After yet another useless world summit, Ivan approached Alfred privately to discuss Alaska. Even though the territory had been handed over to Alfred decades ago, Ivan still felt very fond of the boy and always liked to know how he was doing. Alfred, being the proud doting parent of fifty that he was, was always ready and willing to shares stories and news about his precious little Alaska with the Russian. They were chatting about Alaska's economy when Alfred heard a cell phone go off. The song playing was some sort of jingle that definitely wasn't his phone. His phone always played The Star-Spangled Banner whenever it went off. The mystery was answered when Ivan blinked and fished his phone out of his pocket. He sighed and pressed the answer button.
"Jao, you changed my ring tone to the Hello Kitty theme song again," Ivan greeted. He continued his conversation with Yao while Alfred stared at Ivan in pure amazement.
Ivan's cell phone had a Hello Kitty cover and a Hello Kitty charm dangling off the side. There was glitter, rhinestones, and sparkles all over the phone. Alfred was so distracted by the adornments that he didn't even notice when Ivan hung up and started talking to him again about Alaska's new governor.
"America? America?" Alfred was suddenly pulled out of his daze by the Russian calling his name.
"Why the hell do you have Hello Kitty all over your phone?" Alfred severely doubted that he would have been able to keep the question back even if he had tried. Ivan blinked at him.
"They were a gift from Jao," he replied. "And it would be rude to not use a gift someone was kind enough to get for you, da?"
The next time they were at a world summit, Alfred had ended up sitting next to Ivan. He made his usual hero speech and was ignored, as always. The American fumed in his seat as England made some lame speech. Alfred tuned him out completely and looked down at his notes. Picking up a pencil, he started doodling. He drew a picture of himself, wearing a cape, brandishing an AK 47, with a speech bubble, in which he wrote "Never fear! The hero is here!". He winced when he realized his words rhymed. Alfred went to erase the bubble when he realized the eraser on his pencil had been worn down completely. He sighed and turned to Ivan, whispering as quietly as he could "Can I borrow an eraser?"
"Da," the other nation replied and shoved a pencil case at him. A Hello Kitty pencil case. Alfred's jaw dropped in a very unattractive fashion. The contents of the pencil case were no better. All of the pencils were Hello Kitty pencils with dangly things hanging from the tops. The pencil sharpener was Hello Kitty, the eraser was Hello Kitty, even the white-out was Hello Kitty. Alfred selected a pink Hello Kitty eraser and quickly erased the inside of his speech bubble.
This time, Alfred managed to wait until the summit was over to ask Ivan "Why the hell do you have a Hello Kitty pencil case and pencils?"
Ivan blinked at him again. "Because," he said holding up his notebook, "they match the notebook Jao gave me."
Alfred stared in horror at the pink and white Hello Kitty notebook that the scary Russian had been taking notes in.
"What the hell?" he asked weakly before backing away slowly.
Alfred rubbed his hands together and stomped his feet in a vain attempt to warm up as he stood on Russia's porch. His boss and Ivan's boss had a meeting and Alfred had decided to stay with Ivan because it was more fun than a hotel. He reached out a freezing mittened hand and rang the door bell. He was immensely surprised to hear something quite out of the ordinary. Instead of the usual, deep, menacing ringing that Ivan's doorbell usually made, there was a tinkling, light melody playing. A familiar melody. Alfred took a closer look at the door bell itself to find it was in the shape of Hello Kitty. Oh, God.
Ivan quickly answered the door.
"What the hell happened to your door bell?" Alfred almost regretted asking.
"Ah, Jao changed it the last time he was here. It sounds cute now, da?"
Alfred wisely decided to ignore this and made his way into the house. Perhaps that was a bad idea. The Russian's welcome mat was Hello Kitty, as was his hall clock and slippers. In fact, nearly everything was Hello Kitty.
"Dude," Alfred cried out weakly. "What the hell is up with all this Hello Kitty?" Ivan smiled that creepy smile of his.
"Gifts from Jao. Cute, da?"
"Ni hao, Ivan!" Yao greeted as he stepped into Ivan's house. "I brought you a present, aru!" He handed the bag to Ivan and took off his coat and Hello Kitty scarf, hanging them on the coat rack. They went to the living room where Ivan tore the bag open to get to his new present.
"It's a Hello Kitty coffee maker!" Yao declared happily. "Isn't it cute, aru?"
"Da. Very cute," Ivan agreed, looking straight at Yao with a predatory gleam in his eyes. "I should thank you properly for it, da?"
Several breathless minutes later, Yao and Ivan were forced to pull apart for air.
"I'm glad you like it, aru," Yao murmured to Ivan before diving in for another kiss. Several more minutes of kissing later, Ivan picked up Yao and carried him to his bedroom, depositing him on the Hello Kitty sheets.
"Oh, you like the sheets I got for you, aru?" Yao couldn't help asking. "I couldn't pass them up, they were too cute!"
Ivan, however, did not answer. He was too busy undoing his lover's cheongsam. After more breathless minutes and removed articles of clothing, Ivan made another rather interesting discovery.
"Hello Kitty underwear, Jao?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow. Yao beamed.
"Aren't they adorable, aru? Don't worry, I got you a pair, too."