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I WANT TO GO HOME
by saresare
Months after Jenny leaves she's fighting with the memories she's tried so hard to supress. In celebration of Lucy Brown returning to Season Four.
Can be considered a sequel to my story The Claudia Brown Effect but can be read as a one-shot.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.
RATING: K
STATUS: One-shot
Song: Home by Michael Buble
SPOILERS:
Major: Episode 3.5
Minor: Episode 2.4
Jenny stared at the twinkling skyline and sighed. So many months had passed. She'd always wanted to travel the world so upon leaving the ARC she'd done just that. The sights were amazing, but she'd seen far more amazing things than the Eiffel Tower.
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
She'd chased countless dinosaurs, watched people travel through rips in time and battled creatures from the future. She'd worked side by side with a team of incredible people, harbouring knowledge and experiencing wonders only a handful of people on the planet knew about.
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmm
Tourists bustled around her on the Paris street, the noisy chatter drifting through the air. Despite the crowd and protection from the snow, Jenny felt cold and alone. So different to the atmosphere at the ARC. Despite the perpetual danger, everyone there was always laughing and friendly.
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
A lump formed in her throat as she remembered Nick. She turned around and made her way back to the hotel, struggling to stop herself reminiscing. Couples thronged past, their sweet and tender whispers like thorns in her heart.
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know
She slammed the door shut and slumped down on the bed. Several minutes passed before she found herself clutching at the tiny pieces of crumpled paper she'd kept hidden in the bottom of her suitcase. She'd forced herself to discard them multiple times, refusing to allow any reminders of the ARC or the anomalies into her new life. But they always found a way back.
And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Nick was gone forever. So why was she still holding onto these painful memories? He was gone. Nothing was bringing him back. She bit her lip, staring down at the paper through glistening eyes. She'd exchanged many a spiteful word with the scientist in their year and a half of working together, instantly disliking him for the Claudia fiasco. And now it was too late to say sorry. Too late to tell him how she felt. Too late.
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserved more than that
She walked to the window and opened it. Tears fell as she ripped the letters into shreds and cast them outside. They danced in the cold night air for a moment before becoming indiscernible against the snowflakes. She slammed the window shut, gathered together her belongings and hailed a cab to the airport.
Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
Rome was beautiful. She tried her hardest to banish the steady trickle of raw memories and snapped hundreds of random photos. A tree, a bench, a fountain. Anything she could marvel at to take her mind off the ARC.
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home
A brilliant flash of light caught her eye and she spun around, expecting to confront an anomaly. Two kids were running around with flashlights. She groaned inwardly and cursed herself. This wasn't her terrain now, she'd left that. She'd abandoned the anomalies and started a new life. Her own life. She wasn't Claudia Brown's understudy.
Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
Nick had always insisted that she'd been someone else. According to him, something had happened when he left the Permian and wiped Claudia Brown from existence, bearing Jenny as her doppelganger instead. She felt like she was nothing but an inferior version of his lost love, never quite good enough for him. He was delusional, of course. Mad to think she hadn't always been Jennifer Lewis.
And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
But he hadn't been mad or delusional. The photograph had proven that. She wasn't just Jenny anymore. She was nothing more than the product of an accidental shift in the timeline. A mistake.
And I know just why you could not come along with me
That this was not your dream
But you always believed in me
And to make it worse, she was a disappointment to Nick. She was nothing like the woman he'd loved. Over time she'd developed feelings for him, but he could never see her for the Jenny she was, only the Claudia she wasn't.
Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
She walked through the park, finally letting her thoughts roam. People floated past happily, oblivious to the turmoil raging within her.
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
She missed London. She missed the shrill siren of the detector heralding a new anomaly. She missed the terrifying adrenaline as they encountered the most astonishing and breathtaking creatures that ever existed. She missed her daily task of saving the world. She missed Abby, Connor, Danny, Sarah, Becker and Lester. She missed Nick most of all, and a tear slid down her cheek as his smiling face popped into her head.
And I'm surrounded by
A million people
I still feel alone
She slouched on the edge of a fountain, fearing her legs would buckle beneath her. Her hand trailed in the icy water and she watched the vague ripples emanate from her touch. Suddenly she was back in the lake, the screams of her colleagues echoing in her ears and the shark advancing swiftly toward her. Nick appeared and pulled her out to safety.
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Her fiancé had left her because of the ARC. She'd drifted away from her friends because of the ARC. Why had she let it cripple everything else? When she let herself admit it, it was the one thing in her life that had made her truly happy. Her life had revolved around the ARC and its people, and now that that was gone she was an empty shell. She'd abandoned the thing she cherished most.
Let me go home
I've had my run
Claudia Brown had worked for the ARC and fallen for Nick. Was it really just a coincidence that Jenny had followed her footsteps so precisely, or was it more than just an accident? Had fate led her to step under the bright lights of the anomaly research centre and into the arms of the team?
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
She jumped to her feet and sprinted back to her motel, knowing now what she had to do. All these months she'd been shunting her nostalgia and tried to be happy. She'd thought she was sad because of the ARC's memories, but she knew now it was because she wasn't embracing them.
Let me go home
It'll all be all right
There was nothing on earth like the job she'd had in London. It would never be the same without Nick, but running from it wasn't the answer. She couldn't just delete the memories that haunted her. She couldn't escape her destiny. The team was her family and the ARC was her home.
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home