been able to keep my secret for two whole days. You can keep it a secret for longer."
You groaned loudly, exasperated. "But, do you know how hard that was for me? I was this close to telling Tawni at lunch yesterday."
"I think you should just mind your own business, alright?" She snapped at you angrily, her bright hazel eyes turning cold.
You bit your lip, visibly softening as you studied her. You felt thick tears starting to burn the back of your eyes. You blinked quickly, trying to get rid of them, your voice slightly strained. "Zora..."
You stopped yourself when you noticed an angry, red mark on the young girl's wrist that you were absolutely certain was not there the day before. The blood had now dried around the wound and looked rather new, trailing up her thin forearm a few inches.
Apparently, she had seen you and realized what you were now looking at because, she fidgeted uncomfortably. Her cheeks turned red and she pulled down the sleeve of her baggy black sweatshirt back down over the cut, in order to completely conceal it from you.
You frowned at her, taking a moment to straighten your posture on the cushion you sat on before glancing back over at her sternly. "You cut yourself this morning, didn't you?" You said, more like a statement rather than a question.
She moved her mouth for a brief moment and you thought she was going to answer you verbally before she simply nodded.
You breathed out slowly in disappointment. "Zora, why would-"
"I'm just having a really bad day, okay?" She answered, cutting you off, her voice hostile. She rolled her eyes before leaning back against the couch. "And no, I don't want to talk about it."
You ran your hand through your ponytail, playing with your hair for a moment. You shook your head again, leaning back as well. You rested your head on the back of the couch for a second, picking it up again when it got too uncomfortable. You swallowed, remaining quiet for a minute. It was clear that you were on thin ice with her once again, so you weren't planning to push her any further than she wanted to be pushed.
"You know..." You began after a while, your voice hesitant and soft. "You never did tell me why you hurt yourself. I mean, you did tell me one reason, but I think there's something else. Something you're not telling me. Something else that's bigger and more important. You know, you can tell me what that is if you want to, Zora."
You shut your eyes for a second, waiting doubtfully for a response that you weren't sure that you were even going to receive. There was nothing but silence in the room until you opened your eyes. You turned your body slightly in order to look at her again and saw that there were even more tears in her eyes now and some of them had even escaped, trailing down her still pink cheeks.
You gritted your teeth, immediately feeling a strong sense of regret. You had no intention of making the younger girl cry. Frowning again, you placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"Sorry." You apologized quietly, stroking her back slowly.
She shook her head quickly, clearing her throat. She cocked her head to one side slightly. She surprised you by opening her mouth as she began to wipe at her eyes.
She surprised you by turning away from you and wiping her eyes again. "My dad left last month." She finally admitted softly.
Your ebony eyes widened and your heart instantly began to ache even more for her, this time seemingly worse than before. You coughed a few times, almost choking on your own saliva as you tried to get words out. "What?"
"My dad left us." She repeated painfully. "He...He said he wants a divorce. My mother was devastated. She hasn't stopped crying. She doesn't like it when I talk about him. I have no brothers or sisters, so I can't talk about it with anybody. It seems like nobody else understands what I'm dealing with. That's why I didn't tell you, Sonny. I did know I could trust you. You're always there for me, Sonny. I was just afraid that even you wouldn't understand me. I was afraid."
"It's alright, Zora." You said quickly to comfort her, squeezing her hand gently.
You waited for her to respond to you. Instead she just blinked, seeming to be looking through you instead of at you. Her eyes unexpectedly seemed to turn a shade darker. You held your breath for a moment.
"I hate my father for leaving us. But, he left because of me." She whispered, changing the subject back to the issues that she was currently having at her home. "That's why I cut. I deserve the pain because of how much pain I caused my mother."
You frowned at her deeply before wrapping both of your arms around her in a hug.
"No, Zora. This isn't your fault. I don't know why your father left, but I'm sure that it wasn't because of you. You shouldn't be hurting yourself because of what your father did." You brought a hand up to touch her light brown hair gently. "It's going to be alright."
You sat there next to her, patiently waiting for her to calm down enough where you thought that it would be alright if you let go. A dark piece of your hair freed itself from your ponytail and fell into your eyes, You brought a hand up to your face, absently brushing it away.
"Thanks, Sonny." She whispered after a while gratefully. The corners of her mouth turned up slightly until she was actually smiling at you. "Look, I...I'm sorry about before-"
"Now I know how you upset you were." You explained quickly, stopping her mid-sentence, dismissing her concern. "I understand. You don't need to apologize. Don't worry about it."
She swallowed heavily. "No, I think I really should apologize. You're the only person here that really seemed to take any interest in me. You're the only one that's ever been really there for me. I really appreciate it, Sonny; and you are my friend. I'm really sorry about the way I treated you before. That isn't the way you should treat your friends and I'm sorry about all the horrible things I said to you. Do you accept my apology?"
You nodded slowly, smiling a watery smile back at her. Of course you forgave her; you only smiled back at her in order to make her feel better about herself and about this whole ordeal.
She fell silent once again to wipe all of the extra tears from her eyes. You reached over slowly and took one of her hands in your own.
"So, I...I was going to tell my mother about it after work today." She admitted hesitantly in a tiny voice after a few moments of silence had passed.
Your eyes immediately lit up as you watched her a little doubtfully. "You were?"
"Yeah." She responded, brushing her hair out of her eyes.
"You're not lying to me, are you?" You questioned sternly, eyeing her. You weren't sure whether or not you should believe her at first.
Her eyebrows creased and she shook her head again, almost laughing out loud at your obvious skepticism. "Yes." She answered you sincerely. "I was, but now...I'm not so sure. I keep going back and forth on what I want to do. This is going to make her really upset, Sonny. I don't care how bad I get, I don't want to upset her any more than I already have."
You shrugged your shoulders, squeezing her hand. "She probably will be upset, Zora. But, telling her means that you have a shot at getting some help. If you continue to keep this a secret, it's going to escalate into a much bigger problem. You're already doing serious damage to your body now, Zora."
"But, if I tell her and she gets me some help, what if it doesn't work, Sonny?" She questioned fearfully. "What do I do then? I'll be in the exact same place I'd be if I didn't tell anyone, except I would have told someone. Everyone will know and they're all going to be disappointed in me. They're going to treat me like I'm made of glass. They're all going to feel sorry for me. Everything is going to change."
"Zora-"
"What if I go back to cutting myself and I end up really doing something serious?" She asked you, her tone slightly panicked. "What if I end up really hurting myself?"
You shook your head quickly in order to comfort her. "Zora, calm down. I promise, I'm not going to let that happen. I'm going to be here for you. I'm going to try and help you with what ever you need, alright? Besides, I'm sure that Tawni, Nico, and Grady will be willing to be there for you, too. It's not like you're going to have to go through this alone. You have a lot of people that care about you and are going to support you."
You watched her hesitant before you felt her squeeze your hand back and smile at you again.
"Thanks, Sonny." She repeated, holding onto you tightly.
So, that's it. Thanks for reading to all of you who made it through haha. I know it's kind of a lame ending, but to be honest, I wasn't sure how it should end. I had quite a few ideas on the ending, and really the only reason I decided to go with this one was because since the story is so long and kind of depressing, I feel like the ending should be at least somewhat happy. I hope that you guys liked it and it's worthy of at least a few reviews. Even if you didn't like it, that's perfectly fine as well. It's not like I can do anything about it, and every one is entitled to their own opinion. Anyway, feedback, both negative and positive, is always appreciated. Thanks for reading!