Lost Without You

by winter-effervescence

Garcia has a stalker and in their efforts to protect her most of the team gets abducted by the stalker. Reid is left to help them escape and finds himself facing one of the most difficult situations in his life. Pre-existing Hotch/Reid. Oneshot.

Hey everyone so since this is essential I must tell you that I do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters in the show. I do not make any money off of this. There you go, now for the story.

"Spencer, you remember what we told Strauss that time she pulled us into the office?" Spencer Reid was shaking his head and clutching his phone hard enough to turn his knuckles white as he responded, "That no one on our team would let a relationship hinder their judgment when getting other agents out of a dangerous situation." The tension was radiating through Reid and he knew that Hotch could likely hear the strain in his voice. "Good Spencer, you must stick to that no matter what." Reid let out a soft whimper, his team was his family and he wouldn't be able to live without them. "Aaron, I can't….please."

The tears breached Reid's eyes as he thought of his situation, Garcia was being stalked by an unsub so one of the team was staying with her at all times. Reid had driven home with her and the rest of the team went ahead of them to do a sweep of Garcia's home first, when Reid and Garcia arrived the door was open and the cars were out front. After entering cautiously all Reid and Garcia found were everyone's keys, credentials, weapons, and cell phones on the floor of the sitting room. The two had rushed back to the bureau and not long after a call came in on Garcia's phone.

The unsub had bragged that he had her team and had told her if she came to him then he would let the team go. Garcia had been ready to go out and trade herself but Reid had stopped her, infuriating the unsub and sending him into a rant that gave Garcia enough time to trace the call. They had quickly pulled up the blueprints to where the team was being held but Strauss had forbidden Reid from going in personally.

Swat had reached the location only to get caught up in traps set up all around the house. After hearing the reports Reid realized that all of the traps were designed to let someone out but no one in unless they were skilled in disarming the traps. Then Reid's phone had gone off and it was Aaron Hotchner, his Unit Chief, his best friend, his lover. The unsub had let the team have a phone to call thinking that there was nothing anyone could do for them.

"Spencer, you can do this, I have complete confidence in that extraordinary mind of yours." Reid let out a sob, "Aaron, what if…" Hotch cut off the youngest of his team before he could voice his fears, "No Reid, don't think like that." Reid drew in a deep breath and let it out in a great gush, "Okay, let's do this. Put me on speaker Hotch." A moment later Reid heard the echoing of the room which told him he was on speaker phone.

"Okay guys, I am looking at a detailed blueprint of where the unsub is holding you. Are there any windows in the room you are in?" There was a resounding negative response from his team and Reid let out a silent relieved breath, "Good, you are in the basement just where I thought you would be. Okay, there is a ventilation shaft in the ceiling that is large enough that Emily and JJ should be able to get out quietly that way. That will lead you right out to the outside and then just make sure to step carefully and you will make it out just fine."

Reid listened while Morgan gave the two women a boost up into the ventilation shaft then he gave instructions which Morgan called out to them as they made their way through the ventilation shaft and out of the building where the swat teams were waiting. When he heard the report from the swat that the two women were out with them and past the lawn he directed his attention back to the rest of his team. "Okay, they are safe now, if the Unsub isn't already on to us from seeing the girls then he will be soon, this way will be loud but I could only get JJ and Prentiss out quietly. If you go to the door then take seven paces to the right and ten paces towards the back of the room there should be a weak spot in the floor, underneath the floor there is a tunnel that leads out into the sewer that should let the three of you out easily."

Reid heard the loud thumping as Morgan pounded on the weak spot of the floor with his foot and then the crash as the floor gave way for him. Then there was yelling, the unsub had heard the commotion and come down. There was a yell that sounded like Morgan then Rossi shouting to Hotch that Morgan was out and Hotch's response telling Rossi to go next. Reid heard the unsub slam the door open at the bottom of the stairs and let out an angry shout at seeing his hostages escaping. "Hotch, go!" Reid couldn't help himself even though he knew if Hotch could he would take the opportunity to get out, he heard the impact as the unsub tackled Hotch and his mind analyzed how far it sounded from the phone. The impact was too close; Hotch was no longer near the escape.

Reid stopped breathing as he listened to the scuffle between Hotch and the Unsub and finally heard the ominous thump of a body hitting the floor and there was no more commotion over the phone, the only sound was heavy breathing and Reid didn't need vocal confirmation that it wasn't Hotch's breathing. "Hotch?" Maybe he was wrong and it was Hotch who had won, he wasn't used to hearing how Hotch sounded winded after a fight, his logical mind knew that he would sound the same either way but he was trying to ignore it.

Then a voice came over the line, "You are good kid, I'll give you that. Now though since you have done this you get to hear over the phone as your boss dies." Reid's blood ran cold, "No, please no." The unsub let out a weak chuckle and Reid knew that if Morgan or Rossi had still been with Hotch then the man wouldn't have stood a chance, but there had been the risk that he would have a weapon and they needed to get who they could out.

The unsub let out a grunt and Reid heard the something impacting with flesh, he could only assume that the man had kicked Hotch, "Stop, you can still fix this." There was a mirthless laugh, "The only fix there is to this is giving me Penelope. Choose kid, you can give me my Penelope and no one gets hurt or agent Hotchner goes to a new room, it's a gas room. He will die slowly with only a phone to keep him company in his last moments of life." Reid had tears coursing silently down his face but he knew what he had to do, "Penelope will be staying right here with me." The man let out a snarl, "Then your choice is to kill this man." With that the line went dead and Reid fell to the floor with a broken sob.

Penelope was sitting in the corner of the room, her eyes were wide with shock until Reid fell to the floor and she rushed over to him. "I couldn't get him out." Garcia pulled Reid into her arms and ran her hand soothingly up and down his back while tears were coursing down her own face. Then the call came in from the swat team that Morgan and Rossi were safely out. Hearing that they were safe but Hotch wasn't with them brought more violent sobs from Reid, he had been hoping deep down that they had realized Hotch was in trouble and needed them.

Morgan came on the line, "Hey kid, I know that you are scared but I know how to get through a lot of these traps. Rossi and I tried to get back to Hotch but you can't get back in the way we came out. Rossi, the swat teams and I are going in after him." Reid grasped onto that small bit of hope like a lifeline, "Be quick Morgan, he plans to gas Hotch so you can make it if you are fast." Morgan didn't bother with responding, he merely hung up the phone and took off towards the edge of the lawn where the traps began.

Reid had confidence in Morgan but he was scared, he didn't know what to do but felt like he needed to be doing something. He felt that if he remained idle he would break down again, with nothing else to distract his mind from the current case Reid went over to JJ's office and grabbed some waiting case files to look over and sort between. It was not long after Reid had submersed himself in the case files when his phone rang startling him.

Reid answered the phone gasping out Hotch's name in question but it wasn't the voice he was wanting to hear that responded to him, "Agent Hotchner is still unconscious, unfortunately the other agents are close to getting through my traps and if I want the gas to have enough time to kill him I won't have much more time to wait for him to wake up. He has five minutes left until I decide to flip the switch." With that the phone went to speaker and Reid heard the man leave, sealing the room with air-tight defenses, this room definitely was missing from the set of blueprints Reid was able to find.

It was a minute and a half later when Reid heard a groan from the ear piece, "Aaron?" another groan was heard before the quiet gruff voice, filled with pain and confusion, "Spencer?" Reid sighed slightly with relief at hearing his lover's voice before realizing that now that Hotch had awoken the unsub wouldn't wait five minutes before gassing him. "I'm here Aaron, Morgan and Rossi are trying to get to you right now." Reid knew that his voice was wavering and Hotch likely gained no sense of comfort or confidence in his chances of living from Reid's reassurances.

Reid heard over the phone as Hotch started moving some and within seconds he heard the hiss of air coming into the room from the gassing vents. Reid didn't even realize that he gasped out the word 'no' when he heard it but moments later the hiss of the gaseous air being let into the room was seemingly echoing in his ears. "Aaron…" He heard a pained groan over the phone then Hotch moving closer to where the phone was. "Spencer I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be on the phone during this."

Reid stumbled up from his desk and escaped into Hotch's office where he collapsed in the chair behind the desk, not even looking up when he heard Garcia walk in behind him. "Aaron don't you dare hang up on me, I will never forgive you if you do." Hotch let out a weak chuckle, "I'm sure that wouldn't last long even if I do make it out of here." Reid felt the tears on his face but felt almost detached from the situation, "When you get home you will regret that statement."

Hotch let out a cough, "Oh yeah, how do you plan on making me regret it?" Reid could hear Hotch's voice weakening and he struggled not to let his desperation show in his voice, "I'll let Jack sleep in our bed for the next month and work extra time at the office." Hotch's voice was full of surprise when he spoke again, "Are you sure that you wouldn't be punishing yourself as well with that decision Spencer?" Reid smiled gently, "It would be manageable if it taught you to never hang up on me again." Hotch chuckled gently but it turned into a coughing fit and Reid sobbed as Garcia came over and began cuddling him gently.

Reid tried to push Garcia away; he didn't want her holding him, he wanted to be in Hotchner's arms. Garcia clung to the young man as he struggled slightly in her arms before giving up and sobbing silently, still listening to his lover coughing on the other end. As the coughing started to ease up he heard the raspy quality of Hotch's voice when he spoke once more, "Spencer, I need you to promise me you will take care of yourself and Jack." The sentence was broken as Hotch was pausing to breathe more often than he would normally have to.

"I thought Jack would be going to stay with Jessica." Spencer waited out another coughing fit and Hotch's voice was nothing more than a whisper when he spoke again, "I put in my will that should anything happen to me I trust you to raise Jack to be a man that both Haley and I would be proud of. I love you Spencer and I love my son, I want you both to be there for each other and I want my son to have the best father possible and that would be you."

Reid was gasping for breath now almost as much as Hotch was, he had always considered heartbreak a mere figure of speech but as he sat there listening to his lover's voice fading his chest felt hollow at the same time it felt like his heart was pumping fire through him instead of blood. He had never felt such an intense longing or loss. "Aaron Jack needs his father, I need you. Neither of us will be able to go on without you." Then when Reid thought this couldn't be more painful he heard a muffled sob from Hotch, "Promise me Spencer, you are both strong and you can do this." Hotch's voice was hardly audible anymore and Reid sobbed harshly, "I promise Aaron, I love you." Reid heard the rasping of Hotch trying to respond, but nothing but the shallow breathing could be heard anymore.

Then even Hotch's breathing was drowned out by the continued hissing echoing through the room. "Aaron?" Reid was shaking in Garcia's arms as he felt her tears landing on his head that was bowed under her own, "Aaron!" Not getting a response from his lover caused the fire running through his veins to turn to ice and his entire body to slump, he felt cold and empty, he couldn't even feel pain anymore because he was suddenly numb. The hissing from the gas vents cutting off left a deafening silence over the phone that brought a harsh sob from his throat as Reid hugged himself around the middle, Garcia had let him go in her shock that Morgan hadn't gotten there on time to save their boss.

Then a thudding echoed through the phone and they heard a crash and Morgan's frantic voice as he managed to break through the door. "Hotch!" Running footsteps across the room and over the phone the two agents stuck at their workplace that now seemed a cage heard Morgan start trying to perform CPR on the man. "Come on Hotch! Don't do this to me man." They heard a crack of pained desperation in Morgan's voice as he continued to perform CPR. It was a minute or so later that Rossi's voice echoed into the phone as he entered the room. "Morgan stop, he's gone and you are only damaging his body." All sound on the other end of the phone cut off and Reid stared at it for a moment before Morgan and Rossi heard a struggle over the phone and Garcia calling out after Reid.

Reid let out a soft sigh as hands roamed over his body, his entire being ached for more from that touch yet he savored the feel of his lover's hands upon his body. Lips trailed a path of fire up his neck and back along his jaw until they reached his ear where words of love and passion, promises of forever were whispered to him as his lover used every sensitive spot on Reid's body to his advantage. Whimpers and moans were falling from Reid's lips as he was unable to keep control of himself, the sounds he was making only disrupted by the awed and loving way he said the name of his lover, the most coveted word in his mind that was the only one worth saying in moments like this, "Aaron."

A scream pierced the air pulling Spencer sharply from his dream and back to the reality of his life that was constantly pressing down on him in wakefulness. The man shot from the bed and down the hall where he ran into Jack's room. The child was sitting up in bed hugging his knees as he sobbed into them begging for his daddy to come home. "Jack?" The watery eyes looked up at Reid from the boy's arms before he suddenly had an armful of little boy, "Spencer, when is daddy coming back to us?"

Reid's throat constricted as tears gathered in his eyes, it had been two days now and he had only told Jack that Hotch couldn't come home yet because he was working a case. The little boy had asked Reid why he was here with him rather than out with Hotch and when Reid had said he didn't know the boy had seemed to realize that his father was in trouble. The nightmares from the boy were almost as constant as Reid's dreams that Hotch was still there with him, he woke up aching as his body seared from imagined caresses. Multiple times both nights he had run to comfort Jack from a nightmare, but an equal amount of times he had ended up curled up on the bathroom floor wearing his lover's sweats that hung off of him and still smelled like the man not being able to do anything but sob until his eyes were scratchy, his chest ached with a different pain than the one already constantly present and his voice only came out in a hoarse whisper.

"Oh Jack" The little boy looked up into Reid's eyes and suddenly his own were flooded with understanding, "Daddy left like mommy did?" Reid shook his head and drew in a shaky breath, "Jack, the last thing that your father wanted to do was leave you, if it were in his power he would walk through that front door right now and make our family complete again." The little boy nodded sadly and looked shyly up through his fringe at Reid, "Spencer, can I sleep with you in Daddy and your bed tonight?" Reid nodded his head as he gathered the boy closer to himself and carried him down the hall.

Crawling back into bed Reid settled Jack down in front of him and cuddled the boy close, imagining that Hotch would wrap his arm around both of them from the other side of Jack at any moment like he normally did when the boy slept with them after having nightmares. Scooting them closer to his lover's side of the bed the scent that was purely Aaron Hotchner washed over them both from where it still lingered on the blankets and Hotch's pillow soothing them both into a much needed dreamless sleep.

The next morning Reid and Jack were awoken by a commotion downstairs, Reid pulled Jack in close protectively before sliding out of bed and pulling the boy up into his arms. "Jack I need you to go into the bathroom and lock the door until one of the team comes to get you. Do not open the door for anyone other than Morgan, JJ, Prentiss, Rossi, or me okay?" Jack nodded and his eyes were filled with worry as he looked at Reid. "You aren't going to leave me too are you Spencer?" Reid hugged the boy close, "I would never leave you if I had the choice Jack." Those big eyes looked up at Reid trustingly, "Okay, I love you Spencer, come back to get me soon please."

Reid smiled reassuringly to the little boy, "As soon as I can Jack, I love you too now let's make sure the bathroom is safe and get you in there." Reid grabbed his gun from in his locked nightstand drawer and checked over the bathroom and master closet before leaving Jack in there and listening for the lock to click into place before moving away. Reid crept down the stairs on silent feet with his gun ready and his muscles tensed; he would do anything to protect Jack from harm and was ready to protect the little boy from any danger.

He heard a muffled curse from the kitchen and crept up to the frame of the wall leading into it, he silently counted to himself before quickly swinging himself around the corner. When he saw the man standing there he almost pulled the trigger before he realized who it was. When Reid recognized Sean Hotchner he hardly remembered to switch on the safety before the gun clattered to the counter. Sean jumped in fright and spun around to face Reid, "Goodness Spencer! You scared a few years off of my life there."

Reid didn't imagine that he could have scared Sean nearly as much as he had been scared himself but he let that pass, "Hello Sean, what can I do for you?" Reid avoided looking at the man's face; it was achingly similar to his brother's in subtle ways that only someone close to one of the two would notice. Sean's sigh caused a slight start from Reid once more and he looked up just enough to see a frown marring the man's features. When Sean spoke it was with a soft voice that soothed Reid's frazzled nerves, "Spencer you look like you are only hanging in there by a thread." Reid looked away again trying to hide the pain that washed over his face.

"No, I am not doing so well but I am doing all I can to keep things running here for Jack and myself." Reid didn't need to see Sean's face to see the tension that suddenly appeared in the man, "That is something I wanted to speak with you about Spencer. I know that you are busy making plans for this weekend's service and everything so I was wondering if you would like me to take Jack for a couple days." Reid's head shot up at that, "You want to take him away from me?" His voice was breathless with panic and his body was suddenly tense again, mind calculating the chances of being able to grab Jack and run before Sean could catch him.

Sean was immediately relaxing his posture and making himself look non-threatening, a tactic he had learned when his brother had gotten fearful of losing Jack after all of the nasty buisness involving that bastard Foyet. "I don't want to take Jack away from you Spencer, I thought that maybe to give you a little bit of extra time he could come stay with me in the hotel I am renting a room at. You can come see him at any time and I can bring him back over here whenever you want. This could be good for both of you." Reid eyed Sean suspiciously for a few minutes, "I will ask Jack what he thinks of this idea and then we will come down to talk to you about it." With that Reid whirled around and grabbed his gun before making his way back upstairs.

Sean looked back to what he had been looking at before Reid had come into the room. Aaron's phone was sitting on the counter, he flipped open the small device and felt his throat swell with emotion, there were over one hundred missed calls from Reid's phone already and the message box was full with voicemail from the younger man. Sean ignored the phone's insistent reminders that it had messages and looked into the contacts list before using his own phone to dial Derek Morgan's number. There were three rings on the phone before the click of the phone being picked up and a slightly harassed sounding Derek Morgan came onto the line, "Agent Morgan here."

Sean quickly considered what to say to the man, "Morgan this is Sean Hotchner, I am over at my brother's house and Spencer is upstairs talking to Jack about possibly coming to spend a couple of days with me while Spencer gets everything sorted out. He is a mess though and I think someone should be here with him." Sean heard cursing on the other end of the phone before Morgan's voice returned to addressing him, "Yeah I was just trying to get out to come over there, Emily was with him yesterday while I was with another one of our agents but I had to run to the airport to pick up a friend this morning so I couldn't go straight over to Reid's on the swap." Sean nodded then realized that Morgan couldn't see him, "Okay then, I will wait for you to arrive before I head out." Morgan said a quick thank you and was about to hang up when Sean continued, "Morgan, I looked at Aaron's phone and I don't know if it is completely healthy for Spencer to have it here. For now I think I am going to take it over to Agent Rossi and let him figure out what should be done with it until Spencer is doing better."

Morgan cursed quietly again, not having realized what a bad idea giving Reid the phone was. All of Hotch's other possessions were locked up as evidence from Garcia's house, everyone had gotten theirs run for anything that could help then they had all been returned to them but Hotch's stuff wasn't with Spencer and it was a good excuse not to give the young man any of it. Morgan had never thought about what kind of damage giving Reid the phone could do.

Sean looked towards the stairs and wondered what Reid and Jack were talking about, he had found out about his brother's relationship with the boy genius one night when he had flown in to take Jack for a weekend during Aaron's birthday planning to send his brother out to relax. He had gone on in when he arrived and seen a note from Jessica on the fridge saying she would bring Jack back on Sunday evening for his birthday and to have a nice weekend off. He had gone upstairs having seen his brother's car outside and heard the shower running, thinking that he would just knock and let his brother know he was there he hadn't expected to hear a startled yelp and a crash in response, in all it hadn't been the best meeting for the boy genius. Reid had gotten a concussion when he slipped in the shower trying to turn towards the door and Aaron had taken the younger man's car to grab something for dinner since it was parked behind his own explaining why his was there. Aaron had ended up meeting Reid and Sean in the emergency room and having to explain to his brother just why one of his agents had been using the shower at his house when he wasn't home and was out in said agent's car.

Sean was pulled out of his thoughts as Reid came back downstairs carrying Jack on his hip, both of them now properly dressed but Sean recognized the tie Reid was wearing as one of Aaron's ties, the man's favorite one actually. "Hey buddy!" Jack looked at his uncle with a shy expression, "Hi Uncle Sean. Spencer says that you want me to have a sleep-over with you at your hotel so you don't have to be alone." Sean smiled brightly at the little boy, "Yeah, I don't enjoy being by myself and wanted to be able to spend some time with you while I'm in town."

Jack smiled tentatively at Sean before looking the man up and down with a thoughtful expression that reminded Reid painfully of the boy's father, "Do you promise to bring me to Spencer any time I want to see him?" Sean was surprised by the question but answered without hesitation, "Of course Jack! Spencer won't be alone either; Mr. Morgan is coming to stay here with Spencer while you are gone." Jack looked up at Reid now, "Will Mr. Morgan take care of you like you take care of me? Is that why he's coming?" Reid gave the boy a tremulous smile, "Yes Jack, and if you ever want to talk to me just call me from Uncle Sean's phone. He has my number and if you want to come home or for me to come there just tell me and I will come right away."

Jack looked up at Reid and smiled after a minute, "Okay Spencer, I will go stay with Uncle Sean then." Reid smiled down at the little boy, "Why don't you go outside and play with Uncle Sean while I pack you a go bag?" Jack nodded his head enthusiastically, excited to be going on his own adventure with a go bag and everything. Reid put the boy down and he ran out of the house with Sean following closely to keep an eye on him. Reid watched the boy run out the door with a sad smile before turning to go and pack the bag for Jack. Maybe getting a chance to really talk to Morgan about things would do him some good.

When Morgan arrived he saw Jack playing in the yard with Sean watching over him, "Hey there little man!" Jack looked up as Morgan walked up the path towards the house, "Mr. Morgan!" The kid dubbed "Mini Hotch" by Morgan ran up and hugged Morgan's legs tightly then looked up at the man seriously, "I want you to promise to take care of Spencer for me." Morgan looked down at his unit chief's son with sad eyes, "I promise buddy that after this weekend Spencer will be back to normal." Jack smiled up at the man brightly, "You can make him be happy again?" Morgan smiled, "I don't know about completely happy but he will be doing better once everything that needs taken care of is done."

Jack's nose scrunched up as he tried to process what Morgan had said but then shrugged, Mr. Morgan had said Spencer would be back to normal and that was good enough for Jack. It was only a few moments later that Reid came out the front door and Jack ran to grab his go bag telling Reid all about the case he was off to work. One of the leaves hag gone missing from the tree and it was his job to find the leaf. Reid smiled and wished him luck with the case before handing him over to Sean and reminding him that he could call at any time.

Morgan watched the terror and heartbreak that flitted through Reid's eyes as Sean walked off with Jack, the young genius seemed to be hardly holding himself back from running after the child as he got into his uncle's car. Once they were down the driveway a single tear escaped Reid's eye and Morgan took that as his cue to shuffle the man inside. It only took a few moments before Reid's phone rang and the man practically pounced on it, "Hello, this is Reid." Morgan could hear the high voice coming through the phone, "Spencer? I forgot when I was leaving to tell you I love you and I'll miss you. I'll see you this weekend." Morgan couldn't hide his own little smile as Reid's face completely lit up at the little boy's words, "I love you too Jack, I'll talk to you soon." The two hung up and Reid sat there staring at his phone for a few minutes before looking to Morgan, "Everything will work out with time, won't it Morgan?" Morgan could see the terror and heartbreak in the young man's eyes again and drew him into a hug, "Things will work out kid, I promise that pain won't be the center of your world forever."

Reid picked up Jack from the hotel he was staying at with Sean and got the little boy ready for the funeral that they would be attending today. The days spent with his uncle seemed to have done the kid a world of good. Reid had been so relieved to see Jack, he hadn't realized how scary it would be to let go of the boy for even a short time knowing that he would be back soon. Jack's smile had faltered somewhat when he saw how sad Reid still was so the man had quickly asked him how the case had gone and Jack launched into an excited explanation of everything he had figured out in the process of finding the leaf while Reid worked on calming his raging emotions.

Going through getting ready was a difficult task for Reid, first he noticed that he was wearing matching socks and didn't even have the will to change them. Things just kept getting worse the closer the time came for the funeral, how on earth was he supposed to watch as his lover was put into the ground? How was it that Jack had to lose both of his parents within six years of each other? He was only a child of six and his mother had died when he was merely a month old leaving him with only his father who was about to be buried. Reid was terrified to think of the consequences that awaited them further down the road with the loss of Hotch, was Jack going to start developing abandonment issues like Reid had from being left by his parents? Would he ever fully trust that Reid wouldn't leave him too? There were so many questions that he wanted to ask and none of them had a simple answer. He could only hope that the two of them could build some kind of life without Aaron no matter how difficult that would be.

When they arrived the casket was being carried by Morgan, Rossi, Gideon and Max Ryan, all men Hotch had once worked with in the FBI and all good friends to the man. Reid walked behind the casket with Jack and Sean on the other side of his nephew. Looking around Reid was tempted to scowl when he saw Strauss there; when Reid had been distraught about Aaron's death she had been more upset to find out that Hotchner had been dating one of his subordinates which was against protocol. Pushing his thoughts away from his anger towards the woman he looked further, Jessica was there looking upset but also suspicious whenever she looked towards Reid where he was standing with Jack and Sean. Various people Hotch knew through life were there but obviously the team was the ones who the funeral was closure for.

Morgan and Prentiss were standing on either side of Garcia who was an absolute mess; she blamed herself not only for Hotch dying but for the pain that Reid and Jack were going through. Reid noticed briefly that Rossi and JJ were hovering closer to him than was strictly necessary then he realized what was going on, Morgan had wanted to post the funeral in the paper in case anyone that had ever been helped by Hotch, be it through his work with the BAU or as a prosecutor, they could attend the funeral for the man. Really they were hoping to lure the unsub to the ceremony and catch him there. The man wouldn't be able to resist seeing the affect that killing Hotch was having on not only the woman who he had originally been after but also on the man who wouldn't let the woman trade herself over for the life of her superior.

Reid was suddenly furious at the thought that the man may be here when he was putting his lover into the ground, but beyond that he was irrationally worried about Jack. He knew that it didn't make sense to be worried about Jack when the unsub was after Garcia, but he didn't want the man who had killed Aaron Hotchner anywhere around Aaron's son. He felt slightly comforted by the weight of the gun at his hip even in his formal clothes and he shifted slightly making his stance so that he could reach for the weapon in the quickest possible time.

The ceremony began and Reid spoke about the man who was being laid to rest, the words he was saying seemed so inadequate when trying to describe just how great of a person Aaron Hotchner had been, how great of a father, friend, boss, and lover. He found himself unable to finish what he had planned on saying about Aaron as his throat constricted with the emotions he could no longer control. Jack's little hand quickly found its way into Reid's and he grasped onto it feeling like that little boy was all he had left to live for. Then a hand landed on Reid's shoulder and he looked up to see Sean Hotchner smiling sadly down at him before the other man continued on for Reid.

Sean spoke beautifully about his brother and the dedication that the man had towards not only towards his loved ones but also the dedication that the man put towards protecting the people that he came across in his line of work. Sean spoke about how in his job Aaron knew that he would make difficult decisions and occasionally his life would be put on the line when working cases and how that had never deterred him from doing what he believed was the right thing.

Just as people were walking forward to lay flowers upon the coffin and say their final goodbyes to a great man there was a commotion in a small grouping of trees not far away from the burial site, the team flew towards the trees and Reid hesitated before noticing that JJ planned to stay and protect Jack along with Sean before he too ran to the trees, wanting to get a look at the man who had done this. He crossed the first line of the trees and froze in shock, there was his team cuffing the unsub and doing their normal procedures but more than that was that it was the team, the whole team.

Reid's mind hadn't had time to finish processing what he was seeing before he was embraced in a strong pair of arms and his entire body slumped into the one in front of him as he inhaled the comforting scent he had longed to accompany any of the numerous hugs he had gotten in this past week. He was once again in the arms of Aaron Hotchner and at the moment he didn't care to know why the man who was supposed to be dead in the coffin that was halfway into the ground three hundred feet away was alive and whispering apologies into his ear, all that he cared about was that it was happening no matter how impossible it seemed.

Hotchner inhaled deeply and flinched slightly as he felt the tears soaking into the shoulder of his shirt, he had caused such pain to his lover. He had realized that even if the team escaped then the unsub would get out a different way and they would all still be at risk from him so he had decided that they would create a trap of their own. They had been loud when escaping on purpose to draw the attention of the unsub and the plan was that if Hotch could take him out on his own then he would but if he couldn't then they had another plan.

The unsub had been ridiculously confident that they would have no way out and had already told them how he lined a tank of gas up to his house and connected them to a room he had gotten airtight in his house for the purpose of catching the team when they started to get in his way of stalking Penelope Garcia. Then the man had lay in wait for them at her house, taking them all out silently with sleep darts as they checked to make sure everything was clear.

The team had already worked out the plan before the unsub came back down furious, "That stupid brat that is back at your headquarters with my Penelope refused to let her come to me for the release of all of you. I will give you an hour to live; none of the fools outside can get past my traps." With that the man had tossed a phone at them, "Go ahead and call your other team mates, they can't do anything to help you and I want that stupid kid to suffer as he hears you all say goodbye." Then the man stormed back up the stairs and the team went over the plan once more, really Hotch just had to convince Rossi and Morgan that the plan wouldn't work if they didn't get out when given the chance. If the man had a weapon they would all be in danger and likely not catch him anyway.

Before Hotch could begin the process that they were getting themselves into he called his brother Sean. The phone was answered on the fourth ring and Hotch explained the situation, "Sean, I have to make Reid think that I have died. He can't know that I'm alive and I want you to find a way to let Jack know I'm still alright so he isn't having a tough time too. Then after all of this is over I was wondering if you would take Jack for a few extra days until things have calmed down at home, Reid is going to be furious with me." Sean had told his brother that he believed he was risking hurting his lover beyond what he could repair but that he would do what was necessary.

Once they had everything settled Hotch dialed Reid's number and started the plan of getting them all out and catching the unsub. They all let out a breath of relief when Reid had a plan already to get them out, he just needed some time to calm down a little bit. Getting the women out was pretty easy and when Reid told them where the way out for them was they all were relieved that it would be an excuse to have a loud exit and draw the unsub down to them. Rossi and Morgan got out and Hotch was momentarily concerned that the unsub wouldn't make it in time but he came in and Hotch was able to make sure the man would tackle him away from the exit. The scuffle was just a little much for him, the unsub was burly and very fit.

When Hotch had woken up in the gas room he heard Spencer call his name, he realized that he had made a sound of pain when he first woke up, though that wasn't really surprising since he hurt like hell. He built up the small amount of energy that he had and he pulled himself over to the phone trying to comfort the boy. He heard the air hissing into the room and for the first time in what he could really remember he prayed, he had absolutely no desire to leave his son or Spencer behind and he silently prayed to God that Morgan and Rossi were able to disconnect the gas from the pipe and there was only air coming in.

Hotch had tried to get Spencer to get off the phone by telling him that he shouldn't have to hear this but the boy had been completely opposed to the idea of hanging up with him so he had bantered with the boy and continued conversation while knowing that Morgan was on the way in. Making his voice weaker and having coughing fits wasn't hard, he had been developing a cold for the past couple days which made the hacking cough easy and the unsub had hurt his lungs when holding him in a stranglehold that had eventually lead to him passing out when they scuffled. He only had to get the promise out of Spencer to reassure himself that the man would be okay until he could be with him once more and tell the younger man that he was still alive.

Hotch knew about how much time he had to do his whole act and was able to time it pretty well, Morgan got there a little sooner after he stopped responding to Spencer than he had hoped and he knew that Morgan telling him not to do this to him was more of a question of whether or not he really wanted to convince Spencer that he was dead. When Rossi came in he helped Hotch up and they were about to make their way out of the room when they heard Spencer's abrupt exit from the other end of the line and Hotch immediately sent Morgan out to check on the youngest of their team.

Rossi helped Hotch out of the room and they made their way back to the older man's apartment where Hotch would be staying with him until his funeral on Saturday when they were hoping to catch the unsub. The man would be unable to resist seeing the affect that killing the Unit Chief would have on Garcia and Reid. Hotch had been a mess while he was healing from the scuffle and the cough that had overtaken his weakened body. Then Sean had come by and dropped off the cell-phone and let Jack see his daddy to know that he was alive, the little boy had looked at him and then frowned, "Daddy, thinking that you are hurt is making Spencer very sad and I don't like to see him sad."

After Sean had left with Jack Hotch had tortured himself by listening to every message Reid left for him. Rossi had gotten used to coming out in the middle of the night and finding Hotch curled up on the couch with his phone next to him, torturing himself by listening to every new message from Reid as they came in. The young man had figured that one of the team was deleting them so that he could talk to Aaron in some way for healing but the man was listening to the pain that was surrounding his younger lover. The pain that he could hear in those messages was making Hotch feel hollow and cold, would he still have his lover after this was all over? Could Reid ever forgive him?

When Saturday finally came Rossi was quite ready to be getting rid of Hotchner, he had warned the other man about Strauss's reaction to the relationship between the two agents and they knew that the plan had not turned out completely flawless. Hotchner knew as he left that morning that Strauss finding out he was still alive and had absolutely no intention of ending his relationship with his subordinate could get him fired and quite possibly get Reid fired as well. Rossi dropped Hotch off at the graveyard first and the man went to hide in a spot that was out of the way enough that the unsub wouldn't pass through it but Hotch would be able to begin following the man when he got there.

Hotch waited until people started showing up then watched closely as they all arrived, he saw the unsub venture into a cluster of trees and knew that he would be vigilant during the beginning of the service. Once the man was secure in the knowledge that the team was focused on the ceremony and only protecting in the range of where they were rather than going out and searching for anything suspicious he would be absorbed into watching the reactions of the people he was trying to hurt. Hotch crept up on the man once the service was well underway and this time he was ready for the fight that was to come.

With his full health and the element of surprise on his side it didn't take long for Hotch to take the man down especially when Rossi and Morgan arrived on the scene to help. They were cuffing him and the three agents who knew he was alive were acting completely normal like they weren't taking a killer into custody at the funeral of his victim that was standing right there with them. His attention was distracted quite thoroughly from the three of them though when he saw Reid come through the tree-line, the boy looked like a mess and was staring at him with confusion which seemed quite understandable to Hotch. He didn't even give his lover time to react to the fact that he was alive before he rushed over and embraced the younger man, "I'm so sorry Spencer. You had to think I was dead for this to work, if your reaction wasn't genuine then we wouldn't have been able to catch this bastard. Please forgive me for putting you through this, I love you and I would have never done this to you if doing anything else would have been safer for you."

The body in his arms slumped more than it already had when Hotch had first drawn the younger man into his arms and he realized that his lover had passed out. Hotch frowned as he looked down at Spencer, he looked like he hadn't slept in ages and as he picked up the lithe frame he noticed that there were two matching socks showing between the pant hems and shoes. Wearing matching socks was something that Spencer never did, if he realized he didn't have mismatched socks to wear he would steal socks from Hotch or buy two pairs of socks on the way into work that were hideously different from each other and wear one of each for the day. The socks almost as much as the messages left by his lover were a testament to Hotch about how hard this past week had been on the young agent.

It was the next day and Hotch walked into the master bathroom of his home only to hear the rich singing voice that belonged to Reid emanating from the shower. The tune he was able to recognize from one of Spencer's favorite plays, 'Moulin Rouge' the boy was singing the song 'Come What May'. Spencer had been going through mood swings like Hotch couldn't believe since he had discovered Hotch was still alive. Hotch didn't think that the mood swings would have been as hard to bear if his lover was willing to be away from him for more than ten to fifteen minutes but Spencer seemed to have a new acute awareness of where Hotch was at all times. Hotch could walk into the bathroom in the middle of the night and Spencer would wake up immediately, heartbroken thinking that his lover being back was merely a dream.

The young genius would go from being incredibly loving towards Aaron to completely ignoring the man even though he refused to be too far away from him. He had woken up in the car on the way home from the cemetery and had immediately cuddled into Aaron's lap while he was told how the past week had gone and why Garcia and him were the only ones that didn't know Hotch was really still alive. Then by time they got home he was completely furious with his lover for putting him through everything that had come from thinking Hotch was dead. He would ignore everything Hotch said but still when Hotch went to a different room hoping to escape from the depressing atmosphere Spencer would follow and settle down near him in the next room before refusing to acknowledge his presence again. The rapid mood changes were stressful and even after only a day Hotch was ready for his lover to be back to how he was normally.

Hotch pulled himself up onto the counter in the bathroom listening to Reid singing in the shower. The younger man had rarely sung in the shower before and Hotch always found himself wondering if he had back when he lived by himself, Hotch would be the first to admit that Reid was often distracted from trivial things like singing when in the shower these days anyway. He knew from the steady beat of the water as it fell from Spencer's hair and body that the younger man was just standing under the spray of the water and had likely already finished his shower. Sure enough only moments after the song he was singing had ended Spencer turned off the water in the shower and reached out to snag a towel from the rack beside it.

Hotch could hear the shuffling as his lover toweled himself dry then the silence that filled the air as the towel was wrapped around the thin waist, then Spencer stepped out of the shower and Hotch's eye was caught by a droplet of water that formed from the still damp hair and traveled down the side of Spencer's face then along his jaw before dropping from his chin to his chest since the younger man was looking down. He watched the bead of water travel down over the well sculpted abdomen and hit the towel being absorbed immediately. He looked back up and his eyes met those of his lover, the honey brown eyes held confusion and there was a flush high in Spencer's cheekbones now which was likely there because he realized he had been singing for an audience.

Hotch looked his subordinate up and down again as the younger man shifted slightly where he was standing; he was uncertain how to proceed. When Spencer had gone to take his shower he had just finished yelling at Hotch about how many other ways they could have caught their unsub without Reid having to think that he was dead for a week. Reid had actually thrown quite the spectacular fit this time, making a mess of the kitchen where Hotch was admittedly making homemade doughnuts trying to suck up to his lover. Hotch understood that he could have done things differently for sure, but he also realized that he would have been putting Garcia in further danger from an angrier unsub and also putting Reid in danger since he had not allowed Garcia to leave.

When Hotch looked up at Spencer's face once more a small smile blossomed across his agent's face and with a confidence that was rarely shown outside of situations where Reid was with only his unit chief the boy walked to the counter and situated himself comfortably between Hotch's legs. His hands traveled up from Hotch's knees, slowly caressing the man's thighs then rubbing his thumbs over the man's hip bones, moving smoothly up his torso and around the broad shoulders as Spencer pulled himself closer and leaned forward so their lips were touching slightly. "I'm sorry for throwing the fire extinguisher at you." The chuckle that came from Hotch was almost immediately cut off as those soft lips pressed lightly to his own.

Hotch returned the kiss passionately, trying to express to Spencer all of the things he didn't know how to say and all of the emotions that he normally kept hidden. Reid let out a whimper of need, losing himself into the kiss and pulling uselessly at Aaron's shoulders, trying to get closer when there was no space between them. Hotch pulled away from Reid's mouth and began kissing along his jaw up to his ear where he suckled lightly on the skin just beneath causing a shudder to course through Reid's body as he let out a quiet mewl of pleasure.

"Spencer, I want your opinion on something." Reid nodded his head slightly to show that he was listening, in the same motion he tilted his head to the side giving Hotch better access to that lovely spot on his neck that sent jolts of pleasure coursing through his thin frame. "Our relationship is out now to everyone outside of our team and there is no reason to be cautious anymore, I want you to move in with me." Spencer's body tensed and Hotch also sat frozen on the counter, his arms loosely holding Spencer's hips but giving him the ability to pull away if he wanted to.

Spencer pulled back slightly to look Hotch in the eyes, he was completely speechless and Hotch took advantage of the silence to explain more, "You stay here most of the time anyway now, in the past four years I think you have stayed at your own apartment over night less than twenty times. Your books have slowly accumulated here rather than going back to your apartment when you were done with what you wanted them for and you hardly have any clothes left there. It really doesn't make any sense for you to be paying rent on a place that you never stay." Spencer was still staring at him in silence and Hotch stayed silent looking back at his lover now, waiting for a response.

Spencer's mind was reeling, yes he realized that he practically lived in the Hotchner house anyway and that he had dreamed of Aaron asking him to officially move in for a couple years now, but he had never actually expected them to be able to officially be together. There had always been the problem of Strauss and the rest of the Bureau finding out about them. He had considered a thousand different reasons to tell them as an excuse as to why he was living with Aaron but none of them would hold up long term so he had just given up on the thought of ever being able to change his official records to the address where he really called home. He had even found himself putting the return address as this house before when writing to his mother and having to change the envelope to use his own address.

The fact that Aaron wanted him to officially move in with him and change his address on all of his official documents meant a lot more to him than the older man could know. One day when Elle had visited and found out about the relationship between her old teammates she asked Reid if he ever felt like Hotchner's dirty little secret since it was only the team who knew. He had told Elle all of their reasons for keeping their relationship a secret and she had been convinced but since that day Reid had felt insecure about his place in the Hotchner home. All of the times he had stayed at his own apartment in the four years since he had finally given in and put his own wardrobe together in Hotch's closet were right after that conversation with Elle, Spencer had known that Aaron was concerned but never bothered explaining it to the man.

Spencer had faith that his lover would never do that to him, but coming from the heart of a boy that was used to being abandoned he had been terrified after Elle put the idea into his mind. Over time he had grown confident in his relationship with Hotch once more, it would be ridiculous to think that Hotch didn't respect their relationship when the man hadn't left him after Haley announced her pregnancy; Hotch had even insisted that Spencer help him with raising Jack after Haley had died and Jack came to live with Hotch. Even with the many reasons not to worry Spencer would sometimes go and sit beside Jack in the middle of the night while the boy slept and run his hand through the child's hair hoping that he would never be asked by the man he loved to leave their little family.

Hotch watched as the many emotions made their way across Reid's face, he had gotten a call from Elle one night when he was worrying about Spencer's decision to stay at his own apartment for the first time in over a year. The moment that he had picked up the phone Elle had blurted out an apology saying she may have messed up their relationship then proceeded to tell him about her conversation with Reid then JJ calling and asking if she knew of anything that had happened to Reid that night since he was acting differently. Hotch had given the boy space to work through the problem in his own mind, wishing all the while that he could tell Reid to just change his address on his legal documents and sell the stupid apartment. Each time that Reid stayed on his own Hotch ended up taking a sleeping Jack over to stay with JJ then going to watch over Reid's apartment from across the street to make sure nothing ever happened to the young man.

After Reid had come back he had also noticed that his lover would go stay hours in Jack's room sometimes at night and wanted to reassure him in some way that he would never be torn away from the child that thought of him as another parent. "You know Spencer, Jack asked me recently what he should call you. It has been a question he has asked me multiple times now and I keep telling him to ask you but he says that he shouldn't have to ask you what to call you but to ask you permission to call you by whatever name he ends up choosing."

Confused honey-brown eyes looked at him and Hotch continued, "He doesn't want to call you mom because you aren't a woman, but he already calls me daddy so he is stuck on the idea of what to call you. You are a parent to him as well." Reid's eyes cleared slightly of the confusion and he spoke once more, "Why can't he just continue to call me Spencer? It's not like I'm legally any type of parent to him." Hotch smiled slightly at the thought of the papers he had hidden from his nosey lover at Rossi's house that would give him the title of second parent to Jack, he wanted Reid to legally be living with them first. He knew how important family was to his youngest agent and would give him the world if he could, giving him a family legally that he already had the hearts of seemed far too simple of a thing to do for the man.

"Spencer, we got off topic with this, you were going to tell me that you will finally sell your ridiculously empty apartment and put this address onto all of your legal documents." Reid raised an eyebrow at his lover's certainty, "I was huh? What if I was secretly planning to say no to you and had decided it was time for me to move on?" Hotch could see the mischief in his lover's eyes and knew that he was joking but he still felt his chest tightening in a pain he had never imagined before he had listened to the desolate phone messages this past week. "Then I would have to lock you in the bedroom and only let you out for eating and spending time with Jack." Reid had seen the pain in his lover's eyes and felt guilty for putting it there in that moment it had lasted so his next sentence was meant to distract from that pain and his voice lowered to a seductive purr, "Oh, and what would I do to keep myself busy with so much time spent stuck in the bedroom?"

Reid felt the hitch of Hotch's breath in the man's chest where it was pressed against his own before the heated breath ghosted over his neck as his lover responded, "I'm sure I would be able to find a way to keep you occupied Spencer, from the sounds you make when I am with you I have complete confidence in my ability to keep you from getting bored with me." A shudder ran through Reid's body as he thought about the things that Hotch did to him in the bedroom. He really never would get tired of being with his lover, every time they were together felt new in some way or another.

Reid pulled back a bit to look into Hotch's face again and Reid gave him a small smile and nod, "Yes Aaron, I would love to move in." The responding smile that he got from Hotch was so full of warmth and happiness that it took Spencer's breath away, he was used to Hotch being more open and relaxed when it was just the two of them but still even he never saw that much raw emotion in the man in normal conversation. Hotch pulled Reid's face close to his, "Good, because telling me no was not really an option Spencer." The indignant response that was about to fall from Reid's lips was cut off by the insistent kiss that Hotch drew him into.

Reid took a step back while still clinging tightly to Hotch which pulled the man gently off the counter without breaking their kiss and Hotch immediately began guiding Reid backwards out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Hotch guided Reid gently back until the younger man's legs hit the side of the bed and Hotch lowered him down onto it finally breaking their kiss. Hotch paused briefly to just look at his subordinate appreciatively. The younger man had lost some weight in the past week as impossible as that seemed to Hotchner, he ran his hands lightly along Reid's sides which drew a giggle from the boy. Once his fingers reached the towel he traced them along the towel to where it was twisted together causing Goosebumps to rise on Reid's skin.

Hotch gently pulled the towel off Reid and continued to run his hands down the younger man's legs before tracing back up the insides of them. "It was so hard not to come to you at all this week, especially after they gave me my phone and I listened to your messages." Reid squirmed uncomfortably at the reminder that Hotchner had listened to all of the messages that he had left on his phone, he had bared his soul in those messages. He had broken down, he had raged, he had accused Hotch of abandoning him and Jack and being just as terrible as his own father had been. The only evidence that had shown he wasn't truly angry at Hotch and just hurt was the fact that he kept calling. "You weren't supposed to actually get those." Hotch's hands came to rest on Reid's hips, massaging his skin lightly as he looked into the warm brown eyes of his lover.

"I'm glad that I did get them though Spencer, you told me a lot of things in those messages that you have held back from telling me since we got together, seven years almost and I can finally be who you need me to be." Reid shuddered at that, he had admitted to things in those messages that he had been too embarrassed to tell Hotch before, he had just spoken to the man and told him anything that he could think of so that he could feel like he would get a response. He hadn't expected Hotch to return and know everything that he had said, heat rose in his face as he thought of some of the things that he had said. He had been missing his lover terribly one day and had woken from an erotic dream about them together which left him sexually frustrated and admitted some kinks that he had never imagined he would tell anyone about, but he would still be the only one living who knew about them so he didn't really care. Now he was mortified that Hotch had listened to him rant about all of the things they hadn't done in their sex life that he wanted to.

Hotch smirked as he watched Reid's face heat up from the embarrassment and the older man leaned over the lithe form rubbing his fully clothed body sensually against the naked one beneath him, "You want to be used and humiliated don't you Spencer?" A mortified squeak was the only answer that Hotch received and that made him chuckle as he nuzzled Reid's face and suckled gently on the boy's ear enjoying the way Reid's body pushed back up into his. With no warning Hotch suddenly pulled away and stepped back, "Move to the middle of the bed on your hands and knees Spencer." Reid looked up at him in surprise at the suddenly cool and indifferent tone of voice before lowering his head and obeying the command.

Hotch watched Reid's body move with a small smirk on his face, Reid wanting to play the role of a whore for him was a complete shock, but he was always willing to try new things with his subordinate and no matter how it panned out sex with Reid was always amazing anyway so if the boy wanted to play games who was he to deny him that. Hotch stripped out of his pants and sweatshirt which left him in his boxers and a partially buttoned work shirt before grabbing some lotion out of the bedside table and moving to kneel behind the man on the bed.

Hotch pressed his body to the back of Reid's and smiled at the pleasured purr that he got in response, "Such a nice body you have, I am going to get such pleasure out of it." Reid shuddered again and felt his face heat up in embarrassment not only from Hotchner's words, but also from how turned on he was from the older man treating him this way. Hotch ran his hand lightly along Reid's flat stomach feeling the muscles twitch beneath his fingers. "Do you know how much risk is involved in fucking some random whore off the street?" Reid didn't even think about it before he started rambling off statistics about sexually transmitted infections and diseases and didn't stop until Hotch pinched one of his nipples causing him to gasp and arch his back, "Exactly, so you won't mind that I am still clothed then, wouldn't want to touch your filth." Reid shook his head mutely, his hands fisting in the sheets as Hotch played with his nipples.

Hotch realized that it was rather ridiculous that he was wearing clothes to keep from Reid's 'filth' when he wouldn't be using a condom, but he could only do so much with improvising and they didn't happen to have condoms laying around anywhere that he could use. Hotch removed his hands and drew back from Reid and smirked at the whimper of protest he got for that. "Spread your legs further apart." He had to work to keep his voice cool and detached so that he could play this role for his lover. He nearly groaned at the sight of Reid when his legs slid further apart and he arched his back towards where the heat of Hotch's body had been moments before. Hotch ran lotion over his fingers before lightly trailing his fingers down Reid's spine and continuing from the base of his spine down to his entrance. Reid let out a gasp as Hotch circled his entrance with his fingers and tried to push back into the touch which caused Hotch to draw away from him completely and move off the bed.

"We will be doing things how I want to and you have no control in this. Don't try to do that again." Reid whined but held himself completely still as Hotch crawled back onto the bed and retraced the path with his fingers and hummed his approval when Reid stayed still this time, he slid one finger into the quivering ring of muscle in reward for Reid's obedience and the younger man let out a soft mewl and bit his lip to restrain himself from pushing back. Hotch slid his finger in and out slowly before stopping and chuckling at the sound of protest that Reid made, "Beg." Hotch could see the flush of embarrassment on the back of Reid's neck and began to pull his finger out when Reid didn't respond.

Reid's voice was shaky as he quickly spoke up understanding what Hotch's intention was, "P-please Aaron… please..more." Hotch leaned down over Reid's back and nipped lightly at the boy's ear, "What do you want me to do to you?" Reid groaned and tilted his head to the side looking up at Hotch with lust filled eyes and a sultry smile, "I want you inside me. I want you to fuck me so hard I can't breathe." Hotch let out a moan at that and Reid's confident sexual demeanor faded slightly as his eyes dulled, "I don't want to feel cold anymore Aaron." The pain saturating that sentence pulled at Aaron's heart as he withdrew his finger and pulled out his erection, coating it with the lotion, "Is that enough Spencer?" Reid nodded his head, "Please Aaron, just need you."

Hotch kissed the back of Reid's neck as he positioned himself and pressed slight pressure on the ring of muscles keeping him out of his subordinates body, "Please, make me warm again." Hotch let out a grunt as the resistance broke and he slid into the tight and hot passage of his younger lover, Reid let out a sob of pleasured pain as he pushed back, not caring for the carefully played roles from earlier and only concerned with having Hotch buried as far into him as the man could go. Hotch groaned as he felt himself fully sheathed in the silken heat of his lover, Reid felt better than he remembered. They were never really apart from each other this long since they worked together as well and Hotch had a passing thought that maybe he hadn't prepared Spencer thoroughly enough given that it had been almost two weeks since they had last had sex.

The worries went away though when Reid pushed back against him, "Please Aaron" Hotch responded immediately by pulling out and thrusting firmly back into the warm body beneath him. Reid let out a needy keen as he pushed back into the hard thrusts, he felt frenzied and desperate for this complete reassurance that Aaron was really there with him. Throughout the week when he thought that Aaron was dead he had felt shadows of feelings so often, he would feel arms around him or a soft kiss to the top of his head but when he turned around he was always alone and every time it shattered him further. This he had never felt outside of dreams though, and even in his dreams they had never finished. Reaching completion wasn't even for sexual gratification for him, it was a desperate need for reassurance that this was really happening; Aaron was really there.

Hotch could feel the tension in Reid's body that wasn't normally there and stopped his movements, when he pulled out Reid collapsed onto the bed letting out whimpering sobs, "Spencer, what is wrong?" Hotch rolled Reid onto his back and leaned down, kissing him softly. "Am I hurting you?" Reid shook his head and pulled Hotch close to him again letting his legs fall to the sides as Hotch settled between them and he cried out in pleasure as Hotch pushed back into him. Reid reached up and smoothed his hands up Hotch's torso under his shirt as their bodies rocked together. Hotch groaned when Reid began to play with his nipples and leaned down to lavish the pale neck with attention as his thrusting sped up, becoming sporadic as his body was awash with pleasure. "Come on Spencer, let go." Reid whimpered and Hotch reached his hand between their bodies taking a firm hold of Reid's erection and stroking him. "Please Aaron, so close."

Hotch pulled his head back to look at Reid's face, "Look at me Spencer." The golden brown eyes fluttered open dazed and glazed over with passion, "I'm here, you can let go now." Reid's eyes filled with tears and he let out a hoarse scream as his climax overwhelmed him and Hotch gasped when Reid's channel started pulsing around him milking his own orgasm from him. "I'm here Spencer." Reid's long arms wrapped around him and the younger man started sobbing into Hotch's shoulder as he came down from the pleasurable high. Hotch rolled them onto their sides and pulled Reid in against his body while rubbing circles on the younger man's back. They stayed like that for a long while before Reid regained control of his emotions and his breathing evened back out into a normal pattern.

Once Reid was calm again Aaron carefully pulled out of his subordinate's body and went into the bathroom shedding his dirty clothing as he went, moments later he came back out with a wet cloth and cleaned the drying mess off of Reid's chest before cuddling back down next to him. "Talk to me Spencer, I know that there is more you need to get out." Reid looked up at his lover in awe, "You are really here, I'm not dreaming this time." Hotch heard in Reid's tone that this was a statement rather than a question but quickly reassured him anyway, "Yes, I'm here Spencer and I'm sorry for leaving like that." Reid smiled slightly, he was too content where he was to pull up the anger that those words had ignited since the graveyard yesterday.

Hotch watched his lover closely for a few minutes as the boy traced aimless patterns on his chest, "Spencer, we need to talk about some of the things that you said in those messages." Reid tensed immediately, "Aaron, you were never meant to hear those," Hotch cut him off by kissing him lightly, "Spencer I understand that a lot of what you said was only said out of hurt, but it was things that you were truly feeling either way." Reid blushed and looked down, "I don't think you are a terrible father though Aaron, you would find a way to give Jack the world if he asked for it." Hotch smiled and kissed the top of Reid's head, "You would have left me long ago if you didn't think I was taking proper care of Jack and you would have taken him with you." Reid let out a harsh laugh and Hotch could hear the bitterness in his tone, "I would have no right to take Jack away from you if you weren't the father he deserves."

Hotch shifted so that he could bring up his arm to make Reid look at him, "Spencer, you have every right as a parent to Jack to do what you believe is best for him." Reid tried to lower his chin again, still highly uncomfortable with knowing Hotch had heard his brokenhearted ramblings, but the gentle fingers held his face up so he lowered his eyes from his superior's instead. "Hotch, Jack is your son and I have no connection to him other than being your lover. You are everything a father could hope to be and more, but if you weren't I would be able to do nothing for him." Hotch let out a low sound of annoyance and Reid glanced up in time to see that normally stoic face with a deep frown before it faded. "Spencer, you aren't going to separate yourself from this conversation by pulling back to formal address. I don't think pillow talk is the proper place for surnames." Reid flushed with slight embarrassment at being caught in that attempt, "I know that you don't feel like you have any legal rights to Jack but he is your son just as much as he is mine Spencer. You have helped in his raising and that is what a parent does, biology is irrelevant when it comes to who belongs in a child's life and that is the people that have raised the child. The legal papers for you to be his father as well though are stored in a file at Rossi's; I wanted you to agree to live here before becoming a parent to him legally."

Reid's face lit up as he looked into Hotchner's eyes, "You will let me be a legal guardian?" Hotch nodded his head, "I've told you Spencer, he is just as much your son as mine." Reid smiled brilliantly and nuzzled his face into Hotch's neck. "Spencer, my greatest concern from those messages needs to be addressed." Reid looked up at him, wondering what could possibly be bugging Hotch more than the hits at his parenting skills, "I need to know that you truly trust me not to abandon you." Reid's eyes filled with tears almost instantly, "I was mad Aaron. First my father, then Gideon, how was I supposed to react when I thought that you had left me too?" Hotch sighed wearily and leaned forward so his forehead was resting against Reid's, "You think that I would abandon you." Gentle fingers put pressure on his face forcing him back far enough to see his lover's face clearly, "Not by option, but yes Aaron my greatest fear is that you will someday be gone as well just like they are. Every time I let a man be important to me he abandons me. Gideon was like a second father, he got me into the BAU. You are different from them, you mean more to me and that is why it truly terrifies me. You can't leave me Aaron, I am lost without you."